!! QUITE LONG CHAPTERS!!

But it's your loss if you skip some parts of it ^^

Enjoy!!

 

 

A loving heart is the truest wisdom.

- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

 

 

The sunlight is peeking through the horizon. The dark bluish sky earlier is turning clear, blue of the day that portrays serenity. So beautiful and mesmerizing. June checks on his wristwatch; 10:30 am, it’s getting late and he has been out of bed for 3 hours already. He’s starting to regret coming out here for a morning jog.   He looks ahead, panting hard. No longer running for the last 1 hour because he is damn tired. He sees Donghyuk and Chanwoo still making another lap leaving him behind all alone. Not that he cares less. June only wants to return to his bed. But if he stops now, he will be the laughing stock for the whole day thanks to Donghyuk. Damn that man, he thoughts. For June is all aware of Donghyuk calling him weakling or worst ‘how are you going to get rid of all those fats if you don’t want to exercise?’. June hates that the most. The mockery he would get is irresistibly murdering.   Thus he keeps walking, hoping for the 2 to stop. They did, after 15 laps around the lakeside only the 2 make a stop by the bench. Both Donghyuk and Chanwoo take a big gulp of their water, thirsty after a long run whilst wait for June to come.   “God, he’s so slow. I wish I can bulldoze him.” Utter Donghyuk, his eyes not faltering watching June walking so slow to them. Chanwoo can only laugh. The 2 is going to have a bicker for sure. When June finally made it, he is gasping badly and Donghyuk can only shake his head in disapproval. With those sweats pouring from his whole body, for sure the reaction June has with him should be the other way around. Feeling frustrated Donghyuk uses his bottle and hit June on his shoulder. It’s loud enough to grab people’s attention but luckily they are the only one around.   “What the hell is that for?!” June bellows, hand his pained right shoulder with face not showing any satisfaction. Donghyuk rolls his eyes at that. June supposing anger does not intimidate him at all.   “Stop exaggerating! It’s not that hurt. Besides, it’s me and maknae running a full lap, not you. So stop panting like you’ve made 20 of it!” Donghyuk returns back, equally frustrated.   “It feels like 20!”   “It’s not you dumb! Stop being a baby.” June pouts at that, he shifts weight to the other side and walks past Donghyuk to where the bench is. Face somewhat sulking.   “I am a baby! And I need a sleep now. Damn, I’m hungry too.” June utters, hand holding his stomach. Donghyuk can only sigh watching him before taking his place on the ground beside the bench. There’s no way he can sit with June at the moment. He’s so pissed. Meanwhile, Chanwoo could only watch them with chuckles. It’s entertaining for him to watch his 2 hyungs bickering. He then grabs his phone out from his pocket, trying to make out the time. As he switches the lock on, he notices a message. He opens it. It’s from Hanbin.     From: Hanbinnie   U still outside? Come to studio later will ya? Got sumthing 2 show u ;)     Chanwoo lets out a smile at that. He locks it back and tries to focus on the thing Donghyuk and June is talking about. But the more he focuses, his mind neglects the conversation as it plays something different in his head. Chanwoo’s smile falters, his mind is yet clouded with the thoughts again. He casts his head down, feel the headache coming.   It’s suffocating, he’s divided on what path to choose.

 

 

  Even before entering the room he can hear the loud bass booming from within the concrete. Chanwoo stands still on the door, he turns the knob and enters. There sitting on the black chair is none other than Hanbin, all alone in the room, too immersed in his own music until he doesn’t realize Chanwoo’s presence.   The maknae has to let out a small cough to let the older knows he is here. Hanbin turns around, big smile painted on his face. Chanwoo’s heart beats at that yet at the same time it drops. He doesn’t know how to react but only to fake a smile. Hanbin ushers him to come closer. As he did, before he could sit on the chair beside the leader, Hanbin pulls him onto his own laps. Chanwoo could only oblige.   “You’re done exercising?” Hanbin asks, his right hand stays on the keyboard while the left one around the maknae’s waist. Chanwoo hums a yes as a response. As he tries to get comfortable on the leader’s laps. “Hyung, I’m stink. Haven’t took a shower just yet.” He makes excuses.   “Nah, that’s fine. I like your smell.” Hanbin counters back, still not letting go of his hand on Chanwoo. The maknae gives in as he silently sighs and just follows the flow. Hanbin lets him listen to songs Hanbin has just finished making. He let the maknae listen one by one while holding the maknae close in his embrace. Chanwoo lends his ears, focusing and listening intently. Unconsciously not noticing how his hands are caressing Hanbin’s left one on his waist.   Chanwoo feels how nostalgic this feels. How it would be him, the first person Hanbin would give a listen to his songs. How Chanwoo would feel delight after hearing it and Hanbin letting the maknae gives his own two cents on his work. The maknae smiles subtly. He misses those days, where it is only the two of them together.   None of them make a move after the songs come to an end. The room is filled with silence, only the sound of their breath mingling that echoes around the walls. Hanbin let his right hand grasps on the maknae’s waist, only then Chanwoo realizes where does his hands are. But he doesn’t pull back, he let them stay on Hanbin’s warm hands. Both of them stay in that position for how long, none of them care.   “Hyung.” Chanwoo voices out. Hanbin hums as a response. He waits for the words to be spilled. The younger hesitates, but he can’t back away now. “Do you think I’m good enough for you?”   Hanbin’s brows etched closer, his smile drops off. His hold on the maknae becomes tight. “You’re always good enough for me.” He answers, feeling his chest tightens. Hanbin knows where this will end up to.   The smile completely wiped out from Chanwoo’s face. He almost can hear the faint sound of his heart cracking. “I don’t think I am.” He says. At that, he releases himself from Hanbin, the older is taken aback he couldn’t stop the warmth from leaving him. Chanwoo is now standing before Hanbin, the looks on his face could only tell Hanbin one thing. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he knows what Chanwoo will say.   “I’m sorry, hyung. I can’t do this anymore.” Hanbin doesn’t know what to feel hearing that. Although he is fully prepared, but it seems like he’s wrong. Nothing could get him fully prepare for this. As Chanwoo is about to leave, he grabs the younger’s hand, tightly not to let Chanwoo go. Only then he notices the red of Chanwoo’s eyes. Hanbin feels his heart sinking, he made Chanwoo cries again.   This doesn’t feel right, Hanbin feels just like that. He doesn’t want to break up, again. “Chanwoo-ah, please. Don’t do this.” He begs, hand grabs Chanwoo’s tightly. Hanbin doesn’t mind if it leaves a mark, he doesn’t want Chanwoo to leave again.   A cry comes out from the maknae’s mouth. That slowly tears Hanbin’s heart. He feels the hot stinging sensation at the back of his eyes, and he let it be. Hanbin let the tears flow down his face. He doesn’t care anymore. Chanwoo softens watching Hanbin crying, only for him to pour out like fountain. Before Chanwoo could decipher, his body is taken into Hanbin’s hold. They both slowly fall down onto the floor, with Hanbin holding close a tear-stricken Chanwoo in his embrace. He let the maknae cries onto his shirt, whilst he pats on Chanwoo’s head softly.   “I—I don’t know.” Chanwoo starts off, “ever since I knew Seung Hee, I know that we are together that time, but I fall for her.” He says. “It’s wrong, but I love her that time. And I love you too. What should I do hyung? Who’s exactly my heart belongs to?” Chanwoo sobs loudly in Hanbin’s embrace, he holds onto the leader shirt, his grip is strong like iron. It hurts badly and he doesn’t know how to stop it from aching badly.   “I’m an idiot. I hurt you. I did this to us. I don’t deserve you, hyung.”   I don’t deserve us.   Hanbin pushes him a bit away, until they are on each own eye level. “No, no, no, that’s not true. We deserve each other. I love you, Chanwoo-ah. So much. Just please, tell me, what more can I do to convince you that?” Desperately he asks, Hanbin feels the bile rising up his throat. The feelings of helplessness, the prediction of losing the battle for the one you love, he feels it at the moment. He is so scared if Chanwoo leaves him again. Hanbin is so desperate to stop that from happening again.   “Chanwoo-ah,” He calls for him. “Please, I love you. I forgive you for what happened. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve known better. I should’ve give you time. I’m sorry.” At that, Chanwoo looks up. His face slowly scrunched up in confusion.   “Is that how I make you feel?” Chanwoo asks, his tears stop flowing as he looks into Hanbin’s glistening eyes. The leader feels the tension. He must have spoken wrong.   “I see.” Chanwoo says. And he stands up from the ground, Hanbin is shock at that. He follows the younger’s action. The maknae then throws his gaze to Hanbin. Not one with anger, nor hatred, but pure sadness. Hanbin feels chill runs down his spine. “So that’s how I make you feel? Like it’s your fault?” Hanbin doesn’t answer. He doesn’t know how to.   “This is my fault.” He continues, the tears make its way again down his porcelain skin. “I’m the one cheating on you, turning my back on you, leaving you. How come it’s your fault when it’s totally mine?!” Chanwoo raises his voice, something that Hanbin rarely does see. It renders him speechless. Hanbin tries to get on his ground back but Chanwoo cuts him down real quick, “I’m a bad person. I shouldn’t make you feel that way. I’m sorry. We should stop this.” Chanwoo says.   “No wait, Chanwoo-ah. Please, calm down. Think about it first.” Hanbin reasons out but Chanwoo refuses to listen.   “I’ve thought about it. Let’s just stop all this, hyung.” He says.   “I can’t love you anymore.” . . . . . . . .    

 

  “Finally, we’re on tour.”   It’s coming out from Bobby. His bubbly attitude is always shining but tonight is just not the time. Hanbin is a mess. A wreck of it. The weeks he has been spending is a total hell for him. After the incident in the studio, all of a sudden, Chanwoo disappears for 3 days, no trace at all. Yet luckily they got no schedule at that time.   He comes back at night, all the members are worried sick about him. He calls them up first on the evening telling them that he’s back at home with his family. ‘Need some time alone’ is what he said. His welcome is celebrated with Jinhwan and Yunhyeong’s full nagging, Donghyuk’s hundreds of questions, Bobby’s lecture and June ‘I don’t care, welcome back.’ Hanbin is the only one in silent.   Only by then the hyungs’ line know the full story; Jinhwan, Yunhyeong and Bobby, about what has happened. Hanbin is the one breaking the shell to them. Of course, their reaction is natural, especially Yunhyeong. For they see this coming already, though not this nasty.   Life rules out normally afterwards, schedules, practices, classes, photo-shoot and now their tour. All the members are hyped up; even Hanbin, though he can’t say it