November 29

I was anxious all day long today. Since Kyuhyun drove me home yesterday I couldn’t go to the library so I have to go today. With the papers I ‘borrowed’ from him in my bag. Kyuhyun has no reason to look in my bag, nobody does but lately in my life it seems that anything that can go wrong does.

Thankfully for me I managed to get through the day without any problems. Kyuhyun’s schedule went as it was supposed to, we didn’t have any other ‘missing documents’ crisis and neither Yoona nor Yuri came today.

Sometimes I feel that if they could they would stab me or hit me the moment I appear in front of them. Especially Yuri seems to feel disgusted just being in the same room with me anymore. Does she know about me and Kyuhyun or is it just a feeling she has? Whatever it is, it doesn’t change the fact I want to run away and hide whenever our eyes meet.

Yoona is not so aggressive. Or maybe she is just a good actress and hides her feelings. I don’t know. But Yoona really makes me think that there’s more to her than the heartless Head of the Disciplinary Squad. Yesterday she seemed to find Kyuhyun’s excitement funny and her eyes are always full of love and affection when she is with Seohyun. Unlike Yuri who just stands still next to a wall like terrorists are going to break in the room any moment.

Speaking of Seohyun, I never thought I would say this but thank God she decided to stop by today. I’m starting to get the impression that she wants to go out for dinner with Kyuhyun until once every week. Sure it makes me want to shake her and yell to her face that there are more important things than her enjoying a perfect filet mignon in a fancy restaurant while children are dying in the streets of hunger but not today.

Today I was almost happy to see Kyuhyun following her after sending me an apologetic smile. At least that way I don’t have to think of an excuse to tell him so he won’t drive me home.

I entered the library fast and rushed to Sooyoung’s office as fast as the elevator could take me. I knew that if I spent an extra second to think this over doubts would start rushing in. No, I had to deliver those documents before I lost my resolve. It’s now or never.

Sooyoung smiled at me when I entered her office. I didn’t respond and just threw the envelope on the desk in front of her. She looked at me surprised as I was seating in one of the chairs and then she opened the envelope.

I was sitting at the edge of my chair, tapping my feet on the floor nervously. Sooyoung’s face light up with excitement as she read the papers I had just given her.

“Where did you find this?” was the first thing she said once she was finished.

“Kyuhyun’s desk,” I answered with a shaky voice.

Sooyoung laughed and threw the papers on her desk. She leaned back in her chair and used her hands as a pillow.

“This is perfect, this is much better than what I was expecting,” she mumbled to herself. “I was expecting something like documents about the new taxing system that would make citizens worry about their money but this… this is just gold,” she said as she got up again and pointed at the envelope.

“Do you know what this is?” she asked me.

“It’s a list of transactions made between big international companies and our ministers.”

“And do you know what his means?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “It means that for almost three decades, ministers and congressmen were being bribed by international companies so that they’d pay fewer taxes. That way they had lower prices than the local stores and pretty much… took over the economy.”

“That’s exactly it! This is proof that our ministers were taking millions of money from companies but there are also a few payments that were completely different,” she said and waved the papers in front of her flushed from the excitement face like a fan.

“I didn’t have the time to read through all of the papers,” I admitted. Or the courage, I added in my head. I had seen Kyuhyun’s name appear in that list a couple of times and I just didn’t want to continue reading.

“Do you know why some of the numbers here are by far bigger than the others?” she asked and without waiting for an answer she continued with her explanation. “Sometimes, countries like us that don’t produce any weapons have to buy them. And the ministers can easily be bribed to buy weapons only from certain countries. This basically means that our country pays a few million dollars on equipment we don’t really need just so that the company will have a profit and the minister will get about 5% of the money that the state paid.”

She stayed silent for a couple of seconds to let her words sunk in and for dramatic effect I imagine.

“But do you know what the worst part it?”

I shook my head slowly. I didn’t care about all of that. I did my job, why couldn’t she just let me ask about Hyoyeon and then disappear?

“This is not something that the public knows but… a lot of the equipment we’ve bought the last few years had certain problems. For example, about five years ago we bought a couple of submarines, very expensive submarines that were perfect except for the fact that they appeared to be “tilting”. They were useless; they couldn’t submerge because they couldn’t stand straight in them. All the other nations refused to buy them except us. And now we have proof!” she exclaimed.

“You are going public with this?” I asked and for the first time since she got her hands on those papers she noticed that I was less than excited.

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll make sure you are not involved.”

I squinted my eyes in disbelief. “How are you going to do this?”

She looked around the room in deep thought before responding to me. “I don’t know I’ll think of something. And if I don’t I can arrange for you to hide,” she said and shrugged her shoulders.

I wanted to say that hiding wasn’t what I had in mind and that she should really try to think of something better to say if she was trying to comfort me but I was starting to get a headache from this story.

“Actually I wanted to ask something,” I said rubbing my forehead.

“Hm?” was her only response. She didn’t even turn to look at me.

“Hyoyeon… I haven’t seen her in a while. I was thinking that it might have to do with the ‘task’ you gave her…” I left my sentence unfinished. I wasn’t sure how I could finish it.

“Really? But her job is so easy!” Sooyoung said. “I’ll have my people keep an eye out for her.”

“But-“ I tried to protest but was cut off by Sooyoung shushing me.

“Relax, I got this. Just go back home and take a bubble bath or something. Get some sleep and calm down. You need it,” she said and got up from her seat to push me towards the door.

“But I-“

“Just go,” she exclaimed and gave me a final push outside her office.

A bubble bath? Does she really think that everybody has this kind of luxuries? I’m happy the shower in that tiny hole is working. Sooyoung is a rebel, she is a leader but that doesn’t mean she is not rich. There are things that she will never understand about my life just like there are things I will never understand about her.

I sighed and left. I was exhausted.  My feet hurt, my back hurt, my whole body hurt. Even my headache was getting worse.

I somehow managed to get back to the apartment without collapsing in the middle of the street but I almost did in front of the door. Whatever hope I had that Hyoyeon would return vanished as soon as I opened the door. No sign of her.

What else could I do? I searched for her among the protesters even if it was looking for a needle in a haystack. I asked Sooyoung. The only choice I have left is waiting. I can wait for her to come back or Sooyoung to learn where she is from her ‘people’. Whichever happens first.

I can worry about myself but I’m too tired even for that. The pencil is shaking in my hands, my letters are almost unreadable. I should just rest but why am I still up waiting? Because it’s the only thing I can do, right?

But just a few hours of sleep, that’s all I need. Hyoyeon wouldn’t come back so late anyway.

November 30

It’s 4am. I can’t sleep. I tried but I can’t. I am exhausted but whenever I try to sleep my eyes refuse to close. The darkness surrounding me starts to look threatening. The sun is still down and the streets are empty. It feels like if I get up now and walk around the city, I will be all alone. Like I am the sole survivor of some apocalypse.

Sometimes I think I’m close to going crazy. Sometimes I want to get up and disappear before the sun rise. I just want to leave and forget about everything. But I can’t leave. I know I could never leave. There are too many things keeping me here, both good and bad.

Why am I writing in the diary so early in the morning? I don’t have anything worth writing except the mumblings of a woman that has lost her mind. There is nothing except for me. Except for me and the silence.

It’s funny. I have sat here for hours. I think I’m going crazy for real. Is that footsteps I hear? No, it can’t be because they are too weak. My mind is playing games with me. I wish I could hear Hyoyeon’s footsteps so that’s what I hear I guess.

I pray morning will come quickly so I won’t have to stay here any longer. So I can go out and convince myself that I’m just being paranoid and-

*end of Sunny’s diary entry*

The door unlocked slowly. Sunny turned to look at the door panicked. Is this how I die? she thought.

The door opened slowly making a creaking sound. A person was standing on the door, leaning on it actually.

Sunny’s eyes opened wide. “Hyoyeon?” she mattered.

It was her, it was really her. Sunny laughed and got up to meet her. Hyoyeon took a few steps inside, closer to the light Sunny had so she could write.

The smile in Sunny’s face froze.

“Hyoyeon?” she asked with fear in her voice.

Hyoyeon took another step closer and then suddenly collapsed on the floor.

“Hyoyeon!” Sunny screamed and ran to her side. 

~ ~ ~ 

A.N.

It's short I know. But look! A cliffhanger! I promise next update will come faster than this one. 

On other news (which might not interest you) I just failed my driving exams and I'm feeling miserable. Aparrently I'm a danger for everyone in the streets T-T

I can't sleep well at nights. Damn insomnia!

Plus I think I have a cold. God I feel like crawling in me bed and staying there forever. 

And now I'm done whining for stupid reasons, how are you guys?