Closure
HERSHEIt was raining all day. Seulgi was about to go home after her class.
"Ugh. I hate this! My shoes and socks are soaked!"
Unfortunately, her black umbrella wasn't big enough to shield her shoes from the rain. What's making it worse is her heavy backpack. She hated the fact that being a college freshman means bringing more and bigger books.
"I really need to convince dad to buy me a car soon."
She walked past the school gate. On her way to the bus station, she noticed a girl, maybe about her age, shedding under a pharmacy store. She looked like she's worried or lost.
"We're from the same school."
She met eyes with the girl for a fraction of a second. Although the girl took her eyes away immediately, Seulgi had a gut feeling that this girl needs help. The girl is shedding in that store with no umbrella in her hand, not even one in the area. Seulgi decided to help.
"Hi there, schoolmate." Seulgi smiled.
The girl looked hesitant but Seulgi's charm seems to have won over her. "Hi."
Seulgi closed her umbrella to shed. "It looks like you're stuck in here."
"Kinda."
"You forgot to bring your umbrella?"
The girl shook her head as she ran her fingers through her hair. "No. Somebody stole it."
"What? Seriously?" Seulgi tried her best not to laugh at the idea of umbrellas being stolen. "Where did you leave it?"
"There," said the girl, pointing at the wall. "I left my umbrella there to buy medicine. It was already gone when I turned around."
"Oh. That's too bad..."
"Who would steal an old ugly umbrella, anyway? Ugh!" the girl yowled in frustration.
Seulgi rested both her hands on the top of the umbrella handle. "The thing is umbrella's value increases significantly during rainy days."
Although it wasn't her intention to make it sound like a joke, the girl chuckled. "Are you saying that my ugly umbrella turned into a pretty dazzling one because it rained?"
"Yeah. Something like that."
"Eeeeeee... I need to go home by 4:30 because Haetnim needs to take her medicines on time."
"Haetnim? Your sister?"
The girl chuckled in response. "No. She's my dog. She's sick."
"Oh. Well, in that case," said Seulgi, lifting her umbrella, "I can offer you a ride to the bus station if you'd like to."
"Really?"
"Yeah, what are schoolmates for, right?"
"Oh, thank goodness! You're a life-saver!" The girl hugged Seulgi with no warning.
"Okay." Seulgi opened her umbrella when the girl pulled away. "Let's go?"
"Umm. Could you tell me your name first, my dearest schoolmate?"
"Of course." Seulgi offered her right hand. "I'm Seulgi. It's nice meeting you...?"
"Joy," said the girl, shaking Seulgi's hand back. "My name is Joy, and it's nice to meet you too, Seulgi."
---
Irene found herself in the hotel's main lobby, busy drying her arms with a handkerchief after she got caught in the rain. There was an eerie feeling that someone is staring at her. And to her surprise, Amber was walking towards her.
"Irene? What are you doing here alone?"
"I went outside for a walk. How are you?"
"I'm good. I'm about to check out now." Amber pointed at the reception area. "Why are you alone? Where's Seulgi?"
"Um... she's... she's in our room."
"What the hell is she doing in your room leaving you alone here?"
"She's alone with Joy..."
Amber looked shocked. "Are you serious? Wait. Did those two asked you to leave them alone?"
Irene shook her head. "No, it was me who volunteered to stay out for them to talk."
"Hmm. Are you okay with that?"
Irene shrugged. "Why won't I be?"
Amber sighed and glanced at her watch. "Come on. Let's have something to eat before I go."
---
Seulgi got distracted when she heard the hard pitter-patter of the rain on the balcony door. The idea of Irene being outside alone is bothering her.
But this isn't the right time to think about Irene. Joy just told her the missing link that could be the root of why all these things are happening now. It's not that she doesn't have an idea about it; it's just that she's not expecting to hear such a confession. If this confession happened a year ago, they'll surely end up together. But things are too complicated for both of them now.
"And even after all that had happened to us. I'm still not sure what you've really felt for me," said Joy, head down.
"But I--"
"What, you're going to tell me you love me?" asked Joy. "I knew there is something between us before, but I don't see it in you. It's not just about your studies. Like I told you, I don't think you're even serious about me."
"What are you saying?" Seulgi grasped Joy's arms. "You were everything to me before. What we had before, that was real."
"It may be. But it isn't the same thing you have with Irene now, right?"
Seulgi bit her lip when she heard that name.
"I have all the reason to be jealous of her." Joy smiled. "You were my first love, bear. I don't understand how you could stay in an unofficial relationship with me for four years and be with her for real in just a few months."
"Joy..."
"Am I that easy to forget?"
"Of course, not. Why are you asking me that?"
"Because honestly, I'm still not completely over you yet."
Seulgi sighed and shook her head. "Why... why are you telling all of these to me now?"
"I need to let it all out." Joy exhaled. "I felt like I meant nothing to you when I found out you are dating Irene are dating. The idea of you getting over me that fast is killing me."
"But you have Sungjae, right?"
"I know. That's why I'm mad at myself." Joy covered her face with her palms. "I don't know how you could easily forget about me while here I am still thinking of you even I'm with somebody else now."
"You think this is easy for me?" asked Seulgi. "You have no idea what I went through when you left. You don't have the slightest idea of how messy my life was."
That made Joy look back to her.
"And you might not believe this but you still have something left in me here." Seulgi pointed at her chest. "I'm still having a hard time dealing with it especially now that I'm seeing you."
"But you love Irene, right?"
"I do. But it's confusing." Seulgi sighed.
Joy touched Seulgi's cheek. "Don't worry. I'm experiencing the same exact thing."
"Do you really love Sungjae?"
"I do. I love him," said Joy sincerely. "I may not be as sweet as your girlfriend but he's everything to me now. I might even go crazy if he'll leave me."
"He doesn't know about us, right?"
Joy shook her head. "What is there to tell if we were never official?"
Seulgi smiled. She glanced out the balcony. "It's kinda confusing. We love our partners but we're both not completely over each other yet."
Joy took Seulgi's hand and squeezed it. "It is my fault. I promised you something before, a promise to settle this relationship of ours when I come back. And I think promise left us both hanging until now, making it a little complicated for us."
Seulgi looked at Joy. "I've waited for you, you know."
"I'm sorry." Joy played with Seulgi's hands. "I was confused as hell. I felt guilty when I realized I'm falling for Sungjae. I felt like I was cheating on you. And when I first got back here all I could think of is you, us before, and I felt guilty too because I was like cheating on Sungjae."
Seulgi squeezed Joy's hand back. "You don't have to feel that way. Remember, you're not the only one here who fell for another person. I'm glad to see you with Sungjae. He's a really nice guy."
"You and Irene are perfect for each other too. She's so beautiful."
Seulgi simply smiled. If only everything between Irene and her is real, she'd be happy too.
"I was distracted after I left your apartment last time, after seeing Irene in your shirt," admitted Joy, shaking her head. "It made me realize that I can't give my whole heart to Sungjae because a part of me is still with you. Sungjae and I even had a fight that day because I was totally out of myself."
Seulgi laughed. "Really?"
"Yeah, what do you expect me to feel? I never wore any of your shirts before!" Joy playfully hit Seulgi's arm. "Each time I see you with her, I can't help but ask myself all the possible 'what if's': what if I didn't leave, what if I came back on time, what if I confessed to you before; those thoughts keep on haunting me."
Seulgi heaved another sigh. "I wish we could just go back to our college days. Things are so complicated between us now."
"I wish that too, but we can't. What I want to do now is to focus my attention on Sungjae so you could focus yours on Irene. We can't be good lovers to our partners if we're still feeling this way for each other."
"What should I do then?"
"Set me free, Seulgi."
"Huh?"
"We should set each other free. And the only way to do that is for us to officially break up."
---
"So, you're saying that you and Joy talked last night and agreed to do this?" asked Amber, stirring her coffee.
Irene nodded. "I don't have the right to say no to that. Besides, I believe I've made the right decision for letting them talk now."
Amber carefully lay the spoon on the saucer. "I have to agree with you on that. I really think those two need to talk. But I'm kinda worried about Sungjae..." she paused before eyeing Irene, "and you."
Irene grabbed her cup of tea to break free from Amber's stare. "Do you think they'd get back together?"
"Well, part of me wants them to reconcile and just be like the old days. Another part wants them to just move on from each other. What about you?"
"I... I really don't know what to expect, Amber."
"What if they'd get back together?"
Irene felt something pinched her. It may sound selfish but what she's expecting to happen is for Seulgi to move on from Joy and not to get back with her.
"If that happens then I guess our play is over."
"Are you gonna be okay if that happens?"
"Why won't I be okay with it?"
"Yeah, why won't you be?" Amber asked back with a smirk.
"Amber, if you're thinking--"
"I know, Irene. I know. Krystal told me about it, that you're not into this," said Amber. "I'm sorry for asking that. I just want to make sure you're not, in any way, affected by what's happening with those two."
"Don't worry, I'm not. Thanks."
Amber sipped on her mug and set it back on the saucer. She took a deep breath like she needs lots of air to settle something in her mind.
"You seem to be the one who's worried," said Irene.
"To be honest, yes." Amber nodded. "I don't know why, but I have a bad feeling about this talk. I have a feeling that this talk isn't about settling something between them, but it could be the opposite."
"I'm not sure I'm following you."
Amber looked at the flowing rainwater on the window and sighed again. "You know, the only way we could say hello to the new people in our lives is to say goodbye to the old ones first."
---
"Do you remember," said Joy, looking out the balcony, "it was raining too when we first met."
Seulgi felt melancholy rushing in her chest. "Yeah. You haven't changed a bit since then, still skinny as ever."
Joy chuckled. "Well, you're skinny yourself."
"I eat a lot, you know."
"Yeah. You better. Who would look after you when I'm not around anymore?"
Seulgi felt uneasy. "Joy..."
"We need to do this, believe me."
"What 'this'? What you mean when you said break up?"
"It means we should say goodbye for now and stay away from each other."
"But--"
"You can do it, Seulgi. You've made it through a year without me, right?" asked Joy. "We should do this so we could put an ending to our unfinished book."
Seulgi scratched her head. "But why are you talking like we're never gonna see each other again?"
"Because that's what we will do. We're staying away from each other for now, until both our wounds would heal and until both of us can accept that what we had before is over."
"What? Do we really need to do that?"
"Believe me, we have to. Or else we will get confused with our feelings every time."
"It's like you're asking me to completely forget you."
"I'm not asking you to forget me. I won't be able to completely forget you either." Joy looked away. "I just want to put a closure to this unofficial relationship of ours. It should be clear for both of us that what we had is over. Let's just set each other free so we won't expect from each other anymore."
There was an awkward silence between them. It's like they knew what they should do but they are both afraid to do it.
Seulgi felt Joy's struggle. She knew that Joy is having a harder time handling the situation compared to her. Maybe this is Joy's way of settling things right, of being fair to Sungjae.
Seulgi exhaled. "Okay. I understand. You're right. I would love to have you back again like before, but I guess it won't be healthy for the both of us."
Joy nodded.
"Thanks for everything you've done for me, Joy. Everything."
Joy slowly touched Seulgi's face and caressed it. "It was a nice journey I had with you. I will never forget that. I know we'll meet again someday. We could be friends, or maybe, who knows, if we're both single that time then we know that it's the right time for us. But for now, I think it's better if we stay away from each other's path."
Seulgi's starting to feel that this goodbye is for real this time. "I... I'm gonna miss you, chick..."
Joy smiled and looked away. "Seulgi? Can I have one last request before we part ways today?"
"Anything. Tell me."
"Can we just pretend for a while that this is not ending?" Joy looked back at Seulgi. "Can we go back to when we were still chick and bear and forget about them for now and just talk like the way we did before?"
Seulgi surely felt it. The person in front of her is the old Joy she knew, the chick that was the center of her life before.
"I'd love that, chick."
"Now, is there anything you'd like to tell me?" asked Joy.
Seulgi felt it all coming back to her; the feelings, the memories. It's all gathering up until she can't fight it anymore. Her arms reached around to pull Joy into a tight hug.
"I missed you, chick. I... I've missed you so much," said Seulgi, voice breaking.
Joy hugged Seulgi back. "I've missed too, bear. And I'm sorry for letting you down."
"Please take care of yourself. Don't skip your meals like what you're doing before, okay?"
"I won't. I promise I won't." Joy rubbed Seulgi's back. "You take care of yourself too. I won't be around anymore to take care of you if you get into accidents."
The two of them stayed like that for a little longer, feeling each other's presence.
Seulgi closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She cupped Joy's head with her palm.
"Chick?"
"Mmm?"
"I love you."
Seulgi felt Joy held her breath for a moment. After that, Joy's shoulders moved in rhythm to her sobs as she clutched Seulgi's back.
"Thank you... thank you... I love you too. You know that right?" asked Joy.
"I'm sorry if I was dumb. I'm sorry," said Seulgi.
They pulled away from each other and wiped their tears.
"I guess this is it." Joy sniffed. "I should go now before I ask you to break up with your girlfriend."
Seulgi chuckled. She watched Joy rose from the bed.
"I hope you'll always be happy, chick. Until we meet again."
Joy walked towards the door and turned to Seulgi.
"Till we meet again, bear."
Seulgi knew it was real this time as she felt that a part of her was gone when Joy left the room and the door latched.
---
"Which building are you from?" asked Joy when they reached the bus station. "I usually see you in the cafeteria."
"I'm from building C, and you?"
"I'm from building A. You usually order noodles, right?"
"Those are my favorites," said Seulgi, embarrassed.
"It's okay. I always see that excited face of yours each time you get your favorite noodles. It's cute, you know."
Seulgi felt more embarrassed hearing such a compliment from a pretty girl like Joy.
"Oh, my bus is here." Joy stood up. The bus stopped in front of them.
"I'll see you around school?" asked Seulgi.
"Yeah. Thank you, Seulgi. This is so kind of you."
"You're welcome."
Joy smiled and waved. "Bye, for now."
Seulgi waved as she watched Joy enter the bus. Joy took a seat near the window and waved again. Seulgi smiled. She watched the bus drove away.
Her bad day had felt lighter. Her soaked shoes and socks, plus her heavy backpack don't bother her anymore. She simply felt happy. She knew that this isn't the last time they are gonna talk to each other.
Seulgi tapped the tip of her umbrella on the floor. She looked back up the horizon.
"Bye, for now, Joy."
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