Seokjin was walking home from the bus stop. He had to stay a little longer in work today. He couldn’t wait to be home. Today even more, than any other days. He felt tears biting in his eyes. They were like stones that were threating to fall down any time. He tried to hold them back, but he wasn’t able to stop two tears, that spilled from his eyes, making their way down his cheeks.

He quickly wiped them off. He can’t cry, not now, not in public. He quickened his pace. God, how much he wanted to be home already.

He had a tough day today. He had to work overtime, which wasn’t that bad. The bad thing was that he messed up in work today. And it’s bad for a doctor to mess up. Of course he got yelled at, what was worse by several people.  He felt incredibly bad.

He checked his reflection on the dark screen of his phone. He looked fine. He looked normal. He opened the door to his apartment and stepped in. He kicked off his shoes and that was when Taehyung showed. The detective smiled bright, happy that his boyfriend finally came home.

He opened his arms and Seokjin hugged the other tight. Seokjin buried his face to Taehyung’s shoulder and for a while, they stayed like that. Seokjin took a deep breath and squeezed Taehyung’s shirt on his back. Then he lifted his head and they shared a kiss.

Seokjin didn’t want to pull away from the kiss. Taehyung’s presence was so calming. But he also wanted to eat, he didn’t had anything in his mouth the entire day. „I’m hungry,“ he confessed. Taehyung his cheek. „I’m sorry, baby.“ He said: „I need to finish a case. I’m really close.“ He lifted his other hand and petted Seokjin’s hair with his both hands. „I won’t eat with you. Sorry, Jinnie.“

Seokjin sighed, but smiled. „It’s alright, Tae.“ He put his hands on Taehyung’s shoulders. Taehyung hugged the doctor and rocked him from side to side. „Sorryyy.“ He whined. Seokjin wrapped his arms around Taehyung’s waist, enjoying his presence for a little longer, before the detective shuts himself in his study.

He thought he was alright, but the moment after the door to Taehyung’s study closed, he remembered everything that happened today. His hands started trembling, same as his chin and his eyes filled tears again.

He leaned against the kitchen counter and focused on breathing. He was glad that Taehyung didn’t notice. He would surely be worried about him and Seokjin didn’t want that. He knew that Taehyung has got his own problems and he didn’t want to be another problem for him.

He didn’t trust himself that much to prepare an actual meal, so he just went with instant ramen. Once again, he was glad that he was keeping a few packets of instant ramen just in case.

He couldn’t stop the tears and he had to sniff while eating. „You need to calm down,“ he kept telling to himself: „You need to calm down.“ But it was useless and it caused more tears falling down and more sniffing. He knew this. From time to time, he had anxiety attacks. Luckily, he didn’t have them often, but when they came, they were always terrible.

„It will be alright.“ Seokjin mumbled quietly. „It will be alright. You will go to sleep and it will be fine.“

Of course Taehyung noticed. He is the best detective in the country, master at observing and the most important thing, he is in love with Seokjin. He knows Seokjin more than the doctor knows himself. From the moment Seokjin stepped in the apartment, Taehyung could tell there was something wrong.

He could tell when Seokjin’s smile wasn’t real. And Seokjin’s smiles today were far away from real. Also, he didn’t want to let go of Taehyung, which was unsual.

Also, he sighed, when Taehyung told him that he won’t eat with him. Seokjin never sighed, when Taehyung announced he won’t eat.

There was so much signs telling Taehyung something wasn’t right. But for some reason, he ignored it, thinking that Seokjin might be just tired. But then he heard Seokjin sniff. Taehyung made this little test with Seokjin about what sounds can he hear in his study. And sniffing wasn’t one of the sounds that were audible in that room. This must’ve been really loud sniff and it stabbed Taehyung’s heart like a thousand swords.

However, for some reason, he ignored it again. „He probably just needs to blow his nose,“ he thought and continued working.

Seokjin was standing on a balcony. How much he was thankfull they had a balcony. He hoped that fresh air will help him. He inhaled deeply and exhaled shakily. He grabbed the railing and squeezed it. „Breath,“ he said to himself in his mind: „breath.“ He had a little hard time breathing, his chest was hurting and he felt sick.

He currently hated himself more than anything in his life. He felt like a embodiment of disappointment. He hid his face in his hands and sobbed. He heard the door to the balcony being open…

Taehyung was damning himself that he ignored all the signs. He was yelling at himself in his mind, when he left the study. He kept mumbling „sorry“ over and over, when heading to the balcony.

When he opened the door, he saw Seokjin drying his cheeks quickly. The doctor turned to him and smiled. Even if there was just a little light, Taehyung could see his eyes were puffed out.

„Tae, do you need something?“ He asked, trying to sound happy. „Stop it.“ Taehyung said. This told Seokjin that Taehyung wasn’t amused and he knew. He hugged Taehyung, who hugged him back and petted his back.

„Sorry,“ Seokjin’s voice cracked. „Shhh,“ Taehyung whispered. „I just thought I can handle it by myself.“ Seokjin said. Taehyung the other’s back soothingly.

Seokjin didn’t hold his tears back anymore and started crying. Taehyung didn’t say anything, he was just hugging the doctor and his back.

He started leading Seokjin back to the apartment, because it was cold outside. He sat Seokjin on the couch and went to make him tea. He was searching through the cupboards for chamomile tea. When he finally found it and threw one tea bag to a cup.

He went to Seokjin’s room and took the pink blanket. He knew what did the blanket mean to Seokjin. He brought the blanket to Seokjin and wrapped him in it. Taehyung kissed Seokjin to his hair. „Hold on for me.“ He whispered.

He placed a cup on the coffee table in front of Seokjin and went to find a lavender scented candle. It wasn’t essential oil, but it might help.

He lighted the candle and went to Seokjin. He sat next to Seokjin and hugged him. Seokjin rested his head on Taehyung’s shoulder and curled in his arms. He was crying, but he was slowly calming down. Taehyung handed Seokjin the cup and kept holding it for Seokjin.

„Do you want chocolate?“ Taehyung asked: „Or nuts?“ Seokjin took a deep breath, but he didn’t answer. „Or blueberries?“ Taehyung addend then and Seokjin nodded. Taehyung didn’t really want to leave Seokjin alone, even if for just a minute, but he stood up and went to the kitchen.

He brought a bowl of blueberries to Seokjin, who thanked the detective. Taehyung hugged the other again. Seokjin was eating blueberries quietly and slowly, making better and better. The lavender candle was very calming, same as the tea. But what was the best thing and most calming thing was Taehyung. He rested his head on Taehyung’s shoulder again. He was breathing Taehyung’s scent and he felt so peacefull. He completely forgot about what happened. He closed his eyes and his lips curved to a slight smile.

„What happened?“ Taehyung’s voice sounded after a while. „I messed something up in work today. Some people yelled at me because of it.“ Seokjin answered.

„Bad?“ Taehyung asked and Seokjin nodded.

„Why didn’t you tell me when you came?“ Taehyung the doctor’s hair gently. Seokjin shrugged his shoulders. „I didn’t want to be a burden for you. And I thought I can handle it.“ He said then. Taehyung sighed, but he couldn’t help it and chuckled. „You are silly.“ He said and nuzzled to the doctor.

„I know.“ Seokjin smiled.

„Next time just tell me. I don’t want you to be sad.“ Taehyung kissed Seokjin’s temple. The doctor just nodded.

„And now, tell me who yelled at you, so I can find them and kick their .“ Taehyung hit his palm with his fist, showing he is ready to punch those people right now.

„Language.“ Seokjin mumbled before yawning and closing his eyes.