The instant they walked into the kitchen, Yeri’s moms greeted them with warm smiles, and it made Joohyun realize that it had been a long time since her parents had smiled when they greeted each other in the morning. It was always the same routine of her dad scrolling through his emails on his laptop and her mom watching the news on TV. They greeted each other out of habit. Joohyun hadn’t truly felt a connection with her family for what was surely a good decade. So her heart was a bit aching to witness such an open display of affection. It seemed like Seulgi sensed it because she put her hand on her lower back, it was barely grazing but Joohyun felt it perfectly, and guided her gently toward the table. 

« Hey, girls! » Tiffany sent them her eye-smile « How was your night? No one got sick, right? » Taeyeon chuckled behind her. 

« Let them breathe, Boo » She said in English, putting a plate of scrambled eggs on the table and looked up at them « No but seriously, you weren’t sick, right? You didn’t eat too much of these sugary craps? » Tiffany snorted at her wife and shook her head because she was exactly the same over-protective type as her. Yeri snorted as well as she went to hug Taeyeon. 

« Don’t worry, Mama. We are all fine and there are still plenty of snacks left untouched » She smiled brightly, receiving a peck on her forehead from her mom before she moved to greet Tiffany « We had a good night overall. Right, Sooyoung? » She smirked wickedly at her friend who had just sat down. 

« Please, Mrs. and Mrs. Kim, can you forbid horror movies next time? I’m gonna have nightmares for weeks now » She complained. They all laughed and Joohyun could feel herself ease up. Seulgi, next to her, glanced at her with a smile to make sure everything was alright and she smiled back shyly. Yeri took the seat next to her and sent her a smirk that made Joohyun confused, but Yeri diverted her attention back on Sooyoung quickly, leaving her wondering what it was about. 

« Don’t be such a scaredy-cat, we all know you like it because you can snuggle with Seungwan and fall asleep in her protective arms » Yeri hugged herself dramatically with her own arms, clearly mocking her friend. 

« Yah, Kim Yeri! » Sooyoung let out offended. Seungwan and Seulgi were laughing their asses off next to her, even the two moms were trying to suppress their laughter and remain serious. Joohyun was surprised that her cheeks were starting to hurt because of how wide she was smiling. For a moment, she thought she could get used to it, having friends, and messing around with them. Months ago, if not weeks, she wouldn’t have ever imagined it possible to be this close to people again. Suddenly, she found herself remembering her childhood….and them. Three girls that she had thought would be her sisters for life. She had given them her whole. She had opened up like she never did to anyone else, except maybe now Seulgi. But at the time, everything seemed perfect and simple. The four of them were as tight as anyone could be in elementary school….Right? 

She really thought she had people that knew her and accepted her for who she was until…until she overhead the truth: ‘Being friend with Joohyun sure helps being the most popular of the school, right?’ ‘My mom says we should stay friends with her even if we don’t like her because she’s rich and her dad is working for the government and it can help us a lot in life’ ‘She’s so annoying though’ ‘I swear, I can’t even listen to her talk about painting anymore. She’s childish’ ‘Maybe if we changed her into liking the things we like we could…’ ‘She’s a loser, Hyeon, but she’s rich so…’ 

The friends that she trusted with her life turned out to be liars and manipulators. She never addressed them again after that day. She closed off to everyone because she thought everyone that would approach her would do so for their own benefit. People were two-faced and she couldn’t distinguish between them. So….she hide herself. She thought it would be like that for the rest of her life. She lifted her gaze to Seulgi who turned her head toward her with a caring expression and it made her body tingle. Letting people in again didn’t seem so bad at that moment.

« By the way, girls! » Taeyeon caught everyone’s attention « I called your parents to tell them you’ll only be back this afternoon » She announced and shifted her gaze to Joohyun « I don’t know your parents Joohyun so I couldn’t do it but you should » She encouraged her. 

« I already warned them » She lied with a tight smile. Truth was, they didn’t really care, they were too busy if their daily activities for that. Seulgi was the only one who definitely knew she was lying but she didn’t utter a word, knowing a little about how her relationship with her parents was. 

« Good » Taeyeon nodded in approval « Sooyoung, your parents told me to inform you that they went to your father’s company picnic and that you forgot your keys so you’ll stay at Seungwan’s until they pick you up » 

« Ah! » She groaned « I knew I forgot something » 

« Well, even if Seungwan’s parents couldn’t have taken you, you could have stayed here, dear, don’t worry » Tiffany reassured her with a smile. 

« Yeah, but our house doesn’t have a Seungwan » Yeri teased, wiggling her eyebrows mischievously. She took out her phone and showed them the picture she took when she had woken up « She can’t have that here » 

« Yah! » Sooyoung’s jaw dropped and Seungwan turned red next to her « Delete that » She pouted. Taeyeon and Tiffany glanced at one another, trying really hard not to laugh. 

« Why would I? You’re too cute » Yeri said playfully but there was also some sincerity in her voice. 

« Come on, stop it, little demon » Taeyeon ruffled her daughter’s hair « Let your friends eat in peace and delete the picture if they don’t want you having it » Yeri pouted, putting her phone back in her pockets. Tiffany diverted her gaze to Joohyun who was watching the exchange shyly. 

« Joohyun! » She called the new girl who lifted her eyes toward her with wide eyes « How was your first night here? I hope these clowns didn’t scare you? » Joohyun chuckled while the other girls looked at the American slightly offended by the nickname. 

« No, they didn’t, Mrs. Kim. They were…really good to me » She mumbled, wiping her hand nervously on her thighs « It was the best night I had in a while » That sentence made everyone around the table, except Seulgi, frown. Only Seulgi knew how complicated and messy her life was. 

_

After a copious breakfast, they went back to Yeri’s room and crashed on the air mattress once again. 

« My stomach gonna burst » Seungwan grunted, rubbing her clothed stomach to try and ease it. 

« That would be a happy death » Seulgi mumbled and the girls laughed. Yeri moved on her side and looked at Joohyun. 

« How was it, Joohyun? Was it as good as we made it to be? » She asked curiously. Joohyun found the strength to sit up and nodded. 

« Your moms are very good at cooking » 

« I’m sure your maid is better » Yeri shrugged, nonetheless happy to hear the compliment. 

« She…she’s also good but it’s not… » Joohyun’s voice died down as her gaze dropped. Seulgi immediately raised herself on her elbows but before she could act on anything, Seungwan spoke up.

« Can you share with us what you’re thinking about? » She invited carefully. All of them sat up, forming a semi-circle in front of her, and gave her their attention in silence. Joohyun began to play with her fingers. She wasn’t used to share her feelings. All these years, she had bottled them up and threw them in the chaotic sea of her brain, hoping they would drown in the depth of it and not wash up back on shore. She sighed. 

« Our maid is good and kind but there’s not this…personal attachment like with your moms » She lifted a sad gaze toward Yeri « Your home is…so loving and…it feels warm…and cozy. My house…even my room doesn’t feel completely happy » She opened up to them and it surprised her how easy it was.

« Your parents never were the loving type » Sooyoung agreed since she knew them from church « It’s sad to hear it was like that at home » Joohyun softly nodded. 

« You know since…Seulgi started to get me in touch with my feelings » She met eyes with the other girl who was staring at her affectionately « I realized a lot about…not only me but the past, my family, my life. I….My parents raised me and my brother and sister to…. » She searched the right words, still discovering new things about her life « They molded us to become what they believe to be the best, most proficient type of person. They actually drew our all path in front of us and decided our interest according to it. And I….I’m realizing that I don’t know who I am, what I enjoy, what I want to do in life. I… » Her eyes started to get clouded « I hate everyone around me because they seem to have control and I’m not » Her voice broke and she shut her eyes, taking a deep breath. She felt a hand on her knee, and she didn’t have to think much to know it was Seulgi. She opened her eyes, meeting Seulgi’s that sent her a lot of support. 

« So it’s not just about your uality? It’s about who you are as a whole » Seungwan recapped to see if she understood well. Joohyun gave her a small nod and Seulgi squeezed her knee in reassurance. A gesture that didn’t escape their friends, but they respectfully didn’t comment on it. 

« So your…existential crisis emerged during the storm but did you start questioning your uality at that moment as well? » Sooyoung tried to ask with the most tact. Joohyun and Seulgi exchanged an awkward glance, which made Seulgi withdraw her hand from Joohyun’s knee. She felt suddenly cold without it but she understood how strange the situation might be for Seulgi because it also was for her. 

« I…I didn’t question it at all before the storm. It’s only when we… » She looked at Seulgi and gulped.

« When you banged. Yes, we know » Yeri let out bluntly, making everyone slightly surprised and awkward « Well, we’re more experienced on the uality side but we sure can help you with the other problems as well » She continued like she didn’t just drop a bomb. Joohyun hugged her knees against her chest. The girls watched her carefully, trying to find a way to make her comfortable. 

« When I first told my parents about me and Seungwan, they made me go see a therapist to make sure I was okay » Sooyoung broke the silence « Which I was. They were the ones who weren’t but that’s not the point here. The whole situation kind of messed me up and my therapist suggested that if I was lost, it was a good thing to go back to my childhood, revisit the things I liked to do and see if I still did, or how it evolved, changed. From that point, I could broaden my horizons and find myself again. Maybe it would be good if you tried that? » Sooyoung suggested, sympathizing grandly with her position because she had been there a few years ago.

« Yeah, I should » Joohyun said mindlessly, already thinking back on her childhood and trying to avoid the trauma of it. 

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Hey, guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter? 

See you next week :)

-J