Diary of a Recovering Bulimic

Story title. 3/5
The title in itself is a little chunky – as in it does not roll of the tongue like some other titles do. However, with that being said, it is completely relevant to your story so I completely understand why you’ve chosen it. It is just that in my opinion, if I were scrolling through a list of stories, it would not catch my attention.

Description, foreword & tags.7/10
Initially, I was going to give you a perfect mark in this section. I’ve changed it now because it’s so unfortunate that the quality of your description and foreword are not on par with your actual content. I mean it in the sense that just by reading your description and foreword it does not captivate me. I would not want to continue reading. It is only as I read the actual chapter I become pulled into your story. This makes me sad because people, don’t miss out on this great piece! So judging purely on this section in itself, the mark I’ve given reflects my thoughts.

I caught one small mistake: “Soon enough she finds herself on the road….” It is a minor capitalization error so I mean, nothing a quick edit won’t fix! You’ve set the background for this piece quite splendidly right off the bat, giving enough information to readers while also keeping what these drastic measure are a mystery. I did a quick scroll up to your tags and they look fine to me!
 

Appearance: graphics. 5/5, layout. 5/5
For your poster, I’m a little bit torn of whether I like the quote to be “Eating was hard. Breathing was hard. Living was the hardest” or as the way you have it now… To be honest, both sort of work out in their own ways. Anyways, I’m just blabbing here a little bit. Your poster and (especially) your background are so pretty! It has that romance element to it as well as a little bit of mystery which I enjoy. You’ve effectively used the option of bolded words throughout the front layout.

Characterisation. 15/15
Your introduction of Myungsoo honestly gave me chills. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps the fact that I wasn’t really expecting it? Same thing with Sehun. Ugh, let’s be real. I’m here fangirling a little bit about all your characters. They’re so distinct from each other while still familiar. The time when Sehun ignored Haneul while they saw each other – that’s happened to me before. The fear Haneul felt when she saw Myungsoo at her weakest point – I can totally relate.

I feel like the purpose you’ve written this story as the way it is, is to give transparency to Haneul. Yet at the same time, you’ve still kept some back and she’s mysterious. Our main protagonist while trying to be completely honest in her writing to readers still has her own secrets and it’s so alluring.

I honestly have nothing to critique on your characterisation! I really hope you bring back her sister and Sunggyu because I’m curious to the parts they play in the development of Haneul.
 

Plot. 18/20
I’ve never quite read anything like your story before. In terms of realism, truth is flawlessly interwoven with fictional events to spur on your piece. I think the charm of this story is how real it is. These thoughts you’ve written out are definitely things I’ve thought of before. You present it all in such a raw, unhindered way it gets you right in the heart (if you can’t tell, I’m fangirling once again).

There’s a little part of me that wishes your plot line went a little bit faster. Maybe in the sense that your chapters could be longer! There’s so much I’m yearning to know because even at 17 chapters, I feel like we’re still introducing characters. Then again, I’m being impatient and I’m sure you have a reason to separate these chapters in the way you do.

Consistency/flow. 10/10
One thing I believe you did fabulously well is the flow of the story. I enjoy how you jump from topic to topic (such that it’s not exactly one straight long story with consecutive events). You dive headfirst into the problem, you tackle it a bit but then diverge into another aspect of her life, only to return and resolve it. It’s quite wonderful. As a type of story in which it is not filled with action scenes, you still had me yearning to know more about your characters and your storyline. Seriously, a job well done!

Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 14/15
Straight off the bat, I notice that you love the use of commas. Just in the first chapter, I can see that you know exactly the role of the comma, but there are some parts where I think you can replace the comma with another linking word, a semi-colon or even a hyphen. I think it would make your use of repetition even more effective in setting the tone and mood of your piece. Additionally, due to the overuse of the comma, there are some instances of run-on sentences which if broken down will help with the flow of your writing. Your actual grammar and punctuation get better as the story progresses.

Writing style. 4/5
So I am quite conflicted with your writing style, I’ll be honest with you! I love the oxymoron you throw inside with the use of brackets. I mean, heck, it’s one of my favourite things to use as well (here is an example). It’s like an afterthought while being in the middle of a thought – it so accurately reflects the hectic thoughts of Haneul. The reason I’m conflicted is that at times, I feel quite overburdened with it all. It just becomes too much. I can’t say I love it, but by the end I don’t really say I hate it either. I don’t really know what I want to say anymore. Perhaps it’s Haneul’s turmoil that is reflecting off me of as I write this review and read haha.
 

Structure. 5/5
There are no problems whatsoever with the structure your story has been set up! From your “normal” diary entries to when dialogue comes into play and finally the inserts of inner thoughts and emotions. It’s all done so well. Your piece is one of the pieces I can genuinely say the structure has been perfectly formulated.

Readers' response. 2/5
Why in the world you do not have more readers, I will never know…. I feel like your piece is one in which you come to love as you read more and more; it even becomes addicting to some sense! I see people have commented below but you haven’t given any replies quite yet. As always, I encourage writers to build a community with their readers so I will encourage you to do the same!

Overall enjoyment.

The mark I’ve given you is not the highest mark I’ve ever given (and the fact is that I’ve taken marks off due to the littlest thing for the rubric of this review. The majority of your story is unbelievable) but if you have not figured out by now, I am absolutely in love with your story. It’s so painstakingly realistic for me. I will admit right here and now, I shed a few tears when reading some of your chapters because it resonated with me in such a way. While in my life, these thoughts and actions did not persist for a long time it was, and is still, the darkest moments of my life. To see somebody reiterate all those thoughts… I don’t know. I’m getting a little emotional as I write your review right now. You are getting a spot on my wall of fame for reviews and my everlasting subscription until this story ends. Author-nim, you’re doing great things and releasing amazing content! Great work!