The three friend’s stared at her and Seulgi gulped. She didn’t want to lie to them, but would they understand the truth? Hopefully so, because it was what she went for. 

« I’m helping her » She simply said, taking a mouthful of her food. She was starving so they’ll have to have that conversation while eating. 

« What does the cold needs help for? » Sooyoung raised a questioning eyebrow, exasperated by the possibility that Joohyun was taking advantage of Seulgi’s kindness. 

« She…. » Seulgi swallowed her food and leaned closer « She’s figuring things out about herself, so don’t be mean. She’s going through a tough time » 

« Wait! » Yeri leaned even closer « Is she into girls? » She let out stunned. 

« Shhh! » Seulgi looked around to make sure no one heard. The last thing they needed was the start of a rumor. 

« Seul, please tell me she’s not hurting you » Seungwan sighed with concern. 

« She’s not » Seulgi promised « She just needs someone by her side »

« And why does it have to be you? » Sooyoung asked. 

« Because she has no one else » Seulgi defended the absent girl. 

« Okay » Seungwan sighed, seeing the determination in her eyes. She would support her best friend even if she was a bit worried about the whole situation « How did it happen though? » 

Seulgi instantly knew the truth wouldn’t shine Joohyun in a good light but she didn’t want to lie to them « She showed up at my house a few weeks ago when the storm hit » The three pairs of eyes widened. 

« She showed up at your house during the storm » Yeri repeated, making sure she correctly heard and Seulgi nodded « What kind of a psycho would do that? » 

« She’s not a psycho » Seulgi sighed « She’s lost » 

« Yeah, you already said that » Sooyoung told her « Did she ask for help or something? » 

Seulgi fidgeted on her seat and Seungwan frowned « Did she threaten you? » 

« No » Seulgi answered immediately. She groaned and put down her chopsticks before looking at her three friends who were waiting for an explanation « She was drunk and didn’t make much sense so I let her sleep at my place » She omitted the kiss and she intended to omit that they had as well but she also wasn’t a very good liar « With the intensity of the storm we had to stay together all weekend and I….I realized that she had a….hidden pain » 

« She’s a lesbian? » Yeri’s jaw dropped. 

« Possibly » Seulgi shrugged « But don’t come to conclusion like that. She doesn’t know, so we don’t know » 

« Kang Seulgi, look at me » Seungwan said firmly and Seulgi gulped. It was never good when Seungwan talk to her in that tone. Nonetheless, she reluctantly met her eyes « How did you find out? » She knew. She could see it in her eyes. And who knows what she had seen today. 

« She…uh…she kissed me » 

« WHAT? » Yeri and Sooyoung half-screamed but were immediately shushed by the two others as they gained the attention of some of the people closest to them in the cafeteria. As things settled down Yeri whispered-screamed « The cold queen kissed you? » Seulgi nodded shyly. 

« And so now you’re helping her come to term with her uality » Seungwan concluded, to which Seulgi nervously agreed. But Seungwan saw she was playing with her food as if she was still holding onto something « There’s more, isn’t it? » Seulgi lifted her eyes toward her and she immediately had her answer « It was more than a kiss, wasn’t it? » She verbally asked nonetheless. 

« Are you two together? » Sooyoung continued, completely in shock. 

« No, it’s not like that » Seulgi waved off « It’s…It’s not about me. I’m just the first one she encountered » She said, at the same time trying to reason herself.

« Seul, you’ve clearly been very cautious of her feelings but what about yours? » Seungwan slightly frown with concern. She could see from her friends behavior that Joohyun did a number on her « She’s hurting you » She whispered sadly.

« No, she’s not » Seulgi denied « I’m fine. I don’t feel anything like that about her, so now can we move on » She let out frustrated, going back to her food.

« Bear? » Yeri called her nickname in a small voice. 

« Please » Seulgi muttered weakly as she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

« Okay » Yeri sighed. The table became quiet for a moment before she spoke again « My moms agreed for the sleepover this weekend by the way » And this instantly lifted the mood. 

« Really? » Sooyoung clapped excitedly « We’re gonna have so much fun. But no horror movie this time, I still have nightmares from last time » 

« Yeah, she pushed me off her bed the last time I went to her place. Her dad had to check if my shoulder was broken. It was embarrassing » Seungwan complained. 

« Ahah » Yeri mocked « Funniest story ever » 

« Is your mom back from the states? » Seulgi asked her. 

« Yeah » Yeri said happily « And she brought back some snacks from there » She winked at her and Seulgi’s eyes immediately light up. 

« It’s going to be a good weekend indeed » 

-

Joohyun had class with Seungwan that afternoon and like usual she didn’t expect anything coming from the girl, but Seulgi’s friend waited after the lesson as everyone quickly exited the classroom to come to her. 

« Joohyun! » 

Hearing her name surprised Joohyun because normally no one addressed her ever. She lifted her gaze toward her with a questioning eyebrow but for the first time she didn’t really appeared confident « Yes? What do you want? » She tried her best to keep a straight face in front of her. 

« Don’t hurt my best friend » Seungwan warned her. 

Her eyes widened. Seulgi told them. Of course, she did. They are her best friends after all. A shade of pink tainted her cheeks « It’s not my intention » She assured her. 

« It might not be… » Seungwan looked intently into her eyes « …but even if she might not show it, please consider her feelings in all of this » She finished, analyzing her one last time before she turned around and left.

Once out of the room, Joohyun released the breath she was holding. She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths and clenched her fist. A wave of self-hatred rose inside her. How could she be so selfish? She only thought of herself in this but Seulgi was there too. Like she had said before they slept together ‘I have feelings’. And Joohyun hadn’t consider them. She wanted to slap herself so bad for it. She wished Seungwan would have.

-

She was laying in bed, staring at Seulgi’s phone number in her contact list. She felt so unworthy to have it. The selfish part of her wanted to call her but on the other hand her heart hurt just to think of the possibly that she might hurt her. She had a decision to make. The hardest she had ever had. But she needed to do what was best for Seulgi. She was damaged, broken, but Seulgi was not. And she didn’t want to destroy that. She needed to stop, even if that meant to be left all alone. She closed her eyes, taking on last breath before pressing the call button. The ringing against her ear was inflicting pain to her heart. Every sound was a knife slashing her heart, but what was more painful was Seulgi’s sweet: 

« Hey, Joohyun! » 

« H…Hi, Seulgi! » She swallowed her saliva difficultly.

« Are you alright? You don’t sound good? » Seulgi’s voice was clearly concerned. 

« We…We need to stop » She managed to utter.

« Wh…What? Joohyun, I don’t follow? What’s going on? If your demons are too loud again, we can try to…uh…meditate or…. » 

« Seulgi! »  Joohyun cut her with a shaky voice « I’m hurting you » 

« What? N…No, you don’t » Seulgi said « Wait! Did Seungwan talk to you? » 

« It’s not the point » Joohyun felt a stream of tears cascading down her face « I’m toxic for you. You deserve better » 

« Please, Joohyun, stop. We can… » 

« Please, be happy Seulgi. You….you deserve the world » Joohyun choked up. 

« Joohyun, no, please. Joohyun, I….. » 

Joohyun hung up, bursting into tears and put her phone on silence, knowing that Seulgi would most likely call her back. She curled on her bed as she let her emotions take over. In an enormous effort, she grabbed Seulgi’s old hoodie she had put next to her earlier and held it as tightly as she could while her tears coated it. 

_____________________________________________

Hey, guys! 

Hope you enjoyed?

See you next week!

-J