A Letter to Oh Sehun

Title [7/10]

                Your title is short and straight to the point. It simply states what your story is: a letter… to a person named Oh Sehun; it definitely has relevance to the story! I don’t have any particular problems about it, but I will have to dock points because it’s not creative. Really though, there isn’t anything bad with it!

Description and Foreword [6/10]

                There is not much in your description besides, very literally, a description of your two main characters. I actually think you’ve done well in presenting the facts for both of them. There are a couple of grammar mistakes (Ex. Has a very complicated family background) but they’re minor.

                Hmm… although you’re trying to go for simple and straightforward, I actually think that you’re offering a little too little in your description. There isn’t enough substance for readers to decide whether or not they want to continue reading. I suggest maybe at least the intro of the setting would help you!

Plot [10/15]

                I understand that your story is a oneshot and often that means a writer is not allowed to delve into a plot line a whole lot, but this time I think you tried to add too many elements. There was never enough time to really understand what was going on in this character’s life with Sehun. Right when things seems to be making sense, the situation would be over and we’re introduced to a new part of her life. So while there aren’t any gaping plot holes or parts that don’t make sense, I think you’ve moved a little too quickly in my opinion.  

                In terms of substance, until the end of the story we still are not given enough. It was simple with barely any which makes it slightly dull. It’s definitely not a bad plotline! But it is also a little typical – sort of what readers would expect in a typical gang-related story.

Character Development [4/10]

                Out of all the parts, I think character development is your weakest. I have no idea who your characters are.

                Sehun: some type of badboy? Actually no. He’s the worst type of badboy - going around and playing with all the girls. However, we don't know anything about him besides the superficial description Hye Jeong has given. It makes me wonder what in the world made her fall in love with him in the first place.

                Hye Jeong: a girl who lived in unfortunate circumstances. But at the end seems to be writing this letter to her ex-lover post (?) wedding. I cannot seem to understand her feelings towards Sehun - lost love? anger? disappointment? hate?

                Like I’ve said, there’s not too much development at all. Perhaps in the slight portion of her moving on in life and realizing she doesn’t have to be caught up with one man?

                In terms of something you did well in this area, I do think you've got a very good baseline set up for them. They're very concrete and you haven't said anything that contradicts what they stand for. From beginning to end, they stay true in their form and that is very important. 

Writing Style [13/20]

                You have a very simple way of writing. I think it is quite appropriate since we are reading a letter, but it’s also not engaging enough for me. Also, there are times when you get really specific (Ex. Dilation and Curettage (D&C) was an option…)! That example there, you’ve provided too much information that is completely irrelevant to the story. If I were to be writing a letter about my process of abortion, that would not be a detail I would go into, especially if it was one going to my ex. 

                Perhaps I've mentioned this already, if not I'll probably mention it again later; the task of writing in the style of a letter is quite hard. You've done a great job with what you currently have, however! It's different from what authors usually do and that is a feat to celebrate in itself. 

Spelling, Grammar and Diction [17/25]

                You have small words missing here and there – words like “of” or “the”. You also tend to mix up the order of your words a little bit. While your overall use of grammar is not bad – you have all the major parts down pat! – there are definitely moments the structure is a little strange. I think if I were to sum up this section, it would be the mix-up of structures; whether it be the entire sentence itself or one or two of the words.

                There are no major spelling or diction errors! 

                I do see recently you’ve hired yourself a beta-reader (?) so I’m glad to see that you’ve decided to improve your writing that way!  

Personal Enjoyment [6/10]

                This piece was a nice, simple read. It turned out a little bittersweet at the end, but overall I am not complaining too much about it! As final words, I do suggest you to work on creating characters who have more depth – you could have focused on one element of this story (such as the pregnancy because that seemed to be the turning point) and explore the emotions and transformation of this girl into the woman she is (while breezing through the background of how she got into this scenario).

                Due to the format of your story being quite unique, it was a breath of fresh air form the usual narratives. Good work and best of luck as you further continue on your writing career!