“Are all the things we need here already?” Yongsun asked.

I ran my eyes all over the things we laid down on the table before I slowly nodded. Then I shook my head before I asked, “Should I grab the milk? We don’t have milk with us right now. Does he need that? Do we need that?”

“Milk? Does he need milk?” Yongsun asked, furrowing her eyebrows from confusion.

I shrugged my shoulders and scratched my head, getting confused as well other than feeling really nervous already. “I don’t know… I’m not sure either. I just thought of the things he possibly needed later.” I glanced at Yongjae who’s playing with a small rubber giraffe in his crib, chewing on its ears while softly kicking his small legs. “Do you need milk? Would you want one?” I asked him while he only looked at me and his Mommy, chewing on the giraffe’s head this time.

“I don’t think he needs milk,” Yongsun whispered beside me.

“What if he gets hungry?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at her.

“While bathing?” Yongsun asked, raising her eyebrows at me as well.

We stared at each other, Yongjae’s chewing sounds accompanying us. A few seconds later, I closed my eyes and groaned from frustration while Yongsun chuckled softly and gently patted my arm.

“We’re bad at this” she whispered while still chuckling.

“I’m just saying. We got hungry while taking a shower too, right?”

“But do you eat while taking a shower?”

I opened my mouth before I closed it again and sighed heavily. Yongsun smiled so wide as she shook her head at me. “Point taken” I mumbled before I glanced at Yongjae again, oblivious to how troubled we are just by figuring out how to bathe him. “Let me at least get a bottle just to be sure” I whispered, raising a finger at her.

She shook her head as she said, “If you heat up one now and he doesn’t want to drink yet, we might not be able to use that bottle”

I sighed heavily once again and mumbled, “Point taken”

“Come on. We’ll be fine. We’ve done this before in the hospital. How hard could it be?”

“We’ve had nurses’ help back then. Now, we’re just by ourselves”

It’s been a week since Yongjae got here in Yongsun’s apartment and since he was officially discharged from the hospital. The nurses and doctors advised us not to wash him all the time since he doesn’t need it much and it would also dry his skin. This would be the first time that we’ll be washing him by ourselves, without the help of the nurses, and without anyone knowledgeable watching over us. We’ve been standing in front of the crib, changing table, and bathtub for almost half an hour now, worried and nervous about doing the task ourselves.

I think we’re doomed. I glanced at Yongkeey who’s just sitting obediently right beside Yongjae’s crib while staring at us. I sighed heavily once again. Yeah… I think we’re doomed.

“We’ll be fine,” Yongsun said nonchalantly. “You want to hold him?”

I instantly shook my head vigorously. “No… No, no, no, no. He might accidentally slip from my arms. You hold him and I’ll wipe him”

“Okay…”

Yongsun walked to the crib and bent forward to pick up Yongjae. She slowly lifted him up in her arms while I walked around on the changing table. She stood across from me, showering kisses on her son’s cheek while I smiled at them. I checked the temperature of the water in the bathtub to make sure it’s not too hot or too cold for him before I stood across Yongsun again. She slowly placed him down on the changing table.

“Hello, little guy…” I whispered to him while he tried to locate my voice as he scanned his eyes around us.

While Yongsun was undressing him, I distracted him by playing with him and making funny faces to make him smile. We both smiled at him when we heard soft noises from him before he chewed his giraffe’s head again. Yongsun wrapped him in a blanket to keep him from getting cold since we’ll be washing his hair and face first.

Once he’s wrapped in a blanket, Yongsun grabbed his giraffe while I started dampening the sponge with water. We switched roles this time. She was distracting Yongjae by showering kisses on his small tummy and softly tickling his feet while I tried to get the work done this time.

“Your hands are shaking,” Yongsun whispered.

I gulped hard before I whispered, “I’m nervous.” I released a shaky breath while Yongsun softly chuckled at me. Then I started cleaning his face, clearing out dirt on his small eyes and little ears. He started fussing when he felt the sponge on his face, which made me even more nervous.

“Yongjae… Look at Mommy. Mommy’s here baby” Yongsun whispered, softly clapping her hands to distract her son.

It was hard to properly wash his face because of how much he moved his head around. I don’t want to accidentally hit him and I don’t want this thing to go longer as well. I decided to wait for him not to move so much before I’d continue wiping his face.

I sighed heavily once I was done washing his face while Yongsun proceeded to dry his face. I moved to the bathtub and checked the water in there if it had gone cold already. I picked up the thermos we had on standby and poured some on the bathtub before swirling it around to mix the water.

“Time to wash your hair now, Yongjae…” Yongsun whispered.

I glanced at her and saw her lifting Yongjae up before she walked to the bathtub. I could see the little guy’s hand moving around while Yongsun secured him in her arms before she slightly tilted him back, placing his head by the bathtub.

I used the sponge and started wetting his hair. My hands were shaking more now, knowing how soft his head still is. I gulped hard and set the sponge aside to pour a small amount of liquid soap on my palm.

“You’re doing fine, Wheein” Yongsun suddenly whispered.

“Thank you. I’m still nervous though…”

She softly chuckled at me while I started lathering soap all over his hair and scalp. My hand momentarily stopped when Yongjae made a whimpering noise but he didn’t cry so I continued washing his hair.

“Who’s the good boy, huh?” Yongsun said, talking to her son. She grabbed his small hand and raised it a little bit. “Yongjae, Mommy. Yongjae is the good boy” she said, turning her voice small to mimic a baby’s voice as she waved Yongjae’s little hand, making me smile at her.

I got rid of the soap on my hand and picked up the sponge again to clean his scalp off from the soap. I grabbed the towel she used earlier and dried his hair.

Both our attention was on Yongjae and making sure that he’s comfortable. The only sound we could hear were our breaths, the water, and Yongjae’s baby noises. So when my stomach suddenly grumbled, it sounded so loud because of how silent the room was.

I closed my eyes and silently groaned before I went back to drying Yongjae’s hair. Yongjae started shaking in front of me when Yongsun attempted to suppress her laughter. I sighed heavily before I whispered, “Don’t. Just don’t”

It was a bad idea. That just made her want to laugh even more.

She hurriedly transferred Yongjae to the changing table and carefully laid him down. Then she laughed. She laughed at me, shaking her head vigorously while her eyes turned into small slits and her dimples in full display. She held a hand on top of Yongjae so he wouldn’t move much before she laughed without restrain now.

I sighed heavily and moved around the table. I removed her hand before I removed the blanket around Yongjae. I pouted at him before I whispered, “Mommy’s being mean again, Yongjae”

“I’m not,” Yongsun wheezed behind me as she patted my back. “I just can’t… It was so… funny”

I sighed heavily and slowly picked him up, securing his head and neck on my hand. I transferred him back to the tub again while Yongsun’s laugh slowly turned to giggles. She took my place and stood across from me. I held my breath and slowly dipped Yongjae on the water while he kept waving his arms and legs around. We gave him a moment to adjust to the water.

“I’m sorry” Yongsun whispered, wetting Yongjae's front body. “It came out of nowhere. I was so caught off guard”

“It’s okay” I whispered before I closed my eyes when my stomach complained loudly again.

“I’ll cook us breakfast while you change him. You seemed so hungry already”

I am… 

“Thank you”

She only chuckled at me before she focused on washing Yongjae. Yongjae started crying when Yongsun was wiping his neck clean. I distracted him and talked to him while Yongsun quickly washed the rest of his front. I gently turned him around so Yongsun could wash his back next.

“We’re almost done, Yongjae” I whispered to him while he kept on whimpering and complaining in my arms. I pouted at him, his cries and whimpers doing really bad things to my chest. “You’re doing great, little guy. We’re almost done”

“Done,” Yongsun whispered.

I immediately lifted him off the tub and placed him back on his blanket and wrapped it around him. I dried him off while he kept fussing around, slightly trembling now from the cold. Yongsun lifted the bathtub and brought it to her bathroom to drain the water before she washed it.

“I’ll head to the kitchen. Can you handle him?” she asked as she walked back in the bedroom.

“No” I mumbled, shaking my head right away. “This guy scares me”

She chuckled and lightly patted my shoulder before she walked out of the room. “You’ll be fine. I’ll cook us breakfast”

“Thank you”

I completely dried him then I moisturized him and made sure that I applied ointment on him so he wouldn’t develop rashes from the diaper. Then I put his diaper on him before I struggled to put on his shirt and pajamas. His pajamas are so soft and smelled really good. Yongsun and I are both addicted to smelling his baby scent. Lastly, I swaddled him with a new blanket. Once I was done, I’m completely drained while Yongjae seemed so relaxed in his blanket.

I transferred him in his crib while Yongkeey moved closer to his crib and watched him. I smiled at Yongkeey and whispered, “Watch over your baby brother while I clean up, okay?”

I started clearing the changing table while constantly glancing at Yongkeey and Yongjae. My stomach has been complaining more, especially when the smell of eggs and bacon had reached me in the bedroom. I gulped hard, my mouth starting to water as I placed all the dirty blankets in the laundry basket.

I walked back to Yongjae’s crib and smiled at Yongkeey when she’s still guarding him. I bent down and picked Yongjae up and carried him in my arms. “Yongkeey, let’s go” I whispered behind me before I walked out of the bedroom and headed towards the kitchen.

When I reached the kitchen, Yongsun set the table for us just as Yongjae started moving in my arms before he cried so hard.

“Someone else is hungry too” I whispered before I bent down and kissed his forehead. I hurriedly walked towards the refrigerator, grabbed a bottle of Yongsun’s milk, and placed it in the warmer before giving it to Yongjae. I rocked him in my arms and whispered, “Almost there, little guy. Milk yum yum almost there.” He cried louder, making me pout at him as I kissed his forehead again. “Almost there. Please stop crying. I’m sorry, baby”

I immediately picked up the bottle when it was done and tested its temperature first. I poured small droplets on my hand before I hummed satisfyingly. I placed the bottle to his lips and fed him milk, effectively shutting him up. I wiped the tears on his cheeks as I sighed heavily in relief.

“Let’s eat. Give me Yongjae so you can eat first”

I glanced at Yongsun by the dining table. She was reaching out her arms to me, ready to carry Yongjae from me.

“Maybe you should sit down first before I pass him to you”

I smiled and chuckled when she instantly turned around headed back to the dining table. She sat down before I held my breath and passed Yongjae to her, carefully placing him in her arms without disturbing his drinking.

The moment I stepped aside when I successfully passed him to her, Yongkeey moved closer to Yongsun and sat beside her as she watched Yongjae drink his milk. I patted her head then washed my hands before I sat across Yongsun and started eating, smiling as I watched Yongsun lean her nose to Yongjae to smell him.

“My baby smelled so good” she whispered before she smiled at her son. She sighed heavily before she glanced at me. “I’d have to go back to work next month already”

“Hmm…” I hummed as I chewed on my food while I nodded at her. “That’s expected but I didn’t know it would be that soon”

“I know…” she whispered, frowning as she stared at her son. “I don’t want to part from this little guy”

I’m really happy that she changed her mind about giving up Yongjae for adoption. Even though his father is not around, at least he got his Mommy with him right now. He might feel incomplete like me someday, but it’s better having at least one biological parent around than no one at all. At least that’s what I feel.

I glanced at my remaining egg and bacon and forked them as I softly whispered, “You know, you don’t have to work. I can handle…”

“No,” she said, not letting me finish. “No. That’s not what I meant by that”

I stuffed the egg and bacon in my mouth and chewed it before I glanced at her. Her eyebrows were slightly furrowed as she frowned at me. “Then what do you want to do?”

She closed her eyes and sighed heavily before she glanced at her son. “I don’t know… I have to work for him but I don’t want to leave him as well”

I drank water, clearing my mouth from the food I ate before I stood up. I walked around the table and reached for Yongjae so Yongsun could start eating. I sat beside her before she passed her son to me.

“I can handle him while you’re at work”

She scoffed and playfully rolled her eyes before she smirked at me. “Just a while ago you said you can’t handle him”

I pouted at her while she laughed at me. “I’ll bring him to the café. Hyejin and Byul would be with me if I panicked. I’m allowed to bring him out, right? He can stay in my office. I can work while he sleeps there as well.” I sighed heavily as I glanced at Yongjae, slowly pulling the bottle from his lips when he fell asleep. I smiled when his lips continued moving like he’s still drinking. “I’ll just buy another crib for him to sleep on while he’s there”

“Let me buy that one. You’ve spent so much for us already. At least let me buy that”

“But…”

“Everything I can see right now that’s related to Yongjae inside this apartment came from you. I don’t want to trouble you with that one also”

“But…”

She stared at me intently while I just pouted at her. “Let me”

I sighed as I nodded at her.

She nodded back at me before she closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on my shoulder. “Thank you. I don’t know what to do without you” she whispered softly.

I gulped hard and stared at her, feeling my heart beating loudly from that sudden confession.

For the last two weeks, we’ve been staying close to each other and would be separated only when necessary. When Yongjae got here, I didn't sleep in her apartment but I spent all my time here to watch over Yongjae with Yongsun. We found a rhythm working around each other like how we were when we gave a sponge bath to Yongjae. Because of everything that we’ve been doing, I think we’ve gotten closer and really comfortable with each other.

Yongsun had told me one time that she doesn’t date women. Chorong even repeated that to me when we’re still in the hospital. However, the more than eight months that she carried Yongjae in her womb, the time she gave birth to him, and now that he’s here with us, I can’t help but think that maybe Yongsun might change her mind. I’m honestly getting hopeful that she might return my affections for her.

I never made a move though. We’re too busy for me to have the time to make a move on her or even confess to her.

With what she just said, it could be interpreted in so many ways and my hopeful and expectant heart thinks that she might possibly love me like I love her too. I really don’t want to expect, but thoughts like these would always wander in my mind every time moments like this happened.

I placed the baby bag on the passenger seat before I walked around my car to the driver seat. I fastened my seatbelt once I got inside and glanced at the rearview mirror. Yongsun was facing the car seat where a sleeping Yongjae is strapped on, checking on his straps to make sure that he’s fine.

I released a nervous breath out before I started the car. I shifted the gear before I held the steering wheel with both of my hands, my eyes nervously bouncing on the rear view mirror and ahead of me.

“Wheein…” Yongsun called out behind me.

“Yeah?”

“We can go now”

“Okay…”

I sighed heavily and gripped the steering wheel tightly. My right foot was already on the gas pedal but I could never bring myself to step on it. I’m too nervous to step on it and move the car. I could even hear the loud thumping of my heart in my chest right in my ears.

“Wheein?”

“Would you like to change seats, Yongsun?”

“What? You want me there and you want to sit here?

I glanced at her through the rearview mirror, meeting her gaze right away. She was watching me closely while one of her hands was on Yongjae, making sure that he felt her presence even in his sleep.

I gulped hard before I nodded at her.

A smile slowly formed on her lips before she bit her bottom lip, trying to stop it and cover it from me. I pouted at her and she instantly covered with her other hand while her shoulders started shaking from her silent laugh.

“What’s wrong?” I softly whined at her.

She sighed deeply before she said in between her giggles, “This was the same conversation we had when Yongjae got discharged from the hospital”

“And?”

She stared at me intently, creases forming at the corners of her eyes while her dimples looked deeper as she smiled so wide at me. “I told you I can’t drive at that time. I still can’t now. Did you forget already?”

I pouted at her while she giggled again, making me sigh heavily.

The first time I drove with Yongjae in my car, I was really nervous. My nervousness was indescribable at that time. A lot of possible things that might happen on the road ran in my head before I started moving my car and they were all not good, making me very anxious to drive us back to the apartment building.

With much convincing from Yongsun, I was able to move my car out of the hospital parking lot. However, as we were heading to the apartment building, a police officer told me to pull over because I was underspeeding. I didn’t reach the minimum speed because I’m too nervous to move the car beyond 30km/hr on a 50km/hr freeway.

I panicked when the police officer stopped my car but I pulled over nonetheless. Luckily, he was so understanding of my emotional state that time and just gave me a warning. After that, Yongsun had been watching the meter and Yongjae at the same time and had to remind me not to go less than 50km/hr. When we reached the building, it felt like several thorns were pulled out of me. I was very relieved.

I think the same thing w