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I remember the call from the police that night. I remember the pain, the hurt inside my chest as I laid in my bed and cried. I remember soaking my angelic white pillow, missing school for days because every time I thought about that night, I would break down and cry. I remember withdrawing myself from everything, everyone.

Even my own mother. 

But she withdrew from me, too and she became attached to something that could give her more pleasure than I could. Something that could take away the pain, something that was now killing her slowly, and I couldn't do anything but watch her kill herself. 

Because she didn't listen to me. I don't even think she remembered me sometimes. 

I laid in my bed, it was unfamiliar. We had just moved to this new apartment and I didn't like it. Starting over for the fifth time in the last four years, well, I still wasn't used to it.

My room wasn't decorated. The walls were stained. It wasn't a new apartment, and in a way it smelt of mold and old perfume. I had my own room though, and maybe I was going to actually like being in this town. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't tiny either. It didn't seem like that kind of town that when you did something wrong, the entire town knew within 24 hours. It was a quiet town, and I was hoping that the people here were going to mind their own business, unlike the other four we were in.

I heard my mom downstairs, "Taeyeon, I'm leaving!"

I answered bluntly, not really caring whether or not she was leaving, because I knew I was going to be home alone for a couple days at least, "Bye."

Then I heard the door slam.

In the first year that my father had passed, my mother had went through some serious depression. I was the kid, I was supposed to be the one that needed comforting, but I found myself comforting her. I would hide the alcohol, and try to get her to talk to me, but she was so withdrawn from the real world, I just gave up.

I hadn't heard my mother tell me she loved me in the last two years, and it used to get to me, especially when I would tell her and she would just look at me. Now...well, I was used to the absence. I was used to the loneliness, and the constant grumbling of my stomach because I never ate enough.

I walked down the hall, feeling the cold linoleum under my bare feet. I was cold, and I wrapped the blanket that was lying on the couch around my slim shoulders. I found a box of cereal, it was most likely stale, but it was food, and I poured the rest into a bowl. I opened the fridge, seeing only a bottle of fruit juice, and an orange. I shook my head, there was no milk. I held the bowl under the sink, turning on the water and running it over the cereal. I sat at the counter, wondering how I was going to pay for lunch tomorrow.

I was going to be starting school.

I forced the cereal down my throat, I was right, it was stale, and so bland, but I continued to eat it. Anything tasted decent when you were starving, and I wasn't even sure when the last time I ate was.

Maybe yesterday...for breakfast?

It was now Wednesday night.

I would start school on a Thursday, it was probably a bad idea but it really wasn't my fault. 

Ok, maybe it was, but I had been trying to conjure up the courage to actually get dressed and go, but I was afraid. I didn't know what to expect, and I know I should be used to starting over but it was hard every single time.

Everyone was the same. They all judged you by what you wore, what you looked like, and even though I was actually a pretty girl, I didn't wear the most expensive things. They were usually from Dongdaemun Market, or Hongdae Shopping Street, because my mom liked to save the money for groceries...in other words, drugs and alcohol.

I tried to look the best I could, even though my clothes weren't name brand, I still pulled it off. I had knock off chucks, but instead of paying 60,000 won for them, I actually paid 15,000.

I walked back upstairs after washing my bowl and brushed my teeth, realizing I needed more tooth paste. I walked over to my growing list of actual groceries and I jotted down some things I needed, including toothpaste and a new toothbrush. 

I climbed into my bed again, feeling the faint warmth surrounding me, and in a way I felt a sense of ease. Maybe this town was a good, fresh start, and maybe this was going to be different. 

But the money wasn't going to come on its own.

I needed a job. I needed something to bring in money because I knew that all my mom was going to do was to pay the rent and utilities.

The rest went to drugs.

Not food, not clothes...nothing. Just drugs, and I needed food.

I pretty much lived alone, so that meant I shopped alone, I walked everywhere I went...never really having enough money to even buy a little transportation. But I was in shape from it, even though I was a bit too skinny to some people.

Well, most people.

Soon enough I felt the drowsiness setting in, and my eye lids were getting heavy. I stared at the light colored wall, wondering if I was going to like school tomorrow, and if I was going to meet anyone special.

Then I fell into a deep sleep.

_____

I woke to my alarm. I had set it the night before to make sure I woke up in time for school. I punched the off button and slowly pulled my limp body out of my bed. My eyes were heavy, but I knew once I got up and got moving I would be okay.

I walked into the bathroom, using the last of my toothpaste and brushed my teeth. I ran my hand through my hair, and I was thanking God I didn't have a mess to deal with this morning. My natural dark brown waves fell down and I was glad I had washed my hair as well. 

I would look normal today at school.

I dabbed on a bit of mascara but not to much, I needed to save it. Make-up was expensive. The good thing about me was, I was pretty, I had a good complexion, no pimples or blemishes. My onyx eyes that held fake happiness in front of strangers so they wouldn't have to know my pain. 

Walked into my room I pulled out a thin T-shirt and pulled a gray zip-up over it, tugging on some jeans and my gray knock-off chucks. I threw my bag over my shoulder, making sure I had my binder full of paper and my pen and pencil, and a calculator one of my other math teachers had given me a year ago.

I pushed my hands into my jeans as I began to walk towards the door and I felt something like paper inside my hand. I gripped it, pulling it out and realizing it was a fifty thousand won bill.

My heart dropped inside my chest, I hadn't had this much money in my possession in months! Where did this even come from?

I stared at it, not even wanting to bring it out of the house, but I knew if mom found it I would never see it again, and I wouldn't be eating either. 

I shoved the money back into my pocket, feeling like it was a sign that today was going to be a good day. Even though I was starting over at a new school and everything, the money represented a good omen, and I wasn't going to let anything bring me down.

I finally started towards school, not forgetting to lock the door and I threw my hood over my head as the morning dew threatened to dampen my nice looking hair. It was cool outside, but it also held humidity, and I knew that it would take at least ten minutes to walk to school.

I didn't live far.

I had actually walked plenty of times to the school, and past it of course, so I knew exactly how to get there, and different ways to get there to.

And soon enough I saw it come into view, and I realized how anxious I really was to enter it. There were people filing in, completely comfortable with being here, chatting with their friends and not giving a care in the world.

But I was nervous, and I made my way to the office, or what I guessed to be the office. I walked up to the counter, clearing my throat, "Hi...I'm Kim Taeyeon. I registered this Monday with my mom?"

The lady at the front counter looked up, and she spoke, "If you registered Monday, why are you showing up Thursday for your first day?"

I scratched the back of my head, not really wanting to deal with this lady anymore, "Uhm...well I just moved here...and...I'm not sure."

She rolled her eyes, sighing and printing out two papers for me, and handed them over the counter. "The first one is your schedu