A/N: I hate including any types of spoilers but I have to say that this chapter will include (thoughts of) blood and ambiguous references to self harm if that makes you uncomfortable stop reading near the end when Wonwoo sits on his sofa. That's the most I can say without spoiling it haha. Thanks for reading!

Mingyu dropped Wonwoo back at his apartment late at night. Neither of them wanted to separate. Wonwoo had become somewhat attached to Mingyu's snoring and had discovered a liking for the feeling of Mingyu's breath against his nose and his arms around his waist as they slept on the living room floor. He wanted to experience that more often. He was addicted to all the sounds that came from Mingyu and spending even a night without him was painfully difficult.

As they stood outside his door Wonwoo found himself getting completely lost in Mingyu's eyes. He knew for certain he had strong feelings for the lean man, he just wished he was normal enough to confess without difficulty.

"Mingyu." Wonwoo separated the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Will you call me when you get home?" An addicts habit.

"Why?"

Because your voice is like heroine. Because I'm deaf and you're the only person I can hear. Because you mean more to me than anyone else.

"I don't like being alone."

Mingyu paused. Did he think Wonwoo was too clingy?

Wonwoo panicked. He didn't want to scare him away. "You don't have to if you don't want-"

"I worry about you." The hurt in his eyes proved to Wonwoo it was the heartfelt truth.

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Mingyu cupped Wonwoo's cheeks with his hands "Cheer up. You're cute when you smile."

Wonwoo managed to force the sides of his mouth upwards until he was showing his teeth. It didn't feel real though. But when he really thought about it, nothing feels real when he's with Mingyu. A deaf guy hearing? That's nonsense.

"You should go. It's getting cold."

Mingyu nodded and brought Wonwoo closer to his chest with a warm embrace. The contact was short-lived but the butterflies lingered.

"I'll call you."

Watching Mingyu descend down the apartment block stairs and out of sight was almost painful so Wonwoo hurriedly let himself inside to be surrounded by something more homely so he wouldn't have to feel so alone. His house was silent as usual but this time Wonwoo hated it more than ever. If he wasn't deaf he could be singing along to the albums Mingyu bought him or watching an action movie filled with loud explosions and gunshots. Unfortunately music is pointless when you can't hear it and action movies without the sounds so Wonwoo finished off the book Mingyu had read to him while he waited for his phone screen to light up.

Time passed painfully slow and Wonwoo had lost count of the amount of times he had checked for a missed call. It wasn't like Mingyu to forget about something like this.

An hour later and still no call and Wonwoo was beginning to worry. Maybe Mingyu never made it home. The thought pierced him like a needle through fabric and made him jolt towards his phone; luckily Mingyu was on speed dial.

"Hello-" Mingyu's voice! Thank God.

"Thank God, I thought-"

"This is Mingyu. I cant take your call right now so please leave a message after the beep!"

Voicemail. Oh no.

Wonwoo couldn't hear the beep but he didn't need to as he was already furiously texting his friend.

Me:
are you ok?!?!

Me:
did you make it home!!??

Me:
Mingyu answer me!!
did you get hurt? are
you home??

Mingyu☕:
Calm down. I'm ok.

Me:
why didnt you pick
up!? i thought you
were dead wtf

Mingyu☕:
sorry i couldn't call
something happened

Me:
what happened?

Mingyu☕:
Nothing bad dw. but
i can't talk tonight
anymore. sorry gtg xx

No explanation. No elaboration. Just unanswered questions. Wonwoo furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and a slight buzz of anger rippled in his chest that he couldn't deny. Mingyu had promised to call him but all of a sudden changed his plans. It was hard to believe he had a good reason not to call at 1 am other than the fact he was tired or didn't want to talk. Wonwoo was trying not to fall so hard too soon for a guy he had known for a month but his heart clenched destructively at the rejection.

Maybe Mingyu had got bored of Wonwoo's constant break downs and upsets. Maybe he was fed up of being left out on his secret. Maybe Wonwoo was too clingy. Either way he was certain he had made a mistake and instead of trying to mend it he wallowed in his own disappointment.

Falling asleep was easier than usual. Wonwoo was no longer in the mood to cry his eyes closed but more so drained of all emotions. He was fed up of feeling like this; so different and abnormal. Every slight negative action from a peer set him off thinking he wasn't good enough and as much as he tried to get over all that his brain still wandered into dark places.

-

Wonwoo wore the headphones Mingyu bought him to work. No music played through them but they were a good way of saying "don't talk to me, I can't hear you" without actually having to explain he couldn't physically hear anything for that matter.

Wonwoo still had the call he never got playing in his head as he labelled the products with prices in the warehouse. He had contemplated distancing himself from Mingyu just a little bit so he wouldn't rely on him so heavily. It made sense to him to do so but his will-power would be too weak to follow through.

Work was tedious but fortunately Jun didn't bother him and he knew it was all thanks to the headphones. As Wonwoo walked home he had to pass the coffee shop. He thought about going in to by a hot chocolate (and to see if Mingyu was on his shift) but as he turned the corner towards SVTea he found Jeonghan closing up early.

Jeonghan smiled and Wonwoo saw his mouth move to form the words "Hello there."

"Hi." Wonwoo replied rather timidly.

Jeonghan spoke again. Something along the lines of "Mingyu's not here, sorry. He's with his-" but Wonwoo lost track of his fast moving lips and therefore missed the end of his sentence.

"That's ok. I'll see you around." He quickly ended the conversation and hurried off with his head bowed and hands in his pockets.

Who was Mingyu with? Was that the reason why he couldn't call last night? Wonwoo knew he was overthinking and needed to put his mind to rest. He decided to try and call Mingyu again that night and clear things up.

The phone rung six times before Mingyu picked up. Wonwoo counted.

"Hi Mingyu." Despite his worries he found himself smiling already.

"Are you ok?" Mingyu replied in a rushed manor. This sort of atmosphere was unusual and not like him at all.

"Um...yeah."

"Ok. I'm sorry but I'm a bit busy right now. Can I call you tomorrow or something?"

"But-"

Something caused Mingyu to cover the micrphone for a few seconds so Wonwoo could only hear a muffled voice.

"I've really got to go. Wonwoo, stay strong for me. I care about you." Then he hung up.

Just like that. Again, no explanation or elaboration and it hurt Wonwoo a little bit more than last time. Mingyu was hiding something from him yet he kind of knew he deserved it. After all, he was the one hiding the biggest part of his life from Mingyu so it was only fair. He understood how he must have felt now; it was like standing behind closed curtains trying to look into a dark room.

He spent another night without Mingyu but this time it was harder to sleep. He felt guilty yet cheated, the offender yet the victim, at fault yet inncocent and it was seriously messing with his head.

He wanted Mingyu's sweet words to comfort him, or rather, he needed them but he couldn't have them because Mingyu was occupied by something or someone that wasn't him. He had a life outside of their relationship- Wonwoo didn't, but he had to accept that.

It had been only a few days since he had made up with Mingyu from their first arguement. It seemed as if he had abandoned him again so soon. Wonwoo's happiness with him had become ephemeral yet his longing for him was everlasting. Wonwoo needed to stop putting so much dependence on someone who couldn't always be their for him. So he stopped calling, letting himself suffer his lows alone and leaving Mingyu to get on with his life outside of their friendship.

Days passed but to Wonwoo it felt like months. It didn't get any easier though. He cried more than ever at nights and often found himself walking aimlessly outside in the early hours of the morning trying to clear his head. The amount of sick days off work he had taken were becoming worrying- several texts from Jun asking if he is ok made him feel a little less alone but all in all he only wanted Mingyu.

-

5 days passed missing the person who he cared about the most. Mingyu had started calling again but at times that clashed with Wonwoo's job- never at night like they used to. He left quite a few texts too but none branched into any conversation. They were drifting apart. Too quickly. Wonwoo felt their relationship slipping through his fingers and no matter how desperately he tried grabbing a hold of it he couldn't prevent it from wisping away.

Wonwoo hated it; the silence, the lonely nights, the absence of someone who was so important to him. So he stopped waiting for Mingyu and took matters into his own hands.

It was the first time he had been out of the house during the day for almost a week. The weather had warmed up but couldn't thor Wonwoo's cold interior. He walked with his hands in the pockets of his ped coat on the way to SVTea. He was going to find Mingyu and tell him everything- this time with no hesitation. He had come to terms with the fact that he was already losing Mingyu so if he told him and it didn't work out nothing would have changed.

He had it all worked out and rehearsed what he wanted to say as he walked. "Mingyu, I'm deaf," "I can hear you," "I love you."

.

Wonwoo froze in his tracks. Did he really just say that or was he going insane?

"I don't love you. You're just a really great friend." He shook his head and muttered to himself before continuing to walk towards SVTea.

His feet began to greet a familiar path and he advance towards the corner that would reveal the coffee shop. He unconsciously quickened his pace and a soft smile appeared on his lips for the first time in 5 days as he turned round the curb. Then it disappeared; slipping from his face and getting lost in the wind, floating away to somewhere he will never find it again. His heart dropped heavily and he could've sworn it nearly hit the concrete at his feet. An insufferable clenching around his stomach nearly made him throw up and his eyes teared up sorely at a sight he couldn't bare to see.

Mingyu was exiting SVTea hand in hand with another man. He was thin and lanky and had blonde hair in need of a trim. His clothes were fashionable and much better than Wonwoo's and he was smiling brightly. Mingyu was too and that's what hurt Wonwoo the most.

They both strolled idly away, holding hands, in the opposite direction and Wonwoo now realised why Mingyu hadn't been calling him at nights like he used to. The hurried hang ups and distant texts made so much more sense. Mingyu hadn't gotten bored of Wonwoo, he had just found someone much better; someone who could hear and wasn't a burden to hang out with, someone who didn't constantly break down into tears because they hated themselves, someone easy to love. And Wonwoo understood why because deep down he believes he would've done the same too. Who would want to spend the rest of their life held down by someone like him?

They weren't in love. They weren't even boyfriends. They had gone on one date that wasn't even that serious yet Wonwoo couldn't help but feel cheated on. He wasn't angry though, at least not at Mingyu. He was exhausted and drained and mostly fed up with himself. He made his way home again, barely able to stay on his feet. He was utterly heart broken but it would've happened eventually anyway, right? So why not now.

A low so violent he could feel it tearing up his insides overcame Wonwoo as soon as he slumped onto his sofa at home. The pain was powerful enough to make him keel over as it writhed inside through his stomach and up to his heart where it curled up like a ruthless dragon. He cried as if he had been hit by a bullet: loud groans and sobs of utter suffering. He had dragged himself through emotional war- falling so hard too soon when he knew for a fact he could never be loved.

He cried and cried until he thought all the moisture from his body was gone but then he saw Mingyu and that guy again as soon as he closed his eyelids and cried some more. Not even alcohol couldn't numb this pain so he tried living through it to drain himself of the agony until he was an emotionless wreck but the sorrow was never ending.

It could've been the dark playing tricks on his mind but a black figure made up of heartbreak and trauma slinked towards Wonwoo it held him tightly and wouldn't let him go, restraining every movement and wringing out the tears. It's shadow bones dug into Wonwoo's skin and he hoped it would break the surface because maybe the blood and sting from that would take his mind off why he no longer wanted to exist but the figure dissapated to smoke leaving him alone once again with only more pain in it's memory.

Then Wonwoo thought he felt his heart break; a subtle shatter in his ribcage. He wasn't surprised because deep down he really did love Mingyu no matter how many times he avoided to think so.

'love comes in many different forms; love is blind, love is mute, love is deaf. It just takes a miracle to come around and make that love possible.'

Mingyu was Wonwoo's miracle. That's probably why losing him hurt so much.