- 6 -

I felt tears threaten my eyes as I walked down the street away from that stupid apartment. I kicked a hurricane fence as I passed, feeling like I needed to take out my anger on something, someone...but who?

I should've stopped caring a long time ago, I should just get over myself, get over the fact that my mom doesn't love me anymore. I remind her too much of dad, I remind her too much of the good times, and she couldn't stand the pain.

She was weak, fragile, stupid, horrible...there were tons of names I could call her, but every single one of them hurt.

I tugged my bag tighter against my back as I pressed forward towards school. I was early, but I didn't care. I couldn't stay at my house, and I had forgotten to make my lunch, so I knew I wasn't going to be able to eat till at least 4:20 when I got home.

I had no money to buy lunch at school, and I was already hungry.

I wanted to hate my mom, because she deserved it. She didn't deserve to have my love, because she mistreated it, she stomped around on my heart when she was supposed to be mending it. I knew she didn't mean to hurt me, I knew she didn't mean to get lost when dad died, but she was a damn mother.

And I had raised myself pretty much through adolescence.

I thought I had a good week without her here, but in reality, I only had a good week because she wasn't there to remind me about everything. She wasn't there to ignore my "I love you's" and she wasn't there always high or drunk, reminding me that my dad was the reason she was like that.

The only reason I had a good week was because she wasn't there to remind me of all my ing life problems I had.

She reminded me of reality, and of how ed up our family is now because of my dad's death.

I walked into school grounds, checking my watch and noticing I was fifteen minutes early. I trudged to my locker, hoping to waste some time. I turned the lock, opening it and grabbing my Pre-calculus book and slamming the door shut.

The hallway was empty, I had probably beat some teachers here. I rested my head against the cold metal of my locker, not caring if I looked like a .

My heart was hurting.

I felt the tears threaten to emerge again but I refused this time, I couldn't let them come. Not here. I walked to the bathroom, I looked into the mirror to see my reflection. I looked okay, my features didn't give away that I was depressed, lost, ed up.

I looked normal, except for my bloodshot eyes.

I could pull through this day, if I could go all day without someone realizing there was something terribly wrong with me, I would be okay.

I fixed my hair, checking my watch again, seeing that the bell should be ringing in five minutes. I blinked, trying to get rid of the sad look.

I didn't want to be here today, but I needed to be, because I had missed a lot already. I was smart, but if I didn't go to school, I couldn't learn. I needed to be here, even if I was on the verge of breaking.

Then my thoughts wandered to Mrs. Jung.

I felt my heart ache, but thinking about her made it better. It made the pain numb inside my chest. I rested my back against the wall, finally feeling better than I did.

But the pain was still there.

Then the bell rang, signaling us to first hour.

_____

Jonghyun had done most of the talking in first hour, but he was getting little to no response from me. I knew it was a bad idea, because this threatened the possibility of him asking what was wrong.

And if that happened, I might break down.

He looked at me, eyeing me, and I prepared myself for his question, "You tired?"

It wasn't what I expected, but I answ