-Mijoo-

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"I don't want to break up with you." He towered over me. There are a few times when Sungyeol would use his height to intimidate me. This, is one of them.

"But I do." I replied curtly and stood on my toes, trying to keep my tone strong even as I felt the struggle to continue to stand that way.

"You always said that, but you never mean it." Sungyeol stated.

He is right. I said it almost every time we fight, but not once did I ever mean it.

"oh yeah? maybe I do this time."

I don't.

"I am hungry. we should continue this conversation over dinner." He bent down to grab his backpack.

"I am not hungry." I replied stubbornly.

"I have promo voucher for shabu-shabu." he smirked. 

Shabu-shabu is my favorite food, but I don't like eating it alone. Not many people I know are fond of it, so whenever someone offer to eat with me, I never pass it off. I hate that he knows my weak point. I hate that -beautiful- smirk. I hate him. 

No...

I don't hate him...

I love him.... 

but I am weak. I hate drama and for as long as I am with him... I could never escape drama.

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"Can I explain to you now?" he said while finishing the water in his cup.

I was minded to say no. My stomach was full with good food, hence I was in a good mood. I promised myself that I would stand to my point, but now I cant even remember them. I am worried I might give in, like I always do.

"I didn't lie to you. I was going to tell you." he started.

Just like that, I was fired up again. What he said was enough to remind me of the whole story, why I was so mad. I found out that he went to have dinner with someone whom he promised me he would never meet (casually) anymore.

I sigh. "when? tomorrow? next week? next year?"

"Soon, I really was going to."

"But you didn't even when I asked you."

"I did."

"No you didn't at first, not even when I asked you the second time. You finally told me only after I asked you the third time."

"it is true. but i didn't lie." he insisted.

"are you seriously going to keep saying that? you know that for me omission is still a lie right?"

"I didn't omit to you either. I was going to tell you."

I slapped my chopstick on the table.

"first I asked you 'who came for dinner?' and you said 'Cung ha.' and I asked you again 'only Cungha?' and you answered 'Sung yeon and Cungha.', I asked you for the third time, 'was na eun there?' and you finally answered 'yes.'. You still dont think it was lying or omission? especially after you promised me that you wont hang out wit her again."

"No, because I was going to tell you."

I shook my head, "I don't understand. Why do you still met her in the first place? i thought you understand where I am coming from."

"I do. but it's not that easy. She is my friend, we are in the same movie project team."

"and I am your girlfriend."

He sighed, "Why don't you try to get to know her more? she is a nice girl, maybe you will like her."

"Do we have to go through this conversation again?" I asked in frustration, "I know she is a nice girl, I dont hate her. I just dont like how you treat her."

"but that's how I treat all my close friends." he pointed at me then, "I treated you like that."

I leaned back against the chair and folded my arms in front of my chest, "yes and looked where that got us? tadaaah... I am your girlfriend. don't you see a pattern there? why do you think I fell for you? it's exactly because of the way you treated me."

Sungyeol paused, it seemed like he was processing my words. 

"I really dont want to be one of those girlfriends who get jealous and possessive over their boyfriend. but I also refuse to share you with another girl."

He hurriedly reached for my hand, as if worried I might runaway, "but you don't have to. There really is nothing going on between me and Naeun. Also, she has a boyfriend."

"Exactly! which is why I am even more frustrated." I pulled my hair up and pretending to tie it up even though I didn't, a gesture that I do whenever I am frustrated, "when she had problem with her parents, why did she have to ask YOU to listen to her problem? why not her boyfriend?"

"I was around when it happened. her boyfriend was working part time."

"and I was sick!" my voice started to shake as I recalled that day. "I was sick all day and you know it. I called you asking for you to come home but asked me to wait... you told me that she needed you."

Sungyeol lowered his head, "I am sorry."

"I just dont understand. What else need to happen before you can finally really understand how I feel? how many more times do I have to get hurt before you decided that I am more important than her."

"but you are! you are more important than her."

"I am sorry, but after everything, I find that hard to believe." I shook my head. 

"what do you want me to do? stop being friends with her completely?"

I didn't say anything in return. He knew exactly what my answer would be, I have told him before, even though it ended up in us fighting. It hurt me so much when we did, because it was as if he was fighting for her.  

He got up from his seat and moved to the one next to mine. He pulled me against his chest and hugged me tightly "Ok listen, I promise next time I will tell you when my group has plans out, and I promise, unless necessary, I won't hang out with her again."

I spoke quietly, "maybe you shouldn't promise... if you dont think you can keep it."

"what did you say?" he asked, not being able to hear what I said. 

"nothing."

 

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