"You ok?" Mingyu arched his neck so he could properly see Wonwoo.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're frowning. Did I do something wrong?"

Wonwoo thought for a bit. If he said anything Mingyu might feel as if Wonwoo was forcing it upon him. Curiousity took over nevertheless.

"Just friends?" He didn't mean it to be but his question sounded rather flirtatious.

Mingyu smirked and looked back at the TV hoping his red cheeks weren't glowing too bright "That's your own fault."

"What?"

"You won't let me take you out on a date."

Wonwoo lost all ability to breath correctly. Whilst his heart was thumping against his ribcage as if it was trying to escape and flutter around the room he tried to keep a composed image but his wide grin was giving him away.

He seriously liked Mingyu. There was no use denying it for any longer; the butterflies in his stomach wouldn't let him.

Then he remembered what he wanted to tell Mingyu or rather what he needed to tell him.

"Mingyu. I need to tell you something really important." His voice was barely audible but as soon as he finished his sentence his chest tightened so much he wanted to take it back. He hoped Mingyu didn't hear but his prayers were rejected when Mingyu paused the movie and turned his body to face him.

"I'm all ears."

Crap. Wonwoo started panicking. All the words he had planned in his head became muddled and faded and his confidence dropped so low it could've touched Hell's fire.

"Nevermind." He attempted to drop the conversation without the fact that Mingyu was the most persistant guy he knew in mind.

"But you said it was important?"

"It's not. Don't worry about it." Wonwoo bit his lip.

"You can tell me anything, you know?"

"I know."

"So, tell me."

"I don't want to tell you!" Wonwoo lost his patience slightly and snapped back. This part of his life was unbelievably important and that meant he should only reveal it when he's completely comfortable too. So not now.

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry for being interested." Mingyu's tone held some sarcasm and Wonwoo didn't like it.

"Don't be like that."

"Be like what?"

"You're acting like I owe you an explanation!" His temper started to rise again and so did the volume of his voice.

"Well, you were the one who said it was important!" Mingyu started shouting too.

"Yeah and I was also the one who said I didn't want to tell you." He pushed Mingyu's arms off his shoulders and stood up. His head brushed against the ceiling of their pillow fort.

"You can trust me." Mingyu's voice softened. He wanted to know more about Wonwoo so he could be there for him when he needed it.

"Well, I don't. Get over yourself!" Wonwoo's voice was still loud. Too loud.

Mingyu didn't answer, he just stared at Wonwoo straight in the eyes with a shocked expression. Wonwoo immediately regretted it all.

"You don't trust me?" Mingyu said eventually. His voice was timid and broken almost as if he was about to cry.

Then it was Wonwoo's turn to not answer back. He wasn't sure if that was the truth or if he had just said it in the heat if the moment. He had only known Mingyu for a month which wasn't enough time to learn everything about him so maybe it wasn't that Wonwoo didn't trust him it was just that he didn't know him enough to.

"I just wanted to help." Mingyu's voice cracked as he stood up. Unlike his shorter friend he was taller than the pillow fort they made and as soon as his head touched the top the ceiling seperated and tumbled to the floor around them.

"It's only because I care about you." Mingyu then turned and walked towards the door grabbing his coat on the way out.

Wonwoo could only watch as someone who was always there for him left him behind. He wanted to stop him but a solemn lump in his throat replaced all his words. He felt sick and angry and alone.

The room was silent again. The familiarity hurt.

Wonwoo had only ever argued once before and that was with Soonyoung over which way was safer to turn on a video game to avoid a zombie (they settled it through rock, paper, scissors. Soonyoung won and went left therefore killing their last character) but that was only petty. Wonwoo had no idea whether Mingyu would come back or if they'd ever be friends again.

As if shackles carrying giant metal weights of regret and upset were chained to his feet he solemnly made his way to his kitchen. Passed the front door Mingyu had left through. Passed the wallet and headphones Mingyu had bought him. Passed the empty glass Mingyu had drank from and straight towards the fridge.

Hot chocolate would only feed the pain but alcohol could sooth it.

Soonyoung scolded him once to never drink alone. When you're drunk your eyesight blurrs, Wonwoo would be in trouble if not only his hearing is gone but so was his ability to see properly. But he didn't care anymore. He just wanted to forget.

If he wasn't deaf he would have been able to hear his wallet fall from his pocket and the woman telling him he dropped it. He could've picked it up and never met Mingyu. And if he never met Mingyu he wouldn't have developed any feelings for him and then he wouldn't be hurting so bad.

Or at least if he wasn't deaf he wouldn't have anything to hide.

As he filled his stomach with bitter poison straight from the bottle he managed to drown some of the sore memories. But it still wasn't enough.

He wanted to feel numb but the stinging tears down his cheek wouldn't let him.

So he slumped onto his bed wishing he could sink further into the mattress and disappear.

This all only happened because he was deaf.

And he can't fix that.

Because he's stuck like that forever.

Wonwoo slept without a cover. He didn't want to move to go and get his blankets from his living room. Mingyu was supposed to be here to protect him from all his sad thoughts but he had ruined that opportunity for himself. It was the first night for a month Wonwoo didn't have Mingyu on speaker to talk to until they both fell asleep. So he let the sadness creep in. Like thick, black smoke it crawled into his room engulfing all brightness. It clinged to his clothes and drowned his lungs whilst dragging out the tears from his eyes. It drained him until no moisture remained in his body and he had nothing left to do but lie on an empty mattress like a shipwreck in a sea of nothing.

Sleep saved him that night. It knocked him unconcious and blocked out the sadness.

When Wonwoo hits a low he always feels like he can never be happy again.

This time Wonwoo was certain he would never be happy again.

Meanwhile, a bright light illuminated his living room from the sofa as several messages appeared on Wonwoo's phone screen.

-

He was all alone when he woke up. He had no blankets to snuggle into and no sunlight to greet him but worst of all no morning text.

Today was Monday which meant Wonwoo had to go back to work. He tried hauling himself out of his bed but his muscles wouldn't move. His head was aching furiously from the memory of last nights alcohol and he still felt a sickening sadness in the pit of his heart.

No way was Wonwoo going to survive the day like this even if all he would be doing is sticking price tags on products in an empty warehouse. With heavy feet and sunken shoulders he stumbled to his living room where his phone lay forgotten on the sofa. The image of the broken pillow fort made him want to cry but he pursed his lips and sat down. After dimissing several missed call notifications and quite a few texts from Mingyu he scrolled through his contacts for his friends ID.

Me:
Hey, Junhui. I'm ill
so I can't come into
work today. Please tell
our boss.

Junhui was one of Wonwoo's colleagues who stacked the packets he stuck prices on onto the shelves. They didn't talk much (or at least Wonwoo never heard him try to start conversation) but Junhui managed to slip his number into Wonwoo's back pocket and therefore became Wonwoo's messenger to his boss when he was ill.

Junhui text back in record time.

Jun buns:
Ok. Get well soon
and don't die! xx

Me:
Yeah.

Wonwoo was in no position to be cheery. All he wanted to do at that moment was wallow in self hate and cry himself to sleep. The blankets at his feet were annoying him so he grabbed his cover and went back to bed with his laptop.

He watched a few shows with the subtitles on this time (he had to switched the subtitles off when Mingyu was around) but none of them took his mind out of it's depression.

A text from Soonyoung startled him. Soonyoung never text unless he needed money, was trying to look busy to avoid socialising, or it was an emergency.

Hoshi💩:
hey buddy. i'm at
SVTea with Jihoon
and Mingyu is full
on crying into
Jeonghan's shoulder.
did something happen
between you too?

Me:
hoshi please dont
ask

Hoshi💩:
so something did
happen??

Me:
yes. i happened.

Hoshi💩:
wdym? did you tell
him??

Me:
no. i didnt tell
him because im a
wuss and an idiot
and i really hurt
him.

Hoshi💩:
you're not a wuss.
its ok to be afraid
of something so scary.
it's a big part of ur
life. and you're not
an idiot either. you
can fix it. text him.

Me:
i cant

Hoshi💩:
Wonio. i. will. kill.
you. text him!

Me:
hoshi please stop
that.

Hoshi💩:
you'll lose him if
you dont. and i
know you will regret
that. its obvious how
much you mean to one
another

seen 10:10 am

Whilst Wonwoo was lying on his bed with his eyes closed trying to think how to fix things Soonyoung took matters into his own hands. Once Mingyu had gone into the staff toilets Soonyoung grabbed Jeonghan's attention and called him over to his table.

"What's up with MG?" He asked.

"He had an arguement with Wonwoo last night. Now he won't answer any of his calls or texts and he's really worried."

"."

"Yeah. The poor kid gets too attatched. Once he finds someone he cares about he makes them his priority and will do anything to make sure they're happy."

"What did Wonwoo say to him?"

"Mingyu didn't tell me much. He just kept saying the same thing over and over about how he knew Wonwoo gets really sad sometimes but he never lets him help. And something about an important secret." Jeonghan sounded confused.

Soonyoung knew exactly what was going on and knew that both of them had every reason to be upset.

"I text him just now telling him Mingyu was crying. I asked him to try and sort it-"

"You shouldn't have done that." Jeonghan butted in.

"W-why?" Soonyoung stuttered slightly more worried now.

"Mingyu hates looking weak. He'd be so embarrassed if he knew Wonwoo knew he was crying. Don't tell him you text him, ok?"

"Ok."

Jeonghan left the table to serve another customer and Soonyoung put his head in his hands.

"Sounds like their getting pretty worked up over something so small." Jihoon said after a while.

"Trust me. Nothing about this is small." Soonyoung concluded.

-

Wonwoo felt guilty. Horribly guilty. And he could feel it eating away at him. He didn't know what he could do to fix it though. Texting Mingyu seemed shallow and thoughtless. He wanted to talk to him face to face but inviting him over would be weird but then again everything about this situation was weird. Especially Wonwoo, a deaf man, being able to hear only one other person on Earth. Ridiculous.

Wonwoo opened the message app on his phone to text his friend only to find it had been spammed by messages already that he had ignored from earlier.

1.07 am

Mingyu☕:
Wonwoo, I'm sorry. I
shouldn't have been
pushy. Are you ok?

[Missed call from Mingyu☕]

Mingyu☕:
Please stay safe
tonight.

1:45 am

Mingyu☕:
I can't stop thinking
about what I did.
I'm so so sorry.

[Missed call from Mingyu☕]

Mingyu☕:
I know it seemed as
though I was being
arrogant or thoughtless
but I promise that's
not it.

Mingyu☕:
I was just...

Mingyu☕:
I don't know.

2.59 am

Mingyu☕:
In truth, I care
about you. A lot.
More than you
probably think.

Mingyu☕:
and sometimes when
you call me at night
and your nose is all
blocked and your voice
is all nasally because
you have obviously been
crying it really hurts
me.

Mingyu☕:
It hurts me to know that
you're hurt and that I
can't do anything about
it because I don't
understand.

Mingyu☕:
And when you
said you had to tell me
something really
important i thought
'this is it. Wonwoo is
finally going to let me
in on his life'

Mingyu☕:
I was so eager to know
because I wanted to be
that special person in
your life that fixed the
one thing that brings you
down. I wanted you to be
able to remember me as the
guy who solved your
problems. So I kept
pushing you.

Mingyu☕:
And it was so selfish
of me. I realise that
now.

Mingyu☕:
I've also realised that
instead of being able
to solve your problems
I have probably just
made things worse.

Mingyu☕:
I left you and I wasn't
there for you like i am
every other night.

Mingyu☕:
I promised myself when
I first found out you
had been crying the night
we first called that I will
always be there for you
to give you a reason
not to be upset.

Mingyu☕:
But I broke that promise
to myself and I'm so so
sorry.

[Missed call from Mingyu☕]

4.00 am

[Missed call from Mingyu☕]

[Missed call from Mingyu☕]

Mingyu☕:
Wonwoo please pick
up. I know you're
not asleep. you hardly
ever sleep this early.

Mingyu☕:
can I come over
tomorrow? can we talk
about it and sort things
out?

Mingyu☕:
Or we don't have to
talk at all. we could
just watch a movie or
i could read a book to
you. or we could listen
to music or just sit in
silence. i just want to
see you smile again.
i don't want to be the
reason you are sad.

Every comment broke Wonwoo's heart entirely. He had lost his temper on someone who just wanted to make him happy and that was the most horrible thing to do. And even though the tears were clouding his eyes and he felt like he wanted to hide away from the world forever he typed back a response.

Me:
please.

It was stupid and weak and made no sense but it was just about all he could muster. A few minutes passed before Mingyu responded and Wonwoo spent every second waiting.

Mingyu☕:
Are you ok?

Wonwoo knew Mingyu had been crying at his work so to see him ask if he was ok was so sweet. He seemed so selfless and Wonwoo felt so guilty because of that.

Me:
please come over.