They told me that I shouldn’t be near you. To influence you. To advise you. To help you. To be there for you when you need someone. They were always looking out for you instead of me that’s a good thing. They won’t let me prove myself that I wouldn’t dare harm you.

They told me that I could hurt you. Could mentally train you. Could physically harm you. Will emotionally abuse you.

What they didn’t know was that you were doing all that to me already. No one thought that you had the power to hurt me every single day. Each time we touch I feel a smile ghosting my lips. Those hugs that only I initiate because you look at me with skeptical eyes as you recall those lessons with the others to stay away from me. Your smile that just makes my heart leap up into my mouth but when you look away it drops down into my stomach.

I love you so much to the point that I wasn’t the person they described me as. Yes, I used to flirt with everything and everyone that walked on this earth, however, I never once slept with them unless I was for sure they were the one. Let me tell you I never did, I felt no connection and no love.

I wish I could just tell you how much this is killing me inside. Just watching you be tainted by those who want to protect you, but I can’t. I don’t want to tear you away from your friends. I don’t want to be that person who would tell you who to choose.

Love Sua

Sua looked at her notes that she had once again written in her phone and sighed. She left her notes app and closed it leaving the file saved and secure in her hidden files app. No one knew her password and no one will know.

She couldn’t sleep once again and found herself diving into her notes ranting at anything and everything. Somehow this became her safe haven because no one else in the house would provide her any sorts of comfort.

No one will ever truly understand this pain. Sua thought as she turned her phone off. She listened to the soft creaking house as the night was only filled with silence and some snoring. She stood up from the couch and slowly walked to her room. A room that was away from everyone. A room that would only fit one person. A room that told her that she was destined to be alone. A room befitting for her.

She wanted to cry but nothing was coming out of her. Just the slight tingles that were prickling her eyes. She wanted them to fall but they never seem to do what they say. She sighed for what felt like the millionth time today and hoped that sleep could come naturally to her. Unfortunately, her wishes didn’t come true yet again.

Sua found herself roughly slammed against the wall as she looked at the killer look that she never understood how people were afraid of. She internally smiled as she learned not to try and piss off her roommates especially if she wanted to show them that she had changed her ways. The only reason why was because she wanted to let her crush know that she only has eyes for her.

“I told you to stay away from her, Kim Bora,” Siyeon growled at Sua as she felt anger boiling inside her knowing that Sua broke her promise.

“I just forgot because she makes me forget everything,” Sua struggled to even to get her words out as Siyeon gritted her teeth.

“Don’t try sweet talking your way out of this, Kim Bora,” Sua coughed a bit as she was losing air fast but was soon released and she fell onto the ground.

“This is my only warning Kim Bora,” Siyeon hissed at her and slammed the room door. Sua slowly stood up and looked at her clothes. She changed her clothes and threw them out.

“Another set thrown away, so you don’t have to know,” She whispered as she pulled out her phone once again.

Day… I should stop counting the days because it just makes it hurt more knowing that my unrequited love for you will never come to light.

Today my heart was craving your touch, your voice, your laugh, your facial expressions, your closeness or just you in general but that is nothing too special to mote down because it craves you. Each time I wake up, when I brush my teeth when I drive to school or just drive in general when I have free time, when I go on a walk, when I dance, when I go home when I try to go to sleep and even in my dreams.

God… I feel like an obsessed teenager that might turn into a stalker.

No today was extra special because it was as if you heard my hearts wishes and came up to me on your own accord regardless of their constant warnings. You were there just asking me to help you with anything. You were so cute when you forgot what you wanted to ask me. I couldn’t help but smile at your cute antics. You noticed my smile and complimented me to the point that I felt like we were in our own world where no one could bother us.

Though that moment lasted only a fraction of a second. Gahyeon called you over while Siyeon pulled me away. She gave me a stern lecture to stay away from you and I did. I don’t blame them though. So, I’ll take this pain over and over again just so you can be happy. I’m not needed to be a part of your life.

I love you so much that it hurts, Kim Yoohyeon.

Love Sua

“Sua, you need to eat please,” Jiu whined as she looked at the dark circles and the slumped figure. "At least have some chocolate so you can have some sugar in your body," Sua only looked at Jiu and twitched in a small smile but dropped as she stared at the food presented at her.

“I’m not hungry, Jiu,” Sua lightly pushed the plate away.

“If you’re not hungry then let’s look at a documentary of elephants,” Jiu suggested but Sua only shook her head which made Jiu’s heart hurt knowing that her friend wasn’t herself these days. “What do you want to do, Sua?” Jiu whispered as held Sua’s now icy hand. “I hate seeing you like this,” Jiu stared at Sua’s blank eyes.

“I don’t know what I should do anymore,” Sua didn’t move as she stared at the floor rather than Jiu. “I just know that it hurts,” Sua monotonously said as the pain stung enough but the tears still didn’t fall. Jiu saw that pain and pulled Sua into a well-deserved hug.

“Move in with me, Sua. Please just leave that house and stay with me. I can’t handle you being in that house enough to turn into this. I feel like you’re slipping away from me so much that I don’t know how to pull you back. Please… for me,” Jiu was crying as Sua watched her cry. Sua opened to respond to Jiu’s cry.