A.N.: Hello! Once again, I have nothing but apologies. I'm very sorry for taking so long to update and keeping you waiting, but you guys were pretty amazing and only gave this story love. Thank you so much for everything, from the bottom of my heart.

On the bright side, this past month I had copious amount of time to write so hopefully there’ll be, at least, an update per week up until February.

Oh! And, Merry Christmas! :')

"She loves me," she says as she pulls one petal from the flower. As she pulls a second petal, she whispers the words 'she loves me not' under her breath, almost afraid to say them any louder.

"She loves me." One more petal falls to the ground. "She loves me not." Another petal floats down as her voice grows increasingly quiet.

"You do know that flowers aren't psychic."

She turns her head to see her fourteen year old friend sit cross-legged beside her.

"The result you end on isn't going to be accurate, it's a game, it can't tell you whether somebody will love you or not."

"I know it's not real, I just like doing it."

Her friend runs her fingers through her hair while she removes the remaining petals, mumbling every word under her breath now. She pulls the final petal off the flower and drops it to the grass to join the rest of the fallen petals.

"What's the verdict?"

She gives her friend a half-smile. "She loves me not."

"And who is this infamous she? Something you're not telling me?"

"Maybe it's somebody I haven't met yet."

"Well if she doesn't love you, why would you want to meet her?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe I could make her fall in love with me."

"I don't think you can make somebody fall in love with you, it's just something that happens. You can't cause it and you can't stop it."

She drops the flower stalk to the ground before pushing herself up of the grass. "Like you said Bomi, it's just a game."

Originally she thought the petal game used to be down to luck but eventually she wised up to the trick of the game and started picking flowers with an odd number of petals.

That way, she'd always win.

Sometimes she wishes life was as simple as that game. You'd be able to tell if somebody loves you or not from something as easy as picking a petal from a flower.

Sadly, life doesn't work like that.

Love isn't a game that you can wise up to the tricks, you can't cheat your way to victory, there's no cheats allowed. Instead you have to follow the process completely from start to finish, no matter how much it hurts. Sometimes, the answer to do they love me is obvious but sometimes, it's anything but.

She'd always been confident that Chorong loved her, she'd never doubted it but now, she's having a lot of doubts about her girlfriend that she never thought she would have.

She throws some clothes into a suitcase, not bothering to fold them, packing has never been something she spends much time doing. Normally throwing clothes is enough for her. She glances around her bedroom searching for anything else she might need to take. She always imagined the next time she'd have to pack it would be because she was going on her first holiday with Chorong.

It's ironic how both she and Chorong are going away only not together.

They're not in the right place to go away together.

When she was sixteen, her parents started fighting on a daily basis. It all started with a few snipes here and there every other week over little things like her father's pathetic attempt to pretend he hadn't been smoking. Things that shouldn't have been an issue yet were. Slowly, those snipes turned into raised voices and the raised voices turned into full blown arguments. As a result, she would sit in her bedroom and try to block their arguments out. Some nights she would stay at Bomi's because she needed a break, she needed to escape her house but most nights; Bomi would surprise her and come to her house.

When she asked Bomi why she always came over, Bomi had told her that she would always be there for her.

It's one of the things she's always loved about Bomi.

How much she cares about her friends.

Bomi has always been there for her without her ever needing to ask and she'll always be grateful to Bomi for being there for her during her parents' rough patch.

Even when they stopped speaking, Bomi would try and start conversations, asking about her parents and whether she was okay. Eunji never answered any questions directed her way by Bomi but it still warmed her heart that Bomi cared.

Finding out that Sohee didn't love her and in fact loved Bomi stung and still stings to this day. Finding out that the person Sohee loved was Bomi rather than her hurt, but what hurt the most was that no matter how hard she tried, it was never going to be good enough.

She was never going to be good enough for Sohee to love her instead.

If anything, she was just second-best to Bomi.

It's stupid and probably her paranoia flaring up but the knowledge that she wasn't good enough for Sohee has led to an unsettling fear that maybe that's what is always going to happen.

There will always be somebody better than her.

She can try and be the best girlfriend possible but at the end of the day, it might not be enough.

You can fall in love with somebody at first sight, it only takes a second but it only takes a second to fall out of love with somebody. You may not realise it's happened right away but eventually, you'll realise that you don't love your partner in the same way and she's terrified of that happening to her someday.

Not on her part because she's irrevocably in love with Chorong, she's terrified that Chorong is falling out of love with her.

After her failed non-existent relationship with Sohee, she didn't really have much luck with women. She didn't put herself out there. The first two years of college, Hayoung constantly attempted to send her on dates but of the ones she agreed to go on, they never progressed to a second date. Incidentally, one of the blind dates Hayoung set her up on had been with a dancer that one of Hayoung's roommates knew. By some strange twist of fate, the dancer turned out to be Namjoo.

Not her soul mate but somebody else's.

Nothing ever happened between her and Namjoo, instead she chose to introduce Namjoo to Hayoung because she knew that the woman was exactly her friend's type.

Besides, Hayoung was too busy focusing on Eunji's love life, or lack of one, to concentrate on her own.

Three years later and Hayoung and Namjoo are getting married.

It's ironic how she seems to have better luck with other people's relationships rather than her own.

She did have a relationship during her final year at college with a woman called Haena which lasted five months but she never felt a gravitating pull towards her. She didn't feel the need to see her, the need to spend time with her; she wasn't in love with her and their relationship ended amicably.

Perhaps rather naively, she thought her luck with women had changed when she met Chorong. When she saw a brunette slip on the ice, she had immediately helped her up because she can only imagine how embarrassing it must have been and she wanted to help. But as soon as she locked eyes with chocolate ones, she felt her heart beat that little bit faster. It's cliché but it's true. She hadn't felt that feeling since Sohee except this time, it was intensified.

As time passed and their relationship flourished, she felt herself falling deeper and deeper in love with Chorong.

She loves everything about her, even her girlfriend's quirks that Chorong decides to label as her flaws.

When she realised how deeply she had fallen for Chorong, it scared her because she hadn't given her heart to anybody. Even though they've been together over a year, it still scares her how much she loves Chorong.

Something that Eunji has always been incapable of explaining or describing but Chorong has this aura surrounding her and it's impossible not to gravitate towards her. In all honesty she was surprised when Chorong announced that she'd only really had one real relationship before Eunji because Eunji had expected Chorong to have been inundated with offers.

She was utterly beautiful.

Their relationship had started off strong and had gone from strength to strength as months passed, her parents adore Chorong and her mom keeps hinting at her that she would quite like Chorong as a daughter-in-law. After meeting Chorong's dads, Chorong had assured her that they loved her and that they never really took to Changsub the same way they took to her. Yet in the last few months, their relationship seems to be falling apart around them.

She's not really sure when she first noticed a change in their relationship, a change in Chorong, but she's pretty confident that it happened after the New Year. After she and Chorong had flown back to Seoul from Cheongju, their relationship wasn't the same and even though she doesn't know what happened in Cheongju, she knows something did.

It could have been something minor or something major but whatever happened, the dynamics of their relationship shifted.

There have been a few little things that Eunji's noticed in the last couple of months; things that don't necessarily mean anything but plague her with worries. Now Chorong doesn't always send her a good morning or good night text now when she used to make sure she'd do it every day. She used to say it was because Eunji was the first thing on her mind when she woke up and the last thing on her mind before she went to bed.

Another thing that's changed has been their sleeping positions. Eunji's always been somebody who likes to cuddle in bed and Chorong used to be the same. Now, whenever they sleep in the same bed, which is a rarity in itself, Chorong lies on her side facing away from Eunji. When she first moved away from Eunji, Eunji didn't really think about it and remained where she was, facing Chorong's back, within touching distance but never closing the distance between them. Now, she sleeps facing the opposite wall creating an inordinate amount of distance between them.

It's rather apt.

The distance that's obviously between them extends to all aspects of their relationship rather than just one aspect.

There are two ways she can deal with what's happening between her and Chorong. She could confront the situation head on or just bury her head in the sand, something which she's subconsciously been doing for a couple of months now.

Even though she knows things aren't okay, she finds that pretending things are okay provides her with some comfort.

"Do you want a hand?" Chorong asks as she stands in the doorway observing her girlfriend pack her suitcase.

Eunji shakes her head. "I'm fine, I think everything will fit." Chorong nods somewhat dejectedly and it pains Eunji.

Chorong sighs softly before leaving the doorway and heading towards the living room. Eunji closes her suitcase and exhales heavily. It's obvious that Chorong has something on her mind, she's being far too nervous and quiet, and whatever is plaguing her thoughts, she hasn't chosen to enlighten Eunji just yet.

She leaves her bedroom in search of her girlfriend but doesn't have to look far; Chorong is sitting on the couch aimlessly flicking through the channels, never stopping on one channel for longer than a second.

"You'll never find out what's on if you skip through them at that speed."

Her girlfriend finally lands on a channel at the voice and puts the remote down, not sure what television show she has actually put on. "I'm pretty quick at reading the guide."

"Yeah, I saw."

"Are you all packed?"

"Not quite yet. I thought I'd take a break and come to talk to you."

Chorong swallows nervously but bobs her head. After leaving Bomi's, she had headed straight for her girlfriend's apartment, and despite the atmosphere that is constantly clouding them now is somewhat frosty, Eunji invited her in but stated explicitly that she needed to pack and couldn't entertain her. She might have been trying to avoid her but Chorong was just glad that Eunji was talking to her.

She thought Eunji would still be mad about finding out about her audition.

As she didn't want to push her girlfriend, she waited rather impatiently until Eunji was ready to talk to her.

It broke her heart to hear her girlfriend question their entire relationship and question the role she is playing in the break down when it's all Chorong's fault. She's the one who has cheated, she's the one that is actively seeking Bomi out even though the blonde has said that they need to stay away from each other and she's the one that is developing strong feelings for somebody other than her girlfriend.

Eunji hasn't done anything wrong.

If anything, the only thing she's done wrong is that she isn't Bomi and that isn't her problem, its Chorong's.

The sight of her girlfriend standing in front of her nervously makes her heart break once more. She always presumed that if you fall for somebody else it must be because you don't love your current partner but that's not true. She does love Eunji and she can't imagine the auburn-haired woman not being in her life but she doesn't love Eunji in the way she did when they first met.

Silence descends over the women and Eunji fiddles with her fingers before taking a seat beside her girlfriend. "We can forget about moving in together, pretend I never asked."

"Do you not want to live with me?"

The question is asked with a playful tone because the tension between them right now is unbearable and she wants to break it, even if just for a second.

"I don't think you want to live with me."

She swallows once more; she most definitely didn't succeed in breaking the tension, if anything she made it worse.

"That's not true, I'm sorry…I'm just…I'm not ready."

"I understand that, I shouldn't have pushed you on it. You told me you'd think about it and I should have left it alone, you would have told me in your own time what your decision was."

Chorong shakes her head slowly. "You didn't push me."

"Yes I did," Eunji says quietly. "I thought you were ready to move forward with our relationship but I was wrong and you don't need to apologise for not being ready."

"Eunji –"

"Did you ever pull the petals off flowers when you were little? Each one represented either 'she loves me' or 'she loves me not'." Chorong nods her head because she's familiar with the game. "I used to love that game, even though it was stupid, I liked the finality of it all. One way or another, you received an answer."

"The answer isn't real though."

"I know. I just wish they were. Things would be so much simpler."

Chorong scratches a non-existent itch above her eyebrow because she knows that Eunji is trying to say she wished their relationship was simpler. Truthfully, Chorong wishes it was too. Subconsciously she her lips and places her hand over Eunji's. "I'm sorry I've been distant."

She really is.

Whatever is happening between her and Bomi, the feelings that are developing between her and the blonde, it isn't Eunji's fault and Chorong shouldn't be treating her differently. Granted things will naturally have changed between them and the dynamics of their relationship have shifted but the little things like informing Eunji about her successful audition shouldn't have changed.

Eunji has never just been a girlfriend; she's always been one of her best friends.

The sad thing is, she's not even really treating her like a best friend anymore.

Their relationship can't last; she knows that, it would be stupid to think that after everything she's done, their relationship could be solved. But when the inevitable happens, she doesn't want to lose her best friend as well as her girlfriend.

"Do you –" Eunji starts before cutting herself off. "Why have you been distant? Is it me?"

"No, it's definitely not you."

"You know, when I was little, I used to love reading fairy tales because no matter what, they always got a happy ending. I always wanted that, the fairy tale happy ending but what the stories don't tell you is how rare they are to get and how much trouble you have to endure before you can reach it."

Chorong tilts her head. "I used to love reading them too. I think everybody has a happy ending out there, you just have to find it."

"Maybe that's true but maybe your happy ending isn't what you think it will be," Eunji says. "Maybe one person's happy ending doesn't match somebody else's."

"Eunji –"

Eunji removes her hand from underneath Chorong's and runs her fingers through her hair. "I thought about not going on this skiing trip, I thought about calling the school and telling to find another chaperone."

Chorong nods silently because she's already heard Eunji tell Bomi this.

"In the end, I decided, with some help from Bomi, that it's probably best if I go. We need some space, I don't know whether I'm smothering you or there's something else wrong but I think space will do us both some good and that way, when I come back, we can celebrate Namjoo and Hayoung's wedding and hopefully we'll have a clearer perspective on things." Eunji curls some hair behind her ear. "On us."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

Eunji places her hand back over Chorong's, entwining their fingers. "No, of course not. I don't think I'd ever be able to break up with you," she breathes out with a laugh and Chorong can't help but grimace because she's pretty sure Eunji would be able to break up with her if she found out about Bomi and Chorong. "I just think we need a break."

"They're practically the same thing."

"No they're not," Eunji reassures her. "Because when I come back from skiing, things will work out for us. I know it; we're going to find an answer to our problem. Trust me."

"I'm really sorry this is happening to us."

Eunji nods slowly but sends a small smile in her girlfriend's direction. "Every couple goes through a rough patch, my parents went through a massive rough patch and they came out the other side. There's no reason why we won't too."

Yes there is.

Chorong's eyes flutter shut before she forces them open. "When do you have to leave?"

"I have to be at the school at 6am tomorrow morning to make sure all the kids are there and get on the bus alright."

"Do you want to do something tonight?"

Eunji nods her head. "I do but I've promised I'll go to my parents' house for dinner." Chorong smiles dejectedly because clearly having space from each other is starting now. "I'll call you tomorrow morning before I get on the plane though."

"Okay."

Eunji tugs her bottom lip between her teeth. "I best finish packing." She pauses momentarily before leaning forward and kissing her girlfriend's cheek.

Once inside her bedroom, she closes the door behind her, leaving it slightly ajar. Instead of opening her suitcase she sits on the bed beside her and buries her head in her hands, breathing heavily. Raising her head, her eyes fall on the flowers that Chorong bought her as an apology for their argument and not telling Eunji about her audition. Chorong had bought her a bunch of tulips, her favourite flowers, and her heart had soared at the fact that Chorong remembered her favourite flowers, even though she'd only mentioned it once when they first started dating.

Standing up she walks over to the flowers and her fingers graze lightly over one of the flower, tracing the petals delicately. If she picked the petals off one by one, she wonders what the answer will be.

She didn't think love was as simple as picking the petals off a flower but perhaps in some lurid way, it is. The more petals you pull off, the worse the flower looks. Maybe the same can be said for relationships. The more doubts and arguments you have, the worse it looks.

The worse it is.

She fiddles with her fingers while Sana rushes about the kitchen preparing dinner for the pair of them. She insisted on making dinner because they hadn't spent much time together in recent weeks and she wanted them to have a catch up.

Basically she wants to have a gossip with her and find out if she's keeping any secrets from her.

Chorong appreciates the gesture now more than anything because after her conversation with Eunji she realised something, she can't keep everything that's happening between her and Bomi a secret anymore. Bomi told Hayoung, she's unloaded part of the burden, maybe it's about time Chorong did the same.

Maybe telling somebody about what's happening between her and Bomi will make her feel better, she'll gain another perspective and a fresh pair of eyes is always useful.

Sana sets a glass of water down in front of Chorong before sitting down next to her at the dining table, sipping her glass of wine. "Dinner won't be too much longer."

"You really didn't need to do all this on your own Sana; I would have helped you cook."

Sana laughs. "You can do the washing up since you're so keen to help."

Chorong bobs her head. "It's a deal."

Sana sips her wine before tilting her head to the side. "How are things with you and Eunji?"

"What do you mean?"

"Last night, in your drunken stupor you told me you'd had an argument," Sana explains. "I asked what about but you told me it was a secret and that was all I got out of you. I must say, although you are an adorable drunk, your ability to keep a secret even after a significant amount of liquor is rather impressive. Have you patched things up?"

Chorong her lips. "It depends what you mean by patch things up. For now, things are okay. I can't tell you whether things will continue to be that way in the future though. Then again, nobody knows what the future holds do they?"

"Are you breaking up with her?"

Chorong shakes her head but doesn't speak.

"Has she said something about not wanting to be with you?"

Again, the brunette shakes her head.

Sana frowns. "Then why wouldn't things continue to be okay between the pair of you. You love each other, I can see that. I've been able to see that since the day you introduced her to me."

"Sana –"

"What aren't you telling me Rong?"

"Sana –"

"Why wouldn't things be okay between you and her?"

Chorong holds her hand up, putting an end to any more questions that Sana might want to ask. "I was going to tell you but you kept interrupting me."

Sana looks sheepish for a second. "Sorry, go ahead."

Chorong exhales heavily before looking at her roommate. "I think I'm in love with somebody else Sana, somebody that isn't Eunji."

Her friend momentarily freezes at the confession. "When you say in love with –"

"I can't stop thinking about her. I know I have a tendency to be dramatic but when I say that she is all I think about nowadays, I'm not over-exaggerating. Whenever I'm with Eunji, I should be thinking about her because she's my girlfriend but I'm not, I'm thinking about somebody else. She told me that we shouldn't see each other anymore and the thought of not seeing her was unbearable so I started seeking her out. Last night, after you went to bed, I went to see her." Chorong curls some hair behind her ear. "I have butterflies in my stomach every time I'm near her."

"May I ask who this infamous woman is?"

Chorong shrugs. "You don't know her."

Sana gives her friend a half-smile. "Then it shouldn't matter if you tell me her name or not, I'm not going to recognise it."

"You'll recognise the name."

"Now you have to tell me who it is."

Chorong furrows her brows but for some reason she can't fault the black-haired girl's logic. "Her name is Bomi."

"Bomi?" Sana repeats before quirking her eyebrow. "She's the one who you couldn't stop talking about before Christmas." She bobs her head. "I guess she really did have the Park Chorong seal of approval."

Chorong smacks her on the arm lightly. "Can you be serious for a minute please, Sana?"

"Sorry," she replies quietly before tapping her fingers against her thigh. "What's she like?"

"I've just told you that I think I'm in love with somebody other than my girlfriend and you're asking me what she is like. Do you not want to shout at me or something? I think I'd appreciate it if you did."

Sana her head to the side. "Why would I tell you off? You can't help who you fall in love with." Sana pauses for a second and studies her friend before gasping loudly. "You've not just fallen for her have you? Are you sleeping with her?"

Chorong doesn't answer and her silence is the only answer Sana needs.

"Are you telling me that you, Park Chorong, the Park Chorong is cheating on her girlfriend?"

"That's a great help Sana, make me feel worse than I already do."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to, it's just…I never expected you to cheat on somebody you love."

"Neither did I," Chorong breathes out. "And just to be clear, I'm not sleeping with her; I've slept with her once. It's not a common occurrence."

"But you'd like it to be?"

"I don't know what I want Sana."

Sana places her wine glass on the table before standing to check on dinner. She returns a couple of seconds later and sits back down. "Okay, first things first, tell me what she's like."

At the mere thought of Bomi, a smile crosses the brunette's face. "She's…she's perfect Sana," she finally says after a few seconds of silence. "I mean, she's not. She's flawed, quite a bit actually especially when it comes to relationships but those flaws…I don't know why but they just make her more perfect to me if that makes sense." Sana bobs her head along with her. "There's just something about her, I can't stay away from her. At first I thought maybe it was because Bomi was new and exciting, she had that bad girl vibe about her and obviously she's undeniably beautiful so I was attracted to her and even though I never expected it to become anything more, I was just kidding myself. As we got to know each other more, I realised that it wasn't just a superficial attraction, I had feelings for her and they've only grown deeper and deeper as time has passed. I liked her, I think I did from the minute I met her but now –" Chorong subconsciously her lips.

"Now it's something more."

"Yeah," Chorong agrees. "Now it's something more." She exhales heavily before catching Sana staring at her out of the corner of her eye. "What?"

"I have never seen you like this."

"Please Sana, tell me what to do."

"If you love somebody else Chorong, it's not fair to string Eunji along. You're only going to hurt her even more."

Chorong shakes her head. "I don't mean to. I don't want to leave her for Bomi and destroy their friendship when Bomi and I…well there isn't even a Bomi and I."

"Have Bomi told you how she feels?"

"She hasn't told me no," Chorong answers her. "I overheard her tell somebody she loved me but she hasn't told me."

"But you know how she feels, why does it matter if she hasn't said it to you?"

"I want her to tell me, I want to hear it for myself," Chorong says. "I know that's probably stupid but I just…until she says it to me, I don't know if I can believe it. Bomi's never lied to me about how she was in the past and now she's saying she's changed because of me but I don't understand why she would. I'm nothing special Sana, she could have anybody, and I probably pale in comparison to some of the women she's been with in the past."

Sana places her hand over her roommates and shuffles a little closer. "You're my best friend Chorong, and despite any flaw, you are amazing, don't ever doubt yourself or compare yourself to somebody else because your flaws only make you a better person. You're Park Chorong, why wouldn't she want to change for you?"

"She hasn't seen my flaws yet."

Sana chuckles. "You've seen hers and it doesn't change the way you feel about her, why should your flaws change the way she feels about you?" Chorong simply shrugs. "You don't fall in love with somebody because they're perfect; you fall in love with them because they're not but they're still perfect to you."

"I never wanted this to happen."

"Nobody ever does," Sana says as she pulls her friend into a hug. "I think you need to tell her what you've told me. From what you've told me, she's been pretty open with you about her past and I'm guessing that can't have been easy for her, maybe it's time you showed her the same courtesy because I bet you, she's probably having these doubts as well. Until you both tell each other how you feel, neither of you are going to know what to do and poor Eunji is going to be hurt."

"I thought you would have told me to break things off with Bomi."

"The first time you introduced me to Eunji, you had this glint in your eyes," Sana explains. "I've seen that glint in your eyes once more and that was the night Bomi gave you a lift home from Namjoo's dance recital. I know you Chorong; you're not the kind of person who has affairs so whatever is between you and Bomi must be serious and you know me, I've never been one to stand in the way of true love."

"True love?"

Sana gives her a lop-sided smile. "In all seriousness, my advice would be to talk to Bomi. Since you don't want to break up with Eunji until you're sure about Bomi, talk to her. That's the only way you're going to be sure and I'm going to give you a harsh truth right now," she explains before standing up. "Tell Eunji the truth or break up with her because if she finds out from somebody else, she'll never forgive you and I know how much she means to you."

"Everything's such a mess."

"Our passion is theatre," she tells her before checking on dinner one final time. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you."