My dear diary,

It’s been a while hasn’t it? It’s been so long that even I have lost the count. How many years ago was that night anyway? That cold night I was waiting for the bus, curled up on the bench.

Back then I was young and foolish. I should have known better. After all I, more than anyone else, should have known that Death always comes when you least expect him. And he always attacks you with all his power.

But back then I still wanted to believe that everything would turn out alright at least for the people I loved and cared about. Back then, despite having lost so many, I still thought that the next morning I would wake up and they all would be there with me. I thought that even God couldn’t be so cruel as to take away more people from my life.

The thoughts of a foolish young girl.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I can relive those days of pain like they just happened. I can still feel all the tears and all the agony.

Just like I can remember how fast my heart was beating while I was walking through the Royal Gardens, making my way to the backdoor I had used so many times in the past while I was still working for him.

It was a cold night but that wasn’t the reason I was trembling. It was a mixture of excitement and fear; excitement because I was about to see him and fear because of the uncertain future of this country. Yes, back then it still hadn’t occurred to me that death could touch us as well. For me, all the terror and all the darkness would surely fall upon everyone else, but not us.

It’s funny how girls in love usually make up a fantasy where everything goes their way. Even if the whole world is against them they still manage to win against everything and be with their prince Charming. I was like that too back then.

When I walked inside that building I was expecting someone to stop me. Choi Siwon would have surely instructed the security to catch me the moment I walked in. I was sure that at least Yuri wouldn’t let me just stroll through the door.

But what I found when I got there was something I would have never expected. Everyone was rushing from one place to the other and no one even turned to look at me. Of course I wasn’t going to push my luck. I hurried to his office trying not to gather attention on me. I still can’t believe how I managed to pull that off, especially when everyone else around me where wearing their uniforms or suits and I was wearing my jeans.

But really none of that mattered to me as long as I was with him again. I didn’t hesitate when I reached his office. I walked in like it was just yesterday when I would arrive first to prepare everything for when his arrival.

But Fate is cruel and unpredictable. And one thing I have learned is that it waits for no one.

Had I spent another night at Taeyeon’s hideout I might have heard about it. Had I stayed away from the city, I might have been ready for what I faced when I walked into that office.

Most of that night after I opened the door is a blur of feelings and half-forgotten images. But I will try my best to write it down with as much detail as possible.

I opened the door and shyly got inside, not sure what I was supposed to expect. Surely not what I saw in front of me. It was like a tornado had attacked the room. Everything was upside down, papers scattered all over the floor, and chairs thrown to walls lied miserably on the ground, among the broken pieces of the vases that decorated the small wooden tables.

I walked towards his desk scared of what I was sure I would soon face. My imagination had already created the most horrible scenarios. And in each and every one of them I was too late to reach him.

When I saw Kyuhyun sitting on the floor covered in blood everything else disappeared. I think I screamed. Or maybe my mind started screaming. I think I fell on my knees right next to him and shook him trying to make him look at me.  I think I was crying.

The only thing that kept me from going insane was his steady grab on my wrist and the tight hug that followed it. He said something that I couldn’t understand at first. I believe he didn’t understand what he was saying either. From the few words I caught I realized that he was unharmed. That was the only thing I cared about. That was the only thing I wanted to know.  That’s why his next words didn’t register in my brain the first couple of times he said them.

“She is dead Sunny… dead,” he cried with his face buried in the crook of my neck.

My heart was still beating fast and y head was confused. She died? Who is she?

His broken words couldn’t explain anything more than that. Later I found out the whole story, it’s written in history nowadays anyway. But back then I had to rely on my instinct to realize what he meant.

“Seohyun?” I dared to ask and the wave of tears that followed my question was the only answer I needed.

Like I said before, I found out later what had exactly happened.

Kyuhyun had been standing in front of the House of Parliament giving a speech to the protesters gathered in the Red Square. They wouldn’t listen at anything. He gave up pretty soon and walked back towards the huge building. But Seohyun wasn’t like that. She pleaded with the crowd to listen to her husband, to give him a chance to lead them.

Kyuhyun has said many times that this was the only time he looked at his young wife and saw her true self. Their dark relationship was illuminated for a moment by Seohyun’s honest feelings and courage, by her agony for the people that he had thought of as troublesome so many times before.

And then that moment was gone. Fate breathed its violent wind and swept away everything and everyone.

To this day I can’t be sure who did it or if it was planned. To this day no one can be really sure where the gunshot came from.

Kyuhyun and his men were too far away to protect her. She stood alone in front of the people that hated her and accused her of spending public money, she asked for their forgiveness. She met her fate alone. And she died.

After the gunshot everyone fell silent. They couldn’t believe what was happening or were they already thinking of what would follow? I want to believe it was the first. I want to believe that what happened a couple of hours after Seohyun’s lifeless body hit the ground wasn’t planned.

If I had been a few hours late I would have fallen right into the street war that broke out.

But instead I arrived only a few minutes after the cruel murder of a woman I didn’t know that well but at the same time understood as if we were the same person.

I held Kyuhyun tightly trying to wrap my mind around the news. So that was why everyone was running around crazy as if war had broken out? War was about to break out.

Kyuhyun’s men didn’t question my sudden appearance in the building when they rushed into the room and found us still on the floor holding onto each other for dear life.

One of them informed us that Seohyun’s body had been transferred to a hospital where it would be safe in case of a revolution and it would be prepared for the funeral as soon as possible. A couple of them helped Kyuhyun up and led him to a nearby room where he could change his clothes.

And I was left alone. I felt like the room was suffocating me. I needed to get out. I needed to get away from all the images of that pale brunette sitting on the elaborate chairs, waiting for her husband.

I walked through the wide corridors looking outside the windows at the square that more and more people rushed to as time went by. Did I know that in a few hours everything would be destroyed? No.

That’s why when the first stone broke through the glass and fell in front of me I jumped back in surprise. Before I could wrap my mind around what had just happened another rock followed. And then another.

Men started running around trying to seal all the entrances of the building but it was already too late. They were coming in through the broken windows, hundreds of them. Someone grabbed my arm and dragged me away from there, I think I heard him giving orders to the others but I can’t remember what he was saying.

We were running towards the back door with all the furious protesters close behind us. They were screaming, attacking whoever was closer to them and destroying everything on their way.

We took a turn and came face to face with Kyuhyun and a few of his men. The man that was with me pushed me towards them and then turned towards his colleagues trying to explain the situation.

Kyuhyun didn’t spare any second. Once again I found myself  being dragged towards the door I had used  while ago to enter, only this time, that door could be our only chance of surviving.

The members of the Disciplinary Squad that had been with us up until that moment were left behind to make sure that no one would follow us. And so me and Kyuhyun were left alone, only our breathing being heard as we ran as fast as we could towards our only hope of escape.

The protesters thankfully hadn’t managed to reach that part of the building yet. But someone else had.

“Yuri, thank God you are here, where is Yoona? We have to leave now,” Kyuhyun cried out when the figure of his sister-in-law came into view.

“Yoona is safe. Not that you would care about that,” Yuri spat as both Kyuhyun and I froze in place. Now that I had a chance to catch my breath and look closer at her I could finally see that something was wrong, terribly wrong with her.

She had her head lowered but I could easily see the marks left on her cheeks by the tears. Worst of all, I could see all the hatred in her eyes.

Kyuhyun took a step forward so that he was standing in front of me.

“Yuri, we need to get out of here,” he said trying to reason with her.

Yuri lifted her head only slightly to gaze at him through eyes clouded with anger. “Why?” she asked in a low voice. “So that you can run away with your ?” She took a step closer to us. “Now that Seohyun is dead there is nothing else holding you back is there?” she screamed causing me to flinch.

“Yuri, listen…” Kyuhyun started but there was no stopping her anymore.

“Now that your stupid little wife is out of the way you can do whatever you want can’t you?” she yelled, tears falling from her eyes.

“She loved you! She really did love you.” As the sorrow took over again her voice became a whimper that could barely be heard. “But you never look at her. You never saw how it was killing her.”

She swallowed, turning her head to the right, trying to get herself together.

When she turned back to us, the tears were gone. “Well I could see it,” she said in a threatening voice. “I could see all the pain and suffering she was going through, day after day, hour after hour. And for what? For nothing.”

“Yuri, please…” Kyuhyun tried again but it only seemed to anger her more.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like you are innocent. You killed her.” She had attacked him before even finishing her sentence.

Before I could comprehend what she had said, both she and Kyuhyun were on the floor fighting and Yuri had an obvious advantage. I froze in place for a few moments not knowing what to do until Yuri got the upper hand sitting on Kyuhyun who was lying on the floor, with her gun pointing straight at his face.

“Yuri…” he said weakly.

“She died because of you!” Yuri said instead of an answer. Her hands were trembling but the gun was still pointing at him. “She died in your place. It should have been you!”

I saw tears running down her cheeks again. The thought that Yuri might have lost it crossed my mind but at that moment all I could think about was how to get her off of Kyuhyun without risking his life.

“She was an angel. She never heart anyone… why did she have to die and not you? Why not you?” Yuri said trying and failing to keep her voice steady.

“Yuri, please think about what you’re doing,” I pleaded with her trying to buy us some time.

“Why not you?” Yuri asked again.

“I know that life is unfair, I have lost so many loved ones already. I have asked so many times why did they have to die and not me,” I continued hoping I was calming her down.

“You stole and deceived so many people. You never gave a rat’s about anyone else but yourself. So why did my sister had to die while a selfish bastard like you gets to live the rest of his life happily ever after?” Yuri brought the gun closer to his face.

I panicked. “Please Yuri! Don’t do this.” I fell on her trying to keep her away from Kyuhyun but she was stronger and easily tossed me off of her.

She got up, her gun still pointing at her brother-in-law and took a step back.

“You should be dead,” she told him. “But I know better than that,” she said letting her gun fall to the ground. “You can go on with your life like nothing happened but she will always hunt you. Maybe I won’t have my revenge but surely, if there is justice in this world, life will crush your happiness like you crushed my sister.”

I watched with a mixture of relief and worry as Yuri turned her back to us and left the building.

I hurried to Kyuhyun side and fell right into his arms letting all of my frustration out in the forms of tears. One of us was trembling, maybe both of us. He struggled to get back to his feet and with his arm around my waist led me the same way Yuri had taken.

When we got outside she was nowhere to be seen, but neither of us could spare a thought to wonder had had happened to her. She made our way towards one of the cars that were parked in the private garage as quickly as we could and got inside Kyuhyun’s car.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“I don’t know. The protesters must be everywhere by now, blocking most of the roads.”

“So… what do we do?”

“I can drive through the gardens to the north outskirts of the town. We can be in a nearby village in a couple of hours and stay there until… until this is over.”

“So… we are going to hide.”

“I don’t see any other choice.”

Kyuhyun started the engine and we drove in silence without ever forgetting what we were leaving behind. I was exhausted but still a part of me was whispering that a good leader wouldn’t run away at such a crucial moment.

But you didn’t fell in love with the leader. You fell in love with the man, I reminded myself.

Thankfully for once everything went according to plan. The next few days we would learn that the revolution turned into a huge massacre as many were trampled in the confusion and the fury. Many were killed just because were in the building at the time. Siwon managed to get away as he had made sure to head to the airport the moment Seohyun was falling dead to the ground in front of every citizen.

Taeyeon, with the support of Jessica and Sooyoung came out to be a hero, ready to lead the country to better days and put this dark incident behind. Kyuhyun told me back then that she might have arranged the attack at the House of Parliament. I think we both thought that Seohyun’s death might have been her doing as well but none of us put our thoughts into words.

When everything had calmed down, Kyuhyun left me alone for a few days to return to the city. He said he needed to negotiate with Taeyeon and a few days later we were flying away from that city, away from that country and our past.

Looking back at all those events… History has repeated itself once again and the red Square was painted again with the crimson blood of innocent people. Will Taeyeon be a better leader? It doesn’t matter. Sooner or later the memory will become history and history will turn to silence. And the cycle will start once again.

A.N.

THE END

I can't believe this is over T-T My first chaptered fanfiction is finally finished.

Once again thank you everyone who subscribed, read or commented the story. You guys were one of my greatest motivations.

I hope we can meet again in one of my future stories :)