Keeping Himself

Title [9/10]

                Hmm…!! What an interesting title! Already just from reading your description and foreword, I can already tell that perhaps this title has a dual meaning? More of my comment once I get into the heart of the story…

                So I am back once again after reading what you have thus far. I have yet to really get a good grasp on what the relevance of the title has on the story. I am going to go on the whim that it has to do with the him that you’ve mentioned in your description.

Description and Foreword [9/10]

                I very very much enjoyed reading your description and foreword! Straight from the get-go, it’s already quite intriguing! There’s a bit of a “Black Swan” aura to it… Your foreword was particularly interesting. I was not anticipating such a dramatic change right from the beginning in Jin Eul’s written piece. I know if I were to casually stumble across your story, this section would have definitely pulled me into reading more!

A little bit about the grammar here, however. You tend to use run-on sentences by inputting a lot of commas. Sometimes, they’re a bit of a mouthful to read (like in my inner head reading voice haha) so that threw me off a little bit. This is specifically seen in your first paragraph in your description; it’s insanely long. Covers about three lines?

Plot [15/15]

                Oh! This plot is simply so intriguing! I’ve never read a story quite like this one. Although I kept getting “Black Swan” vibes all through it, I didn’t even care. They were very slight – very likely being because it was also about dancing and mental illness. Seeing as you only have four chapters out (and the chapters in itself are quite short), I don’t have too much to say about the plot thus far. I can summarize my thoughts into saying I’m interested into seeing how it may turn out! Leaving in another small comment, I want to say that your pace is great. You’re constantly egging the plot further on with events.

Character Development [8/10]

                What a unique character you have introduced us to! Jin Eul is definitely something else…with his different personas and the fact that he has a mental disorder! It only serves as a partial explanation for the way he has been acting. There is so much mystery surrounding his character. I will admit it took me a little bit to wrap my mind around the fact that he has three names here haha.

                There has yet to be any type of large development… so I will keep your mark sort of in the middle as room for you to continue to build his character.

Writing Style [20/20]

                Your whole story has this mysterious aura around it which I am completely in love with! So many questions have already been introduced and when one seems to be solved, another one pops up! I’m enjoying it a lot right now. I also love how you sprinkle bits of Jin Eul’s inner thoughts throughout the writing. It takes the reading experience to a more personal level which is great. I can sense a bit of your dry sarcastic humour through the writing.

Spelling, Grammar and Diction [23/25]

                There are some typos that I have picked up; nothing a quick read through won’t solve.

Ex. (Ch1) Jin Eul was aware that he didn’t fit in the parameters of “normal”.

                I have briefly mentioned this in a previous section: you tend to overuse the comma. There are parts where a semicolon or a hyphen should have been used. In addition, don’t be afraid to simply rearrange your sentences a little bit and slip in a transition word! It will help with your flow as well.

Personal Enjoyment [10/10]

                Oh man! I was seriously craving for more after reading what you’ve given out so far! Here is my final comment as a reader: please release longer chapters! You’re really being such a tease right now; it’s like you’ve given me a lollipop but also instructed I’m only allowed to it once.

I apologize if this review is a little on the short end. As you can see, I don’t really have anything to suggest for you to improve at this particularly point. You’ve done such an amazing job thus far! I’m really looking forward to reading more! Fighting!