I stared at my still wet hair and my puffy eyes in the mirror in front of me. Washing my face a lot of times didn’t erase the evidence that I cried so hard last night. That’s all I did before I went to sleep right on the couch that was so wet from my tears.

I sighed heavily before I turned the lights off in the bathroom and headed to my closet to change out of my bathrobe. I dried my hair next but didn’t bother combing it anymore. Instead, I grabbed my cap and wore it before heading out to grab my phone, wallet, and keys on the bedside table and pocketed them.

It’s still around five in the morning. I didn’t want to move when I discovered that I slept on the couch last night. I just felt so tired and defeated after my unexpected argument with Yongsun. I don’t know if I should be mad at her for slapping me and underestimating me. I don’t know if I should be mad at all those people who’s been discouraging her to keep her baby. I don’t know if I should be mad at Eric for leaving her all by herself with a baby.

I wanted to be mad but I don’t know why I should be mad or whom I should be mad at.

I stopped right at my bedroom door when I saw all the things I bought for Yongsun’s baby. I sighed and pouted at them, feeling the urge to cry once again. I’m reminded that I won’t be able to see her baby at all. I’m reminded of the feeling of losing someone even though I’ve never met them yet.

If I was Yongsun’s baby, would I be mad at her? Will her baby be accepting of Yongsun’s decision? Will her baby look for their parents? Will her baby be mad at her?

I closed my eyes and sighed heavily once again. I’ll just figure out how to get rid of these things. Maybe I shall just donate them to a nursery home or something. For now, I’ll just ignore this huge pile of things in my living room.

I walked around the pile and headed to the front door. I wore my shoes and hurriedly moved out of my apartment when I heard Yongkeey barking from next door.

I opened my door just in time to see Yongsun closing her door while holding onto the leash of an excited Yongkeey. She glanced towards me when she heard my door closing. I walked towards them, erupting loud and excited barks from Yongkeey when she saw me coming towards them.

“Wheein…”

“Go back inside. Let me walk her” I said, grabbing the leash from her hand while Yongkeey stood up and leaned her front paws on my body. I smiled at her and patted her head before I whispered, “Let’s go”

She barked loudly in response before she stood in all four again. Then we started walking towards the stairs, only to stop when Yongsun held onto my arm and prevented me from walking further.

“Wheein…” she whispered softly as she turned me around to face her.

I gripped Yongkeey’s leash and told her to stay. She followed obediently and waited patiently for me. I cleared my throat and bent my head low, staring at Yongsun’s baby bump before I stared at my shoes.

I heard her sigh in front of me before she cupped my cheeks and brought my face up to her. I closed my eyes and didn’t meet her gaze. I was hoping not to show her how I cried hard last night but I just had no energy to go against her as well.

“I’m sorry” she whispered while I just nodded at her. “I never meant to slap you.” I nodded at her again. “I should’ve told you that I’m not keeping the baby.” I gulped hard and nodded again. “Wheein… look at me” she whispered softly.

I sighed heavily before I slowly moved away from her touch. “You don’t have to think about me. Like I said last night, I couldn’t change your decision” I said as I turned around and still didn’t meet her gaze. “Go back inside. You still have to prepare for work. Let me walk Yongkeey for you”

I faced Yongkeey and smiled at her before I whispered, “Let’s go”

“Wheein…”

“We’ll be back” I said to Yongsun before Yongkeey and I started walking again.

We headed to this playground that’s empty since it’s still early in the morning. I don’t want to go back to the park and meet Henry again, so we looked for a place where I could sit and Yongkeey could play. I could sit on the swings and Yongkeey could run around like she owns the place. The playground was perfect for us.

When we reached the playground, I detached her leash and told her to run around. Then I headed to the swing and sat down. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and called my Mom. I placed my phone to my ear and gently pushed back to move the swing. I closed my eyes and listened to the ringing on her end. I thought she wouldn’t be able to answer me because the ringing kept on going before the call finally connected.

“Wheein?” Mom said before she cleared . “Is there something wrong?”

“She’s not keeping the baby”

“What?” Mom asked before I heard shuffling and muffled voices on her end. “What did you say?”

“She’s not keeping the baby, Mom” I whispered softly.

“I… Hmm… Okay. Give me a second, sweetie. I just woke up. Let me fix myself some coffee”

I sighed heavily and pouted at the ground before I mumbled, “I’m sorry I woke you up. I’ll call you some other time, Mom”

“No. Don’t go. Why are you up so early?”

“I’m watching over Yong”

“Okay… Okay…” she whispered before I heard a loud yawn from her end. “Wait there and don’t end the call”

I breathed deeply and waited for Mom while I heard another set of shuffling and movements from her end. I glanced towards Yongkeey and waved at her while she only ran around and played in this tunnel, repeatedly running in and out of it.

“What did you say again?” Mom asked after a few minutes, sounding more awake now.

“She’s not keeping the baby”

“Is she giving it up for adoption?”

“Yeah…”

“Hmm… And what about the things you bought for the baby”

“She doesn’t know about them. She only saw the crib. I didn’t tell her I bought everything she needed already when the baby comes out”

Mom sighed heavily before she asked, “What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know… That’s why I called you”

“What did you say to her?”

“I told her I’ll help her but her mind is already fixed about giving her baby up for adoption”

“Then you can’t do anything anymore, Whee. It’s not your baby. It’s not your decision to make”

“I know…” I sighed heavily as I stopped from swinging and closed my eyes.

“If you want to keep the baby, you can adopt him. Bring him here and your Dad and I will help you take care of him. How about that?” Mom suggested, which gave me a light of hope before I shook my head again.

“That’s not the point, Mom. I don’t want her to part from her baby. I don’t want her baby to be clueless of who his parents are or who he came from. I don’t want her…”

“You don’t want her baby to experience what it felt like when your biological father left us” Mom finished for me while I just nodded my head even though she couldn’t see me right now. “I see…”

“I’m sorry”

She chuckled before she whispered, “It’s something you should never apologize about. I understand where your concerns lie now. I thought you wanted the baby to yourself or you wanted the baby to grow up with you and Yong”

“I do want that but I could never be her baby’s mother or her father. I’m just helping her”

“But you can’t do anything except accept what her decisions are, Whee. You couldn’t stop her. Just make things bearable for her if you still wanted to help”

“Okay… Thank you”

“Did that help?”

“Yeah… It did. I’m glad I could talk to you. Thank you. I’m sorry for waking you up early in the morning as well”

She laughed again before she said, “It’s okay. At least you’re calling more often now. Tell your sister to call us too. Your Dad misses her so much. We miss her a lot”

I smiled this time as I pushed myself up. “I’ll send her a text. Bye, Mom. Love you”

“I love you too. Be careful, okay?”

“I will. I promise” I said to my Mom before we ended the call.

I sighed heavily before I pocketed my phone again. I called Yongkeey and smiled when she ran to me right away. I attached her leash again before we headed back to Yongsun’s apartment. Once we arrived, I knocked on the door before I punched in her code and opened the door. I released Yongkeey and rolled her leash before placing it where Yongsun would always keep it.

Yongsun was walking out from her bedroom when I placed the leash back in its place. “Thank you,” she said.

I nodded at her before I walked back to the front door. “You don’t have to go to the café later. Meet me in the basement parking later.” I wore my shoes again and opened the door before I headed out.

“You don’t have to”

I didn’t close the door yet and turned around as I stared at her intently. “I’ll be waiting there for you”

“Okay…” she said, frowning at me a little bit.

I nodded at her before I slowly closed the door to her apartment.

The café was still closed when I arrived there, which means that Hyejin and Byul hadn’t arrived yet. I unlocked my café but didn’t turn on the lights yet and headed to the bar right away. I turned the lights in there only and proceeded to make my iced Americano and Yongsun’s mint chocolate.

I was already done with both our drinks when the café doors opened. I looked up and saw Hyejin and Byul coming in together while holding each other’s hands. I went back to my cups and covered them before pulling out straws for the cups.

“You’re early,” Hyejin said while the café started to light up when Byul all the lights inside.

“I am but I’m going out already as well.” I lifted both cups and headed out of the bar, my head bent a little bit low so my cap would hide my face. “I’ll be back. Call me if you need anything here”

I wasn’t able to go out of the bar when Hyejin blocked my path and held my shoulders. She placed a finger on my chin and lifted my face to her. Like with Yongsun earlier, I just didn’t have the energy to fight against everyone. I did meet Hyejin’s worried gaze unlike when I was talking to Yongsun earlier.

“Did you cry last night?” she asked while I only sighed. “You did… Why?” she asked, her eyes worriedly scanning my face.

I closed my eyes and sighed once again. “I don’t want to talk about it now, Hyejinie”

“Okay… but you have to tell me what happened when you come back here”

I nodded at her before she released her hold on me. I headed out of the café as I said, “I’ll be back”

“Drive safely,” Hyejin reminded me.

“I will,” I said, pushing the door with my body since both of my hands were occupied.

I headed to the basement parking lot. I placed my iced Americano on top of my car before I grabbed my keys from my pocket and unlocked the car. I opened the door before I grabbed my coffee again and placed both of the drinks in the cup holders inside the car.

I locked the car again in time to see Yongsun coming out of the elevator. I jogged towards her while she slowly walked forward. I grabbed her bag from her and lifted it for her before I helped her walk towards my car. Neither one of us talked as we headed to my car. She was already breathing heavily and I chose not to open my mouth.

I opened the door in the passenger seat and helped her inside before I walked around my car to the driver seat. I fastened my seatbelt and started the car right away before we headed to her work.

“Thank you” she whispered as she grabbed the mint chocolate drink from her cup holder.

I nodded and focused on driving.

There’s an air of awkwardness hanging around us. We used to talk so much when I drove her to and from her work but I don’t know what to say to her now. It felt like I’ve lost so much of my energy after what happened last night.

The silence continued to go on until we’re almost in her work. I stopped the car when we reached a red light and picked up my coffee. I closed my eyes and drank from it, letting the caffeine do its work in my body to wake me up.

“Are you mad at me?” Yongsun suddenly whispered.

I placed my cup back in the cup holder and started moving the car again. “No”

“Are you mad at me that I’m not keeping the baby?”

“No. That alone lies on your baby when he finds out about it”

“But you’re disappointed in me”

I sighed heavily as I let the question hang in the air around us for a while as I thought about it. “I’m not” I finally answered. “I just don’t understand why you’ve come to that decision; letting go of your baby.” I stopped the car when we reached her building and pulled the handbrake. “I guess you’re right last night. I could never be in your position for me to understand your decision. I’m more on your baby’s position than on yours”

“It wasn’t a decision I just plucked out of nowhere, Wheein. I’ve thought really hard of it every night” she said while I could only nod at her. She sighed heavily before she whispered, “Why are you still helping me if we don’t think the same way about keeping the baby?”

“I told you I wanted to help. I promised you on the week you found out about the baby that I’m not going away. That I’m staying and I’m not leaving you by yourself. That promise does not apply only when you’re keeping the baby”

“Wheein…”

“But since you’re not keeping the baby anymore, I won’t overexert myself in helping you once you delivered the baby. Things would go back to how we are before the pregnancy. You can walk your dog already. If you want me to pick you up or drive you to work, you can just tell me”

“No. I think I can manage myself by that time”

“Okay…” I said as I nodded my head.

“Thank you”

I picked up my cup again as I said, “No problem.” I drank my coffee and waited for her to move out of my car.

“I’ll repay you someday”

“I offered the help, Yongsun. I never asked for anything in return from you” I said before I finally faced her and gave her a small smile as I nodded at her.

She ran her eyes all over my face and studied me intently while I waited for her to move. She suddenly closed her eyes and breathed deeply. “I’m sorry about last night”

“I’m sorry I overstepped too”

She reached for my hand and squeezed it before she held it tightly. She stared at our joined hands and whispered, “It’s okay. I understand your concern. I’m sorry about your father”

“It wasn’t your fault” I whispered and stared at both of our hands as well.

She squeezed my hand one last time before she let go of it, making me slightly pout at my empty hand now. “I should go. Thank you for driving me”

“No problem. I’ll see you later, Yongsun”

“I’ll see you too, Wheein” she said before she climbed out of my car.

I watched her slowly walk towards the building’s entrance. I saw Chorong coming towards her and walked beside her as they made their way to the building. Yongsun linked her arm with Chorong while Chorong let Yongsun lean her weight on her.

I sighed heavily before I turned the car around and headed back to the café.

For the next few weeks, Yongsun and I never talked about her not keeping the baby. It became a taboo between us. We never brought up anything related to the baby anymore as well. Our conversations became really limited to how’s her work and how’s my work or topics related to Yongkeey. It became so forced and we became aware of it so we just stopped talking when I drove her to or pick her up from work, unless it’s really necessary to talk.

When she entered her eighth month of pregnancy, she stopped coming to work. I didn’t drive her anymore and would just see her when I walk Yongkeey in the morning or give her her mint chocolate drink.

Hyejin and Byul also knew about Yongsun giving up her baby for adoption. I told them about it on the day Hyejin saw how puffy my eyes were. Hyejin was very worried about me since it seemed like I lost all