This song is based on Hanbin's POV. ;)

 

 

 

My problem was I wanted to be with you even when I knew I couldn’t. –unknown-

 

 

The thing about life is that, it’s not the place for us to be happy. That is something new that he has just realized it. Which in all the time there is a rainbow, there would always be a storm. No matter how people keep saying that ‘if you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.’, in the end the rain and storm are still there; existing to snatch and inflict emotional pains to others by heart.   Hanbin knows that he is crossing the line, fully aware of the other members’ ignorance of their somewhat forbidden relationship but he has no choice. No one got to say anything when it comes to love, and Hanbin is proven to be one of the victims. They have to keep it down, all the hand-touching and hints and kisses deem as a secret so that they would never be exposed red-handed. However, nobody ever said that it’s going to be an easy task.   It’s tiring, though Hanbin doesn’t want to admit it but it does. Chanwoo feels the same things too that all the façade and acting are draining him out from head to toe, inside and out. But the maknae has never complained saying that it’s okay, at least they are still together and staying strong. Hanbin can never be more agree than that. Silently, Chanwoo’s optimism becomes his greatest source of strength to protect each other against the world.   Yet still, keeping secret has never been fun. Although for now none of the members notice anything ‘too intimate’ between the two, the secret won’t last forever. But they can prolong the time so that the day for their little secret to be exposed won’t be coming so close, hopefully. It’s the strategic, masochist yet bittersweet plan ever.   So they keep their distance from each other to make sure no one can see behind the curtains, couldn’t notice how their eyes sparkling whenever their gazes met, how their breath laboring when their bodies are close to each other with shoulder bumping to shoulder just so that all 7 of them can fit into the frame. It’s way harder for Hanbin than the time he has a writer’s block, much arduous for Chanwoo than the moment he is forced to keep his anger inside by biting the inside of his cheeks and to hold the tears from falling whenever he is either scolded by Hanbin himself for messing up the dance routine or when he couldn’t reach the high note.   But little did Chanwoo knows that there is something that Hanbin has it far more hard to endure than the stated. And that is when they have to deny everything that they have; to the public, to the world, by themselves.   For an example, it was during their interview at QQ Music Awards in China when the members got to choose which member would they dated if they were a girl. Typical question Hanbin thought. The reporter was probably wanting to increase their outlet popularity by asking such a question that could get all the fan girls out there crazy. He had to control the urge to roll his eyes –Junhwe’s influence, he couldn’t help it– during the entire interview session.   He knew that he shouldn’t be hurt, shouldn’t be pissed when Chanwoo didn’t choose him as the person he would date. But Hanbin couldn’t help it. He was powerless to stop the anger from seeping inside his heart, had no strength either to stop the jealousy from taking over when the maknae chose Bobby and Bobby also chose him. It made the two became the main spotlight for a little while when they picked each other, like the sappy romance drama out from the TV. Ugh, how Hanbin despised it.   He agreed with Chanwoo not to choose each other, never gave any hint; even the vague one about their relationship but on that day, he didn’t care anymore. He just screwed it all up. In the end, he chose Chanwoo and the surprise in the maknae’s eyes was visible enough for him to see except that the younger masked his expression well enough. Chanwoo tried to be as normal as possible and avoided the camera occasionally as a precaution in case the lenses had some kind of ‘X-Ray laser’ or such. Technology nowadays was creepy after all.   Later that day when they got back to the hotel, he received a lifetime scolding from the younger lecturing him on his childishness and lack of professionalism despite being a leader and a grown -man in his 20s. But Hanbin didn’t care about it. He thought that only for one day, he just wanted to be real. To be truthful to himself.   When the night came, he switched room with Donghyuk all of a sudden and the other maknae had to endure Bobby’s snores delivered straight from the abyss while he had the best night of the week by cuddling his maknae to sleep. It was a better day to say nonetheless.   There are other occasions too that the same event happened all the time but Hanbin is too tired to let his mind thinks about it. It is a long road for him and the boys but if they are with him; if Chanwoo promises to stay together with him, then nothing can bring him down. Nothing….   Except for a few scripted and detailed words written by none other than their own fans that starts the uneventful war of their love life.   “Omo!” Donghyuk’s loud shrill startles everyone in the dorm; well joking, not exactly everyone because it is very much obvious that Junhwe and Chanwoo have no damn care of the world since the two are too busy with their phones in hands. Jinhwan and Yunhyeong are in the kitchen preparing a light dinner for everyone. It has been a very long time since the last they ate together properly with a proper meal on the humble dining table of their dormitory.   Yunhyeong is the first to walk near the other maknae, a ladle in his hand swirling it like a weapon. “What’s wrong, Donghyuk-ah? Why are you getting all so worked up?” He asks him when the younger has his hand cupping his mouth in utter effort to keep another shrill in, his other one holding his phone and face all bright red. It’s worrying Yunhyeong if suddenly Donghyuk has a spasm or something.   “No, it’s just…” He stops mid-way; the laughter seems to be so hard to contain inside of his mouth. Yunhyeong is judging him really hard already. “O~kay, what is actually wrong with you right now?”   Donghyuk doesn’t answer him but instead he pulls Yunhyeong closer to him and shows him what is displaying on the phone’s screen. Yunhyeong looks up on it, eyes scrolling from left to right, up and down numerous time for a minute before he pushes the younger’s shoulder and let out a loud and exaggerate “Aish” sound. “You’re reading a fanfic again?!” The mention of the ‘taboo’ word –blame Jinhwan for it because the older deems it to be inappropriate and too much cheesiness overloaded for them to read, especially for the minor like Chanwoo– turns everyone’s head to the kitchen. Even Hanbin pulls down his headphone and drapes it on his neck, taking himself out from his world fills with poetic lyrics and music when he heard the commotion.   “I thought that we have agreed not to read them anymore. How could you break the promise?” And there Yunhyeong has started his nagging of the day, hands on his waist and brows furrowing as if he is angry; which truthfully said is not even close to one. As a proof, it doesn’t even make Donghyuk stops giggling like a maniac nonetheless.   “But I can’t help it, hyung. Our iKONICs keep sending them to me. And besides, some of them are not that bad. It’s very good!” Donghyuk says giving a thumb up to Yunhyeong, showing how he approves the thing he has read. Yunhyeong only gives him a face and a scrutinizing eyes judging the younger further.   “Yah, don’t get yourself too much into it. Remember what happened with Junhwe and Bobby the last time? It didn’t turn out well for them and us.” From the counter Jinhwan interrupts. Even the sound of the knife hitting the board couldn’t hinder his voice from bouncing through the walls.   “It’s a dreadful nightmare I tell you. Trust me.” Junhwe utters from the living room, all limbs scattering on the couch with his legs showing over. He is exposing too many skin with the short on. Meanwhile, Chanwoo is sitting beside him, eyes still glued to the phone. The two are having an online game battle through their phones.   “It’s not that pleasant for my head to process either so don’t worry.” Surprising them once again Bobby butts in unexpectedly. He is supposed to be in his room sleeping but it seems like the loud pitch of Donghyuk’s voice and Jinhwan’s outstanding voice seeping through the walls awaken him from his slumber. He walks to the other end of the couch on Chanwoo’s side but before that manages to nudge hard on Junhwe’s knee. The younger clicks his tongue in annoyance and rolls his eyes on Bobby. Not that the older care anymore.   “Which pairing that you are reading right now, Donghyuk-ah?!” Seriously they thought, the living room is just one door away from the kitchen but Bobby is shouting as if it is miles away.   “Ah~ I can’t tell you, hyung! But it’s so sweet that I can’t stop reading right now.” Says Donghyuk alongside a few squeals coming out from him. It annoys Yunhyeong as he hits the younger lightly on his head with a towel in his apron’s pocket before he returns back to the stove.   “Aish, just tell us. I bet Chanwoo is even eager to know it too, right?” Bobby playfully nudges on the maknae next, ends up making him losing the game.   “Ah! Hyung! ~ I’m dead because of you!” He whines, face contorts in utter annoyance. “Now I have to wash all Junhwe’s clothes for a month!”   “Yeah, don’t forget to fold and iron my shirts too. You are the best, maknae!” Junhwe ruffles the maknae’s hair with him laughing in victorious laugh. He is lucky that his eyes don’t catch on Hanbin’s glare on the other corner of the room watching him touching his maknae. Or else he wouldn’t be laughing anymore for days, or perhaps even for a year.   By the time Chanwoo is practically strangling Bobby to death for the cause of his one-month slavery, Jinhwan puts away the knife and walks to the table approaching Donghyuk who is still smiling dumbly reading the fanfic in his phone. “Is it a random girl with Hanbin again?” He asks, intrigues to know suddenly. “Please don’t tell me that it’s me and Junhwe. Gosh, that brat won’t keep it shut for weeks if you say it’s us.”   The memory of the time they read one of the fanfictions about Jinhwan and Junhwe, the younger couldn’t stop disturbing Jinhwan claiming that he thought they were really a good pair of a couple and the fans had a great taste when it came to writing something ‘fantastic’. If it wasn’t because of his patience he would have eat Junhwe for dinner.   “Ah no hyung. This time it’s lot more fun!” The giggling and exhilaration coming out from Donghyuk is different from the usual. He is acting strange and looks so happy for no reason. It makes all of them wondering what kind of crazy ridiculous story he’d stumbled himself upon to this time.   “It’s our Chanwoo and Junhwe! They are so cute hyung! I can’t stop reading about them already. They are so adorable!” And followed by Donghyuk exaggerated giggling and laughter that bring a disgusted sound made by the two said pair on the couch. The games in their hands are long forgotten when they have their body wriggling trying to get the distaste feeling away. Bobby is practically smashing the walls down with the uproar of his laughter.   “Oh my God, really?! These two awkward kids? What did our fans think about them until they wrote about these brats?” Bobby’s words earn him two pillows and one punch on his stomach by Junhwe and Chanwoo. But that doesn’t even manage to cease his chuckles.   “I know, hyung! But if you read this all the awkward thoughts between them is gone. I can’t believe it too but it’s true. And this story is so good you should read it Bobby hyung!” The others have no clue in the world on what happened next but then they found both Donghyuk and Bobby on the dining table being such a ‘fan boys’ over a fanfiction. Their laughter and thrilled ear-piercing screeching fill the entire dorm, sending a wave of annoyance to the others.   Then out of the blue, suddenly Yunhyeong and Jinhwan join the two; the food is left unfinished on the stove –luckily they don’t forget to turn off the gas–. Another round of loud and ear-splitting shrills and squealing come from the 4 of them adding much irritation to Hanbin who is trying hard to concentrate on his lyrics at hand. He silently curses at s; Bobby and Donghyuk especially for acting like crazy sasaengs fa