If there was one thing I learned in psychology, it’s that people are always drawn to denial. We deny and we deny until we finally hit a point of repression. The point where we pretend that our problem didn’t exist in the first place and so we distract ourselves by going on with our lives.

Given the 7 years of heartbreak, repression is not something hard for me to do. It’s not healthy but it’s something that keeps me going. Although, this whole concept is new to my children who always ask for answers to every question they have about this world.

That’s our situation today, for the past week, Lorraine constantly asks about her father while Jinki interrogates me about our plans for our future. They’re like completely different people to me right now, like they’re my children but at the same time they’re not.

I knew Lorraine was the curious type but this time her questions were different. You could feel her true emotions, that she’s asking these questions because she misses her father. So that when she asks: “Is Appa coming over today?,” she’s really asking: “When are we going to live with Appa again?”

My response is always, “I’m not sure but soon you’ll see him” , she turns away and her face forms a long expression. But she doesn’t stop asking and I keep on responding with the same answer. I know she’s only not saying anything to me because my answers give her hope that she really will see her father again.

In contrast to Lorraine, Jinki doesn’t say anything at all about his father. He even gets frustrated whenever Lorraine reminds him of their memories with their father. He was always quiet, he never really opened up to me about his feelings. But I knew, he feels responsible, he feels that he now has to take over his father’s position and so he never has time to miss him.

It pains me to see my children live their lives like this, all this uncertainty in their minds must be messing up their will to grow up and making them compare their own lives to those of the other kids at school.

I knew the only way for them to feel better is to see their father once again but, there’s no way I would let them deal with Kim Ji Won. She can be rude to me all she wants as long as she doesn’t go over the line and start getting my children.

I’ll just have to find another way to remind them they are still loved, not just by me.

“And that wsa when I decided to call you.”

Yuri sat with a stoic expression in her face, I did call her early this morning. She must be angry at me for calling her at dawn and making her come to the bakery so we can speak before opening time.

“Yul.” I called her once again.

“Eonnie, I really don’t see why you gave in to that other woman so easily? What if she really did do something to make it seem like Oppa is the father of her child? You can’t give up so easily.”

I sighed and took a sip from my cup of coffee.

“Yuri, need I remind you that I have two children who are still in great need of my existence?”

Yuri raised her eyebrows and cringed.

“Need I remind you that your children have a father? A biological father who gave you his so that the twins could be here?”

“Kwon Yuri!” I shouted as I hit her arm.

“You know I’m telling you the truth eonnie. I’ll take the twins today, In Sung oppa’s family is still at home and their grandparents have been eager to listen to their latest discoveries.”

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