"Omma look at the kangaroos!" admired Lorraine as she saw the famous Australian animal from our safari car. 

"I know there's so many of them."

I took a picture of her smile to remember this moment. After breakfast earlier, Joongki and I decided to finally make our way to the resort in Tangalooma. It was about 12 hours away from Sydney by car and so we took a short flight, which wasn't too bad because Lorraine finally got used to the air pressure change. Yuri left before we left, she had some work to do today and later tonight, she'll be going back to Korea to take care of some business. If I know, I'm pretty sure Song Yuri has someone she's crushing on back home. She's been a lot more happy these days, the kind of happy I was when I was gushing over Joongki in the past.

The thought of getting back together with Joongki suddenly came back to me again, we were currently in a safari park tour hosted by the resort and I looked at him as he entertained Jinki. How can I still resist saying yes to this man? He's so good with the kids, it wasn't difficult for them to fall in love with him. But why is it so hard for me to forget the past, to just be happy and accept him once again because he's so sweet? What's stopping me? Is it fear or is it my pride?

"Are you okay?" 

I shook my thoughts away when I realized that Joongki has noticed me staring at him.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just thought of something." I told him.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing important." I shrugged and turned back to Lorraine who was still enjoying the view of the animals from her window.

I felt guilty that I couldn't even share my own fears and worries with Joongki. I love him much more than I did before, so why is it so hard for me to give him the answer he wants? Unless, it's not what I want? What do I want?

After the safari park, we came back to our little villa in the resort and the kids decided to go for a swim. I watched from a lounge chair as Joongki played with them.

(Just pretend that the picture below is their "little" villa and that they have the pool to themselves lol. Remember, Joongki's family is rich.)

It never occured to me that my children would actually have a chance to have this, a family. When I gave birth to them, the possibility of