A/N: Story Review

Here's a story review and once again thank you morning_glory @ ArtsyAsianCrew.

I'm still not improving. T_T

LOLs.

###########################################################
Title: Her Own Prince Charming
Author: afhilangie
Reviewer: morning_glory @ artsyasiancrew.co.nr


Title 3/5 The title isn’t very eyecatching, it doesn’t really make me want to click on it. The title does represent your story well, though.

Forewords 8/10 Your forewords are short, but sweet. I like your quote at the beginning, that really stands out. Your forewords do kind of ruin a bit of your plot, though.

Plot 14/20 Your plot is a bit different, but still not that original. It could use more uniqueness, something… different, that stands out. I know that this is mostly from Gui Gui’s point of view, but could you maybe change between her and Aaron, so we can get inside Aaron’s head too? And there could be more descriptive sections, instead of just Gui’s thoughts and her actions.

Originality 2/5 As I said, not really that original. The fact that he’s her boss has been used before, also that she had a boyfriend who broke up with her, isn’t really that original. But it’s weird that he keeps saying that she’s not his type; your story shows [that he’s cold] very well, so that’s good.

Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 10/15 There were a couple grammar problems; some were small, but others were a bit hard to understand. For example:
Ewww!" she whispered. "It's Sir Aaron only."
Should be: “Ewww!” she whispered. “It’s only Sir Aaron.”

It was very odd. He was the most handsome in all of her apple of the eye. But not even once she flirted with him like she's doing with the other creations of God. Why is it?
Should be: It was very odd. He was the most handsome in her eyes. But, not even once, did she flirt with him like she did with other creations of God. Why is that?

Just check your story, go over it, and you should be able to catch your other errors. :) If you want, you can request for a beta reader from season-of-mist.blogspot.com.

Flow (speed of the story) 6/10 Your story was too fast. She met Wang Zi, then after 6 short chapters, they’re broken up? And though each and every scene has something to do with GuiLun, there are some parts that are unnecessary to the whole story. Such as, the last two chapters that really basically showed Gui Gui’s growing feelings. But, that was the only purpose.

Choice of words/Idiom/quotes 6/10 You could use more vocabulary, more language to express things. Slow down, take time to go over the words you write, and see if anything could be quotable. That shows that your words have a lot of meaning, and will give your story a sense of emotion.

Details/Settings/Characterization 10/15 More detail could be nice, on both characters and the places and things that they do. I can’t really get a feel for the characters’ personalities.

Enjoyable? 6/10 It’s a good start, keep it up!

Over All Score 65/100