"Always"

"Sir Jinyoung?"

It's the sound of the young helper- Hyunjin's voice accompanied by a set of knocks which woke Jinyoung up this morning. Lazily, he pulled himself to sit up, still with his eyes closed. "Yes, Hyunjin?" He is positive how sleepy his voice sounds like as he speaks. 

"Good morning, sir. Breakfast is ready downstairs." Hyunjin said from the other side of the door. 

"I'll be down in a bit." Jinyoung answered in an even more sleepy voice.

As he yawned, Jinyoung could only think... why does he need to have classes on Saturday again? He would very much like to spend the whole day in his bed, wrapped up inside the sheets, snoring his way to deep slumber. But the sad fact that he has five hour classes is enough to ruin the supposed-to-be relaxing weekend he has in mind.

With another yawn, Jinyoung rubbed his eyes open recalling immediately that it is a bad habit. Mark always tells him that-

Mark.

Just like that, Jinyoung was reminded of what happened last night. That scene he saw in the bar's comfort room... the girl in the red dress... and Mark standing in between her legs.... . When he broke down in tears, telling Mark how much he hates him... . When he begged for Mark to make the pain stop, begged Mark to keep him close and never let him go.
          "You're only making things harder for me..."  it, Jinyoung!
          "I have never felt like this before, and I'm  scared." !

What did happen? And he seriously allowed it to happen? Why did he say those things? What was he thinking? Was he even thinking?! How could he allow himself to be that careless, letting his emotions take over and disable him to think clearly?! 

But still, he could remember how he felt as Mark held him between his lean arms, as if protecting him from all the things which may hurt him. How Mark kept him close... as what he has asked from the older. And how.... how he felt safe. Like in that exact moment, nothing could go wrong. Like him having Mark and his arms around him is enough to drown out all his worries. Like, it is all he needs, and that it is actually enough... more than enough even. 
           "I will try not to make you cry again. I will not push you away anymore, and I'll keep you as close as you want..."

And those words... the promise which came from Mark's own lips... wasn't that what he needed to hear? And Jinyoung knows he has seen how sincere Mark's eyes were when he said alll those. And he also knows he can't convince himself to believe otherwise. 

Heaving a very deep sigh, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. His attention was easily drawn to what's on top of his chest just below his neck. His fingers grazed on top of the engraved characters. "It's written in hindi... it means you have me." Jinyoung could still recall how hard his heart have beaten after hearing it from Mark. 

And he wonders... is this how it feels when you're about to do something which you completely know as wrong... but still wanting to do it anyway? Dangerous. Jinyoung is certain it is the word which fits his current situation. But he never knew he'd like danger this much. 

"We'll figure the rest out. But we'll figure it out together."

Those words sounded promising. . . . . . almost reassuring.

But. . .

With yet another deep sigh, Jinyoung stared down at the pendant he's holding between his fingers. With a faint smile, he reached for the lock and clasped it open. 

He still needs to go to school.

It's already lunch time and he had received a call from Jackson asking where the hell is he when the rest of his cousin plus Bambam are waiting for him in their usual table at the cafeteria.

Jinyoung would very much like to pass for today's lunch but he knows his cousins particularly Jackson will never let him. So now he's walking his way to the cafeteria to meet his cousins. He knows he'll see Mark there and that will waste his effort of avoiding the older earlier this morning but he pretty had no much choice. This morning, he asked for their driver to take him to the university just so he could avoid having to ride with Mark. Jinyoung doesn't think he could handle being with the older. Eating lunch with his cousins means eating lunch with Mark as well but Jinyoung thinks it is better than to actually spend some alone time with the older.

When he reached the cafeteria and their table where his cousins were seated around, it was Jackson who hollered at him first saying he thought he's gonna skip lunch today. 

It was all fine since he managed to kick Yugyeom out of his seat which was beside Bambam and made him sit on the vacant chair beside Mark. He also ignored how Mark's eyes lingered at him for a full minute as if trying to assess why he's acting like how he just acted. Jinyoung just continued to ignore and ate the food Jackson has ordered for him. He spent the next fifteen minutes talking to Youngjae and keeping away from any conversation Mark is in. Whenever he steals glances, the older was already staring so Jinyoung decided to never attempt to look again.

Like he said, it was all fine.

Until it wasn't, just because Jackson remembered to ask why he and Mark disappeared on them last night.

"We looked all around the bar and even thought of asking the bouncers by showing your pictures." Jackson started.

"But hyung wasn't just thinking. We could have just checked the parking lot immediately, but no... he drove us into asking around if anyone has seen you." Youngjae said which alarmed Jinyoung a bit. If their cousins did check the parking lot there could have been a chance that they caught on what was happening then.

"I was pretty sure Mark here was somewhere ing around with some chick." Jinyoung stopped himself from glaring at Jackson as the chinese turned his head to his direction. "But as to you, Park Jinyoung... you said you're just gonna head to the restroom but when we came to check on you, you were gone like poof! Where exactly have you gone, huh?"

Jinyoung was at lost for any kind of an answer. What was he supposed to say? His mind was in panic when he heard Mark clearing his throat, drawing Jackson's attention to him. Their eyes met for a second before Mark talked. "I caught Jinyoung vomitting in the rest room and he didn't look like he's feeling well so I decided to take him outside to breathe in some fresh air."

"Oh really, hyung? I'm sorry if I have given you too many shots of vodka." Yugyeom quickly apologized. Jinyoung just nodded and waved his hand to say it's alright. It wasn't really the younger's fault.

"Then why didn't you tell us? The two of you just left. You didn't even tell us." Jackson was still at it, complaining.

"Jinyoung wasn't feeling okay. Why would I waste another second if I could make him feel a bit better?" Jinyoung felt something from his cousin's words but he swallowed it right back in. "And besides, don't we all know Jinyoung is not really the type who drinks much? Why still let him drink those shots?"

And soon, Jackson ended up being scolded by their hyung. 

It was a while after when Jaebum approached them, carrying his tray of food. "Hi, Jinyoung." The older smiled at him. After smiling right back, Jinyoung glanced at Mark whom he noticed had a slight change on his facial expression. 

Jinyoung isn't sure what exactly was he waiting for from the older, but this time, Mark didn't say anything and just kept on eating. 

For a reason, Jinyoung finds it odd.

"Hey, Jaebum?" 

They were all standing in the parking lot since all their classes have ended which means it's time for them to head home. Jinyoung was standing beside Jaebum who was about to open his car's door when Mark approached them.

"Yeah, Mark?" Jaebum asked back, hand playing with his keys. 

"Can you perhaps..." The older's eyes crossed his. "...let me drive Jinyoung home today?"

Like he has mentioned, ever since Jaebum started to court him officially, it has been a routine that Jaebum drives him home every school day. His cousins were okay with that of course and surprisingly Mark was too. But now. . . . what is Mark doing?

Jaebum looked at him and Mark but then his cousin was talking again, eyes casted on him. "You see there is just something I want to talk about with him and..."

"Oh, okay."
"I can't."

Their responses- his and Jaebum's, came out differently at the same time. This caused Mark to furrow his brows. Clearing his throat, Jinyoung spoke. "Uh... what I mean is... whatever it is you wanted to talk about... I suppose we can talk about it some other time?"

He did sound uncertain and he looks like it too as he stared at Mark who still has his brows furrowed.

"No." No? Mark kept his straight expression. 

"But-"

"It's important." Those eyes stared at him intently as if they're conversing in secret. "It's very important, Jinyoung."

Jinyoung was still trying to think of something to say which will hopefully save him from this situation. But Jaebum got ahead of him.

"Well, okay then." Jinyoung turned to Jaebum and he wanted to throw a betrayed look but he knows he can't since technically, Jaebum has done nothing wrong. Turning to him, Jaebum said, "I guess I'll have to drive you home next time."

"Great." Mark's voice got his attention and he saw his cousin staring at him. "Thanks, Jaebum."

The whole twenty minute ride to their house was quiet, uncomfortably and painfully quiet even. None of them said one word to the other only making the air surrounding them even thicker than it was since they both got inside the car. 

Jinyoung didn't want this- riding together with Mark which is exactly why he avoided the older this morning. He could've successfully avoided the latter if only Jaebum didn't give him away that easily. Now Jinyoung, it isn't the guy's fault... he told himself. 

For the whole ride, Jinyoung just kept himself busy with his phone, scrolling mindlessly through his sns feed not really looking at anything in particular. He pretended like he's interested and entertained by whatever he crossed his eyes upon, even though it's just about gardening and even toiletries. And he thinks it worked since Mark just let him be all through out the ride which also leaves him wondering... I thought we're gonna talk about something? Something 'very' important, he says...right?

But Mark didn't utter a single word.

Not until they reached their gate.