I have a secret that no one else must know. It breaks so many laws where I am from and it makes my job much harder to execute. No matter what I do I just want to see her smile but all I can do is watch her wither away in a place that doesn’t have any of her personal belongings. She doesn’t belong in that room and yet no one wishes to listen to her. She doesn’t have the courage to voice her wishes and often gets put aside.

I have a secret to keep and it’ll be there until who knows how long. I’ll remember this secret but to her it’ll be like it never existed. She goes on about her day smiling like nothing is wrong, but I know otherwise. I’ve known her for too many years and her attempts to hide it doesn’t work on me. She may have others fooled but I know a secret keeper when I see one because I am myself.

I harbor a secret that I desperately want to break. Just for her and only her. I would throw away everything just so I can be with her every second of the day till it turns into weeks then months and maybe if she still lives years… but I can’t.

I can’t hold her hand as she is writhing in pain. I can’t talk her down her worries and concerns about anything that plagues her mind. I can’t be by her side when she desperately needs one. I just want to be able to not do my job without bearing any consequences. To not get attached so much that it turns me into this madness.

All I can do is watch her on my spare time which is when she sleeps. When the moon is out and the time my shift ends. I can kiss your forehead as I hope to take away your nightmares. I can sit by your bedside as I try to not let the clock tick away the small moments, I can steal with you. Where my job demands all my time away from you but seeing your peaceful face makes it all worth it.

My name is Kim Sua, I am in love with Kim Yoohyeon and I have been trying to be assigned to Yoohyeon’s case to take her soul. I am a grim reaper that has a secret no one else can know. Her death date still unknown as I know that I’m delaying her death. I shouldn’t be toying with life and death, but I don’t have the heart to see her not wander this earth. I don’t know what I should do when she finally passes on.

Sua sighed as she sits on the windowsill that is opened by her which was connected to Yoohyeon’s room. Her eyes softened as she heard the consistent beat of the heart monitor. The wind blew in and her long light brown hair covered her face. She let it pass knowing that Yoohyeon wouldn’t wake up anytime soon.

When the wind passed Sua tucked her hair behind her ear and looked at Yoohyeon’s bed, but she stopped herself. No. There she was, awake and gaping at her as her heart monitor spiked in rhythm.

Sua’s eyes widen from shock and hoped that Yoohyeon didn’t see her. Please whatever entity in this world. Don’t let her see me. It’s not her time yet. Don’t you dare let her see me!

“H-hello,” Yoohyeon said timidly. Did we not just have a deal to not let her see me, Entity! Sua cursed the being and just smiled at her. Though she was screaming internally wondering how she let her guard down around Yoohyeon so easily.

“Hi,” Sua exhaled out as her voice came out gentle. Her mind played so many scenarios about how they would meet and finally it was happening but all she could muster up was a hi. She was more focused on why Yoohyeon can suddenly see her under such short notice, but her feelings couldn’t be much happier than this. All her longing and desire was telling her to confess right then and there. Have some happy memories and make her life better than it was before.

“Uhm… so, how are you?” Yoohyeon brought Sua’s distressed mind back to reality though Sua knew that she had so many questions. Especially wondering why such a person like herself is in her room without a care in the world.

“I’m not here to kill you if that’s what you’re worried about,” Sua calmly said as she was frozen in her spot but finally brought her hand down from her hair. Oh, yeah that’s how you respond to her question. You totally just made her suspicious, “I mean, today could have been a better day though it’s night time so the moon is pretty that’s a good thing, right?” When was the last time you had a decent conversation with a human that wasn’t going to die in less than a week? Wait I think that was like 2 centuries ago. Your communication skills my friend. Sua lectured herself as she could have handled the answer properly. Though Yoohyeon was laughing leaving Sua curious at her reaction.

“I’m sorry for laughing but you should hear yourself,” Yoohyeon kept on laughing making Sua smile knowing that she didn’t 100 percent scare the poor innocent soul off. “I agree with you when you say that the moon is pretty. It’s a new moon out. Time for new beginnings.” Yoohyeon softly responded as Sua was glad that she was sitting on the window because if she did, she would have been weak on the knees by her smile.

“It seems that fate wants us to be together,” Sua softly agreed as she watched Yoohyeon brush her hair aside.

“I think so too,” Yoohyeon smiled some more and Sua couldn’t help but want that Yoohyeon would never lose that smile at all. “My name is Kim Yoohyeon and you are?”

“My name is Kim Sua,” Sua introduced herself as the night went on with them getting to know themselves. Of course, Sua had to hide too many facts about herself.

Sua slowly opened the door to Yoohyeon’s room and once again Yoohyeon was up waiting for her.

“I told you that you needed sleep or else you won’t get better,” Sua sternly said as she didn’t want to be the reason why Yoohyeon isn’t getting enough rest.

“But I wanted to greet you when you come in,” Yoohyeon pouted and Sua hated how she made her a little bit sad.

“Alright alright but you need your sleep you know. What happens if the nurse comes in and sees you up?” Sua questioned hoping that Yoohyeon wasn’t staying up too much with her frequent... no daily visits.

“But sleeping is so boring plus I sleep in the morning anyways,” Yoohyeon whined while Sua gave her a small smile.

“Okay, I understand so you were telling me your adventure through Europe,” Sua changed the subject as she didn’t want to waste time in arguing.

“Well, if you must know that I spent 90% of the time getting lost,” Yoohyeon shyly chuckled as she told Sua how when she went to her supposed hotel it was flooded. To make matters worse, her room was sold off to someone else and she had to share with a family of 5 and 2 of them were newborn twins. To say it was an exhausting night was an understatement.

“I’m sorry,” Sua began laughing a little bit at Yoohyeon’s story. “Did you just say that you kicked the eldest child off the bed?” Yoohyeon puffed her cheeks.

“He was interrupting my sleep by chatting with his friends, plus he was swearing too much. He deserved it,” Yoohyeon tried to reason with her actions though she didn’t know why she didn’t want Sua to think badly of her. Sua gave her a huge smile and shook her head.

“I feel bad for the kid.” Sua said which made Yoohyeon pout more.

“You should feel bad for me. I was the one who went through the whole thing,” Yoohyeon threw her hands up to prove a point.

“Still, just imagine the boy was minding his own business and bam he gets a mouth full of dirty water.” Sua shook her head as Yoohyeon told her that she was 21 at the time of the incident. “You could have handled that more maturely.”

“First of all, the room wasn’t flooded and second of all you need to beat fire with fire.” Yoohyeon countered as she puffed out her chest with pride.

“More like dirt if you ask me,” Sua muttered before almost getting hit with a pillow.

“Ya! I heard that besides I bet you have some embarrassing stories that you have yet to tell too,” Yoohyeon responded as Sua only hummed as she tried to go back to her human years, but it was too long ago that she can’t remember many of them.

“Hmmm, I wonder what is a good tale to tell,” Sua gave up on trying to use her human memories and began shuffling through her grim reaper assignments. Yoohyeon motioned Sua to sit on her bed but Sua was too lost in thought to see her action. Yoohyeon huffed and went to grab Sua’s hand which was icy cold. She was about to say something, but she didn’t want to lose contact with Sua’s hand. “Ah,” Sua found the perfect moment and finally noticed that she wasn’t at the entrance of the doorway but rather on Yoohyeon’s bed. “Yoohyeon, why am-” Sua started but her voice died down when she was faced really close to Yoohyeon. Just a couple centimeters away from each other but this was the closest she had been to someone.

Sua was the first one to turn away first but she couldn’t help but have the image of Yoohyeon’s curious eyes on her. Her iris was so different that she had burned the memory into her head. Those faded brown eyes enough to see some black flake like hairs surrounding the fade as if they worshipped her.

“Hehe, I thought you’d be tired standing,” Yoohyeon started as she still didn’t let go and it seemed like Sua didn’t mind the contact either. She gave Sua her signature smile which was flashing her them pearly whites which closing her eyes that still seem to be smiling as well.

“I would have been fine. I’m used to standing most of the time for my job,” Sua brushed it off but she made no attempts to move as she wanted to stay calm and collected person in front of Yoohyeon.

“But story time has to be told in close contact not like 15 thousand feet away,” Yoohyeon exaggerated.

“I was only 3 meters away from you,” Sua stated as she found Yoohyeon being so lively refreshing. “Now do you want to hear my tale or not?” Sus used a serious tone in her voice hoping that Yoohyeon would like the tale she was about to tell. Yoohyeon nodded vigorously like a chicken bobbing its head.

“I was in Japan for one of my business trips. The plane right wasn’t that long and the trip to my hotel was much more normal than yours. I was set to meet a client of mine in a day. So, I decided to go sightseeing.” Sua started as she watched Yoohyeon snuggle in her blankets. “I read that there was this ramen shop built on a mountain and that it’s only open for 3 or 4 hours.” Sua laughed a bit at how weird her story sounded. “The mountain is called Nabewari Mountain and the catch is that the person who owns the entire shop hikes up this mountain everyday and you have to hike there to eat it plus you have to pay like $10.” Sua estimated as she couldn’t remember the exact details but shrugged it off anyways. “So, I set out to the mountain early in the morning the day after and started hiking around 7 in the morning.” Sua smiled as she recalled the memory of her assignment. Yoohyeon yawned as it seems that Sua wasn’t a very good story teller. “I started hiking and I didn’t bring any gear with me because it’s a 4 hour hike no big deal. I had my wallet, baseball cap, backpack and water bottle. So, I’m hiking along the trail and the nature around me was so beautiful and refreshing. I just wanted to stay there since it was so peaceful but at last, I must finish what I had set out to do.”

“Did you take pictures when you were hiking?” Yoohyeon interrupted as she rubbed her eyes as she found Sua’s voice calm and steady. She was getting tired but didn’t want to sleep when Sua was still there.

“Hmm, I didn’t take any picture since I didn’t know how to capture such beauty that in the world with just a simple picture. Plus, I don’t know how to work a phone, technology these days seems to be giving me problems” Sua hummed as she didn’t own a phone, so she told a simple lie. “Where was I oh yes, so around halfway or two thirds into my hike I was getting tired, but I still went on but this time I had to carry one litre of water from the mountain’s stream. Why? You might ask because the chef there uses the ingredients on the mountain to make ramen. It’s a brilliant idea but what I didn’t like is how there’s so many stairs there. The uphill’s and downhills I understand but there were actual built stairs there and I didn’t know when it would end but that rant is for another time. So, I arrive to the shop only to find out that the chef used up all his ingredients for that day and I didn’t get any ramen. A shame really. So, I spent another 4 hours hiking back,” Sua concluded as she looked as the now sleeping Yoohyeon. She smiled as she tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear.

“The ending was that I was following one of the hikers until he collapsed from heat exhaustion and since he was the last one there, he died without anyone finding his body until the next day. It was on the news for a little bit, but it was nothing serious. Though his last wish was that he would be able to hike up the mountain without any troubles. His time was up when he went down and thanked me for helping with his wishes.” Sua confessed as she watched Yoohyeon sleep. “Why would he thank me when I’m the one who took his life? I was assigned to his case and there’s nothing I could do except take him to wherever he’s going.” Sua gritted her teeth as she felt tears falling.

“Oh… you’re here again?” The man wheezed as his strength was slowly leaving him.

“I’m not here again. I was simply hiding so you can enjoy nature by yourself,” Sua deadpanned as she walked up to him. “I’ve always been with you ever since you could see me.” Sua looked into the man’s eyes and she didn’t see his fear anymore. “Was it worth it?” She asked.

“Worth it?” The man questioned as he began feeling sweaty but also cold and some pain.

“Hiking the mountain as your last wish,” Sua stated as her eyes was looking around the forest. The man let out a small chuckle before coughing.

“It was a shame not to eat the ramen up there, but I think it was worth it,” The man began to have some trouble with breathing some more.

“Indeed, it was a shame for you to not obtain the ramen,” Sua agreed as she saw the sad expression on his face when the owner turned him down when he just got to the top of the mountain. “This doesn’t change the fact that you are dying today,” Sua stated the inevitable. “I cannot change your fate, but I can say that you will be in a better place.”

“I know,” He breathed out, “Can you… help me face the forest instead of me looking at the sky?” Sua looked in her notebook and nodded.

“Alright,” Sua helped the dying man to the stream that held the bottles to carry up to the shop. She seated him down so he can hear the water running and the cool air hitting his face.

“Thank you,” He coughed up as his breathing was getting shallow.

“I only did my job,” Sua deadpanned.

“I know but I’m glad that I have you as my grim reaper. So, thank you Sua,” He breathed out as Sua listened to him stop breathing and she only stamped her notebook that had his info. She stood there until the next day where someone found him and finally got him down the mountain. No one saw her even though she had been in front of him the entire time.

Sua checked in her book the list of names she had to go through for the day and made sure she hadn’t missed anyone. Everything was looking good until something unexpected came that made her drop her book.

“No,” She whispered as the cold hard truth was staring right at her. “You can’t do this,” Sua tightened her eyes as her heart dropped with the newfound information. Staring at her was Yoohyeon’s information and her death date was 13 days from now.

Sua slipped into the hospital room just when Yoohyeon fell into a deep sleep but she quickly left. She went to the roof of the building and cried.

 “I wished to be assigned to you and I got my wish but… it’s too soon. I can’t take you away. Not when we finally get to meet and chat. What am I supposed to do in a world where you don’t exist, Yoohyeon? Please don’t leave me.” Sua begged into the silent night as her cries fell to deaf ears.

Sua walked into the room and found Yoohyeon still sleeping and she didn’t have the heart to wake her up. She just wanted to prolong the news as much as she could. So, she just reached out and wanted to caress her cheek but retracted her hand since she didn’t deserve such bliss. Not what she was going to say to her. She had lied too many times to Yoohyeon, and she will be the one who would take her soul away which is the same as killing her.

Yoohyeon stirred awake and saw Sua hovering over her. She smiled knowing that Sua still came instead of leave to not let her sleep all alone. Though she couldn’t see properly she knew that something was wrong with Sua. She turned over to Sua and looked up at her but couldn’t see clearly as her room was dark.

“Why didn’t you turn on the lights?” Yoohyeon sleepily said and she heard a small chuckle.

“Didn’t want to disturb the puppy’s nap time.” Sua smirked when she says Yoohyeon quickly get up from her lying position.

“I’m not a puppy and I don’t need that much sleep,” Yoohyeon huffed as she grabbed her pillow and smacked Sua with it.

“You do. You really do.” Sua said worriedly as she didn’t want to risk anything that might hurt Yoohyeon or bring down her time. She knew all the possibilities that night draws her death closer.

“Just sleep and we will talk another time,” Sua grabbed the now tarnished pillow and set it on the chair. She looked for another pillow for Yoohyeon to use so she can sleep.

“But you’re here,” Yoohyeon whispered as she watched Sua grab pillow of Yoohyeon.

“And I’ll still be here when you sleep. I don’t need to be anywhere any time soon,” Sua replied as she placed the new pillow and fluffed it. Sua pushed Yoohyeon down for her to rest easily.

“I don’t want to sleep when you are around,” Yoohyeon held Sua’s hand and gripped it.

“But my work makes me come here at the dead of night. It’s not good for you and I want you to be healthy,”

“And I want to stay up with you. To spend every second and not waste it because I feel like you’re going to leave me at some point without telling me,” Yoohyeon retorted while Sua flinched and almost pulled back her hand though she was still in Yoohyeon’s hold. Sua looked at Yoohyeon and sighed. I can’t win against those puppy eyes. Curse you my weak-willed self.

“Fine,” Sua gave in as she motioned for Yoohyeon to let go so she could pull up a chair. When she did, she immediately linked hands and fingers with Yoohyeon. She squeezed it and drew a shaky breath. “What am I to do with you?” Sua asked a rhetorical question but Yoohyeon answered anyways.

“Just stay with me,” She pleaded and Sua hated how Yoohyeon doesn’t have much time. She swallowed as she needed to break the bad news.

“I’ll stay with you as long as you want me to be,” Sua said as she prepared herself to tell the bad news. “But I need you to know something.” Sua bit her lip as tears welled in her eyes. “I… uhm... I’m… how do I say this?” Sua said she felt so nervous to even tell her. It hurt to even just tell Yoohyeon that almost all her being was a lie.

“What is it?” Yoohyeon questioned as saw how distressed Sua was being.

“Y-you’re dying,” Sua’s voice cracked even though she had said this line to thousands of people. This simple line was delivered by Sua emotionlessly but to Yoohyeon it was different. A whole world different as she got emotionally connected with her. “And… I’ve… been tasked to…” She swallowed once more as was getting dry. “Take your soul once you pass on,” Sua couldn’t look at Yoohyeon and she loosened her grip on her hand.

Yoohyeon felt like this was the moment where Sua was leaving her. Everything she knew about Sua was a lie, but it seems like she couldn’t care.

“Do I get a wish?” Yoohyeon surprisingly found herself saying.

“Of course you do, I can grant almost any wish you want,” It took Sua a moment for her to recollect herself and answer her question.

“Then my wish is to spend my last moments with you and also can I get some chocolates since apparently you never had any before?” Yoohyeon laughed as she brought Sua’s cold hand to her lips and kissed them. “Won’t you grant this dying person’s wish?” Yoohyeon whispered and Sua nodded her head.

“Of course, anything for you.” Sua gave her a sad smile and tears finally fell from her eyes.