RYU

---PAST---

 

"It's Saturday night. What are you doing home?" mom threw a pillow at me. I saw it coming but I didn't stop it from hitting my head. 

I picked the pillow up and hugged it, "Why can't I be at home? you should be happy I am around." 

"You have been home way too much lately. Did you stop seeing Sunggyu because he has a girlfriend now?" mom teased. 

"I don't care about Sunggyu." I sulked. 

Mom didn't laugh at my joke, so I finally looked at her. "Your dad is coming tonight." she said. 

I didn't have to know more. That was pretty much my cue to leave the house. 

"Will you ever meet him?" mom asked while she followed me to the room. 

"No." I grabbed my things, might have packed more stuff in my bag than necessary. But it is better to pack more than less. There is no way I would go back when he's around.  

"I will let you know once he leaves, don't go too far." 

"Ok." I gave her a smile, only because I know that it is not her fault. Well, it is partially her fault, but she sacrifised everything to raise me, so I can't stay mad at her for longer than I already did. "I go first kay?"

I couldn't try to leave the house any faster. Bumping into him would be the worst thing, worse than bumping into Sunggyu and his girlfriend.

But unfortunately for me, my luck just hasn't been good lately or ever... The door to the elevator opened and I saw the face that I wanted to see the least in the world. 

"Sujeong." dad looked as shocked as I was when he saw me waiting outside the elevator, which he happened to be on.

I tried to ignore him, but he had a completely different plan.

He touched me by the shoulder, "wait."

I shrugged his hand off, as if it was full of germs. 

"Where are you going? Can't we talk for a little bit?" he asked with a hurt look on his face. 

How dare you give me that look! I wanted to say to him. How can he talk to me as if nothing happened, as if he didn't do anything to me or to my mom. As if we are still family.

I saw mom standing outside our door with a worried look on her face, so I didn't do what I wanted to do. I didn't because I love my mom and I didn't want her to worry more than she already was. So I decided to leave quietly. Without answering his questions, I stepped inside the elevator and quickly pressed the button. I stared at him as I waited for the door to close. This man has no control over my life, and I wanted him to know that.

Unfortunately for me, it was far from the truth. 

 

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"Can you give me another one?" I said out loud, trying to beat the loud noise in the background. 

The bartender shook his head, "I think you should take it slow." 

"I don't want to take it slow." I waved my hand to gesture for him to give me more, "come on." 

"No. come back in an hour." he said stubbornly. 

Knowing I would not win this argument, I decided to leave the bar and moved on to the dance floor. However, that was not the best move because I felt like all the drink that I took are forcing their way out of my throat. 

I went outside to get fresh air. I am still not used to this whole 'drinking' thing, so I definitely over estimated myself just now. One thing I learned from being drunk is that you can have both full clarity and zero clarity at the same time. I started thinking about Sunggyu and my dad. My dan and Sunggyu. Two man that I loved the most and the same two man that dissapointed me the most. 

My phone was ringing and I picked it up without checking the caller ID. 

"Halo~"

"Where are you?!" Sunggyu's voice was on the other side of the call. He sounded furious.

"Who is this?" I pretended not to know.

"Sunggyu!" he spoke even louder, "Tell me, where are you now?!" 

"Why are you so angry?" I slurred.

"Ryu, I swear if you don't tell me where you are right now, I will..." 

"I am outside a club, sitting on the stairs, staring at my feet." I cut him off. I had headache enough as it is. Him yelling at me definitely didn't help.

"What?? what club??" he raised his tone again.

I vaguely told him where I was. 

"Don't move, wait for me to come and pick you up." he said sternly before ending the call.

Feeling rebelious, I did exactly completely opposite of that. I forced myself back inside the club. I dove through the crowd and returned to my previous spot in the bar.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you have left." the bartender asked the moment he saw me. 

"You promised to give me more after one hour. It is now...." I clumsily checked the time on my phone, "... one hour 10 minutes since I last had my drink." maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, who kept track really.

"Fine. But take it slow." he finally poured me another shot and slid the glass in front of me. 

"I love you." I took it and finished the content in one shot. I tapped the empty glass on the bar counter, "another one."

He shook his head, "take it slow, remember?" 

There was something about the gentle way he spoke, something about it that makes me want to listen to him. So I did. I waited in between shots, only taking them as he allowed me. Even when he pushed glass of water to me instead of vodka, I still took it. 

"What's your name?" I asked. 

"Daeyeol." he answered. 

"I like you Daeyeol." I leaned forward, "Do you want to take a shot together with me?" 

For the first time that night, he smiled, but what came out of his mouth next is unexpected, "I don't think your boyfriend will be happy if we do."

"Huh? what boyfriend?" I frowned. 

Daeyeol pointed with his head towards somewhere behind me. I turned around and saw Sunggyu was standing there with arms folded in front of his chest. He looked angry, like really really angry. I have never seen him that angry before. 

"He's not my boyfriend. He is my teacher, wait no, technically, he is not my teacher. He was only teacher assistant and he taught music... I don't take music class. He has resigned too... so anyways... he is not my boyfriend" I told Daeyeol nonsense, as if seeing Sunggyu there didn't shock me to death. Maybe that was the power of the alcohol, it took out the element of surprise. 

"Ryu, let's go." Sunggyu held my arm and tried to pull me away from the bar, but I fought him. 

"No. I want to stay here with Daeyeol!" I freed my arm from his grip and returned my attention to Daeyeol. "So tell me... how old are you?"

Daeyeol didn't answer my question. He just looked at me and smile, all the while his hands never stop preparing drinks for other people.

Even in the dark and loud club, I could tell Sunggyu was sighing. He didn't do anything for a short minute and I wondered if he was going to give up and leave me there. After a while, he moved, but instead of leaving like I thought he would, he moved closer to the bar.

I saw him calling Daeyeol from the side of the bar. They were talking to each other but I couldn't hear what it was about. It didn't take long before Sunggyu came back to where I was. He put his arm around my waist, holding me firmly right next to his body. 

I was supposed to fight back, but I didn't have the energy nor the will to do it. Instead, I wanted to stay like that forever.

Sunggyu led me through the crowd. I didn't know how he did it, but it was as though we didn't just try to squeeze in between the sea of people. He held me so strongly that I was never out of balance, even when people bumped into me.

When we finally reached outside he pulled me to one corner and started scolding me. 

"What were you thinking? going to a club and drinking like that?" 

"What is it to you?"

"Your mom called me. She was worried about you." 

"Well, thank you for relaying the message. You can go now." 

Sunggyu closed his eyes slowly in frustration while massaging his forehead with his fingers. 

"I'm serious, you can go now. I can take care of myself." I repeated. I am sure I was acting like a brat then, but I couldn't really care less, or rather, I couldn't think less.

"How did you even manage to go inside? you're not even legal yet."

"As a matter of fact, I am of legal age to drink and go inside a club. I just turned 20 a few weeks ago." 

"What? why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?"

"Why should I? you are not my boyfriend." I stuck my tongue out.

"Is that why you're acting like this? because of me?" 

I laughed and brushed it off, "Don't be ridiculous. You are not that important to me." 

"Is it because of your dad?"

I looked at him unhappily, "what do you know about my dad and how do you know about it?"

"Your mom told me about it." 

"Why would she tell you?" 

Out of nowhere, Sunggyu held my hand and pulled me in for a hug. I gladly took it this time. I wrapped my hands around his waist and hugged him back, "Why are you hugging me?" 

Sunggyu patted my head repeatedly and gently while saying, "It must have been very hard for you... you did well..."

I buried my face in his chest. It is true. I have been feeling y the whole day after bumping into dad. I couldn't cry no matter how much I wanted to. I have stopped feeling sad about him years ago, but the anger and dissapointment lingers even until now. 

"I'm sleepy..." I muttered.

"Let's go home." Sunggyu kissed me on the head one time before pulling away. 

Sunggyu was almost like a completely different person that night. Usually I would try everything to get close to him but no matter what he always leave just a little bit of a distance between us. That night, he kept me close to him. So close that I could feel the warmth of his body, the smell of his perfume. Even when I was falling asleep, he would move my head so I could rest it on his shoulder.

The only thing I could wish for now is for all this not to be a dream. I hope when I wake up in the morning I will still remember every single details of tonight.

 

 

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