Past
HERSHE"Hi there, bear. Long time no see."
Seulgi stood there in silence, surprised and confused. Joy, who noticed Seulgi's uneasiness, glimpsed the other person in the room.
"Oh. I didn't know you have a visitor."
Seulgi glanced at Irene then turned back to Joy, still not sure what to say.
"Oh, bear, what's wrong with you today?" Joy walked towards Seulgi and tapped her shoulder. "Speak up and introduce us."
Seulgi, who realized she should have done that earlier, straightened up and turned to Irene slowly. "Um..."
"Ugh! What's wrong with you?" Impatient Joy walked towards Irene and offered her hand. "Hi, I'm Joy, Seulgi's friend," she said, wearing the same smile she had in the picture. "Please forgive her for being such an today."
Irene can't believe how beautiful Joy is in the flesh. She rose to shake Joy's hand. "Irene. Seulgi's friend too."
Seulgi felt her neck itching when she noticed Joy scanning Irene's blouse. She remembered it was the shirt Joy bought for her birthday last year.
"Okay..." Joy pressed her lips together. "I guess I better go now, bear."
"But, chick--"
"Let's just do this some other time." Joy walked towards the door.
"But when will I see you again?"
Joy brushed a hand through her hair and sighed. "Some other time, when we're both not busy."
Seulgi breathed out her disappointment. She knows some other time could take longer.
"Don't worry. I won't go anywhere this time. I promise we'll talk sooner. We need to talk." Joy winked at her. "Be hospitable to your guest first, okay?"
Seulgi looked at Irene, who gave her a lame smile.
"It's nice to meet you, Irene. And Seulgi, I'll see you soon. Bye." Joy waved goodbye and shut the door close.
A long deafening silence then followed the latch of the door. Seulgi clenched her hands into fists, unsure of how to solve her dilemma of either following Joy or staying with Irene.
"Seulgi..."
Seulgi turned to Irene. "Y-yes?"
"I... uh... I think you should--"
Seulgi nodded. "I... I should follow her... yeah..." She walked to the door and halted before opening it. "Just promise me you won't leave, okay?"
"I won't."
After the assurance, Seulgi ran out of the room.
---
Seulgi found Joy standing in front of the elevator. "Chick!"
Joy smiled. "Oh. Couldn't say I wasn't expecting you to follow me. What's with the frown?"
Seulgi stepped closer. "I... I don't know. Maybe I'm just afraid I might not see you again..."
"Oh, bear..."
Seulgi held Joy's hands in hers. "I've waited for you, chick, for over a year."
Joy looked down at their hands. "I'm sorry. I know my appearance was past late than what I've promised. But I didn't ask you to wait for me."
"I know. I just..." Seulgi let go of Joy's hands, her eyes darting around. She sighed. "I've been waiting for this day. There is so much to tell you..."
Joy held Seulgi's face. "Let's do this some other time, okay?"
"Just promise me we'll see each other again after this."
"Of course. As I said, I still want to talk to you. And forgive me for barging into your apartment like that."
"It's okay. You always do that before, right?"
"But it's different this time. I might have offended your girlfriend."
Seulgi raised an eyebrow. "Huh? She's not my girlfriend."
Joy ran her fingers through her hair. "Come on, Seulgi."
"No... really... she's not my girlfriend..."
"Aside from the obvious fact that she slept in your room, bathe in your bathroom and is wearing your shirt, let's pretend I believe you," said Joy. "Bear, you can't just leave her there. Go back now and entertain your visitor."
"But, chick..."
"Why don't you just admit it? Don't worry about me. I'm not jealous. I already have a boyfriend."
"Y-you have a boyfriend?" Seulgi felt something blocking .
"Yeah. I met him in Singapore. We came back here together two weeks ago."
"Oh..."
"All right? Now go back there now before somebody gets mad at you," said Joy, pushing Seulgi around to go back to her room.
"When will I see you again?"
"I'll visit you. My schedule is tight right now. I can't promise a specific time." Joy pressed the elevator button.
Seulgi said nothing until the elevator door opened.
Joy leaned forward to cheek kiss Seulgi. She stepped into the elevator after. "Bye, for now, bear. Don't make her cry, okay?"
Seulgi smiled as the door closed.
---
Seulgi was relieved to see Irene still at the same spot, already done with her ramen.
"Did I mess up something?" asked Irene.
Seulgi shook her head as she sits down. "No..."
"It worried me, you know. I thought your girlfriend will be mad at you."
Seulgi chuckled.
"Why are you laughing?" asked Irene.
"Well, the funny thing is she also thought you are my..." Seulgi hesitated to say the last word. "You know."
"Oh..." Irene unconsciously bit her lower lip.
"She's not my girlfriend."
Irene nodded. "Did she really think I'm your girlfriend?"
"Y-yeah..." Seulgi felt bashful with the term. The last three words Irene said sounded like music in her ears. "Sorry about that."
"But why did she...?"
"Hmm?"
"If she really thinks of me as your girlfriend then why did she leave a kiss mark on your cheek?"
"What!" Seulgi covered her cheeks with her palms. "She did?"
"The mark is too obvious." Irene helped Seulgi removed the mark with a tissue. "She wanted me to see it."
"Aish. Chick is always like that. She loves to tease me."
"Obviously she's planning on teasing me too. Is she an ex?"
"No."
"Relative?"
Seulgi shook her head.
"Well, you just seemed close to each other. She even has the key to your door," said Irene. "I know I don't have the right to ask personal questions like that. If you're uncomfy, I'll stop being nosy."
"No. It's fine." Seulgi waved her hands. "You deserve an explanation after what happened. And to answer your question, well, Joy and I had this something complicated before."
Irene rested her chin on her palms. "Complicated like?"
"Uh... you know... I'm not sure if you'll understand."
"I'm sure I can follow."
"I'm just not sure if... if you're interested in talking about this type of thing," said Seulgi.
"I'm sure I can keep up if you're willing to tell me."
"Are you sure?"
"As long as you don't mind telling me." Irene shrugged. "I mean, I don't want to push you if you don't want to."
Seulgi shifted her position on the chair, thinking about how to relay the story. Maybe this is what Irene meant when she said she wants them to be friends last night.
"I don't mind." Seulgi smiled. "But it may be a long story."
"I'm all ears." Irene reclined and tucked up both her legs on the chair. "Don't worry. It's weekend. I've got time. I don't have any plans for this day either."
Seulgi smiled, feeling happy that Irene's interest in her personal life.
---
"Didn't you feel alone, or unwanted? Your dad was always out," asked Irene.
She found out that Seulgi grew up with her nannies as her mom died when she was a small kid. But unlike Seulgi who kept crying, her dad had a different way of coping up. He busied himself to work and was always out as his job required a lot of traveling. Although Seulgi and her dad keep in touch every day, they rarely see each other lately.
Irene can already imagine how it was hard for Seulgi. She also grew up with one parent but her mom was always there for her.
"I did. I've always felt that," admitted Seulgi. "Maybe that's the reason I appreciate a smile more than any other people. For me, a smile is a sacred thing. It became my hobby, my obsession. I wanted to collect pictures of people with the best smiles, capturing that moment when the smile is in its most natural state."
Irene recalled the collection of pictures in the other room. "Wow. A smile addict, huh?"
Seulgi chuckled. "Yeah. Well, what can I do? I love it. I even despise those magazine covers with lame smiles on them. Remember the issue last month of Jazz magazine featuring Lee Seum Yeon?"
Irene narrowed her eyes, trying to recall. "Yeah. I think I remember that."
"Did you notice how fake Yeon's smile was on that cover? Damn. It was a mistake publishing that issue."
Irene laughed. She finally understood the reason Seulgi is always overly nice to everybody--because she always wanted to feel welcomed.
"I guess my addiction to a smile was one reason Joy and I became close," continued Seulgi. "I met her during my freshman year of college. I was an aspiring photographer, she was an aspiring model. We clicked right away. What I really liked about her was her smile. I like the way how those smiles appear in the picture. Those smiles are lovely and she's really beautiful."
Irene raised an eyebrow. "So, you had a crush on her?"
Seulgi blinked. "Well, I admired her beauty, yes. I liked her, yes. But there was nothing romantic going on that time yet."
"Yet."
"We were friends at that time. I never had the notion it would result in something more. It's just that Joy is beautiful inside and out."
Irene nodded. "I have to agree. She really is beautiful."
"We became close because of our picture taking sessions. After running out of ideas for places to shoot, we tried taking pictures here. That's when she found out I was living alone," said Seulgi. "Having a naturally caring personality, Joy helped me with... with everything."
"Are you saying that you sort of live together here?" asked Irene.
"It never got to that point where she moved in here," answered Seulgi. "But she was always here. I gave her the duplicate keys so she could stop by anytime. That's when she started helping me with the laundry, cleaning my apartment, accompanying me to the grocery, and even taking care of me when I was down with flu. She practically took care of me, you know. She even woke me up for school."
Irene hummed. Now she understood why Joy acted like she owns the place when she came in earlier. If any of those fangirls in the office will find out about her, they'd surely die of jealousy.
"I was really not into school at that time. I did a lot of traveling, touring, just to take pictures of people," said Seulgi. "Joy was mad about it because I quit school to pursue that hobby. Then there's one time where I got into a car accident. That was the first time I felt Joy's care for me isn't just what I thought it was."
It got more interesting. Irene remembered Amber's words about Seulgi being in a hospital.
"That happened during her last year in college and while I was out of school," said Seulgi. "After that incident, Joy and I had this relationship that neither of us could define."
"How did it start?"
"We didn't know how it started." Seulgi shrugged. "It just rolled out like that. The feelings went deeper every day. She started doing sweet things to me and I did the same thing to her. I obeyed her every whim, and she listened to all the things I've said. We are even in touch even if we're not physically together."
Of all the things Seulgi said, the sweet things reverberated on Irene's head.
"Seulgi, can I ask you a personal question?"
"Go ahead."
"Did you guys... kiss...?"
Seulgi looked away, blushing. "Uh... nope..."
"You haven't tried it? Why?" It might be hard to believe but Irene was happy with the answer.
"I don't know. I guess I never thought of trying that?"
"Really? I thought you were together?" Irene unconsciously glanced at Seulgi's lips because of the topic.
"We're not officially together. There was no label on our relationship. We were just sort of sweet friends," said Seulgi.
"Sweet friends, huh?" Irene smirked. "How long did you stay like that?"
"It was for almost a year. We've known each other for three years that time but the romantic friendship we had lasted for just a year," said Seulgi. "After graduation, she left for Singapore. She had an offer there from a modeling agency."
"Is that how you guys broke up?"
Seulgi sighed. "Yeah, sort of. I guess you could say that was a breakup. It was just last year. I was devastated when she left. I felt like a part of me was gone."
"Does she know about it?" asked Irene.
"I don't know. But I let her know that I don't want her to go away. She promised to see me when she comes back, and that's what happened earlier."
Irene leaned forward on the table, thinking. "I'm curious, how can she walk away like that? Didn't she love you?"
Seulgi shrugged again. "We never talked about love, not even once. We just showed how much we cared for each other and that's it."
"How about you, did you really love her?"
"Thinking of my demise when she left, yes, I think I did." Seulgi nodded. "I couldn't understand that time why I could rely on myself alone for nineteen years, and then Joy came for a while, left me, and everything wasn't the same anymore.
"I did everything that she wanted," Seulgi continued. "I finished my last year in college, became more focused on my goals. I stopped going to bars. I joined a tennis club. I did everything to improve my life. After college, I immediately applied for a job. I'd like to prove to her I can change, that I have dreams as well."
"I see." Irene nodded. "What did you feel when you saw her earlier?"
"To tell you the truth, I was confused." Seulgi chuckled. "I know it's weird. You see, I've been waiting over a year for this day to come, and then when she arrived at my doorstep I just didn't know what to do. In fact, a part of me wished she never came here today."
"Really? Why?"
Seulgi dropped her gaze on the floor. "Because... because I was already having a good time with you."
Irene tried her best not to smile at the newfound information. She didn't expect that she'd be relieved to hear that from Seulgi.
"It's just that she ruined the mood when she came. I thought you're gonna leave right away." Seulgi was still looking down, acting like a child who's afraid to lose a precious toy.
Irene smiled. "Why would I do that? You still owe me a service to my house."
Seulgi's face lit up. "Thanks, Irene. Thanks for sticking around."
---
"Okay, here we are, madame." Seulgi pulled up the handbrake when they arrived in front of Irene's house.
"Seulgi, I'd love to invite you inside, but..." Irene trailed off while unbuckling her seatbelt. She's having doubts about saying what's on her mind. It would be unkind not to invite Seulgi inside but she knows her homophobic mom will be uncomfortable with it, especially if Seulgi starts speaking about her preference.
"It's okay. I have plans. I still have tennis practice in two hours."
"Okay." Irene felt relieved. "I'll see you on Monday then?"
"Yup, Monday."
"Thanks, Seulgi." Irene opened the door on her side. "I really had a great time today. Take care, okay?"
"Aye, aye, princess!"
Irene pushed the door close and waved goodbye.
---
Irene had a small talk with her mom about her friend who drove her home. Now, she's on her bed looking at the ceiling, lost in thoughts, asking herself why does Monday feels like eons away.
She didn't know how to rate her day; sad, normal, happy? She knows she should be happy because she found a new friend in Seulgi.
On the other hand, she's anxious. There's something about Joy that concerns her a lot. Is it because of Joy's past relationship with Seulgi? Or is it because of Seulgi's inarticulacy when Joy is around?
Chick and Bear: that's their pet names to each other. More of an endearment.
Irene wonders why she feels so envious of Joy for that.
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