We don’t know what happened to Renjun after that but it was like a switch had flipped and he lost a part of himself to insanity. I believed what Jaemin said now when he said that Renjun had always been broken and what was happening in front of us was proof. It has been a few days and I stood by the door of the mansion where Chenle and the rest stayed, Jaemin and Jeno chewing on their bottom lip worriedly as I peeked through the crack.

Even Johnny was on edge but he believed that it was nothing to worry about and that Renjun needed professional help. Jaemin was the one that believed something to be wrong and he kept insisting that we had to do something—he didn’t know what, but something. I turned to see that the once colorful paintings of Renjun’s walls were now painted dark to what seemed like deformed trees and wilted flowers.

To top that off, Renjun had been singing, his face against the wall as he rocked himself back and forth creepily over and over again. It was like he had decided to put himself in a trance and even Moon Tae-il, the one person he looked up to could not snap him out of it.

Beyond a mountain is a misty town

Dark and dreary, ready to turn your smiles into frowns

Bodies by the rice fields and children throwing rocks

Don’t forget to replace your rusty locks

“He has been singing that over and over again.” Johnny sighed and I couldn’t help but shudder at how hauntingly beautiful but creepy Renjun’s voice sounded. He hummed the lullaby, his arms hugging himself and Jaemin was about to walk in but I saw Jeno place a hand on his lover's shoulder.

“Jaemin, you know what he did last time you tried to talk to him,” Jeno warned and Jaemin paused, his eyes laced with worry and concern. Moon Tae-il stood beside us, Sungchan beside him and both of the profilers were shaking their heads.

“Black,” Sungchan kept muttering under his breath. “Black for trauma. Fear. Hatred.”

The trees bow to the ground, don’t make a sound

Don’t drink from the river, don’t ask to leave

Always behave… keep an eye open when you sleep

Don’t put up a fight and let the monsters take you away

Follow the steps and forever you shall stay

Renjun’s voice kept on going and going and he wouldn’t stop, the same melody repeating out of his room with his black paint toppled on the floor. It was Johnny who spoke this time, a hand going to his pocket to bring out his phone.

“We need to bring him for professional help,” Johnny said. “Maybe someone is messing with him and knows of his past. Jaemin, you have made a lot of enemies the past few years—it’s plausible that now that you both are public figures, someone found a way to mess with him.”

Jaemin did not look convinced but he knew he would do anything to bring Renjun out of whatever he going through. The distance didn’t sit well with him, and I could see that. I exchanged looks with Johnny, the male going to the side to call Jaehyun.

I knew where this was going and Renjun was to go to therapy. Ghosts of his pasts have haunted him and it was obvious that if we didn’t counter it and nip it at the bud, it would not end well. Another wave of Renjun’s voice floated through the hall and I hugged myself, feeling the chills when I felt a hand on my shoulder to look up to see Sungchan looking at me.

I nodded at him, Sungchan going to close the door.

“I’ll stand guard,” Sungchan said to us and we nodded, Jaemin biting on his lower lip as he refused to leave, his gaze dropping onto the ground when Jeno managed to tell him to get some rest.

“You need save your energy for Renjun,” Jeno had said and I smiled to myself, waiting for Johnny to come back from his phone call.

We hoped that it would be enough.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Two days.

Two days after and Johnny had the best therapists and doctors booked beforehand. It wasn’t Jaehyun’s hospital, but a small clinic that specialized in trauma and PTSD. Jaemin and Jeno had woken Renjun up in the morning, the small-framed male refusing to get out of bed but after a few whispers of “It’s going to be alright” and “after this, we’ll go and buy all the kittens you want.” from Jaemin, Renjun had complied and finally showered and left with them.

They filed into the car, Yuta driving them. The Japanese male kept his eyes on Renjun, wondering what was up with him, but Renjun remained silent and seated between Jaemin and Jeno. His eyes were strained on his hands and Jaemin placed a hand on his lap, taking Renjun’s hand in his before squeezing it.

He wasn’t going to let go and he knew Renjun needed all the support.

Jeno sighed, seeing the action, a hand patting Renjun on the thigh and keeping it there in hopes that it would remind the male that he wasn’t alone and that he was protected. The clinic was booked beforehand, as Johnny had said and it looked very well managed. The motto of the clinic stood out loud and clear:

“It’s Okay To Not Be Okay.”

And Jaemin smiled at the slogan, holding Renjun’s hand and leading him through the people who were having their walking rounds. He pointed and show the slogan to Renjun, the male finally cracking a smile as he looked around. Everyone was wearing white and as much as people said it was a clinic, it was very much a small asylum for the mental.

Jeno followed both of them in, his hands in his pocket, his eyes darting back and forth warily when a nurse came up to them and smiled. Jaemin was the one who registered Renjun’s name, his hand not leaving his friend's until the nurse motioned Renjun over to the waiting room.

“We’ll have you go in for counseling, the doctor is inside waiting for you, Mr. Huang Renjun,” the nurse said kindly and she seemed like she didn’t have a single bad bone in her body. “Uh…”

Jaemin lifted an eyebrow when she held up a hand.

“Interviews and sessions are only between the patient and the doctor, sir. Uh…” her voice trailed as she struggled to find a word to describe them.

“Family,” Jeno said from behind. “We’re family. We understand, we’ll stay here and wait.” He assured the nurse and Jaemin chewed on his lip, finally taking a seat in front of the door. He could see inside the room because the blinds were open and he saw that the doctor was a male, a very professional one looking at that.

Jeno patted Renjun on the head, Renjun being led into the room and Jaemin couldn’t keep his eyes off his best friend when he finally sighed and sat down in front. Jeno could feel the anxiety from his lover, a hand going to take Jaemin’s to calm him down.

“He’s going to be alright, right?” Jaemin asked, Jeno nodding. “Jeno, what if something goes wrong?”

“Nothing will go wrong, Jaemin. He’s in therapy,” Jeno said to Jaemin when the blinds closed behind them, making Jaemin lose sight of Renjun. Jaemin craned his neck around, Jeno shaking his head to stop him, snapping his fingers in front of Jaemin.

“Jaemin—”

“What if the doctor says something and it triggers Renjun?” Jaemin asked, Jeno sighing. “What if Renjun loses it again, Jeno? Maybe we need to sit in. When I was having my sessions, my parents often sat in with me—”

“Jaemin…”

“And then we can finally understand what’s wrong. I mean, I know what’s wrong but Jeno—”

“Jaemin, he’ll be fine,” Jeno finally said, sighing. There was a thud from inside the room and Jaemin jolted up, his eyes looking around the room as he tried to see what was going on but the blinds stopped him from doing so. “Besides, if it’s about his mother… maybe Johnny is right. We are public figures. A lot of our past is catching up on us—you and Renjun, especially. You were on the streets.”

“Yes, but… our enemies aren’t very smart,” Jaemin pointed out. “That’s why we were able to con them. You honestly think that someone we conned would we able to dig up Renjun’s past?”

Jeno remained quiet, knowing that it was impossible to argue with Jaemin. His lover had confidence when it came to his history and his skills and both he and Renjun took pride in it. Time passed and Jaemin began to grow impatient, his eyes moving around the place as he tried to keep his worry in check when he stood up and began pacing around.

“Jaemin, calm down,” Jeno said but Jaemin could feel something wasn’t right. His intuition has always been somewhat strong and Jaemin tried to peek through the door but to no avail. His hand reached out to try the door, turning it just to see that it was locked.

“Why did the doctor lock the door?” Jaemin grumbled, Jeno standing up try to move Jaemin away from the door but Jaemin was fixated on it. He began to bounce around, his hand gripping the doorknob. Jeno tried to hold Jaemin back, both engaging in a silent scuffle when the nurse came and smiled at them, asking them if they needed anything.

“Yes, I need to see if he’s fine. Just to check—you know. As family,” Jaemin said, shoving Jeno’s hand off when the nurse nodded, a hand going to check the door knob. She frowned, saying that it was weird because the doctor would never lock the door while his therapy sessions were being conducted.

“Give me a moment,” she said to both of them, disappearing for a while. Jaemin was giddy now, the male rapping his knuckles against the door and even Jeno had to admit that he wasn’t feeling so well when there was no response. Jaemin finally lost his patience, slamming his fist against the wooden door when the nurse emerged with a bunch of keys.

Fortunately, they were labeled and she finally placed the key into the keyhole, twisting the key around and unlocking the door.

Jaemin pushed past her, his eyes widening at the scene.

The window was wide open, the breeze making the curtains dance in rhythm.

The doctor was on the floor, asleep and it was no doubt, Renjun’s doing.

On the table was a piece of paper, Renjun’s handwriting from a normal wooden pencil addressed to Jaemin.

“My lullaby is my goodbye.”

And that was when Jeno and Jaemin realized that Renjun was gone.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Three days after Renjun’s disappearance

“I keep telling you, over and over again that something happened!” Jaemin was exasperated and I sat beside him, trying to calm him down as Jeno paced back and forth. We were in the NCT Corporation building and Johnny had his head in his hands.

In front of us were Chenle and Shotaro along with a punch of other Private Investigators that Johnny had hired. Each passing day was hell for us with Jaemin’s nagging but we all understood why he was so worried—however, when Chenle pulled up the CCTV from the clinic, we saw that it was Renjun that climbed out of the window and walked away.

“Jaemin, could it be that… he just left?” Doyoung asked carefully, Jaemin whipping his head around to glare at Doyoung who faltered. “I mean… he wrote a note and everything. He climbed out of the window himself—”

“And leave me?” Jaemin’s voice cracked. “He wouldn’t do that! He was happy!”

And that was something we couldn’t argue with. Renjun was happy and his disappearance was a mystery but all evidence showed that he left on his own. The cameras by the clinics surrounding the area had a blind spot and it seemed as if Renjun went through there—it seemed like he knew what he was doing.

“It’s been three days. Three days! What if he’s cold and hungry?” Jaemin asked, Jeno wanting to comfort him. “None of you are taking this seriously!”

“Jaemin, I promise you that we’re going to find him. We have people working on the clock,” Johnny said but to Jaemin that wasn’t enough. “What are you expecting us to do? Go find him ourselves? We have no lead!”

“I keep telling you that the lullaby he keeps singing is a lead—he wrote it down, didn’t he?” Jaemin asked, sniffling.

“I tried to search up the lyrics but there was nothing on the internet about it,” Tae-il added and Jaemin’s bottom lip trembled. Being idle wasn’t good for Jaemin’s mental health and he finally gave up trying to reason with us, burying his face in his hands as he slumped down on the table.

“I’m going to find him,” I heard Jaemin say to himself, loud enough for me to hear but quiet enough to go unnoticed. “I am going to find him.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Five days after Renjun’s disappearance

Shotaro, Sungchan, and Chenle had moved to sleep in our house because the fights between Jaemin and Jeno were getting worse. Everyone knew how self-destructive Jaemin could be, but it was new to see how destructive he could be with Jeno—even more than he was when they started their relationship.

I was in my bedroom, Johnny on the bed as he looked over the information. He had tried to contact GOT7 and they too, were trying to find Renjun. However, Bambam, even their best tracker, couldn’t find any leads. Jaemin was distraught and every night, sounds of yelling could be heard from their house.

It has been a year since their fights had been this harsh and Johnny had guards stationed in front of our mansion—not to keep Jaemin or anyone away, of course, it was simple for security. As Johnny said.

“We need to meet with a couple more investigators tomorrow,” Johnny droned and I sighed, rubbing the sides of my arms. “We’re really not getting any leads, Dana. This is actually worrying.”

“Why do you think he left?”

“Renjun?” Johnny paused, brooding over my question. “Some people are so broken that they believe that they can’t be fixed. Maybe the happiness scared him away. Thinking about it—do you know anything about Renjun’s past?”

“Not at all. He never talks about it. He’s not like Jaemin, you know,” I answered, pulling the curtains back to see Johnny rub his eyes tiredly. “You should sleep, I’m not yet sleepy.”

“Honey, if you don’t sleep now, you’ll end up hearing them fight again—”

“Why don’t you love me?”

“And there it goes.” Johnny sighed and I strained my ears to hear Jaemin’s wail from the other house. Chenle, Sungchan, Shotaro and Tae-il moved out of the time being for good cause, I thought.

“Na Jaemin, I keep telling you how much I love you but you need to understand that throwing tantrums is not going to do any good!” Jeno’s voice rang out. “I know you’re worried, I know you think we have to do something but there really isn’t anything to do right now—”

“We have to go find him!” Jaemin yelled back. “We have to, you don’t understand. He needs us, more than ever. I know him more than he knows himself—”

“Jaemin, where will we go? We have no lead—”

“We do! That song!” Jaemin screeched. “That song he always sings, that’s the lead. None of you believe me! You call this love, Jeno? All I ever want is for you to support what I think but, in your eyes, I’m still that crazy person who would do anything for you!”

“Jaemin…”

“You know why you’re here with me?” Jaemin heaved a breath. “Because you’ve never been loved by someone before and you hold on to the tiniest bit of warmth because you know I’m all for you and I’m your ride or die. Your ride or die, Jeno!”

“That’s not true—”

“And one day, you’ll find someone who is normal and won’t make big issues of the things I do and you’ll end up loving them, too!” Jaemin was yelling on top of his lungs at this point. “If that’s not true, why do you still look at me like I’m not a part of you? Why do you treat me like I’m fragile and I may break apart at any moment? I may be crazy, Jeno, but I’m human!”

“Enough!” Jeno’s voice thundered out and I jumped, hearing it from where I stood.

The mansion wasn’t very far away but the sounds of them fighting was enough to make everyone squirm with tension.