Never Ever

Title [4/10]

                To be honest, I wasn’t sure which was your title: White Light or Never Ever. So, I’ll briefly mention the both of them!

                Starting off, I’m not too sure about how either tie in with your story. I don’t see either of them being related to the content of your story so unfortunately, both of these do not get my thumbs up. Between the two, however, I will mention that I like Never Ever better as there is a little more of a tie in.

Description and Foreword [10/10]

                Your description and foreword are so sweet. I read it and it really brought a smile onto my face! You’ve done a good job in capturing the mood and themes of your story straight off the bat from here!

                I do have a minor complaint and while it’s not precisely for the description/foreword, I’ll leave it here: the moving gif in the background is extremely distracting... I feel like if it was a bigger picture and it didn’t move that much, I would be fine with it. But seeing it while I read just really draws my attention away. I haven’t taken any points off for this but thought it was worth a mention.

Plot [12/15]

                I do love all the little things you’ve thrown in to ruin and challenge Jaehyun and Taeyong’s relationship. It really spurs them on to grow and depend on each other! The overarching idea of your plotline isn’t anything new, but I really did love reading about the new challenges whether it be from people or personal flaws.

                I have to say, though, that the ending was quite abrupt. The proposal was sweet nonetheless but I just have to say it was incredibly rushed. To me, it was as if you spent a long time on the beginning half of the story and you threw that event as an ending because you didn’t know what else to do.

Character Development [7/10]

                I’m about halfway through the story as I’m writing this, but I felt the need to commend you on your very solid grasp of your characters! You have been staying true to Taeyong’s serious and composed personality which is in great contrast to Jaehyun’s innocent demeanor. It’s very entertaining to see their yin and yang. I also love how you have created flaws within the characters because this serves as a great way for character growth – which you integrate extremely well into your plotline.

                A side remark on the beauty of Doyoung’s character – he serves as the perfect antagonist to their relationship. It really makes me want to cringe whenever he says something.

                One thing, though, is I do get an over childish feel for all your characters; in particular at their dialogue. They are all over 20 in your story (assuming so because they’re all working) and the way they talk is like they’re in elementary school. While the banter between the couple would make sense when they speak in such a way, even Doyoung when he utters threats makes me want to laugh.

                Writing this after I’ve finished reading, the last thing I want to point out is that I wish you could tell us what happened to Doyoung, Mark and Ten. You introduced them and even threw in a bit of their side story, but you never followed up with them. If they were purely there as side characters for the development of Jaehyun and Taeyoung, perhaps you didn’t need to spend time to mention scenes between Doyoung, Mark and Ten.

                At the end, Jaehyun is still Jaehyun and Taeyong is still Taeyong. I can see the growth of Taeyong into accepting Jaehyun and his flaws, but I also wanted to see whether Jaehyun could see any flaws in Taeyong. I thought that Taeyong was so overbearing as a girlfriend. Jaehyun seemed to be the one in accepting Taeyong through all her screaming.

Writing Style [17/20]

                You have a very simple way of writing which is also quite straight-forward. You have very methodically planned out your story, the particular scenes you want in it and you straight up tell the readers the story. Usually, I stress for authors to use lots of imagery to paint the story, but since your does revolve and the emotions and growth of the characters, your story is fine as it is! I actually quite enjoyed reading in the style you’ve written. Great job!  

                I’ve only taken points away because while it is simple, it is not too intriguing. It is more of your plotline and characters that made me want to read more.

Spelling, Grammar and Diction [22/25]

                Overall, you barely have any spelling or grammar errors. There are a bit littered here and there, but I think if you were to read it through once, you should be able to catch them (and seeing as how this story is in draft, I would assume that’s what you’re doing haha).

                In regards to your diction, I also don’t see any problems with it. I did have trouble accepting the word “grumping” which you used a couple of times because I’m unfamiliar with it. My mind just kept wanting to switch it over to “grumbling” instead. But then again, that’s my opinion on it.

                In general, my final comment for this section is practically the same as the last comment I have for the previous section. Too simple – wish it was more intriguing (which choice of diction can help with).

Personal Enjoyment [7/10]

                There was a lot of firsts in your story for me – first NCT fic and first genderbend fic. I did find it quite enjoyable and you depicted well the ups and downs of being in a relationship. It was very realistic in that sense! As I don't know much about NCT, I wasn't able to feel a bond but nevertheless, thank you for sharing this story and best of luck to your future endeavors!