September 24

I’m currently at the public library. One would think that this would be the most dangerous place for me to write but as it turns out it’s one of the few places in the city that is almost always empty and security-cameras free.

Thinking about it again, it’s not that weird. As the minister of education keeps reminding us every time she appears on a show or something “only 6 out of 10 people are interested in reading books nowadays” and I guess that out of those who do read, only a handful enjoy the old books found in here.

I’m surprised they haven’t destroyed this place yet though. I mean if anybody took the time to actually read a few of these books they would realize just how much the Chos have taken from us.

Families, friends, lovers; words we all use but they have no real meaning to us. Marriage is like a second job, having children is a requirement, “a duty to our country”, everyone whom you talk to is considered a friend. We have no feelings for each other. They teach children from a young age to be suspicious of everyone and to trust only the royal disciplinary squad. They brainwash them and turn them against their parents and their families. They turn them into spies.

It’s not the police or the disciplinary squad one should fear. It’s the people around you, your roommates, your “friends”, your coworkers, your spouse. They don’t need to use any surveillance cameras or have guards on duty 24/7 since their loyal followers are always watching, paying attention to the smallest details. The details give you away: becoming anxious for no reason, smiling more than the usual, suddenly wanting to be alone, spending too much time with the same group of people or even just looking a little absent-minded.

What we think as relationships has nothing to do with what I’ve read.

Honestly the things these books describe seem like they came from an alternate universe. Apparently we are already so used to our situation that just hearing about “true love” and “freedom of speech” is unbelievable.

I wonder if it’s because of her they haven’t destroyed this place yet. I read somewhere before, that when “the great Choi Sooyoung” became minister of education, she specifically requested that her office was moved to this building. I’ve actually seen her a couple of times, taking the elevator to the upper floors. I swear to God she irritates me to no end. Acting all high and mighty because she comes from a rich family and her brother is a minister and she became a minister as well at such a young age. Hyoyeon says that I’m just jealous because she’s taller than me. Ridiculous!!

Talking about Hyoyeon, today something unbelievable happened.

This morning I woke up later than usual. I guess staying up till dawn is not the smartest thing to do. I was alone so I thought that the others had left already. I got up and dragged my tired body to the bathroom to shower leaving my diary under my pillow. When I came back, the first thing I saw was Hyoyeon.

I felt my blood freeze in my veins, my heart stopped beating and I’m pretty sure that my eyes became double their size.

She was holding it, she was holding my diary. I could easily tell from the look on her face that she had read it. I tried to think of an explanation but my brain had ceased functioning. Not that it mattered; my throat was too dry to speak.

For a couple of minutes we were just staring at each other, neither of us speaking. Then she got up and gave the diary back to me.

“You should hide it better from now on” she said “what if it was Nicole or Narsha who found it?”

After that she wrote an address on a piece of paper and asked me to meet her there after lunch. She left without waiting for an answer.

I was still shocked. My legs gave in and I collapsed on my bed, trying to regain my composure. Was she a friend, someone who like me hated our situation, or was she just setting me up? I thought about it a lot for the rest of the day and this is the conclusion I reached: if she was a friend she could help me and we would support each other. If she was planning to betray me then there was really no way to avoid it. So either way I had no reason not to go to the meeting.

At the exact time she had told me I arrived at the address written on the piece of paper. I didn’t have to wait since she had arrived before me.

 Awkward silence between us yet again.

By that point I half expected the disciplinary squad to attack me at any moment. Fortunately, it turned out that  Hyoyeon really was on my side (which side am I on anyway? If I am against the government am I with the revolutionists?)

“You are different from most people I’ve met” she told me “I’m sorry I read your diary but I didn’t expect you to keep something that could get you executed so…" she paused and searched for the right words "in such an obvious place.”

“Why were you going through my stuff in the first place?” I became defensive. Even if we were both “criminals” she had still searched my bed.

She shrugged her shoulders “I don’t know. You always seemed to be one of their lap dogs. I heard you writing something last night and I was just making sure that you weren’t keeping an eye on me”

“Oh” I really didn’t know what to answer. She seemed like a very nice girl, but they all do. Nicole and Narsha both seem lovely too. If I didn’t know that both of them were at the orphanage because they turned their parents in, I would have never had second thoughts about their intentions.

She said she thought I was one of their lap dogs. Does that mean that nobody suspects me?

“So, Hyoyeon, why are you at the orphanage?” I finally asked.

“Our neighbors heard my mother complain about her job at the ministry of citizen protection. I guess that was a good enough reason for the police to arrest my parents and… well you know what happens after” I nodded in silence. “What about you? The Hyomin you mention in your diary…”

I hesitated for a moment. Hyomin was a part of my life that was too personal to share but if I was to be friends with this girl (and I really wanted a friend by now) I would have to learn to trust her.

“Hyomin is – was my little sister. Our parents disappeared when we were very young; we grew up in the orphanage. Even though I was older she was always the toughest, she took care of me instead of the other way around. One day, during lunch, some policemen came in the orphanage’s cafeteria and asked her to come out with them. I tried to stop them, I begged for her to stay, but one of the employees took me and locked me in my room. I never saw her again.”

“I am sorry, to hear this. It must have been hard for you remembering all this stuff” she patted my shoulder in a very awkward way.

I looked at her and I saw sympathy in her eyes. She understood me and she was trying to reach out to me in her own, weird way. I think that at first she wanted to hug me but decided against it because, well, until today we didn’t really talk to each other. A laugh escaped my lips.

“Hey, I’m trying to comfort you here and you are laughing?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just that you look so… you feel pretty uncomfortable right?”

And that’s pretty much what it took to break the ice. I still can’t believe that we bonded so easily. I was always suspicious of the others, so was she, and yet it only took a few minutes for the two of us to become like best friends. I guess it's true what they say, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

And here we are now, in the library. Hyoyeon is sitting across me reading one of the books, we talk, share stories and experiences. We saw Choi Sooyoung come in about 35 minutes ago. That’s when I told her my opinion of her and she just laughed at me.

“Are you serious? She looks to be the nicest out of all of them. Are you sure you are not jealous because she is a lot taller than you?”

“Why would I be jealous of her height? I’m not so superficial” I defended myself but she just laughed my argument off and went back to reading her book. Sitting here with her, makes me almost forget what I have to face when I get back outside, back to the real world. This is what I’ve been reading all this time in the books. This is real friendship.

~ ~ ~

Hyoyeon enters the scene! Woohoo! I love this girl ^^ I'll add a gif of her to celebrate her "debut" (look down)

So, how was this chapter? better, worse, lame? 

KyuSun shippers, do not worry Kyuhyun might not appear right away but he plays a biiig part in the story

It's longer than the first chapter right? It's because the first chapter was mostly a little bit of a prologue

PS. to my first subscribers:

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