Jeongyeon

 

 

 

Phoenix Park Resort

 

 

The sun sparkling off the ice frosted snow. The orange red flames in the depths of a stone fireplace. The resort were quite only some audible whisper could be heard as most of them went to snowboarding. I changed my attire and was about to join the others when I noticed her sitting comfortably at the living room couch, a black-purple stripe cashmere wool cape engulfed her body. That cape from yesterday. Was it her after all? I sat next to her. She was sketching something, her lips parted slightly. She was engrossed.

 

 

"What do you want?" she spoke, her eyes focused on her drawing.

 

 

"You are not coming?" I asked.

 

 

"No,"

 

 

"Why?"

 

 

She halted and drew a quick breathe. She turned and looked out of the window before her; she almost seemed to be drifting away into her own thoughts. I followed her gaze and watched the bustle of people outside. Everyone was getting along, smiling, laughing, and enjoying time together. I diverted my attention back to her. In that moment, lasted merely a second or less, was somewhat longing filling her dim eyes before it disappeared and she turned her head, facing her drawing book and continued sketching. There was silence.

 

 

I rubbed my hands together, trying to lift the mood, "Don't tell me you don't know how to ski" I joked, half-chuckling. She looked at me and remained quiet. Wait, I frowned, "You don't know how to ski" I said, clearly a statement.

 

 

She sighed, "I never went skiing. I can't"

 

 

"Why?"

 

 

She shut her sketch pad and stared at me, sharply, " I hate winter,"

 

 

That was a vague answer. But I nodded nonetheless. She never went skiing. That was a little weird, "I can teach you," I shrugged. Not bragging but I was good at it.

 

 

"Oh no," she stood up and started to walk away.

 

 

I caught up to her, "I'm good at teaching. Skiing isn't that hard,"

 

 

"Get out of my way," she glared.

 

 

I watched her walk away and chuckled, this might work, "Or are you afraid? Miss Im" I mocked, challenging her.

 

 

She swung around, abruptly, "Afraid?"

 

 

It worked. I bit my lips, concealing my smile, "Come on then," I left and smiled as I saw her trailing behind with a furious expression. We rented the equipment needed. The attendant help to figure out the best boots for her while she sat on the bench. I brought the boots to her. "Here,"

 

 

She took it and wear it hastily, "Let's get this over quick," She snatched the skis and poles from my hand and walked out to the snow. The skis had sharp metal edges that might have jagged spots, she should carry them with gloves. She wasn't even wearing any. I shook my head. Impatient just like someone. I chased after her and gave her a pair of gloves.

 

 

"Now what?" She sighed.

 

 

I fixed her helmet, "Now you have to trust me,"

 

 

"No,"

 

 

I deadpanned. Stubborn and hot headed. She was the spitting image of Chaeyoung. Birds of a feather flock together. It was no wonder they were....so close. I shook my head. What am I thinking? "Put your hands through the straps on the ski poles and hold the poles by your sides" I instructed. She followed. "Now, bend your knees so your shins rest on the front of the boots and lean forward slightly. This is the basic posture."

 

 

I explained further how to stop and the correct  position. She was a diligent student. She managed to learn quickly. All that was left was to put it into real practice. "Great. Let's ski over to the beginners slope. Now, let's do side stepping to climb the slope. Take tiny steps and slide your skis parallel to the slope and move up the hill" I demonstrated the movement and she mimicked flawlessly. We gone a few hundred feet. "Get yourself turned down hill and get into snowplow position. Remember keep the "V" facing away from you and don't cross your tips. Ski down."

 

 

She stared at me, skeptical. Her eyes filled with doubt and distrust.

 

 

"I will be right behind you." I assured. I noticed the green scarf tied around her wrist. There was a embroidery on it that I couldn't see. She hadn't taken it off since yesterday. "That's a nice scarf," I commented and reach out to see the embroidery, it seemed like a shape of an animal.

 

 

She immediately retracted her hand and glared at me, "Don't," she said sharply, her tone filled with defiant warning. I pulled my hand away and nodded. Must be an expensive scarf.

 

 

She rolled her eyes and made it down the hill very slowly, but she didn't fall. I followed her closely from behind. We climbed up and ski down the hill again together. After the fourth time up the hill, I decided she was skilled enough to ski down by herself. She made her way down again, now a little faster. I watched her from on top of the hill. She needed to bend her knees more. "Bend your knees!" I shouted. She turned her head and immediately faced the front. She went faster and faster, and her movements became more and more disorderly. Too fast. She was going too fast.

 

 

I immediately skied down and chased after her, "Nayeon! Stop!" She lost control. I rushed and skied past her, making a sharp turn on the bottom of the hill. I spread my arms and a few seconds later, she crashed into me, her eyes were closed. I caught her and felt her body weight on me. The collision sent us tumbling to a stop a few feet away. Urgh, my rib. She had hit me full force with the top of her helmet in the left rib cage, I withered in pain. "Nayeon, are you okay?" She was on top of me. I wrapped my arms around her and helped her stand. She wasn't answering. Her head hung low, her hand balled into a fist. "Nayeon? are you hurt? Should I call——" Blunt force shot into my stomach. I crouched, groaning as the air leaves my lungs.

 

 

She punched me. Really hard.

 

 

She left and went back to the resort without a single word. I was left alone gawking at her figure furthering.

 

 

What was that for?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*     *    *    *

 

 

Nayeon

 

 

 

 

"That !"

 

 

I stomped towards the resort, the snow making it harder to walk. A soft cold wind blew past. Chill crawled my spine. My breath came in shudders, in shallow gasps as all my muscles seemed to tremble, my bones to vibrate. I immediately fell into my knees. I grabbed my thigh. The ache travelled to my legs. I went out far too long than I'm supposed to. The swelling became worst. I needed to leave. I'd been out in the cold too long. Using the ski pole for support, I managed to right my skis and rise laboriously to my feet.

 

 

Soon Jeongyeon and the others headed back inside. Sudden snowstorm blew into the area and expected to only get heavier during the night. The resort was closed and the visitors was urged to stay inside until the snowstorm subside. They issued immediate warning. The weather agency estimate that it would last until tomorrow morning.

 

 

They were in the kitchen, preparing for dinner. I was changing clothes then fiddled with my necklace. I grew habit of fiddling it. I looked at my wrist watch and sudden realisation hits me as I stared at my wrist. The scarf. The small green-eyed rabbit scarf gifted by Chaeyoung. I had it wrapped around my wrist earlier. Where was it? Did I dropped it somewhere.

 

 

Maybe I took it off or dropped it or left it around here somewhere before I went out skiing earlier. A hurried search through all nine drawers proved fruitless; a second, more careful search was equally unproductive. After a moment's thought, I took off my necklace—a butterfly necklace given by Jeongyeon—-securely put it in a jewellery box. I might lose this too. I ducked down and continued searching for the scarf under the bed. Not finding it, I went to search in the living room, but without success.

 

 

I might lose that permanently in the snowstorm if I didn't find it now. I slipped my jacket back and headed for the door when a voice stopped me.

 

 

"Miss Nayeon, there will be a snowstorm. Where are you going?"

 

 

I turned around. It was Miss Chou with a cup of hot chocolate in her hand, "Miss Jeongyeon asks me to deliver this to you. Well, actually Secretary Hwang asks Miss Jeongyeon to ask me to deliver this to you," she added.

 

 

What? I shook my head, "I lose my scarf. I'm just going to find it. I'll be right back. You can have the hot chocolate," she smiled at my last statement. I left and hear her voice calling out for me but I had no time to spare. I needed to find the scarf. I couldn't afford to lose it. As soon as I stepped outside, I realised just how much the temperature had dropped. I had to be quick. I immediately rush to the area where I skied with Jeongyeon earlier and focused on the area where we fell and collided. I assumed that was where I lose the scarf.

 

 

I dug through the snow to find the necklace. It should be around here. This was the place where we collided earlier. It supposed to be here. "If I drop it, it must be just around here." I muttered to myself, my breath turning to steam on the icy air. I dug with my bare hands, my wooden gloves grow soggier by the minute.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*     *    *    *

 

Jeongyeon

 

 

 

"It looks bad out there." Secretary Hwang the radio, just catching the beginning of the winter-storm-warning update.

 

 

I nodded, "I hope it will settle tomorrow." I prepared the dining room table, neatly arranging the plates and utensils. The dinner preparations were completed with the help of all of the staff. Not her though, I bet she was asleep in her room. While everyone was busy in the kitchen, she must be getting her beautiful rest time. I sighed. She didn't even want to help, "I'll call the others," I rolled my sleeves and went into the living room. Miss Chou was sitting on the couch, watching a Japanese animation movie, an empty cup in her hand.

 

 

That cup. "Miss Chou, isn't that the hot chocolate that I asks you to deliver to Miss Nayeon?" I asked.

 

 

She turned to me, "It is the hot chocolate that Secretary Hwang asks you to asks me to deliver to Miss Nayeon,"

 

 

"And?" I tilted my head. Why was the cup with her?

 

 

She smiled, "And Miss Nayeon said I can have it for myself,"

 

 

Well that was expected. She wouldn't want it if it was from me. Was she still upset about earlier? I wasn't bumping on her purposely. I was trying to save her, not in the safest way but still, I panicked. I shrugged, "All right then," she still mad. I went to the bedroom, knocked and entered, "the dinner is rea—-" The room was empty. I checked the bathroom. Empty. Where she had gone now? Playing game with the other staff? I walked back to the living room, "Miss Chou, where is Miss Nayeon?"

 

 

"Miss Nayeon left," She answered, eyes on the television.

 

 

Huh? "Left?"

 

 

"She said she lose her scarf and went to search for it,"

 

 

What?! I looked out the window, "In this weather?"

 

 

"She said she will be right bac—" She suddenly stood up and tore her eyes off the television. She looked at her watch, "Oh no. She left about three hours ago and hasn't returned,"

 

 

How could you forget that?! I immediately tried to reach her, her phone was dead. I dashed to get my jacket, flashlight, a whistle and went for the door when Secretary Hwang stopped me, grabbing my arm. She stared at me confusedly, "Miss Jeongyeon, where are you going?"

 

 

"Nayeon went outside since three hours ago and she hasn't return. She didn't answer my call either. I'm going to look for her," I explained in a hurry.

 

 

"What?!" She gasped. She took a few seconds then tightened her grasp around my arm, "Wait no. You cannot go. We will call for rescue team. You can't leave in this weather. The gate are closed. We shouldn't act recklessly."

 

 

"The road are closed. Rescue team will only be here next morning. Even if we dispatch helicopter, the process is still taking at least another three hours,"

 

 

"But——"

 

 

I cut her off, "I have my phone with me. Track my location. Call the rescue team."I pulled away and left. I immediately ran for the snowmobile, backed the snowmobile down the ramps with a roar, then raced uphill. I accelerated the snowmobile as fast as I could and began searching for Nayeon. I sped up and crashed through the gate. For almost an hour, I searched around the hill, blowing a signal whistle into the raging storm. Snow fell more heavily with each passing minute. Several miles away, the snowmobile just died.

 

 

"Not now!" I kept reviving. The last wild twist of the wheel produced the faintest crunching sound, and an echoing quiver ran through my bones. For some reason all I could think of was her, struggling through the winter storm. I had to find her. I hopped down the snowmobile and started walking. I shouted her name as I walked blindly. Blurry white flakes drifted across my vision.

 

 

My tracks were small leading away to nowhere. For a moment, I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I saw a figure in the distance, a figure covered in heavy snow. My lungs ached from the cold as I ran the long yards to that person. Please let it be her. I dug through the snow with urgency, my breathing unstable. A few more minutes....an eternity later..that person face uncovered. It's her.

 

 

"Nayeon!" I called out as I cleared more snow from her chest. I couldn't administer CPR with it there. "Nayeon, say something," Nothing. I peered closer, hoping I'd see her eyes flutter. Her lips moved, her chest slowly rise and fall with respiration.

 

 

"Nayeon, open your eyes," I asked, hoping she's conscious. I toke off my gloves and brushed the snow from her eyelashes and reddened cheeks. I lowered one bare finger to rest beneath her nose and felt the faint pulsation of warm, exhaled air. That was all the inspiration I needed to finish clearing off the rest of her body. As I started to examine her arms and legs for any injuries, she opened her eyes.

 

 

"Im Nayeon?" I spoke her name.

 

 

"No, it's Steve Rogers, you idiot." She said faintly with her sharp sarcasm remarks before she coughed and gasped the air.

 

 

I scoffed. She didn't change one bit even when when facing death. "Can you walk?" She didn't reply. I took that as an answer and grabbed her, carried her on my back, "Thank God" I whispered to myself that I had the strength to carry her, if not, we would be stuck here. I was relieved that she had the strength to raise her arms and place them around my neck. I saw an abandoned hut around here when I was searching for her using the snowmobile. We could find  temporary shelter there. Search and rescue team would only set out to find us after the blizzard died down. We had to survive this storm tonight.

 

 

I knew that we would freeze to death if we didn't seek for shelter in that hut quickly. Desperation had a stranglehold on my lungs, so my whispered question was carried away on the wind. It supposed to be around here. The shelter wasn't far, just two turns away. Moving my stiff legs, I took one faltering step after the other—finding myself trapped in waist-deep snow.

 

 

The snowstorm grew fierce; ice flakes and wet snow, chased by high winds, smacked into my face. I stumbled and collapsed. She hit the snow with enough force to slide a few feet away. "Nayeon!" I rushed to her and checked her pulse. She was lying in dead faint, her pulse feeble. We had to find the shelter quick, or it would be too late. She was severely hypothermic. How long she had been out in the cold!? What a mad mad woman.

 

 

I picked her up again in my arms, pushing my way through the piles of snow, with a small flashlight in my mouth. The snowflakes whirled around as I plodded on—-four steps, then a break, four steps, another break. I'm exhausted and extremely anxious of the woman on my shoulder, who lay limply and quietly. I scanned the horizon for signs of a shelter, none, just the night and snow. I was starting to doubt myself if there was even a hut or I had mistaken it. I made my way through the snowdrift at the second turn, and saw an old hut from afar.

 

 

"I'm not wrong," I whispered to myself, relief washed over me. I looked over my shoulder, and saw her head lying on my back. "We'll be fine. You'll be fine. Just hold on a little longer."

 

 

No movement came from inside, and as I skirted around the opening, the hut was empty. I eased the door open and entered. I scanned around. The hut was cold, dark, and covered all over with thick layer of dust. Luckily, it was equipped with a fireplace and a stack of wood. I laid her down gently on a beige coloured sofa in front of the fireplace and light up a fire using a lighter that I found nearby.

 

 

It took a while for the fire to build up and start to warm my body. The fire gleamed on the ceiling; the wood crackled inside the fireplace. I walked to the sofa and sat beside her. Smoke curled over the dancing flames. I slipped my hand  inside my jacket to pull out my phone and inform our whereabouts when I realised my pocket was empty. The phone. I sighed. I must have dropped it.

 

 

I looked over to her and watched her long brown hair seemed to glow in the brightness of the fire. "Do you feel better?" I asked, hoping the fire was enough to warm her body.

 

 

She didn't reply.

 

 

I frowned. Her head hung low. She was hugging herself while tugging her drenched jacket, "Are you hurt anywhere?"

 

 

She didn't reply.

 

 

"Are you bleeding? Did you hit your head—-"

 

 

"Shut up before I cross stitch that mouth" She cut me off sharply.

 

 

I deadpanned. She still had that attitude, "You don't even have the strength to do that now. Why are you even up there in the first place? Have you lost your mind? Don't you know how dangerous that was? Aren't you rich? If you lose a piece  of scarf, just buy another one," I bombarded her with logical questions. She was acting so impulsively just for a scarf. It could've gone wrong if I didn't found her.

 

 

She didn't reply.

 

 

She was ignoring me? I stepped closer stand infront of her, my hands on the hip, "Are you hearing m—-" I stopped and noticed, something was wrong.

 

 

She raised her head slowly, turned to look at me and weakly mumbled, still with sarcasm, "My head is aching, my sweet sweet fiancée. So, silen—" Her words hung in the air as she suddenly drew in a deep, startling breath and began another cycle of heavy breathing. Her face was deathly pale, her brows furrowed, and drops of sweat trickled down her forehead. Her body was trembling. She was freezing.

 

 

I stared at her, concerned. Was the fire not enough? I immediately tossed another log in the fire. I waited and she was still shaking while I was sweating. Was it because of her wet clothes? I sat near her and started taking off her clothes, she didn't rebuke, She had her eyes closed and her body was stiff. When I accidentally touched her face, her skin was ice-cold.

 

 

"What......are you doing?" She muttered weakly. Her eyes opened slightly before it closed again.

 

 

"It's because of your clothes. They are all wet. You need to take it off" I took off the remainder of her wet clothes, leaving her in her undergarments. I caught a glimpse of a huge scar on her back and thigh. More scars all over her upper arms. Cut wounds—-some were little, some were long and bold—-some were near transparent, some were fresh. There was also some faded burn marks. My heart seemed to slam into my throat. The position of the cuts could only mean one thing. She did it to herself. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind.

 

 

I had another priority to take care of now. I took off my clothes as well, put my winter coat around her and pulled her into an embrace, hoping that skin-to-skin contact might help increase her body temperature. I flinched as our skin touched, it felt as if her body had hardened into an ice. She whimpered in pain. I couldn't figure out what was causing her pain. Was it the cold?

 

 

"You are still freezing. Why is this not working?" I wrapped my arms around her body and caressed her back. Sweat forming on my body, due to the heat from the fireplace yet it wasn't enough for her. "I'll add more wood—-"

 

 

"You'll melt yourself at this point" She spoke up.

 

 

I gazed at her, "But—-"

 

 

"It will never be enough. The coldness and pain comes from the inside," She explained slowly, her body slump against me. "I have surgical implants. All over my body. Once it get cold, it can be difficult to warm it back up again and it will start lowering the temperature of the tissue and nerves surrounding. That's why.........winter is my enemy."

 

 

The scars on her back and thighs.....I recalled what we did earlier, I wished I had known and didn't trick her to go skiing. She had clearly stated how much she hate winter. I shouldn't have forced her.  Hearing her words just hung another leaden weight of guilt on my chest. My shoulder dropped as the consequences of my action filled me with a sense of responsibility. I was unknowingly and unintentionally, caused this. If I hadn't insist, she wouldn't be exposed to the cold temperatures and she wouldn't lose her scarf.

 

 

"What should I do then? Is there anything I can do to fix it? Or alleviate the pain?" I gazed down at her as she laid on top of me, her head on my chest. She didn't reply. "Nayeon?" Her eyes remained close and I was drown in fear that it wouldn't flutter open again. "Nayeon, don't fall asleep, keep your eyes open.....please," I panicked when there was no reply, and frantically looked around. There must be something that I can do, "What should I do?"

 

 

"Hey," She called out weakly, I immediately turned my attention to her. she shifted a little, fixing her position, "—If I—-didn't survive this, I want you to know, it's all your fault and I will haunt yo—-"

 

 

"Don't say that!" I rebuked.

 

 

She chuckled, "Stupid. I won't die. You are so easy to read," She continued to whimper, as I sat and watched her, though her face paler, her lips gone purple, she had become reduced to a quiet gasping.

 

 

She wasn't getting any better. I frowned, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

 

 

"Just----" She heaved.

 

 

"Anything?" I asked, desperate to find a way to help her.

 

 

"Just stay like this,"

 

 

I nodded and pulled her closer, my arms wrapped around her, our body covered with my jacket that I used as a blanket. I soothed her back, rubbing it slowly yet doubting that this acts could provide any relief to her, "Is this warm enough?"

 

 

"Of course it's not, fool" she spat.

 

 

That was just like her. Mean as always. I sighed, "Aren't sick people usually kinder?" Deja vu.

 

 

"I am more flexible, that's why I let you take advantage of me like this"

 

 

She was just going to keep doing this. I deadpanned, "No I'm not. I'm doing this for medical purposes. There's priority."

 

 

"......" She tilted her head and glanced up at me, "...so you would do this with anyone too?"

 

 

"Of course" I answered almost immediately, without hesitation.

 

 

She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes before casting her eyes towards the fireplace, "Ah, I thought I'm special. That's disappointing," She moved slightly. Something had changed. She leaned further, melting into my embrace. I smiled in relief, finally feeling her body relaxed. She muttered, "It's not warm enough but........it's better than nothing. So stay like this,"

 

 

"That's all?" I asked, thinking that I could carry her closer to the fireplace. That might help her better.

 

 

"Hmm? Why? Do you want to have or something?"

 

 

I snapped my head towards her. Sighing heavily. That caught me off guard. Her never mind ending madness. She chuckled lightly, "You can do me however you want." Her voice low, raspy and full with sultry sensuality. "I don't have the strength to rebel anyway" She added, her hand glided over my stomach, caressing down.

 

 

"What is wrong with you!?" Her touch was gentle but firm and harsh at the same time. I forced herself not to flinch and grabbed her cold fingers, stopping her from going any further, "Stop," I ordered, a potent cocktail of anger boiled inside me. I glared at her fiercely, unable to accept nor tolerate this madness any longer.

 

 

She glanced at me and pulled her hand away, her eyes filled with playfulness and annoyance, "Such a ," she ridiculed.

 

 

"It's better than being ruined and become a ob——"I pressed my lips shut. I stopped myself once I caught my words. Realising how awful I sounded like. I breathed deeply, settling and dissolving my emotions. I mustn't fall into her play game of controlling and manipulating your emotions.

 

 

"Hmm...conservative." She stated with a tone of mockery.

 

 

"I'm not," I grunted. She was so hard to deal with. It was giving me more headache than anything I ever encountered, even harder than building my 9090 pieces Titanic Lego set gifted by one of my shareholders, that I hadn't been able to finish until now. I sighed, "Let's stop talking about this. It's inappropriate"

 

 

"Why?" She retorted, "You don't like ruined product like me?" She asked. Her monotone voice was completely void of any emotion. "Is Mina a too? Is that why you like her?" Another monotone voice. It almost sounded as if she was seriously asking rather than insulting.

 

 

"Don't talk like that about her," I answered, disliking how she brought up Mina in that context.

 

 

She scoffed, "So protective"

 

 

"Are you always like this? Provoking people around even in this condition. Is everything fun to you?" I bombarded, frustrated at her unpredictable toxicity.

 

 

"Yes, it's fun." She chuckled dryly, "I'm bored and I need entertainment,"

 

 

"You are really——"

 

 

"A ?" She continued my sentence, glancing up at me. I gritted my teeth and looked away. She smiled, a curve at the corner of her left lip. I turned my head back to her, our eyes met. She was smiling yet it didn't reach her eyes or light up her face like a smile is supposed to. It had always been like that. A forced gesture that held a lingering intensity that made me no choice but to avert my gaze once again.

 

 

Moist air blew in through the open windows; the sounds of wind and speed filled the silence. She relaxed, lay her head on my chest. I glanced at her. Her eyes were closed. The flickering fire casted dancing shadows around the living room as the flames now only a red glow, dressing slowly. Occasionally the sound of wood breaking due to burning in the fireplace could be heard in the silence.

 

 

"It's dull, void and blurry, my sweet sweet fiancée." She spoke once again. I remained quiet and listened. She continued, "Like a hollow space, blew through the chest trapped in a suffocating bubble while the world revolving around you, and you aren't involved, or connected in some way. I filled that hollow space with everything that I could to feel, something, anything, regardless of my action, I don't care, I only care about myself. Whether it's exhilaration, pleasure, fear, pain, pride, discomfort, neglect, guilt or.....humiliation. To hurt others or to hurt myself.....that provides temporary comfort. I feel something and not nothing. It makes me feel alive. It reminds me that I am alive."

 

 

Silence. The air stilled. Time slowed.

 

 

Her words registered slowly. "You talked a lot about yourself today,"

 

 

She let out a soft chuckle, "Right, I'm not in the right mind now. I might regretting it."

 

 

"You need professional help," I stated.

 

 

"We all do," she replied nonchalantly.

 

 

"That is not normal,"

 

 

"Oh, are you concerned? How kind,"

 

 

Her voice lack of seriousness. I called out, "Nayeon," hoping that there was a chance where we could have a proper conversation without her pulling any madness again.

 

 

"Do you——" she spoke out. She tilted her head and stared up at me, our eyes met once again. For a second, I could've sworn I saw desperation and an indescribable emotion hidden in her depths, through her subtle expression, through the quick changes in her eyes. "—Do you think I've gone mad?" She asked. I stared down at her, such a bleak look on her face.

 

 

Heaviness. I always felt suffocated when I was with her. The heaviness of emotional pain in my chest intensified  and I felt the chill of the wind blowing through the window. "Nayeon" I called out her name, more of a soft whisper, as the heaviness choked my throat.

 

 

A small smile slowly made its way to her lips and she giggled playfully, "That's cute"

 

 

Seriously!? This woman. I groaned, rolling my eyes, "You are really annoying,"

 

 

"Do you know what you remind me of?" She still had that annoying smile plastered on her face. But, now, somehow, the corner of her eyes crinkled. The small lines on her face, deepened.

 

 

Suddenly, I didn't feel that heavy. "What?" I asked, playing along.

 

 

Her lips pursed together in a restrained smile while I looked at her boringly. "Free-hanging urban dogs that live in cities with dirty smudge all over their face," she broke into another smile.

 

 

I nodded defeatedly, completely knocked down. Nothing she said surprised me anymore. A street dog. I am a country bumpkin but that wasn't nice, "Nice," I said contradicting myself.

 

 

"Should I adopt you? I wonder," she tilted her head, a finger resting on her chin.

 

I stared at her silently. Watching her eyelids fluttered as she blink. She was like a tempting fruit surrounded by a thick mud that could drown you. The moment you yearn for it, it would swallow you whole and you could never escape. You should never desire something that you knew weren't meant for you or would kill you in the process, only a fool would.

 

 

I am,

 

 

Unfortunately,

 

 

A fool.

 

 

"Adopt me," What was I thinking? I knew how dangerous this woman was. There was a warning sign right in front of me. I had seen how unpredictable she was. This wasn't the time to be pitiful or whatever that urge was. I had no obligation towards her. Getting involved with a woman like her, would only hurt you, it would poison you, I knew that, I am fully aware of that. However, that lone fruit hanging on a dead tree surrounded by a thick mud, was bothering me, to the point of suffocation, trying to get close or not, would seem to result to the same conclusion.

 

 

"I'm a dirty street dog. Idiot and clueless. Adopt me and I'll keep you company." I suggested, I knew this perhaps stem from a deeper complex issues of mine, something that I wasn't willing or wanted to admit. "I'll be your companion. Do all of those with me. Everything that makes you feel alive. Don't hurt others and don't hurt yourself. I'll make you feel alive. I'll make you feel only positive things, happiness instead of fear, safe instead of humiliation, acceptance instead of negligence, comfort instead of pain. I may not be able to help you entirely, but if I can help even a little, I will," I wasn't sure of my intention. However, there was only one thing that I am certain of, I didn't want her to hurt herself or others anymore. If she needed help, I could offer her help.

 

 

Was it out of pity? Gratitude? Or my own complex issues? I had no answer.

 

 

She had a surprise look on her face, "That's a very tempting proposal,"

 

 

"I believe I can do that,"

 

 

"You have so much faith in yourself,"

 

 

"You should too, have faith in me,"

 

 

"No." She answered sharply, "What happened to the, "I'll be right behind you" and when I turned around, you weren't there."

 

 

I frowned and recalled the collision when we skied earlier, "Is that why you punched me?"

 

 

"I should have punch you harder," she scoffed.

 

 

"I'm sorry," I averted my gaze awkwardly, "I shouldn't have let you skied down by yourself,"

 

 

"Apology not accepted,"

 

 

That was quick, no room for consideration at all. "You are the type of person that hold grudges?"

 

 

"Yes," she nodded and added, "You slapped me once too"

 

 

That. That time. That was truly my fault. I acted impulsively, "I—-I wasn't thinking—-I'm sorry for that too. And I know I've said some awful things. I'm sorry."

 

 

"Apology not accepted,"

 

 

"You said some mean things too," I fought back, recalling how cruel her words were before.

 

 

"I don't do apology. Don't expect it from me,"

 

 

As expected. I sighed defeatedly for the nth time. "Fine, let's not forgive each other," the conversation resolved. I spoke up again, "So, no to adopting this dirty street dog?"

 

 

"You will have one crazy master," she warned, a stern yet playful smile on her face.

 

 

"I'm well aware," I smiled, taking the challenge.

 

 

"Keep talking. I'm falling asleep," she laid her head down back on my chest and closed her eyes.

 

 

"Oh? what should I talk about?"

 

 

"Anything my sweet fianc—-my stinky doggie. Anything about yourself, or your childhood"

 

 

I scoffed playfully, hearing the new nickname. "All right," I ran through the memories in my mind and chose random memory to keep her awake. "Back in the days, we were poor so I couldn't buy rain boots. There used to be a very popular cute rain boots, it was colourful and decorated with this small creatures from a popular cartoon. I really wanted it but we couldn't afford it. During rainy days, my mother would use plastics bag and tied it around my feet so my shoes wouldn't get dirty and wet. I went to school with plastic bags wrapped around my shoes. I was bullied a lot for it. Until now, I used plastic bags instead of boots in rainy days. I can afford a pair of rain boots now, I just, I don't know. I was looking for that popular boots but they only manufactured it in kids size. I've grown since then, my body is but I still want to wear that"

 

 

"Pathetic," she mocked.

 

 

"That is mean," I rebuked, "As if you never had embarrassing childhood moment,"

 

 

"I never,"

 

 

I deadpanned, knowing it was highly likely the truth.

 

 

"Tell me more," she added

 

 

"More?"

 

 

"Yes, a good memory"

 

 

"Good memory.....hmmm" I trailed off, thinking. My childhood wasn't the best but there was moment of happiness. "There are quite some of it. There was one. I grew up in Busan and moved to Seoul years later. My grandfather was a farmer there. He had lots of farm. That was how he made a living. When the harvest time came around. My grandfather would let me harvest as much as I can but I could only take one trip from the farm. So I would pick the most high demands  vegetables depends on the season, carry as much as I can on my shoulder and I would sell it with my friend in the market. My friend's parents were farmers too. The pocket money could last me a month. Me and my friend were rich that day. We could eat anything we want. The overall experience was fun. Although my body was sore all over the next day,"

 

 

"What did you buy with that pocket money?"

 

 

"Tteokbokki and fish cakes. There was a vendor in front of our school and kids always went there after class ended. I would join in if it was harvest season because I was rich. Still remained my favourites"

 

 

"Lame,"

 

 

"Don't humiliate Tteokbokki and fish cakes. They are the legend, all right?"

 

 

"No, it's undercooked ramen and the almost expired kimbap on sale"

 

 

"You eat those?" I frowned. She was the only heiress. It couldn't be that they allowed her or she would in any way eat those.

 

 

"In the past," she explained.

 

 

"But why? You could afford so much better,"

 

 

"I couldn't,"

 

 

I recalled the story Secretary Hwang told me. That Miss Im Nayeon had build her own name in the industry on her own. But I didn't understand why she would go to such extent, "Why?"

 

 

"I made a mistake and got kicked out,"

 

 

"You were a rebellious kid," I chuckled, trying to lift the mood when I noticed the dryness in her answer.

 

 

"I was naive,"

 

 

"What happened?"

 

 

She remained silent. The room was filled with a timeless density. The silence of the moment thickened. I realised it was something she wasn't willing to share. I decided to continue with my story telling. If she unwilling to share it, then I shouldn't pester any longer. "I'll tell you a funny story. I once————"

 

 

I talked. I listened to her laugh. Whenever she laughed, I would chuckle as well. Most of the stories was embarrassing and one I wouldn't want to share or talk to anyone. But, I told her, everything. All of my embarrassing childhood. I didn't realized the sun had risen. Some people came to search for us.

 

 

"Hey, they are here. We are saved,"

 

 

She was peacefully sleeping. But it didn't  worry me because I could feel her heartbeat thumping normally. She wasn't in the state of hypothermia anymore.

 

 

This winter trip....weren't that bad.

 

 

The truth was, I like the idea of spending time with her more than I'd imagined I would.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-to be continued-