Dear Diary...

For the past couple of days I've been thinking about what to do in terms of if I should end things with Taeyang and tell Rowoon sunbae how I feel for the second time or if I should just stay with Taeyang and forget about Rowoon completely.

I even talked to both Hwiyoung and my roommate about it and here's what they had to say:

(Hwiyoung)-Wow two guys huh? why not just date both without them ever finding out?

(Roommate)-(nudges him in the arm)-you call that advice?

(Hwiyoung)-Of course I'm joking what I was implying was that meet up with both of them separately to see who you are actually in love with.

(You)-So you're suggesting that I should go on two separate dates?

(Roommate)-That's insane, you're basically asking her to cheat on your friend

(Hwiyoung)-It doesn't necessarily have to be labeled as a "date" think of it as a way for you to find confirmation in your heart and who it seems to leaning towards

(You)-Wait that's actually a pretty good idea, but who do I decide to meet first?

(Roommate)-Text both of them and see who replies first 

I then proceeded to text both of them with hey as a start to the conversation and sure enough Taeyang replied first as expected since we are still boyfriend and girlfriend.

(Taeyang)-Hey babe, I'm glad you texted me since I know how hard last night was for you and i just wanted to make sure you were okay

(You)-I'm fine actually, I wanted to ask you if you were free tonight for dinner.

(Taeyang)-Yeah of course what would you like to have?

(Your thoughts)-"crap what food could I possibly digest when I have to ask him on why he likes me?" I ended up replying with Italian and we then settled the reservation and all that.

(Roommate)-So who ended up replying back first?

(You)-Taeyang

(Roommate)-Hmm maybe that's a sign

(You)-What do you mean?

(Roommate)-Well if you think about it we know they are both most likely using their phones right now but look who didn't hesitate to respond to you only after about a minute or so. Whereas the other is either deciding to leave you on read or just not wanting to reply back.

(You)-How about I decide after the dates at least, since at this point I just want to get it over with. If he doesn't respond at all then I'll take it as a sign.

Also for your information Rowoon did end up responding back and we decided to meet for tomorrow night instead.

Alright so let's now get into the date with Taeyang and how it all went.

Taeyang arrived early to the restaurant as usual and when I arrived he pulled out the chair for me and got me a rose being the gentlemen he is.

(You)-Aww you really didn't have to

(Taeyang)-I know you usually don't like flowers but today I just felt like spoiling you 

(You)-What did I do to deserve someone amazing like you? (I said feeling terrible since in the next couple of days I may end up breaking his heart)

(Taeyang)-Oh stop, are you ready to order?

We ended up ordering a chicken Alfredo and a ravioli (as I write this just know my stomach is also growling)

So after finishing dinner we ended up just chilling at a nearby park and rode on the swings as if we were five all over again.

(You)-Do you think that if we met again in another life that we would end up together?

(Taeyang)-I would like to think so yeah, why do you ask?

(You)-I would want the same, I'm lucky to have you in my life.

Shortly after he walked me to my door and we separated our ways for the night.

Let's get right into the "date" I went on with Rowoon sunbae to catch up since I last saw him.

We ended up meeting at a cafe since that's where he was working at the moment.

(Rowoon)-Hey why don't you take a seat while I make you something

He ended up coming to sit next to me with the drink and some snacks he prepared.

(You)-Thanks, I actually asked you to meet me because I wanted to make sure of something

(Rowoon)-Okay yeah I'm here to listen

(You)-I know how crazy this may sound because I'm still technically in a relationship but I've realized that I still have feelings for you. I want to know if you by chance feel the same way.

(Rowoon)-Let me ask you this: am I the reason you don't feel content in your current relationship? Since if that's the case I think that's something you need to talk to with your partner if you feel that you're not in love with him anymore. I can't give you an answer to your question because I know that it's going to make you leave him without him getting a closure as to why you left him.

(You)-I want to talk to him but I know that I'll just be hurting him in the process.

(Rowoon)-Tell him the truth earlier on so that he won't end up hurting more later on.

I then left the cafe and ran to Taeyang's place and knocked on his door. 

His roommate Chani ended up opening the door to tell me that he wasn't home at the moment.

I ended up texting him to meet me at our spot at the park.

What will happen next? Will I end up ending this with Taeyang or will I get a new start with Rowoon.

To be continued (I apologize for the boring update)