I'm writing in hurry. I'm sorry

The LONGEST(?) chapter in the story~~ (I think)

 

 

Make sure to listen till the end, and keep repeating till the chapter ends :)

      Don’t get me wrong   I do love him. So much   So now ….   Maybe…. I should just disappear.         “W—What did you say?!” Spat out the boy with remorse and confusion. Words from the doctor has him hard to believe it. He couldn’t accept it that everything has come to this, it happens so quickly. Seunghee has turned blind.   It was the morning when the nurse woke her up from sleep when she suddenly started trashing out on the bed. She spoke of incoherent words since she had hard time to speak thus people around could only hear her muffled bellows and sobs. Chanwoo had just entered the room the moment Seunghee’s mother and few nurses had taken action. She was put on tranquilizer until the doctor came to check on her. Almost 30 minutes they waited outside; Chanwoo with Bobby and Yunhyeong alongside Mrs. Park until the doctor came out to break the news to them.   Apparently at the moment, Chanwoo doesn’t know how he should feel anymore. “Her condition is getting bad. Her vision is lost permanently and some of her body function seems to deteriorate. I am truly sorry for what happened.” Those are enough to make Mrs. Park cries. Yunhyeong calms her down while Chanwoo himself is speechless. Even with Bobby’s continuous calling to his name couldn’t bring him back to earth.     Time is a cruel thief to rob us of our former selves. We lose as much to life as we do to death. - Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey       His mind is foggy, his head’s throbbing badly and body feels so weak. As if he has just finished draining his entire energy dancing to 6 songs in a row. Chanwoo snickers at the thought, how long has it been since the last he spends time in the practice room?   The screen phone meets his eyes. His thumb stays linger above it, not daring to lay a touch. He snickers at the realization of his thumb keeps lingering at the same spot since weeks ago. The name written in the search box is like boring hole to his own being. His heart clenches tight. Hurt flashes his eyes as the name flashes in his view.  

Hanbinnie hyung

  Chanwoo thoughts of how selfish he has been. How his selfish act caused so many heartbreaks; Hanbin’s, s, Seunghee’s and that includes him too. The only thing he has been thinking is only about his heart, not paying care of others, especially Hanbin. Chanwoo is aware; perfectly clear in his head that his cheating is not something that Hanbin could forgive him for easily. Also, his acts of leaving the leader behind for Seunghee is not admirable either.   Yet he doesn’t know why with the knowledge of the wrongdoings he has done, the dark consequences waiting in every decision he has taken, he still walks the same path. And here he is, regretting everything. Thumb still lingers on the green call button, but he knows he can’t press it.   What would Hanbin say if he calls him? For sure, many other things play in his mind but that’s one of his concern. Would the older be okay if he calls him? Chanwoo is devastated. He locks his screen and with heavy sigh his hand rubs the back of his neck in frustration. For once, everything seems so vague.   “Chanwoo?” Hearing his name being called, Chanwoo lifts his head abruptly. Yunhyeong’s warm eyes is what his gaze met with. Taking the seat beside the younger in the hall, Yunhyeong looks over the maknae. He seems obviously exhausted; physically and mentally. He loses his weight dramatically only within 2 weeks and his cheeks become so sunken. Even the baby fats he has are getting lesser. Yunhyeong wonders if the maknae is even taking care of his health while he is tending Seunghee.   The thought of the young girl in the room a few steps away from them makes Yunhyeong’s inside twisted in an unpleasant way. Pity and sadness he feels for her, not only because she is their fan but also due to Chanwoo’s feelings for her. The reminder of anything bad happens to her in the future, it would tremendously hurt the maknae a lot. How Yunhyeong wishes he could prevent that.   “Here.” A sandwich is handed to the maknae. “You haven’t eaten anything since last night. At least take this. I’ll cook you something tonight.” The older utters as he handed the sandwich to the younger. Chanwoo takes it as he stares at it not opening the wrap. When he does, he takes a first bite. It takes somehow weird in his mouth. Sweet. But that is probably because he hasn’t been eating anything decent since a day ago. His taste buds are adapting to the taste. He takes more bite and more as along with his tears falling. Yunhyeong notices it though he doesn’t utter anything other than his hand working its wonder on the maknae’s back.   Yunhyeong feels like crying too. Watching the maknae suffering like this hurts his entire being. If only he could do something to lift Chanwoo’s sadness away. Yet it’s impossible. The girl is dying and the doctors already predicted the days she has left. It won’t be long until the bed would be replaced with other patients, foreign person; no longer Park Seunghee.   Finishing the bread whilst crying isn’t easy yet Chanwoo done it effortlessly. He must have been starving. Yunheong thoughts as the plastic wrapper is crunched in the maknae’s hold. “I—I don’t know what to do….” Chanwoo said. “I’m lost. She’s getting worst and ……… I don’t know.”   “It’s okay, it’s not your fault for not being able to think of anything.” Persuades Yunhyeong. “Just stay with her okay? Till the last.” Chanwoo nods at that. He lets his head falls onto Yunhyeong’s shoulder, wanting some comfort. It’s been days since the last his body touches the bed. The older lets him do whatever he wants. Hands still not leaving Chanwoo’s head.   “Hyung….” Yunhyeong hums a response. Waiting for Chanwoo to continue. “Do you think Hanbin hyung will forgive me?”   “I told you already right?” Yunhyeong reminds him of the night after he had a fight with Hanbin, the brief talk they had. “He will forgive you. But it takes time. You do realize that what you did is bad and it’s hard to be forgiven, right?” Outspokenly, Yunhyeong says as he eyed the maknae beside him. Guilt written all over his face. Once again, Chanwoo’s mind brings him to Hanbin.     Because I thought of you
Just for the thought of you       The room is dim lighted with the blinds close. The soft thud of the door clicking awakes Mrs. Park from her nap. Chanwoo bows in respect as she returns it back with a smile. Taking a seat opposite the woman, Chanwoo’s eyes trail over Mrs. Park’s face. She looks tired and sluggish. The long niter of none sleep is taking a toll on her body.   “How about you come home for the night? I can take care of her.” He suggests and after much contemplating by Mrs. Park she finally says yes, Chanwoo is very persuasive to have her return home. After she left with Chanwoo walking her out the room, he returns to the former seat he has. Eyes trailing on Seunghee’s even rise and fall of chest. The sign that she is still breathing; still inhaling the same air like he does.   The phone is clutched tight in his hand. The games bored him up and he has no idea what he should do to kill the boredom. Sleep isn’t coming its way and the night is still earlier. Thus he opens the tab on internet and search for something that he knows he shouldn’t be reading anymore. The last time he reads them, he has Yunhyeong and Jinhwan having a hard time to coax him up to stop crying.   He reads about multiple sclerosis, the causes, pathology; the studies of disease progression, effects and complications. Everything. Though he has read them before, he still couldn’t help to drive away the intrigue feelings and the bitterness nesting in his mouth and chest.   They had a very hard time to calm Seunghee down the moment she woke up from her sleep. When her eyelids opened, Mrs. Park is the one beside her, hushing her daughter to sleep more since it’s still early. The girl didn’t say anything, but her expression shows one of confusion. Chanwoo is quick to realize it. then Seunghee has asked about the time. Yunhyeong is the one telling her that it’s about half past 9. The next as she asked why is it so dark that it got everyone on their feet. Then the scream came.   It is so bad until she has to be forced to sleep by tranquilizer. As she woke up, another examination is done and the doctor confirmed it to be vision loss. She has gone blind in just a mere 6 months since the diagnosis. Her mother is devastated and so does all 3 of them. But Chanwoo takes it the worst. He feels extremely anguish at the thought that Seunghee couldn’t see anymore. She couldn’t watch movies with him anymore, or watching views through the window or in the garden. Worst, she couldn’t see him again.   The back of his eyes are burning but there are no tears threatening to fall. He has let out too many of them, his glands are dried. After moments of staring either at the girl or his screen, the door is opened. The person who comes through is the last one in his mind.   “H—Hanbin hyung?” Chanwoo voices out towards the male standing at the doorframe. The brown leather jacket and dark pants he has looks comfortable and warm. His hair is combed through yet still a bit messy, typical of the leader. The round glasses he puts on suit him the most. Hanbin wears his usual getup and looks very comfortable. Chanwoo wonders why would he come all the long way here?   Hanbin fidgets in his stance. Hands both tucked in pockets. Chanwoo in the other hand could only stand still at the end of Seunghee’s bed. His feet seem like stuck to the earth. The edge of the bed is his limit, he can’t find himself to go further and greet the leader. Both of them fall into silence. No one making an effort to speak. After long agonizing seconds of staring and fidgeting, Hanbin clears his throat. Yet not one that is loud enough to wake Seunghee up. “I—I’m here replacing Bobby hyung. He’s gone home already.” Hanbin speaks without looking at the maknae. He has his eyes elsewhere except the younger. Chanwoo nods his head at that. That’s all he could do.   “He asked you to come?” Chanwoo asks. Eyes searching for Hanbin but then he gives up and looks over to the leader’s feet.   “No.” Hanbin says. “I told him to go home Yunhyeong hyung too since he got schedule tomorrow morning.” That surprised Chanwoo. Not to mention that it’s the first time ever Hanbin ever steps his feet in this room but also at the fact that he is the one asking—more like ordering, Chanwoo is sure of that—Bobby to go home for him to replace the rapper. Chanwoo doesn’t know what he should feel nor react at that. He is surprised.   “Have a seat, hyung.” He says pointing towards the so