Cannot
HERSHESeulgi didn't get the chance to talk to Irene again. The weekend passed and she didn't attempt to talk to the woman the following week.
She thought she'd learn to accept everything. Instead, Seulgi was tortured even more. It went worse because Bogum started to drive Irene every morning and picks her up every afternoon.
Seulgi's just faking a smile whenever Taemin and Krystal talk about Irene's love life. There are days when Seulgi sees Irene's empty chair and Krystal will just say Bogum came to pick Irene up early.
Not wanting to hear more about it, Seulgi tried to stay away from that team and busied herself in tennis instead. She put all her efforts into every practice in hopes of somehow forgetting her drama for a while.
Besides, she's got a competition to worry about and that's where she should focus now.
---
It was after a week of avoidance when Seulgi and Irene ran into each other in the hallway. Seulgi was about to go home while Irene was walking back to her station.
Both stopped abruptly at the sight of each other.
Seulgi isn't sure what to do. There are only a few people left in the office at that time, a reason she can't say she didn't notice Irene.
It was Irene who smiled first. "Hey."
Seulgi pulls the strap of her bag over her shoulder, trying her best not to melt. "Hey. What's up?"
"Good. You?"
"Likewise." Seulgi saw Irene's PC still . "Overtime?"
"Yeah. Got deadlines to meet. You were on OT too?"
"Yeah. Just finished wrapping things up."
Then there was silence.
Seulgi is staring at Irene now and all she can think of is how much she missed this woman.
"Um... so... you're going home now or tennis practice?" asked Irene.
"Home. No tennis today. You?"
"Just finalizing a few more things."
"Umm. Would you... do... do you have a ride home?" asked Seulgi, taking chances.
"Umm. Bogum's picking me up in a while." Irene looked apologetic.
"Oh. No worries." Seulgi scratched her head. "So. Yeah. I better go ahead."
Seulgi is somehow expecting Irene would say something, maybe stop her or what, but the latter stepped aside to give way.
Seulgi took this as a sign to go. "Bye."
"Uh... Seulgi?"
Seulgi stopped in her tracks. She closed her eyes, realizing how much she missed hearing Irene call her name.
She turned around. "Yes?"
"We're cool, right?"
"Yeah... Why...?"
"I don't know. It just feels like something's off lately." Irene brought a hand to her necklace.
"Off with what?"
"With us?"
Seulgi scoffed to herself at Irene's usage of "us".
"Were you avoiding me?" asked Irene.
Seulgi cleared . "No. Why would I avoid you?"
"I don't know. It just feels like you've been far away these past few days."
"I was just busy with tennis stuff and you're busy too, right?"
"Right."
"Nothing to worry about, okay?" Seulgi pulled the straps of her bag over her shoulders, signaling she's ready to go.
"Do you have spare time for a quick tea?"
Seulgi turned to stare at Irene, not sure what the woman wants. But then Wendy's advice echoed inside her head.
Maybe this is the right time for that.
Seulgi took a deep breath before she gave Irene a nod.
---
"So what's up?" Seulgi asked after sipping from her cup. Irene is sitting across from her.
"I'm just curious," started Irene, and Seulgi felt like her chest is about to explode, "by any chance, are you mad at me?"
Seulgi raised an eyebrow. "No. Why would I be mad at you?"
Irene shrugged, still waiting for Seulgi to give her answer.
"I'm not. I told you we're cool, right?" said Seulgi.
"Then why are you not wearing your necklace?"
"Oh." Seulgi scratched the tip of her eyebrow, realizing she's wearing a v-neck shirt, exposing her clear neck and collarbones.
She never wore that necklace again after last week. It just reminds her of the false pretense she had built her hopes up for.
"I left it in my locker yesterday after my tennis practice."
"Left it? You have not been wearing it for a week now, Seulgi," said Irene in a matter-of-fact tone.
Seulgi pressed her lips together. "Okay. And your point?"
"I want to know if there is something wrong with us."
Seulgi smiled at Irene's usage of "us" again. "We're fine."
"We're fine? But why am I feeling there is something going on?"
"Maybe you're just overthinking." Seulgi shrugged.
Irene leaned back, looking disappointed. "Maybe I am. I guess you're through with me being your pastime, huh?"
Seulgi blinked. "Pastime? No. I don't see you like that?"
"Then what's wrong? Why do I have the feeling that despite being physically close now we're worlds apart?"
Seulgi stared at Irene directly, brows furrowed. She knew the more she avoids this confrontation the longer her misery will be. Maybe it's time to let it all out now. Maybe it's time she finds out what she really means to Irene.
Seulgi breathed out. "You really wanna hear the truth?"
Irene reached out for Seulgi's hand. "What's bothering you, tell me."
Seulgi's eyes lingered on their hands first before she looked at Irene. "You."
Irene looked like she wasn't expecting it. She slowly pulled her hand away.
"I know that you know that something special is going on between us, right?" asked Seulgi, pushing it further. "Tell me, what am I to you?"
"A... f-friend..." said Irene, her eyes darting tensely around the room.
"A friend." Seulgi tapped her fingers on the table. "So, does that mean that I misunderstood everything you've showed me?"
"It's not like that, Seulgi..."
"Or were you just playing on me, pretending that I am special?"
"No. I'm not that kind of person. I would never do that kind of thing, especially to you."
"Then tell me, what do I really mean to you?"
Irene pinched her nose and looked away. "Seulgi..."
"Just help me understand the meaning of your actions." Seulgi's getting more impatient now. "How should I interpret your affection towards me? Is it the same sweetness you're showing that... that Bogum now?"
Irene's face reflected confusion. Seulgi stared at her and she can feel the internal struggle the other woman is experiencing.
Irene covered her face with her palms. "I can't, Seulgi. I can't."
"What?" Seulgi's confused too with the answer she got. "Just tell me. Do you have feelings for me?"
"I don't know. I'm confused, okay?" Irene propped her elbows on the table, hands on her head. "And it doesn't matter if I do have feelings for you because I still cannot be with you!"
Seulgi stared at Irene, mouth opened.
Wendy was right about the confusion. Maybe Irene is really struggling inside. However, it is evident now that whatever or whoever caused her confusion, there's no way she's going to pick Seulgi in the end.
This battle is already lost right even before it started. Irene never wanted to fight alongside her in the first place.
Seulgi chuckled. "I get it. Don't worry."
"I'm sorry..."
Seulgi shook her head. "Don't be. At least I know now where I stand. No more expectations this time."
Out of the blue, Irene's phone beeped. She checked her message.
"You like him, right?" asked Seulgi, knowing who the message came from.
Irene's shoulders fell. "Seulgi... please..."
"I'm sorry. I won't intrude again." Seulgi raised her hands up.
Irene wanted to say something but her phone beeped again. She stood up.
"I'm sorry... my ride's here. I have to go."
Seulgi nodded. "Enjoy your weekend."
"You too."
Seulgi took another sigh when a black car stopped in front of the entrance. Irene glanced at her before stepping inside. Seulgi watched the black car drove away.
"."
Seulgi lightly banged her fist against the table. She covered her face with her palms, struggling to stay in one piece. She pulled out her phone from her pocket and dialed a number.
Brrr... brrr... brrr...
"Hello?" answered Amber.
"Dude, where you at?"
"I just drove Krystal home. I'm going to AmBar. Why?"
"Is there anything you would recommend drinking tonight?"
"Something wrong, dude?"
"Irene and I had a quick talk just now."
"And then?"
"It's over, dude."
"Oh, boy."
---
'Prrrrt!'
The referee's whistle echoed in the area signaling the start of the new set. The opponent will be doing the service this time as Seulgi and her teammate wait for the ball.
"Are you okay?" asked her teammate.
"Yeah. I'm just a bit dizzy but I'm fine," said Seulgi.
Truth is she regret drinking last night because it's affecting her focus right now. Seulgi was not contented being drunk last Friday, after telling Amber what happened, so she went to the bar again last night and tried to enjoy herself like the way she used to.
She met a couple of acquaintances and partied like there's no tomorrow. She woke up this morning on Amber's couch having a terrible hangover. Of course, she never told her coach about the real reason for her headache.
"You sure you still can play?"
"Don't worry about me, I got this. Oh, there they are!"
'Tok!'
Her teammate returned the ball with a forehand.
'Tok!'
The ball bounced back to them. Seulgi ran on the baseline and caught the ball where she almost tripped.
Although she enjoyed partying last night, Seulgi still can't erase the heavy feeling in her chest. She's wondering now if Irene's feeling the same way now.
'Tok!'
The ball rolled back to them. This time it was her teammate who caught it.
'Tok!'
Seulgi is having a hard time following the ball with her eyes. Her headache is attacking again. The place is slightly spinning around her. Good thing she successfully returned the ball with a backhand.
'Tok!'
She doesn't know which is hurting more; is it her head or her feelings? The unpleasant feeling is still lurking inside her. It never went away since that night she confronted Irene.
This time the ball was sent back to them at a speed that they didn't expect. Seulgi ran to catch it. She moved sideways in a swift, twisting her ankles until she felt that something is already aching.
Even so, she pushed it.
"."
'Prrrrt!'
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