(Seventeen - 247) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoIzF-dBlnk

Tossing and turning in her bed, ShinAe was struggling to fall asleep. Looking at her phone with a frustrated huff, she saw the time read '5:00AM'. There was no way she was going to her afternoon shift this sleep deprived. Dialing the number of her ward, she rang up and informed them of her inability to come in.

Throwing her phone onto the other side of her bed, she ran both her hands through her hair. *I just want to fall asleep*, she sighed with closed eyes. She felt physically exhausted but her mind won't rest.

What was running through her mind and keeping her up? 

It was none other than Mr Jaehyun. 

At the thought of him, she felt warmth crept onto her cheeks, as her heart did flips in her chest. The way his hand gently held her's. The way her skin burned from the contact. It has been a while since she felt like this, but she knew what this familiar feeling was.

ShinAe liked Jaehyun.

She liked the way he smiled at her. She liked the way he would take care of her. She liked the comfort of his presence.

But a moment of doubt washed over her and her demeanour faltered from gleeful to worry. Was she getting ahead of herself though? Was it all in her head?

She wasn't ready for another heartbreak this soon. ShinAe had worked so hard to be 'okay' again and to not hurt, to get where she is right now. ShinAe was once at a point where she questioned her worth. She didn't want to go through what felt like hell to her again. She doesn't know if she was ready to wear her heart on sleeve again, and make herself vulnerable. 

Even now, ShinAe is still struggling to overcome her doubts in herself. She often questions her own judgement and observations.

ShinAe's own perception of someone in the past was wrong and she didn't know if she can rely on her own judgement again. She didn't want to have all these expectation and anticipation for something that might just come crumbling down and be a delusion.

What if Jaehyun was just misleading her? What if the Jaehyun she sees isn't the truth?

The elevator door finally slid open, with what ShinAe perceived was eternity. Making her way to her apartment, she heard the sounds of Jaehyun's shoes following closely behind her.

Reaching her door, she palmed the door lock and jotted in her code. Feeling conscious with Jaehyun towering close behind her, she stole a quick glance to the side to see what he was doing. 

Jaehyun peered down at her. He noticed her pause and teasingly questioned, "Did you forget your code?" 

Her cheeks instantly flared up from the attention. "N-no", she stammered.

Turning back to the door, she hurriedly pressed the last number and pushed on the handle. Taking a deep breath, she faced him with her back against the door. 

"Thank you for walking me to my home, as well as the food and drinks. You didn't have to. " ShinAe could feel her voice shake a bit. 

Curse his gorgeous looks. He looked insanely handsome even with her spinning and intoxicated vision. Jaehyun was that attractive, that even her drunken state could still fawn over him.

"My pleasure ShinAe. I'll see you soon."  He had his hand shoved in his pocket. 

*ShinAe~* She repeated her own name in her head. She liked the way her name sounded when it left his lips. It was like listening to the waves crash into the beach shore. It was soothing. 

Tilting her head, ShinAe blinked at him. "Soon?" She said in confusion. 

"You owe me a meal. Also you need to return that jacket to me." Jaehyun stared pointedly at the jacket draped over her shoulders. 

"Oh I'll just give it to you now." Clueless about his intention, ShinAe was about to take off the jacket. 

A hand was held out to stop her. "Just hold onto it. It gives me an excuse to see you again, ShinAe."Jaehyun softly said.

Before she could reply, Jaehyun rested his hand gently on the crown of her head. He lowered himself to her eye level and gave her a breathtaking smile, "I'll get going. I'll see you soon, ShinAe." 

Staring at his departing back, ShinAe let out a breath that she unintentionally held in.

That smile - it was enough to sober her up. 

Opening her eyes, she stared at the ceiling blankly. *Jaehyun, what are you doing? Is it really what it seems?* 

ShinAe has become so afraid of falling in love again. ShinAe was afraid of love and everything that is entailed with it. She has become doubtful of words of endearment and loyalty, because she has been disappointed by them in the past.

Love is a paradox.

And because it's a paradox, it confused ShinAe.

How can love be so wonderful and painful at the same time?

How can it be so beautiful yet so hauntingly ugly at the same time? 

How can it lower her guard just to hurt her? 

ShinAe couldn't understand it and due to this, she started to become someone who denied herself of any emotion that may come close to love.

Heavily exhaling, she shut her eyes. *Don't look too much into it. He was just being friendly. Slow it down ShinAe* ShinAe reprimand herself. This was an easy solutions for ShinAe. To push away her feelings and to ignore the signs. She was good at being in denial. 

Shutting her eyes, she forced herself to fall into a slumber. Hopeful to get some rest. 

-   -   -   -

Jaehyun tapped his fingers against the surface of the wooden table. He patiently waited at the angel-in-us cafe for his companion for the day. Jaehyun felt more jittery after last night. Looping his fingers around the cup infront of him, he was about to lift the cup up to his lip when someone sat infront of him.

"Why did you call me out so early?" Taeyong groaned into the chair. 

"It's almost 2pm.." Jaehyun stared at Taeyong weirdly. 

"After last night, 2pm is considered early . So, what's up? " Straightening himself, Taeyong rested his arms on the table and leaned towards Jaehyun. Staring at his friend bite his lip in nervousness, Taeyong suddenly gasped and widen his eyes. 

"Is this about last night? ShinAe?" Taeyong questioned with a hint of excitement in his tone.

Lifting the cup of his coffee, Jaehyun pressed his lips against the rim of it. "..yes.." He mumbled into the cup while sipping the coffee. Jaehyun avoided Taeyong's eyes by looking outside the window. 

Cupping a hand around one of his ear, Taeyong moved closer to Jaehyun. "Sorry, I couldn't get it. Can you please repeat what you said." Taeyong teased. He heard what Jaehyun said clearly, but he liked seeing his best friend look this timid and shy. 

Putting the cup down onto the plate, Jaehyun fidgeted in his seat. Lowering his head, he met Taeyon