Author's note: 

Do not hate any body. Remember, love is about faith, journey and understanding. 

--------------

The monitor had shown the flat line. Nevertheless, the lead surgeon had not stopped trying to give cardiac massage to her patient. The sweat had flown, wetting her eyes and mask.

“Doctor Kim…” The resident touched her arm as he looked at her sympathetically.

“We can save this boy. We can. I have to. I have to.” She said out of breath.

Unexpectedly, a pair of arms held her shoulders. “It’s over. He’s gone. Let him go, Taeyeon-ah.” The anesthesiology resident whispered softly.

“No–”

“There’s no more blood for his heart to pump. Let him go.”

Gradually, Taeyeon withdrew her hands off the organ. She looked at the boy’s lifeless face blankly as the nurse covered it with the linen.

“You have to call it.” Seolhyun touched the small of her back.

Taeyeon felt her whole body trembled. It shook with sadness and somehow, anger. She could’ve done better. He didn’t have to die on her table. She could’ve–

“Tae…”

“Time of death,” She said slowly as she glanced at the clock, “2.36 a.m.”

The residents then quickly cleaned everything up. Taeyeon sat on the floor with unrecognizable emotion. It could be the fear of telling the boy’s family that he didn’t make it. It could be a frustration over herself because maybe, she was not ready to go solo yet – or ever again.

“We’re done here, Doctor Kim. Should I inform the family?” The chief resident bowed respectfully.

“I’ll tell them. It’s the least I can do.”

As expected, no one could ever accept the love one’s death easily. Especially when it was a five years old boy with long and bright future ahead of him. His mother’s brokenhearted cry was enough to make Taeyeon guilty as hell. His family didn’t say any malicious words to her. They ignored her, too busy mourning over their boy’s death. They didn’t notice Taeyeon had walked away with her own grief.

-----

Taeyeon didn’t even blink when someone opened the on-call room. Her mind was wandering to the dark place.

“You couldn’t have done better.”

“Yes, I could.” She mumbled lowly. “I could’ve done something.”

“He had lost so much blood already. There’s not much option.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m not good–”

“Stop self pitying yourself, Taeyeon. That’s not you. You’re better than this.”

The cardio surgeon turned to see the other woman in the room. “Things have changed, Seolhyun-ah. People change all the time. We just met a week ago. I’m not the same me you used to know.”

“You’ve changed for the worse?” She folded her arms in annoyed manner.

“Not necessarily. I grow up, that’s for sure. Wiser, maybe. More careful and–”

“Less confident?”

“Whatever you say.” Taeyeon shrugged then went back staring at the ceiling.

Quietly, Seolhyun sat on the other bed. She exhaled a breath then lay down. “Let’s just sleep it away.”

-----

Taeyeon woke up to the persistent buzzing her phone made. She narrowed her eyes at the caller ID.

“Hey.” She greeted Tiffany hoarsely.

“Where are you?”

“At the hospital. What time is it?”

“Nine twenty–”

“Tae, shut up. I’m asleep.” Seolhyun spoke loud enough for Tiffany to hear.

“Kim Taeyeon, who is that? Where are you?” Tiffany’s voice grew alarm.

“A resident. I’m sleeping at the on call room. Anyone can sleep here.” Taeyeon answered while making effort to stand up. Her head was dizzy.

“Where are you going?” Seolhyun asked before Taeyeon reached the door.

“Come back home.” Tiffany ordered firmly. “Come back home right now.”

“I’m about to go home. You don’t have to be so rude.”

The phone went off abruptly. Taeyeon stared at the screen then heaved an annoyed breath.

“Wifey wants you to go home?”

“Yeah.”

“Marriage doesn’t seem so fun.”

“It had its time. Bye, Seolhyun-ah.”

“Hm.”

-----

Taeyeon was ready to face the wrath Tiffany might throw at her. True, her wife was sitting at the couch with the coldest expression Taeyeon had ever seen. No friendly welcome, no warm hug, moreover passionate kiss.

“Explain.”

“Explain what?”

“Who the hell was that? Who slept in the same room with you?”

Calmly, Taeyeon took a seat beside Tiffany. “Her name is Seolhyun. She’s my classmate from medical school. She uh… she just come back to Seoul to continue her education. She’s an anesthesiology resident.”

“How is it possible she sleep in the same room with you? She’s a resident and you’re an attending.” Tiffany demanded.

“I’ve said it, it’s on-call room. Everyone can sleep there. Nurses, midwives, doctors.”

Taeyeon hesitantly took her wife’s fingers and intertwined with hers. Thankfully, Tiffany didn’t show any objection. “She’s not someone you should worry. I will never cheat on you. She’s just a friend, nothing more.”

“Who were you texting constantly?”

“It’s occasionally, not constantly. It’s her, too. She asked about hospital’s rule and stuff.”

“Why don’t she just call you?”

“She wanted to, I said I can’t. It’s bad enough I have to receive calls from my residents at home. It’s not that important anyway.”

“But you don’t like texting.” Tiffany said as a matter of fact.

Taeyeon pulled out her phone from her pocket and offered it to Tiffany. “You can read it all. I have nothing to hide.”

Tiffany took the device then put it on the table. Taeyeon was not an actor. She was a terrible liar. With years of experience in reading people, Tiffany can safely say that her significant other was telling her nothing but the truth.

“I believe you.”

“Thanks.”

Taeyeon leaned on Tiffany’s shoulder. She closed her eyes and tightened her grip.

There was nothing change the way Taeyeon held her hand, the way Taeyeon looked at her, her body language, her warmth and her need of perfect closeness to her. It was all still the same. Should she cheat, Tiffany would feel at least a slight difference in her behavior. Maybe it was just an irrational idea. She was just being paranoid. But why? Was it because she kept something from Taeyeon?

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