✖️✖️✖️

 

~•Baekhyun•~

 

 

A couple of days flipped quickly like pages of an old book. And couple of days ago, I was forced to apologize with the man for the sake of the guilt and for saving me.

 

 

 

 

Well, I mean not like saying sorry, okay? I showed my sincere apology by trying to agree to most of the things he tells. 

 

 

 

As sincere as it could be.

 

 

 

And pretty much trying to enjoy myself without slashing walkers throats. I missed it though, but I really want to spend this time to learn how to be open up to others.

 

 

 

But it doesn't mean that it includes Chanyeol.He never talk to me or approach me through if not necessary and as much as possible I planned to avoid him for any intrusions anyway so we're good. I just feel like it. The farther the better. No investment of feelings or commitments. Hell no, not like relationship but it's more like saving attachments together.

 

 

 

 

So, that's what always happen. I talk to Kai, Sehun or pretty much anyone, but not Chanyeol.

 

 

 

 

And now we were in his office to discuss some of the things that needed to be polished. And while I'm listening about the agendas they have, I had unconsciously voiced out my opinion.

 

 

Am I even allowed to talk?

 

 

"Why don't we take route 6 instead of route 4?" I asked. Sehun, Kai, Kris, Suho and Chanyeol looked at me. Those are the names they introduced so, yeah.

 

 

 

 

And if you're asking why they're  looking, it's because that's the first time I spit out an opinion.

 

 

 

First thing, I don't even know why they're including me on their private gathering but I'm starting to think that they officially accepted the fact that I volunteered to scavenge goods with them. I looked fully a contrast with their huge bulky bodies though, but man, looks can be deceiving.

 

 

 

And besides, I don't want myself knowing that there's something bad came up and that we will have to suffer with it while I'm not doing anything.

 

 

 

 

"I mean, you guys said that route 4 is clear, as well as route 6, and that you've been using 4 as passage in and out on all the scavenging. Isn't it dangerous that the walkers might follow the tracks? That we were unconsciously drawing them and leading them to where we are?" I asked. Looking at Chanyeol.

 

 

 

"Well, the chick talks." Ofcourse, Kim ing Kai have, have always something to say with his ing grin.

 

 

 

So I have good reason to glare at him.

 

 

 

 

"And the dog barks." I shot back with a sassy smile. He just chuckled.

 

 

 

 

"Stop it. Besides he have a point." Sehun exclaims seriously and so the attention is drawn to Chanyeol. Waiting for his response.

 

 

 

 

"But isn't it a far route for us to use? Besides from the fact that gas is a big deal for travel. We don't know if it's still safe there." Kai stated.

 

 

 

"Don't worry, zombies only eat brains. You're completely safe." I spat at him, rubbing his upper arm, earning chuckles from the most of them.

 

 

 

 

"We'll take route 4 then." Chanyeol stated calm and clear. Surely, he's the only one who's been so freaking serious even from the start. Man, enjoy life! Don't be all too serious.

 

 

Then his eyes suddenly locked on me. 

 

 

 

And I unconsciously looked away.

 

 

 

Why did I ing did that? The . Why did I looked away like that. Ugh. Kill me.

 

 

 

 

But honestly, with his composed behavior and unopened thoughts, I found myself secretly admiring his personality. Not that I will tell him. Hell no. He's just so different with the others, like he had this kind of aura that makes you feel safe when you're with him.

 

 

Perhaps it's just my mind overthinking. 

 

 

 

Scratch that last thought and the second last too.

 

 

 

"Route 4. Pack your things. We'll go there by the crack of the sun tomorrow." Chanyeol exclaimed, dismissing us.

 

 

 

I waited the rest to exit the office to find time to speak to him. And after they had gone, I faced him.

 

 

 

He's looking at the window again. Supervising the workers around the expanse where he can land his view on as he leaned on one of the bookshelves.

 

 

 

 

"I just want to say something." I spoke, my boots clicking on the wooden floor as I moved closer to where he is standing.  He looked at my direction with those plain eyes.

 

 

 

"I'm sorry for your loss." I mumbled. Taking in his still unfazed expression at me. I braced myself for the word I denyingly wanted to tell him for days.

 

 

 

"And I'm sorry for not trusting you." Then there it is.

 

 

 

 

"It's okay. I don't need you trusting me."  He stated blatantly that caught me off guard. He divert his eyes away from me.

 

 

 

 

Wait... what?

 

 

 

 

"What do you mean?" I asked with a furrow. His answer is far from my liking. Hell, it's hard for me to tell those words yet you just disregard it?!

 

 

 

And that I hope I didn't asked why because I didn't expected that my heart would break with the words he shoved in my ears.

 

 

 

"Because I made the wrong choice when I saved you instead of Mabel. There's no need to trust me, really. I don't want to please someone like you just to trust me." He spat and it was like daggers that was thrown in my direction.

 

 

 

"H-How dare you," I gritted. I felt anger and pain because all I thought he's already fine with me. With the whole thing. , I'm trying to make things fine and this is what I get?

 

 

 

 

"Don't ing tell those in front of my face. You made the decision not me. And it's all your fault why your dead girl burnt into pieces just because of—"

 

 

 

Before I could sink what's happening, my head and back hit on the shelves. My samurai clunking behind me as I felt the burn on my back from the force. His strong arm gripping the front of my shirt and his other hand harshly gripped my left wrist.

 

 

 

"Don't use those words on me." His eyes full of aggravation. His voice is deep and scary as he pinned me on the shelf. His breath fanning in front of my face as I felt my back burn in pain.

 

 

 

I felt fear overcome me as his jaw gritted and his eyes flamed with anger. I could feel his eyes so sharp as he towered infront of me.

 

 

 

 

I felt hurt. And it annoys me.

 

 

 

 

 

Now that I'm beginning to adjust in the whole situation, that's when I get these kind of treatment? That feeling that you're beginning to appreciate your second life and it suddenly got shoved in your face telling that you don't deserve it and makes you realize that it's a mistake? A ing wrong decision?

 

 

 

"I don't need you or anyone else reminding how a mistake my life is!" I thrashed but he wouldn't let go. My breaths ragged as I felt my heart squeezed.

 

 

 

"I'm ready to die that day but you saved me! And you're just going to spit those in my face?! Like it's my fault that you lost someone? What am I supposed to do? Thanking you everyday?!" I just realized that I've been bursting all my frustration at once and my tears are taunting to slide down my cheeks.

 

 

 

 

I realized that it's blurring my eyes. Like what the .

 

 

 

 

"I hope you didn't saved me that day. You think I still wanted to live? I lost everything! That's the only reasonable escape that I could have, and you took that away from me!" I looked at him in pain and anger, my eyes burned from the salty tears, tone dies down as I blinked back the tears as much as possible. I can't afford to show my weakness to someone like him yet here I am.

 

 

 

 

"At least I know Luhan and Taehyung are safe. That's what it matters, I could have been grateful from that alone." I mumbled quickly. His grip loosening up. I know he's staring at me, I don't need to look up to confirm that.

 

 

 

 

Before anyone of us could speak again, I slipped beside him. I realized his hold got softer than before as I walked out of the room while wiping the god damn tears that invade my eyes.

 

 

 

 

Why does his words cut through my chest anyway?

 

 

 

 

✖️✖️✖️

 

 

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