-Kei-

*crash*

All heads are turned towards the source of the breaking sound.

"again?" Myungsoo sighed in frustration. He got up from his seat abruptly. 

I watched as he walked towards Jangjun. With a hand gestures, he asked Jangjun to follow him.

The other staff helped clean up the mess he left behind. 

This is the third time today, him dropping things and breaking them. It is so unlike Jangjun. 

I couldnt help but to feel worried about him. 

Myungsoo returned to the table moments after.

"What happened to Jangjun?" I asked. Jangun was nowhere to be seen.

"He is not feeling his best today, so I sent him home."

"You wont fire him, will you? He is not usually like this, he is very good at his job. Please give him another chance."

Myungsoo looked at me all weird, as if I was growing another head. He then gave me a teasing smile.

"I thought you wanted me to fire him?"

Feeling blushed, I looked down to avoid his observant gaze. "Well... our cafe has been getting more customers since he started working here... so..."

Myungsoo gave me a frown but he didn't ask further. 

"I need to go." I abruptly gathered my things and shoved them inside my bag. "My laundry, I need to take them down before it starts raining."

I stepped outside and looked up to the sky, it was turning darker because of the cloud. Within seconds, I started to feel the first raindrop at the top of my head.

"Laundry!" I hurried to the bus stop. Wondering if it makes any difference at all, since I still have to wait for the bus. 

My steps slowed down, but not because of the rain, that by now has already started pouring down. It was because I saw Jangjun there, sitting in the bus stop, alone. His head was bowed down, both hands were rested each on his thighs, hair slightly drenched not soaked. He didn't shake it off like he always do but instead the rain ran on his temple down to his cheek and jaw.

I couldn't quite say it in words but I felt something in my chest as I looked at him sitting silenty, not like the Jangjun that I came to know the last few months.

After hesitating for a while, I decided to approach him.

"Hi." I said as I stopped right next to him. 

He looked up. 

I dont know why but at that moment, I was hoping he would be happy and show me a smile, Jangjun's one dimple smile.

But he didn't. 

He did give me an acknowledging smile, but it was so small and quick that I almost didn't catch it. Had it not for me staring intently at his face, I probably wouldn't. 

"Can I sit here?" I asked.

He shrugged.

I sat anyway. 

Silent. Nothing but the sound of the rain and the cars that passed by us.

I had nothing to say...why cant I think of anything to say?

"I am sorry for today." he said with a hoarse voice. 

"It's ok. It happens." I tried to laugh it off awkwardly. "Are you okay, though? you seemed a bit down."

"honestly..." He paused. I saw his hands fidlling with each other, "I want to be a singer someday."

"oh that's very cool!" I exclaimed.

He got up abruptly. "It's not!"

I was startled by the raised -half yelling- tone. 

He must have noticed too, his change of tone, I meant. because after that, with his back still facing me, he apologized.

"I have been training for almost 4 years now." he continued in a more calm manner. "They told me that this year will definitely be my year... and I was so close .."

His back was shaking, or was it just my imagination? he has yet to show his face to me so I cant help but to guess what he was feeling. 

"... yesterday they told me that there is a new trainee coming in from America, and that he will be in the group that will debut end of this year, and because of that... they told me I might have to wait for the next one."

"what?!" I got up from my seat and started rambling while pacing back and forth, "that is so not fair! who is this guy?? how long has he been in the company? why does it have to be you who got pushed back? they will regret this, so much! they dont know what they are missing..."

I paused and turned, Jangjun was staring at me with a shock look on his face. 

I sat down and looked away, embarrassed.

I could hear him laughed, longer that necessary. 

After what seemed like a century long, he finally stopped laughing. He took a seat next to me.

"Thanks for that." he said, "but you are just saying that for me, right? how do you know that they are making a mistake? maybe this guy really is better than me."

"but still... what about loyalty? and hard work? and trust?"

"Apparently, there is no such thing. I am just one of the irreplaceable ones after all..." he laughed dryly. 

"I saw you..." I said in whisper.

"hmm?"

I saw you, practicing during your break... I saw you dancing on your feet everytime you wash the dishes. I dont know what makes a singer better than the other, but I do know that when you dance, you make me want to dance too. I know that your singing -and rapping- is something I continuously hear in my head even at night when i lie on my bed...and I know that your presence alone... is enough to make people around you feel happy. and that, is someone I would like to see on my good and bad days.

Is what I wanted to say... 

but of course, as usual... i can never say what I actually want to say.

Instead I say...

"you are right. maybe he is better than you, but it only means that you have to try even harder to be the best, so no one can be better than you."

He laughed, out loud. "you are so bad at this. that was the most cliche advise to give."

"sorry...."

"but it worked, though." he said happily, almost sounding like the cheerful Jangjun that I know. "now i feel like practicing even harder."

I nodded, "they said 'might', right? so there is still 1% chance for you to get your spot back. I mean, isn't there a group consisting of 14 members nowadays? it doesnt mean that if that guy is in, you are out."

"yes you are right!" he raised his hand for a high five.

I timidly joined his hand.

The moment I did, he folded his fingers in between the gaps of mine. For that one brief second he was holding my hand. for that one short second before I stupidly slapped his hand off. 

"sorry!" he bowed and apologized. "I was being too bold, wasnt I?"

I didn't reply. 

A bus came and stopped next to us. Without even checking the number, I hopped on and stood on the other side of the bus, facing away from him.

stupid Kei.