September 25

Yesterday I slept a lot better than usually. Having Hyoyeon around, even for just a day, has proved to be very good for my mental health. Knowing that I have somebody to lean on after being alone for so long… it feels like I was drowning and somebody pulled me out of the water at the last moment.

Today started like every other day, only there was somebody to share it with.

I woke up first so I had to wait for Hyoyeon to get ready. We had breakfast together but agreed not to meet for lunch because that would cause suspicions. Instead I had lunch at the office.

I still can’t believe that someone like me, someone who has written all these stuff, is working at the Ministry Of National Security. Working for them is like going against everything I believe. If only I didn’t need the money…

But I can’t stay at the orphanage forever. I need to save up money and buy my own place. I’m actually very thankful for this job, even though it’s hard for me to admit it. The pay isn’t very high but the boss is very nice with me. I owe Ms. Jung for this job. The moment she became Minister she offered me a job. That’s Jessica for you, always caring for others.

We used to be friends, a long time ago. She and her sister were at the same orphanage before they got adopted by a rich family. I remember that both of them were so cute and polite with everyone. When they entered the room, their happiness made everything seem brighter.

However, when I met Jessica again, after years, something was different about her. She seems… empty, like something inside her is missing.

Ms. Jung has nothing to do with the Jessica I knew. She is cold and has a stern expression most of the time. Even though she is always polite and understanding with everyone, her cold façade keeps everyone away. If she wasn’t so unapproachable I would trust her more than I do now.

This morning she called me to her office to deliver some papers. We didn’t speak much and she barely looked at me while I was there. I guess she wasn’t feeling very well. She looked sickly pale and she kept playing nervously with her pen. We exchanged some unimportant greetings, she gave me the papers and turned her attention back to her computer screen. I took that as my cue to leave.

I delivered the papers and returned to my desk. Being secretary for a minister is no easy job. The phone is always ringing, her schedule is always full and there are people asking to see her without an appointment every hour.

I checked my computer for today’s schedule. I scrolled down the list lazily. Nothing important, only a couple of interviews and a few appointments.

It was right before lunch, while I was getting ready to head to the cafeteria, when a black haired woman knocked on the door. She introduced herself as Tiffany Hwang and asked to see Ms. Jung. She did have an appointment (she is an interviewer or a journalist or something) so I showed her in.

When we entered Ms. Jung’s office I thought I saw a change in her usually bored expression but it must have been my imagination as the next moment she turned back to her “y attitude”. I waited for her approval before I excused myself.

Ms. Jung wouldn’t need me there during the interview, therefore I made my way to the cafeteria to grab a bite. I made a mental note to get something for her as well. Even if the interview didn’t take much time she would still have very little time left to eat.

To my surprise, that Tiffany person was still there when I returned from my break. She must have a lot of questions for the Minister. The two of them stayed in Ms. Jung’s office for many hours. The food I had brought with me got cold and I had to throw it away and yet they were still locked in there. I could hear them argue from time to time (yep, I’m pretty sure by now that she is not here for an interview) screaming and yelling incomprehensible things to each other. Then silence for a few minutes poor Tiffany, Ms. Jung probably killed her and then they were back to screaming at the top of their lungs.

If I wasn’t so scared that they would hurt each other and then me for being a witness I would have found the whole situation hilarious.

They were fighting for so long that I had to cancel her appointments for the rest of the day. I usually leave work after lunch as there is another girl working as a secretary in the evenings but today she called in sick so I had to work in her place too. Consequently I had to sit there and listen to them insulting and threatening each other.

It was already 8.00 pm when Tiffany decided it was time to leave. She gave me a forced smile and made her way to the exit. Ms. Jung followed her  a few minutes later, obviously tired. Before leaving she turned to me.

“Sunny, I hope we didn’t bother you with our arguing. I trust that this little matter will stay between us. Right?”

“Yes, of course Ms. Jung. You can trust me.”

She nodded and turned her back to me. Only after I saw the door close behind her, could I breathe normally again. For a second, her expression was the most terrifying thing I have seen in my life. And I have seen a lot of scary things. I guess she really has become an ice princess.

All the time I was in the office I didn’t dare to take out my diary. There are too many security cameras in there and you never know who is going to walk in. And so I find myself hiding in the orphanage’s bathroom, lights off of course. Hyoyeon is sitting next to me listening to music on her mp3 (songs which were not approved by the Ministry Of Culture. How did she get her hands on them?) We only have a candle as a source of light, just enough for me to see what I’m writing. If I didn’t have to work until late we would have gone to the public library again. We both agree that it’s the safest place in the city. Now if we could make sure that Choi Sooyoung won’t step a foot in it…

Great! Hyoyeon is laughing at me. Again.

“I can tell you are writing about her because your face has this expression…. You know like you just smelled a fart”

“Well she makes me feel that way”

“I find her lovely” she laughs more. I can’t help but laugh with her as well. We may not agree on everything but we can work things out.

September 26

A pretty much uneventful day. Ms. Jung was out of the office so I only had to deal with phone calls  today. Thankfully the other secretary is feeling better so I was free after lunch.

I wasn’t very hungry so I decided to skip it. Instead I took a walk around the city. It wasn’t enjoyable, rather depressing to be exact. People walking by each other like they don’t exist, with blank expressions. Gray buildings on either side of the road, all identical to each other. Windows shut, no trace of life. A few cats here and there looking for something to eat. The image of a country in war.

We are supposed to be at war. Some people say it’s against the revolutionaries, some say it’s Asia vs. Europe, some say completely different countries. The truth is that nobody knows who we are fighting or why. Hell, I work for the Ministry Of National Security and I have no idea who we are fighting. In the news they speak about fights in different parts of the world everyday – all won. How is it possible that we keep winning but the war is still going as strong as ever?

We are at a point that the things they say today will be declared as wrong tomorrow when the opposite is right, and then the next day it’s the other way around. Like you are going to the doctor and on Monday he says you need to eat more meat, on Tuesday he tells you to become a vegetarian and by Wednesday he is sure that the problem is you eat too many vegetables.

Honestly I don’t think they want us to understand. I believe the whole war thing is just something to distract us from the real problems, to distract us from their white-collar crimes.

While we are too busy hating on imaginary enemies, they rob public institutions, increase taxes so they have more to steal and pass laws to ensure that they can’t be prosecuted later. In the meantime they make sure to use the mass media to brainwash us and bribe as many people as they can into voting for them again. That’s why I hate them. That’s why I hate him.

I didn’t feel like walking anymore. I turned around and headed back home. I was at the doorstep when I noticed the dark clouds in the sky. Rain is still a distant threat. It has yet to come.

~ ~ ~

Here is the next chapter

I'm sorry if I add too many details about politics. I'm just trying to give you a good insight in Sunny's life.

Comment to tell me your opinion :)