The Times

Title (3/5)

Hmm… Your title is alright. It doesn’t tell me much about the story at all. Reading through, I can see why you’ve chosen it, but it’s mainly to reflect the aspect of time travel. I don’t  particularly like it nor do I think it’s terrible. Purely judging on your title, it’s meh to me.

Description & Foreword (6/10)

This section is short and sweet. Reading it, it is not something I have never encountered before. I’m quite iffy on that phrase “…I think I’ll miss you even if we never met.” There’s something there that doesn’t quite flow off my tongue as nicely as I think it should. I wish I could point it out but it’s quite late where I am right now and my mind is simply blanking out.

Like the cover of a book, this section serves to attract readers and so looking at this, I’ll have to say I’d probably pass by it. There’s nothing concrete in here to grasp my attention besides the cliché aspect of returning to the past to avoid the pain of being hurt by a loved one.

Grammar & Spelling (13/15)

I don’t see any major problems with either your spelling or grammar. Words are cohesively strung together and there are no major spelling mistakes/mix up of words! At times, there are the odd words that have been left out, but that just might be a mistake in the speed you are typing at and your mind thinking ahead haha. I will, however, point out some small details that I have seen to give you an overall idea:

(CH2) He was wearing a plan white shirt that had turned a dark colour and a grey shirts grey shorts that was torn at the sides.

(CH2) …a few twigs tangling dangling between his reddened toes.

(CH2) In fact, she often won beat him…

Plot (10/20)

After reading the first chapter, I can already summarize your piece in one word: cliché. I really hope you didn’t read that and become offended, because sometimes cliché is good! There are only so many ideas that go around and as an author, you are bound to be inspired by one you’ve heard before! Albeit, everything that has happened before is not new to be and because of that, I am slightly disappointed.

So here I am at the end of reading. Your plotline was solid without any distinguishing plot holes to my understand. I will have to conclude that until the end, everything was quite predictable and just as we are getting to the , you resolve everything a little too quickly. You’ve written a good ending – satisfactory in fact – but nothing that made me want more. It was a simple, “Ah. So that’s what happens.”

Characterization (10/15)

Until the end, we do not know who exactly Bomi and Chanyeol are. Your introduction of Baekhyun is quite sudden as well – his role purely to confess to her? Serve as her secret admirer (in which you then never follow up)? All readers are able to speculate is that Bomi and Chanyeol truly have feelings for one another but did not have the guts to tell each other. Bomi to me is simply a girl who had an unrequited crush; Chanyeol as a boy who wanted to fulfil his father’s desires. I do not have enough substance to understand these characters.

Flow (5/10)

I wasn’t too sure where to put this as it pertains to your setting, but this might be the place. To summarize my thoughts, I find it the writing a little strange. It seems to be set in some type of historical period (wedding with the princess, carriages) yet there are some modern aspects of it (waiters at a restaurant? use of cash and bringing a purse). Besides this, there are moments in the school setting, family setting, actions of the characters that all contradict each other. These facts sort of contradict each other so it throws me off while I’m reading.

This piece ended off too quickly in my eyes. You spend a great deal (2/3 chapters) building up to this point and you suddenly end the story. Right where the marble is smashed is where I would pinpoint as the pinnacle – you had an opportunity to change the story, yet you opted for a very normal ending.

Writing Style (8/10)

You tend to use repetition a lot in your writing. This is effective at times, but also a little long winded. I understand your choice for it to stress a particular thought, but if you overuse it, it also loses it effectiveness. I would suggest you to either play around with the format of the words like italics or bolded words to draw the attention of readers. In regards to this, I see that you’ve tried to emphasize certain words by changing the size of the word. I’d actually suggest against doing this because it makes your format look strange.

Personal Enjoyment (9/15)

Your clear and straight-forward writing style is what kept me going. This is not a terrible piece (frankly, I’ve read worse), but I feel your story to be too clichéd. I think the downfall of this piece is that you’ve tried to resolve everything too quickly. You spend too much time creating scenarios but never enough time to delve into what the characters are truly feeling. In order to immerse your readers into the world you’ve created, you must be able to specifically set out a background for your characters. This is a theme that I’ve repeated throughout this review for you. Due to the above reasons, I was unable to enjoy your writing to its full capacity. If you ever feel the want to edit this story, I will honestly suggest you to elongate it – flesh out your characters; make sure your time period is in concert with the other objects, etc. All said (written) and done, as always, it is a pleasure to review your story for you!

Overall Grade: 64%