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Hi, love.

Anong ginagawa mo?

These days.. I keep on hearing that question.

Malapit na kasi death anniversary mo, kaya siguro our families has been keeping an eye on me ulit.

I remember you asking me that question loads of times before. It's like a start button sa conversation natin. To me opening up to you and to you listening to my endless rants, problems, and.. just everything na ginawa at dumaan sa isip ko sa buong araw.

Pakiramdam ko talaga, hinahayaan mo lang ako magsalita ng magsalita kasi you like staring at me. And whenever I talk, I don't get to point out how much you stare, kasi busy ako dumada. Tinatake advantage mo 'ko, ha. 

Kidding, love. I'll do anything on earth right now para lang magkaroon ng kwentuhan session with you. Minsan, naiinis ako kasi hindi ko ata masyado nabigyang halaga yung time na yun between us. I can't remember some of that moments sa atin, hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa pagiging makakalimutin ko lang, or I wasn't just really paying attention that time kaya hindi ko na siya maalala.

Sana pala lahat ng sinabi mo 'nun, pinakinggan ko. Inabsorb ko, at tinatak ko sa utak ko. 

Para mayroon akong babalik-balikan ngayon.

I hate that I'm starting to forget, love. Oo, sobrang tagal na simula nang mawala ka. Almost 20 years na.

But that wound, love, hindi ata siya nagsara, o naghilom man lang ng kaunti, ever since.

The mere mention of your name, still send excruciating pain sa dibdib ko, like all that happened 20 years ago on that hospital room just happened yesterday.

Paano ba magmove on?

Siguro, kasalanan ko rin. Sa loob loob ko, I don't want to move on. I don't want to forget. I don't want to leave you. Leave us.

Ang hirap hirap mabuhay ng wala ka, Winter. 

Minsan, kapag nakahiga ako sa kama natin, napapatanong ako sa taas. Sa kung sino mang kasama mo diyan ngayon. Diyan sa kumuha sayo.

Bakit ang iksi naman ng oras na binigay sa atin? 

We were just starting to chase our dreams. We've been together for years but for me we were just starting.

Nagsisimulang mangarap. Magplano. We were so happy and hopeful, Win. 

Hopeful that we will get to spend our lives together. 

Before I met you, I really had a hard time talking about myself to people. Pero nung dumating ka, ewan ko, what you did to me, basta you ju