"What's happening tomorrow?"

 

"A house party. James’ parents are out of town."

 

"Oh.. I thought it's in your house."

 

Winter heard Karina's deep chuckle. "Win, Mom will kill me if I let a single soul in here. You know that, right?"

 

"Oh, right. I forgot."

 

The line went silent for a moment.

 

"..you'll go, right?"

 

Winter heaved a sigh. "Rina.. I don't know.."

 

Karina let out a whine. "I told James I'm gonna introduce my best friend, so you need to come, please? For me?"

 

Winter felt a sharp pang in her chest.

 

Bestfriend.

 

"I'll tell my mom." Silence.

 

"What about I go there tonight? I'll ask for her permission myself."

 

Winter can't help but let out a small smile. She's busted.

 

"You don't trust me?"

 

"I know you, Minjeong. I'll be there at dinner."

 

Winter shook her head as her best friend continued to talk on the phone.

 

---

 

"A house party huh?"

 

"Yes, Auntie. Don't worry, you know that I always take care of her."

 

Winter's mom laughed, and held Karina's arm. "Sweetie, I know. But did Minjeong agree to go with you? I always let her come if it's you, do remember that darling. I trust you."

 

Karina smiled sweetly. "We already talked about it. I'm planning to let her sleepover after the party, it's okay right?"

 

Winter's mom nodded. "As long as she's fine with that, it's not a problem sweetheart."

 

Karina smiled once again and looked at her side, where Winter was silently eating her food.

 

Winter's parents continued to talk about work and Karina leaned to Winter's side.

 

"Hey, are you okay?" She whispered.

 

Winter looked at her and gave her a smile. "Yeah. Just not hungry."

 

Karina's forehead furrowed. Her puppy never skips a meal, unless she ate at a buffet before that.

 

"Do you want to go upstairs?"

 

Winter looked at her best friend's plate. "I'm actually waiting for you."

 

Karina immediately scoffed her food down and drank her water.

 

After finishing her glass, she looked at Winter's parents, who's clearly amused.

 

Karina flashed her sweet smile once again.

 

"I'll help Winter prepare her outfit for tomorrow Auntie."

 

Winter's mom nodded and let the girls retire first to her daughter's room.

 

---

 

Both girls are lying down, silently staring at the glow in the dark stars they once put in the younger girl's bedroom.

 

"I don't believe the 'not hungry' excuse, by the way." Karina broke the silence.

 

Winter sighed. "I was just nervous."

 

Karina looked over at the girl to see her conflicted face. "Why?"

 

"I don't know.. I think it's because it's my first time meeting your boyfriend."

 

Karina's face contorted in confusion. "Why would you be nervous? It's him who should be."

 

Winter palmed her face, exhaling loudly. "I don't know."

 

Karina slowly went back to lying down, trying to understand her bestfriend's predicament.

 

"Well, do you need help? What can I do?"

 

Karina saw Winter shake her head.

 

"Nothing. Just let me be, Rina."

 

Silence filled the room.

 

"I really want you to go. You always decline to meet with my past boyfriends before, at first I don't understand and I am starting to get mad, you know. I really care about your opinion, because you're important to me."

 

Winter once again exhaled loudly and faced her best friend.

 

“Alright, I’ll go.”

 

---

 

Winter slowly traced her steps, taking her time walking to the house party Karina has been gushing about since yesterday.

 

She doesn't get it. Is her best friend that dense?

 

She’s been avoiding Karina’s boyfriends because she can’t take it. It’ll hurt too much.

 

Her best friend is so intuitive when it comes to people who she thinks likes her, but she doesn’t get it that when it comes to her, it’s like Karina is as clueless as a toddler.

 

She’s been laying it all out, in the open, ever since she realized that maybe, maybe, she likes Karina not as a friend.

 

It’s been going on for over a year now.

 

She's been suffering all this time. And imagine her heartbreak when Karina started to talk about this James guy 2 months ago.

 

And now, she’s going to hurt herself once again, by going into that boy’s house to slap herself with the reality that Karina will never, ever be hers.

 

When she arrived at the front door, she could already hear the booming music and the loud chatter coming from the house. Raising her hand to knock, the door suddenly opened, revealing Karina’s smiling face.

 

Karina held her hand and pulled her inside.

 

Here goes nothing. She thought.

 

---

 

Karina hugged her when they arrived at the kitchen, where the older girl gave her a red plastic cup filled with juice.

 

“I was afraid you wouldn’t come. I’m so close to telling James I’m gonna leave and pick you up.”

 

Winter smiled. “I always keep my promises, Karina.”

 

Karina pouted. “I really don’t get why you’re so nervous. It should be James, ‘cause I’m gonna ditch him if you don’t approve of him.”

 

Winter laughed. So ironic.

 

“I feel so important.”

 

Karina put her cup down and held Winter’s shoulders. “It’s because you are! Maybe that’s why my past relationships didn’t last long. They didn’t pass your standards or whatsoever, I don’t know. I want you to meet James because he’s different. I want you to go and check.”

 

“I don’t think no one would ever pass my standards when it comes to you.”

 

Karina smiled and s her arms in Winter’s back, side-hugging the younger girl.

 

“And why is that?”

 

“You’re too precious.”

 

Karina giggled and hugged Winter completely. “Now I feel important.”

 

Winter touched Karina’s hair, softly patting it as the girl continued to giggle.

 

“It’s because you are.”

 

---

 

“I’m James.”

 

Winter clasped James’ hand, and gently shook it. He seems nice.

 

Karina clings into his arm as he smiles and invites Winter to sit and enjoy and party.

 

“It’s nice to finally meet you Winter. Rina’s been talking about you all the time, I was jealous at some point.”

 

Winter can see Karina’s reddened ears poking out from hair as she tries to stop her boyfriend from exposing her.

 

“It’s because she’s my best friend! There’s nothing to be jealous about, babe.” Karina smiled sweetly as her hand continued to hold James’ arm.

 

“Feel free to eat and drink anything Winter! I’ll talk to you soon, okay? I’ll meet my friends first.”

 

Winter nodded, as she felt too parched to speak as she saw the boy kissing her best friend before leaving them in the room.

 

After a few seconds, Karina came back and held her hand as she pulled Winter on the couch.

 

“So.. what do you think?”

 

Winter scratched her head. “He seems nice.”

 

Karina smiled triumphantly. “He is! Right? He’s adventurous too, you know? Like, he makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

 

Winter smiled bitterly. “That’s good. As long as you’re happy.”

 

“What do you want to do? Should I get more drinks?”

 

Winter shook her head. “I told you, I’m boring at parties. Why don’t you go and meet James’ friends?” She can taste the bitterness in .

 

Karina looked nonchalant. “No, I don’t want to. You know what, I'll grab some food and drinks and let’s stay in one of the rooms. You go up first.”

 

Winter’s about to protest when Karina stood up and quickly made her way into the kitchen.

 

I want to go home and just cry myself to sleep. Why am I even here?

 

She stood up and made her way upstairs. She’ll just wait for Karina before opening any random doors. She might see things she’ll forever regret seeing.

 

She’s leaning into the railings looking at the people downstairs when she feels someone touch her shoulder.

 

“Hey,”

 

She spun around and saw James, smiling widely to her.

 

“H-Hey,”

 

“Where’s Karina?”

 

“In the kitchen. She wants to stay in one of the rooms.”

 

“She’s not really a party person isn’t she?”

 

Winter looked down. “She is.. before.”

 

James looked curious.

 

“Before?”

 

“Well.. I was the one who didn't go to parties at all.”

 

“Oh.. she lied low for you?”

 

“I don’t know.. she just started to go less to parties I guess.”

 

James nodded. “I have a question, maybe it’s too much, but I just want to know.”

 

Winter panics. Did this boy find out? She tried to compose herself.

 

“What is it?” James looked down, obviously shy.

 

“Is Karina.. a ?”

 

Winter’s face contorted into an emotionless one. “What?” Not really hiding the steel in her voice.

 

James’ hands shot up in a defensive stance, hearing the sharp tone from the girl.

 

“I just want to know, ‘cause you know, it’ll be such a great honor to be her first.”

 

Winter’s forehead furrowed deeply. What is he on?

 

She looked down and saw Karina making her way up with a box of pizza and a bottle with two cups.

 

She walked past James and approached the older girl, getting a hold of the box and bottle. “Which room?”

 

Karina smiled at her boyfriend and looked at Winter. “Let’s go to the room at the end of the hallway. Babe,” She looked at her boyfriend once again. “We’ll stay in the guest room okay? I don’t feel like mingling with the crowd anyway.”

 

James looked disappointed but tried to hide it. “Sure, babe. I’ll go check up on you guys later.”

 

Karina nodded and held Winter’s shoulders, while the younger girl shot sharp looks at the boy who only smiled at her and made his way downstairs.

 

The nerve.

 

Karina locked the door when they went inside the room.

 

“Why did you lock it?”

 

Karina smiled sheepishly. “As the night progresses, the people can get a little more rowdy. And well, I don’t want people faces suddenly barging in,”

 

Winter nodded, trying to calm her heart. She’s not yet over with what happened earlier, and she’s been thinking about how to tell her best friend about what happened with James.

 

She didn’t like it.

 

“Did you guys talk?”

 

“Who?”

 

“James, silly. It looks like you two were talking when I came up.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“So.. what did he say?”

 

Karina sat on the bed, in front of Winter who’s also sitting with her back on the headboard.

 

Winter’s mind is in a mess.

 

She doesn’t want to meddle, but her protective side is currently winning.

 

Karina’s gazes didn’t help either. Her eyes were dark with anticipation, waiting for Winter’s answers.

 

“D-Do you.. really like him?” Winter managed to ask.

 

She saw Karina furrow her eyebrows but her best friend answered nonetheless.

 

“Not really.. but I do like him. I told you he makes me feel things, I like it.”

 

Winter felt a crack on her chest. She doesn’t know if it’s possible but she swears she can feel something painful somewhere in her chest that feels like breaking.

 

“Why? Did he ask you if I truly like him?”

 

“N-No, no. Uhm.. he just asked a couple of questions.. I guess for your future dates?” Winter inched forward to hold Karina’s shoulders.

 

“But, Rina.. remember this. Take care of yourself.. and make sure that you give your full consent for every action he asks of you. Don’t get pressured.. and if, if he pushes himself to you, tell me, I- I’ll kill him.”

 

Karina laughed loudly and pulled Winter close to her chest, hugging the younger girl. “Why are you saying this? Of course I’ll take care of myself, silly. And seriously? Kill? Win, you can’t even throw a punch, what are you talking about?”

 

Winter returned the hug and buried her face into Karina’s shoulder. “I can if you get hurt. So take care of yourself so I can stay as a law abiding citizen of this country.”

 

Karina once again laughed and gently patted her bestfriend’s back. “Okay violent puppy. So what do you wanna do tonight?”

 

Winter shook her head and just said nothing, letting her best friend know she doesn’t have anything in mind.

 

Karina caressed Winter’s head as her other hand continued to fiddle with her phone, not caring about the party happening downstairs.

 

----

 

A week has passed since that night.

 

Winter is at the school cafeteria peacefully eating her lunch when Karina suddenly appeared out of nowhere and sat at the table where the younger is currently sitting.

 

“Winwinnn,”

 

Winter instantly knew that voice. Karina is about to ask for a favor.

 

Winter as a junior doesn’t see Karina that much in school. They have different schedules, and it is known how Karina is a part of the popular group at school. So Winter automatically distances herself when she sees the girl, even though Karina never fails to give her a smile and a wave everytime they cross paths. This earns her a few curious glances, and it causes her nothing but anxiety.

 

“What?”

 

Karina smiled brightly at her as the older picked some fries from the younger’s plate.

 

“James is throwing a party again.. this weekend.”

 

Winter’s brow shot up.

 

“Can you come? Please??”

 

“I already met him.. and there’s no need for me to be there,” Which is true. Winter spent the whole party holled up in the room upstairs together with Karina. She doesn’t even get why they went to the party at all.

 

“I do need you there,” Karina pouted.

 

“Karina..”

 

“Pleasee?”

 

Winter huffed. As if she can deny that big, doe hopeful eyes.

 

Nope, not in this lifetime.

 

“Alright,”

 

Karina smiled triumphantly, while Winter is silently starting to mourn for her tortured heart.

 

“I’ll wait for you okay? Don’t you dare not show up!” Karina said threateningly. A small smile etched on her face.

 

Winter smiled, momentarily forgetting the impending doom her heart is about to endure.

 

As she watched her best friend strut her way to her group, Winter bit her lip.

 

Maybe it’s for the best.

 

Maybe if she sees the two more often, that gnawing feeling in her chest will soon die, and will reduce into a dull ache that she will get used to.

 

She focused once again to her best friend laughing freely, her hand never leaving James’ bice