{Chapter 25: Letting go{

I got something to say, Let’s meet up
Now we sit silent, Facing each other
I keep thinking in my head
Should I say this or not
Although I don’t want to

I’d been holding on to you for so long
But now I must let go
There’s nothing I can do for you
It’s the only way to make you happy
So I let go, let go, let go

So you can smile someday
So you can be happy.

I remember our good times
The days of laughter and fun
Memories ever so precious
Fill up inside me
Although I don’t want to

I’d been holding on to you for so long
But now I must let go
There’s nothing I can do for you
It’s the only way to make you happy
So I let go, let go, let go.

Holding on to you
Will do you no good
I know, so I struggle to get you out
The times we had together, our dear memories
I let go, let go, let go
So you can smile someday

∞

The night before:

“I have to tell you something, Changbin-ah” Chan said as Changbin looked at the leader while lovingly the hair of his sleeping girlfriend

“Now, hyung?” he asked as Chan nodded, walking away towards the exit.

Changbin followed Chan as they stood in front of the big glass window at the corridor, looking at the view outside.

“I thought I should keep this away from you but that will do you no good, so I am telling you this not to react but to understand okay?” Chan asked looking blankly at the streets outside as Changbin nodded

“Hani…she’s leaving” Chan said as Changbin nodded, smiling a bit

“Wae? You thought I was such a pabo? I know she’s breaking up with me tomorrow” Changbin said as Chan looked at him

“How did you know?” Chan asked as Changbin looked at the city lights.

“Why would she suddenly appear and give me a date every single day? I saw her tickets to Ulsan” Changbin said as Chan sighed

“Aren’t you mad about it?” Chan asked as Changbin shook his head

“I’m just happy she is going to say goodbye and not just leave” Changbin smiled as Chan turned away

“You know why Felix and Minho are back right?” Chan asked as Changbin nodded

“JYP told us about how we look—”

“Because of Hani” Chan said as Changbin turned to the leader

“I heard them talk the other day…Hani promised she’d break up with you if JYP promised to bring Felix and Minho back” Chan smiled as Changbin clenched his fist.

“She knew, if you had to grow into the star you wanted to be, she had to go. It was a miracle for us, Felix and Minho coming back into the team, but a sacrifice for her.

She knew if she gave you the choice, you’d never leave her. God, she has so much trust in you.

She said she was being wise when she made the decision to leave you; in order for you to smile someday, and so that you can be happy someday, she’s doing all this.

She wanted to hold on and make things work but things weren’t that easy.

So she traded the thing she loved the most to get you what you loved the most – Us, Stray kids. She is giving you up to get you what you cherish the most. ”

“How did you know all this?”

“She told me…so, don’t let her efforts go to waste and make her proud. I trust you as much as she does, Changbin-ah”

Changbin sat in front of Hani as he brushed her hair away from covering her face

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he muttered as he cried

“Why couldn’t you tell me that you were going through so much, jagi? Em?” he muttered as he wiped away his tears.

Changbin sat outside as he tried to muffle his sobs, not wanting to wake anyone up

*I guess I am really letting you go*

Hani walked nervously as she walked inside the practice room – Changbin had almost started a third world war fussing that he wanted to be responsible for the last date for the week.

“Bin-ah?” Hani called, the dark practice room.

“To the girl I love…the one who was planning to go away without telling me goodbye after six last dates…” Changbin’s voice said as Hani froze.

*How did he know?*

“Always come find me okay?” Changbin said as the whole room lit up

“Khamsanmidah Hani-ah…for sacrificing so that you could help us realize our dream” Changbin smiled as Hani felt herself getting teary

“Gosh, this is not how I wanted the last date to go” she chuckled, wiping her tears away.

“I know why everything is happening right now, so just promise me one thing” Changbin said as Hani looked at him

“No matter where we go, what we do…” Changbin said as Hani nodded

“Always find me, yeah?” Bang Chan actually said that to Felix when he was eliminated asdfksgfhjk Changbin smiled, cupping her cheeks

“Just let me have the satisfaction that no matter what happens, you’ll always be the one for me” Changbin said as Hani nodded, tears streaming down their faces

“I promise” she smiled as Changbin leaned in to kiss her.

The last date; the last kiss;

Everything was finally leaving me and going away; I was now walking away from Stray Kids to another city I didn’t know anything of.

But when I come back when everything is said and done, will our kiss still feel like our last kiss?
Will you be okay?

“Stop kissing!” a voice (I know it was Felix!) shouted as Changbin and Hani pulled away, turning to the boys

“Oh god, how long have they been standing there?” Hani sighed embarrassed as she looked at the guys with cake and balloons

“We’re gonna send you off nicely and well” Chan said proudly as Hani smiled warmly at her kids.

Hani-yah,

I know it must be hard for you to go away like this. I wonder, at least Changbin has us – Stray Kids. But you? Who will keep you company when you’re sad?

Will you have someone to share your sorrows with or happiness with?

Alone, like that…

I wish I didn’t have to send you off like that. I wish I could be the one to take care of you, tell you that you’re never alone.

But I have to be here for the kids, for Stray Kids.

So, I promise you one thing. I’ll lead us to the top so that you can come to us very soon.

Until then, Chan loves you ^^

Thank you Hani-ah.

Chan’s POV:

Perhaps one of the many things I won’t tell Hani or anyone is that Changbin cried a lot, and the day after that and then the day after that.

He wrote rap that only spoke of heartache, while he pretended to be okay and smiled in front of the camera for Hani to see and be happy, he was breaking.

He’d be practicing and suddenly stop and breakdown, he’d be eating his meal and then smile randomly and he kept watching the last movie they watched together. Was it normal?

The aftermath?

But what about Hyunjin?

What about him constantly missing school and practice? What could I have to say about that? Why was he constantly lost in his own world?

Why did Hani leaving us have such a big impact on Stray Kids?