Lisa

Today, me and Jennie were sprawled on her bed as we worked separately on our homework in silence. It's been like this between us these recent months, so close yet it feels like we're two worlds apart. What used to be a comfortable silence between us turned into something so ear-splitting.

A few months had already passed since Jennie's revelation on her premarital ual activities and all throughout this time, I pretended that everything is fine between the two of us as I tried to distance myself away from her as much as possible. I don't really understand why I'm doing it but all I know is that I'm wounded and hurting. I have a feeling that this isn't just about her betrayal anymore but something far more profound and fathomless and it really frightens me because I have never, ever, felt this lost and miserable before.

"Are you done?" My best friend asked behind me.

"No. I'm not even halfway through." I answered. "Are you?" I added just to fill in the silence.

"No, but I'm sick and tired of doing these assignments. I want to do something else." She voiced out as I felt the bed shift behind me.

"Hmmm.." I hummed and shifted back my attention to the problem I was working on. I don't know about her but I have to finish this as soon as I can. I still have something to do later.

I was in the middle of writing when she s her arms around my waist and hugged me from behind. "You don't cuddle me anymore." She whisphered and I felt her hot breath tickle my neck.

I tried to ignore the way her embrace made me feel a hundred times better but I was lulled in by the familiar feeling of her skin and the heavenly smell of her hair. I let myself sink deeper into her arms and for a moment, I almost fooled myself into believing that everything is all right. That there's just the two of us and no one else can come between us. But reality sinked in and I felt a dull pain stab my heart. I had to break away from her warmth or else I'll just keep on falling deeper and deeper into this dark pit that is our friendship.

"I..I'm trying to finish my essay.." 

"You don't even sleep over anymore." She ignored my protest as she continued expressing her discontent. 

"Jennie, we're already seniors. Right now I'm focusing on my college applications so I have to work harder on my academics and extra curriculars." I reasoned out. In reality, I only took those extra curriculars just to avoid spending more time with her. After all, I couldn't keep on using the excuse of partying and hanging out with my boys all the time

"But I really miss you." She whimpered. 

She sounded so sad and miserable and a twisted part in me felt a bit glad that she's also hurting and that I'm not suffering alone.

But the bigger part of me, the part that loves her above all else, regained control of my heart and left me feeling guilty for making her feel this way. It's not really her fault that she already found somebody that would treasure her for the rest of her life while she's all that I've anchored my life in. I should be happy for her, but all I feel is jealousy and bitterness. The