Final chapter! Remember to read the A/N at the end!

The frostiness of Christmas night was suddenly apparent as I trudged down the schoolgrounds with my best friend. Neither of us was willing to initiate the conversation. The elephant in the room was getting bigger, and the chill of the air was only making us more jittery. Nothing about the stroll down this path seemed pleasant anymore, despite each other's company. We made our way silently to the park bench that packed so much of our memories. Tonight, another would be added to this spot. 

I took interest in the breaths I made that were visible in the winter air, and Mingyu mirrored my actions. Minutes passed noiselessly like this. This unfamiliar discomfort with Mingyu was so unsettling that I was growing afraid. The cards were laid out on the table that night, and so much seemed to hinge on this silence between us. We both owed each other explanation. 

"Merry Christmas," his voice was soft. My reply was equally timid. 

"Thanks for the plans. She told me about it before she stormed off," Mingyu said. It was only in this moment that I felt how brave my close friend was. His straightforwardness was certainly one of his wonderful qualities. One of his beautiful qualities. 

"That's great," my voice was hoarse from the cold and silence that had preceded, "thanks for today as well. Vernon told me." 

He shifted to face me, looking at me in surprise. "Oh."

I supposed neither of us expected our respective dates to be this honest. 

"Interesting gift exchange we have huh?" I said, not wanting to thread into the dangerous territories immediately. To know that our Christmas without each other was almost made of each other's efforts was already mind-boggling, and it did not help that more things were hanging in the air. It wasn't just the mistletoes. 

"Sooyoon, have I been making you sad?" Mingyu seemed to be wondering out loud, "Have I been making you suffer? Because today Hyeyoung has clearly shown me that I'm the cause of her misery, but all the words she's saying seem to suggest that she's not the only one hurting. And it all stems from me being stupid and selfish." 

His questions were met with silence. 

"I need to know Sooyoon, I don't want to know that after all that you've done for me, I'm the one causing you so much pain," Mingyu's voice was straining and getting louder with each question. It was a rare sight to see the giant so worked up and desperate.

"You kissed me."  

As if we were returning to that fateful night, the mention of the kiss hushed us and puzzled one party. Except that this time, the confused one was not me. 

"When?" Was that a trace of fear I hear laced in his voice?

"The first day of semester. You were drunk. You got Seungkwan, Jihoon, Wonwoo and me. Unfortunately I think you mostly just got me," I sighed. My heart was wrenching slightly from having to tell him about this incident myself, yet it also felt like an immense relief. Step-by-step, perhaps all these could be out of the way if we just took it one step at a time. 

"Before I lose my courage to speak up any further, I think I'll just put it out there. The day I asked you to go to the amusement park together, I meant to tell you how I felt. It's not just about falling in love over a kiss, Mingyu. We go a long way back and every bit of it is precious to me. I meant to confess to you that night." 

Mingyu blinked a couple of times, as if trying to wrap his head around my confession. The air seemed clearer, even if it was just slightly. A lot of things painful honesty was being thrown around today among the four of us, yet nothing seemed more tedious than this moment. I would really want a shoulder to lean on at this moment for support, but it also felt like I've lost the precise shoulder that I had always depended on. 

I felt like I was waiting for Mingyu's verdict. 

"Is it true that you've been coaching Hyeyoung a lot? Just like how you helped me?" He asked. I was taken aback by his question, and led out the abated breath that I held in while waiting for his reply. His sudden question caught me off guard. 

"Slightly differently. But she was always very worried about you, on many occasions. She would ask for my opinion. They just happen to work...mostly," I replied solemnly. We both knew that in hindsight this charade that the three of us shared for so long was unhealthy. Nobody was going to benefit from it. Not if this was how we ended up. 

"Thank you, Sooyoon." 

I thought it was impossible to be repeatedly surprised by someone I was so familiar with, but Mingyu certainly achieved that feat. I stared at him, wide-eyed. A small smile made its way to his lips. 

"I'm serious. I think we only managed to maintain our relationship this long because of you. And for all the pain that I caused you because of my carelessness, stupidity, whatever, I want to apologise. You were always there for me, and all I did from the start was to hurt you while being blind to your troubles," Mingyu sighed, "I'm absolutely sincere when I say this. You are really the best. You're the best advisor I can ask for, the best support I'm lucky to have and the best friend I don't deserve. You're really special to me."

"I don't want to hurt you anymore, and from the looks of it you look like you're waiting for me to blame you. If there's someone to blame, it's only me. So I'm going to be brave this once and ask the question."

"Sooyoon, do you still have feelings for me?" 

It was so distinctly Mingyu to hand over the rights over the final decision. He was never one to force, he would always be gentle, polite and sensitive to the other person. He cared. 

Yet Mingyu was not the only one who cared; he was not the only one who respected others' freedom and decision; he was not only one who offered a helping hand in times like this. 

There was always someone else. 

"I don't think so." The answer slipped out so easily I raised my brows at myself incredulously. 

"Really?" He still sounded concerned. 

"Ya," I nodded affirmatively, "I actually don't? Not anymore?" The corners of my lips were lifting up. Perhaps I was more capable than I thought I was. "For the longest time I did, but I really don't think so now."

Mingyu stared at me meaningfully, as if trying to figure out if it was one of those moments when I lied about my feelings again. Eventually, he gave up on his scrutiny with a shrug. 

"I believe you," he said. "Can't help it that I lose one of my admirers." His nonchalance act was the start of the atmosphere lightening. 

The clarity on my end seemed to illuminate the tangled thoughts that still troub