Symptoms of Being Homo Sapien

Title [10/10]

                Symptoms of Being Homo Sapien – to start off, what a unique title! Usually, the context that symptom is used is negative (symptoms of a disease/disorder) and to have this linked with homo sapiens is definitely something else. There is a hint that being human in itself is a disease…

Description and Foreword [9/10]

                I actually love your description. It ties in so well with your title and it already makes me wonder, Why in the world is there a story with the scientific name for humans? There are a few grammar mistakes, however. So let me point it out (because that’s just what I do LOL)

                Humans are fascinating creatures. It took millennials for their species to evolve. However, it only takes a few moments for one to take its last breath. All are equipped with intelligence no other animals possess – to lie, cheat, steal; to love, forgive heal.

I honestly don’t know if you meant for that last part to rhyme. Whether that is a yes/no to that statement, I love it!

The rest of your foreword is also amazing. I’m such a er for layouts like these because it’s as if I’m reading a case file of all the characters I am about to meet. Great job for this section! It sets such a great mood for your piece!

(small shoutout for your lovely poster as well!)

Plot [13/15]

                Your plot is so unique! I mean, heist/vigilante plotlines are not unheard of, but I’ve definitely never read one where the circus is involved! In the first chapter, when the case has been revealed that money is scattered down from the bank for the people waiting in front, the first thing I thought of was that scene from “Now You See Me” – do you know what scene I’m talking about? Anyways…

                (spoiler alert!) that little twist you threw in where readers find out that Hoseok is not the one who killed the watchman was so nicely executed! You neither let it drag on too long, but you’ve quickly explained it. Twists like these are sometimes hard to pull off and you guys did well in doing so!

                As I only had the chance to read the first 5 chapters, I still feel like there is much to be revealed about the plotline! But from what you have currently presented, I know that this story is definitely going places! There are many places for development and still a lot of unanswered question. Keep up the good work!  

Character Development [8/10]

                This piece has quite a lot of characters. There are three side stories occurring at once and as this is still in the preliminary stages, not a lot of development is seen. However, you’ve done well in introducing all your different characters and how different they all seem to be! One of the downfalls of having many characters is that often, a lot of them don’t play any important role. As in, someone can be introduced for the sake of simply being there.

                Each of your characters are distinct and offer potential for growth. So far, they all stay true to their personalities and there is not one that strays. I still, however, feel like I have yet to know who the characters truly are and that I’ve skimmed the surface. Of course, I’m sure more of this will be revealed later in the piece.  

                I’m also loving Taehyung’s character. He is great comic relief.

Writing Style [17/20]

                 Your piece runs a lot on dialogue and interaction between all the characters. It’s done quite effectively as well!

                Honestly, the writing style itself is nothing out of the ordinary. I can describe it as solid and concrete. Haha… There really isn’t much I can comment about because your chapters are generally very short.

                One last thing to say is that from personal experience, co-writing a story is so hard, especially if your writing styles are different. However, there was never a moment where I thought, “Oh! This is one person writing!”. The two of you have done well in working together!

                (marks have been deducted because it’s a typical writing style. Nothing extraordinary)

Spelling, Grammar and Diction [23/25]

                I have not caught single spelling mistake so kudos to you on that!

There are some moments where I think you would have benefited from commas. Particularly, at the end of your dialogue.

Ex. “…I had something important to discuss with you (comma)” Professor Kang asked.

The reason I recommend using a comma here rather than a period is because the next sentence describes how Professor Kang speaks. This is a continuance of the dialogue. If you had written something like “Professor Kang walks around” then, as a separate idea, you can use a period.

 There is nothing particularly special with your diction. Common words are used and you tell the story in a way that is easy to understand and enjoyable to read. Having said this, I do think you will benefit if you use words that are more interesting and descriptive. It will enhance the paragraphs where you are creating the setting or trying to paint imagery.

Personal Enjoyment [8/10]

                 I can tell straight off the bat that this is a story that has been well thought out and planned. So far, everything that has been revealed is purposeful and helps the plotline move along. One personal complaint I have is that I believe your chapters are too short. I think you can even combine some of them into one as the amount of material you have out does not correspond with what readers should know by now. This is, once again, a complete personal thing so take my suggestion as you want!

                 I know that the final mark of this review does not really seem to reflect the comments of each section that I have written. I have actually purposefully decided to deduct a small amount of marks here and there because I want this mark to reflect the potential of growth in your piece! I say this often in my reviews: I do not give out perfect marks because authors always have room for improvement. There is so much left for you guys to write out and I hope that the physical value of this mark can be motivation for you guys to continue working! 

                 I’m really happy to have discovered this piece and you can expect me to stay subscribed until the end! I’m very curious to see how everything turns out. Good luck on your writing and thank you for allowing me to review this for you!