KEI

 

"Jangjun quit?" I asked in surprise. 

We were both sitting in the living room doing our own things when Myungsoo suddenly mentioned the new guy whom he hired in replacement of Jangjun. 

"Yes, didn't he tell you?" Myungsoo replied casually, without stopping what he was doing, typing things on his laptop. 

"No." 

Jangjun's phone was taken by his company around a month ago, so the only communication I had with him was when I met him in the cafe. He hasn't been coming in to work the past week, but I just assumed that was because he has been busy training. 

"He submitted his resignation letter one month ago." Myungsoo continued.

One month ago? we still met each other then. Why didn't he tell me? 

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked Myungsoo instead. 

"I thought you already knew. You guys are so close." he shrugged. 

That's what I thought too... 

"Where are you going?" Myungsoo asked when he saw me getting off the sofa.

"I'm going for a walk."

"Can you buy tteokbokki for me?" he gave me a smile for the first time that day. He rarely does that. This is one of those occasions, when asking for something. 

I turned around, contemplating on saying no, but If I said no, he would try to convince me otherwise and I wasn't in the mood to see more of his 'smile'.

"Fine." I said finally. 

 

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Holding two cups of hot chocolate in my hand, I waited while sitting on the only red bench in that park. I did it so that Y could find me easily, but turned out, it was me who spotted him first. It was so easy to find him in a crowd, there's something about Y that makes him stood out. It is the combination of his face, his style and the way he walks. 

There he was, walking in black t-shirt and black pants. It was so simple and yet so attractive at the same time. Even the girls around him would stop and stare when he walked passed by them. I would be lying if I said that I don't think he's attractive. 

"Y." I called out and waved my hand to get his attention.

He skipped his way towards me once he noticed, "Hi. Did you wait long?" 

"No." I passed him one of the cups. "Sorry to ask you to meet last minute."

"Don't be sorry. This is the first time you ever ask me out first, I feel happy." he took a seat next to me. 

Now that he mentioned it... he was right. All these times, it was always him who reached out to me first. Wait... am I being inconsiderate with him? asking him to meet to talk about Jangjun, even when I knew about his feelings for me?

Y took a sip of his drink. Even just doing that small movement, he looked very handsome. 

Wait... what am I thinking?? 

"So? what's up?" his question broke my train of thoughts.

"Huh?" 

"You called me, must be because you needed something, right?" he asked, right on the spot.

"No, of course not." I quickly denied, "I just wanted to hang out with you, is all."

Why did I lie? 

"Really?" Y's eyebrow was raised in suspicion. 

I gave a nod, simply because I could no longer repeat the lie. 

"Ok, I'll take it, then." Y leaned backward against the bench, "What do you want to do?"

"You always let me decide what to do or what to eat. What about you? What do you want to do?"

Y's face show a big surprise, "Is this my birthday today? why do I feel so special?" 

I laughed awkwardly, feeling even more guilty thinking about how I have been treating Y in the past. I have always taken his kindness for granted, both knowingly and uknowingly. 

"In that case, I want to go karaoke." Y said. 

"Ok, call!" I replied excitedly. I love to sing, but I am too shy to do it in front of other people. Even when our cafe has karaoke event with the staff, I always refused to sing whenever I was given the mic.  

 

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"Do you want to drink anything or snack?" Y asked while looking at the menu on the table. 

I shook my head. I didn't need food nor drink, I had a few songs that I wanted to sing in my head and I wanted to get them on the list before I forget them. 

A lot of thing surprised me that night. One, I surprised myself at how confident I was despite having other people watching me sing and dance. This could partially or mostly be because of how comfortable Y makes me feel around him. Two, Y has a very very beautiful voice. It got me wondered as to why he didn't join Jangjun and try to be a singer. Three, because of the good atmosphere, we ended up ordering some alcohol drinks, which I don't usually do. However, Y ended up stopping me when he thought I have drank too much and took all the drinks away except for water. Four, and the most embarassing out of them all, was me crying while singing a ballad song, thinking about Jangjun. 

"Why are you crying?" Y cupped my face in his hands and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. "Are you not feeling well?" 

I shook my head. I stopped singing and let the music ran in the background. 

Y looked at me knowingly, it was as if he knew what was going on. "Is it because of Jangjun?" 

I couldnt say a word. Hearing that name made me cry even more. 

Y looked away from me. He lowered his head down, "Actually... I knew why you called me and asked to meet up. Jangjun quit working in your cafe, right? and he didn't tell you about it." 

Despite not having anyone to sing, the song kept on playing in the background. Neither of us stop it either. Neither of us cared about anything else at that time. 

Y continued talking without waiting for my response. 

"They have decided to debut him in a group. That's why he couldn't contact anyone, even you. I only found out about it when he packed his things and moved out from our place to his new dorm. I am not supposed to say this to anyone either, but seeing you like this...." he said in a pained voice. "... do you like him that much?" 

I shook my head, but who was I lying to? him or myself? 

"You should stop... you will only get hurt." Y turned his body, now facing me completely. "right now he won't be able to focus on anything other than his career." 

"But, I don't know how..." I replied desperately. I wanted to stop too. I had tried, so many times. but the more I knew him, the more I fell for him. 

"Look at me then, only look at me." Y sat up straight, and at that moment, I saw something different in him. It was not the usual laid back, gentle Y. He was very serious and determined. 

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I have told you this before, I like you... a lot." he said easily but seriously. "I will help you to forget your feeling for him. All I am asking is for you to give me a chance. Be with me." 

I shook my head, "How can I do that when all I can think about is him?" 

"I am fine with it." Y looked at me with much conviction. So much that it made me really believed in what he said.

The fifth and the last thing that surprised me that night was the fact that I said yes to him. It didn't feel right... but at the same time, it felt good. 

 

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