Taeyeon POV

 

Weeks went by, the first episode of the audition program we recorded was aired today.

After watching it alone, I went to the company to practice and take off some thoughts out of my head.

Since while watching the first episode, I kept thinking about how I was holding Jiyong’s hand down there secretly, and how I was the one that washed his hair, shaved his bread and even tied his necktie for him.

I just couldn’t focus on anything else but him.

So, as I went there, I practiced a little bit, then when I sat down after dancing for 3 hours already, I felt that my ‘monthly-friend’ came to me.

So, I went looking for my manager, “Unnie, do you have some pads?”

“Uh, I’m out right now, but if you went up to my office you will find some inside the drawers.”

So, I went up, thankfully I was wearing a black outfit.

“Where’s Minji unnie’s office?” I asked the other manager that was sitting there.

“Here…” she showed me.

I looked around at the first drawer, nothing was there.

I went for the second one, the same only papers and files were there.

I reached the third one, I found it locked, I looked around at her desk to look for a key, and I found it inside the little box she left there.

I opened it, to find the little pouch with the pads at the corner, and then a big box taking the whole space there.

A few envelops were visible from underneath its cover.

“Are those the fans letters for us?”

I took one out, to find something unexpected there…

“To Kim Taeyeon,” then when I checked the post stamp and the sender’s address, it was said to be from New York.

Hmm, is this just a coincidence?

I turned the envelope to find a wax seal with the initials KJY engraved into it.

As I tried to recall when I saw this same wax seal before.

It was the one I got for him when we were at Hongkong back in days.

Also, I remembered that I saw it at his office when I visited it the past months for signing contracts and more.

“Why would Jiyong’s letters be here?” I asked myself.

Then when I checked the sending date, it was sent back in 2016.

I opened the box, to find all the letters have the same wax seal, and post stamp, and all of them were written from 2016-2018.

I took the box with me, and went to the toilet to change first into new clothes, then I took the box and went to Boa’s unnie office, entered there and then locked the door after me.

I opened the first letter:

“Hello Taeyeon-ah,

I know you must have been taken aback by my sudden leaving like this.

I have been called by my grandpa to go back and complete my studies, since he started to feel unwell again, and need someone to take over the company.

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this, but actually my family is the holder of Hyundai Group.

As I told you before, we were supposed to date for one season and then decide whether to go on with it or stop it there.

And I was going to ask you that night, but sadly I got that call from my mother saying that my grandpa got hospitalized and I need to rush over back to NY with him.

I hope that you would understand my position.

Let me hear from you soon,

Kwon Jiyong.”

Tears fell.

 

I opened the next one…

“Taeyeon-ah, how are you doing.

I have started my masters studies over here.

I heard about you getting another award, congratulations! I’m so proud of you!

I wished that I could be next to you right now, but I have my midterms soon and then I will start with my first draft of my final projects.

My grandfather is doing well right now, I visit him every night here.

I hope nothing is going on with you.

The dummy that misses you so bad,

Kwon Jiyong.”

I hugged my legs and started to cry hard.

 

After I reached the one from 01/03/2017

“Hello there,

I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.

‘I keep thinking

About our last moment

The words “take care” was it for our plain breakup

Not yet

I tell myself, like a fool

I can’t swallow the words that linger in my mouth

It’s not fine.’

I’m sorry that I was nothing but a painful memory for you.

I hate that I can’t keep myself from not writing to you every month, but I will keep on writing, until that day comes where you write me back.

I never regretted one second that I spent with you, instead I’m really thankful for every memory we lived together before.

If you still think that I’m nothing to you, but a passing by painful memory, let me go.

Because I don’t have the confidence to do so at all.

Even though you hate these words, but ‘Take care’ Kim Taeyeon.”

My heart ached.

I didn’t know, I never knew that he was always there, looking after me, hearing my words out.

 

“Hello my little star,

You were shining like a bright star tonight.

I loved every second of it, I hope you will continue on with this endless energy and talent that comforts all our hearts.

Excuse me, since I went up first and attended your concert without your knowing.

But I couldn’t hold myself from not attending your first official tour.

I couldn’t be more prouder, sadly I couldn’t shout out loud my feelings, but it was enough to see you shining over there.

I wanted to show you off to the whole world, but I guess I’m not allowed to do that anymore.

At least, I did it internally.

Once again, I’m really proud of you Yeon-ah. You did well!”

And he attached two photos from that night where it was my opening concert of my first solo tour.

 

I couldn’t hold my tears in.

Between all these people, he was sitting there and cheering for me quietly.

Without me knowing, and all I did was to blame him, hate him and tried to forget him, but that was the only thing that didn’t go well.

 

I opened the other letters to find them the same, having his reviews on my concerts that he attended all over the world. With some shots of me there, as a prove of his visit.

 

I guess what the staff said that time was true, he is that rich guy who has always bought 6 tickets in one row and 4 in front of them so he could see the concert while sitting alone.

 

I cried a little more, while trying to recall all of our memories together.

God! How could this happen to us?

 

“Kim Taeyeon,

I don’t know whether this will be a good news for you, but I’m returning back to Seoul this month!

I have graduated as a post-graduate student, got my certificate, and now on my way to work at my grandpa’s company.

Your song Circus isn’t leaving my playlist for months already.

And now as Christmas approaching your Christmas album will top the charts and my playlist for sure.

I missed you…

Hope to see you when I come back.

Sincerely,

Kwon Jiyong.”

I held it towards my heart and cried it out.

 

Where these letters were away from me? Who took them?

Minji unnie!...

 

I dried my tears, unlocked the door, and then vroomed with my car.

While driving, our memories together kept coming back to me, how we loved each other, how we ended up apart and lastly how I hated him for living all alright, and leaving me living miserably alone.

Tears fell again, It was all lies, he was hurting, he was longing, but I was the one that didn’t know all that.

I called his secretary, “Hello? Park secretary?”

“T-Taeyeon-ssi? What is wrong?”

“I want to ask you, where is Kwon Jiyong?”

“Ah, the Executive Director? He is having a meeting right now, he will finish in a bit,” he said, “Why? Is there something wrong? Should I call him for you?”

“N-No, but please hold him for me.”

“Hold him?”

“I will be there in a bit, don’t let him leave until I arrive.”

“Alright, don’t worry.”

“Thank you.”

As I ended, I hit the driving wheel in frustration of how my manager could do this to me, and before I knew it, I crashed into the taxi car in front of me at the intersection.

“Great!... that what I was waiting for right now…” I sighed in anger.

I locked my car, since they went out and hovered over my car, and then I looked for someone to call, but I would never call her at this timing, so I found Heechul oppa number,

“Uh Taeyeon-ah? What’s wrong?”

“Oppa, can you please send someone over here…”

“Why? What happened? Are you alright? What’s wrong with your voice?”

“I bumped into a car right now, and I don’t have time to deal with them. I have some where to run to.”

“Where’s Minji your manager?”

“Don’t mention her name!”

“A-Alright, I will send over my manager right now, send me your location.”

“Thank you oppa,” I told him, “Let him come over quickly, I need to leave!”

“Alright don’t worry.”

 

Afte