I waited patiently in the lighthouse, the moonlight illuminating on my skin. Junmyeon had promised to meet me here, and now it was close to midnight. He had promised to tell me everything, to tell his secret. My hopes were high, that he had not abandoned his decision. Everything Kyungsoo said to him, just seemed so off. I never saw him like that, becoming some sort of monster. 

"Irene?" someone whispered from the dark corner of the stairs, I recognized that silhouette anywhere.

"I'm here, Junmyeon," I said. 

He appeared from the shadows, he wore a grey dress shirt and slacks. Again, he looked so young in that state. As if his vulnerability made him more real and raw. He walked over to me, and placed his hands in mine. His eyes looked at me, which seemed to hold such hope and anxiety as if this was the moment that would decide everything for us.

"I was afraid you wouldn't make it, Irene," he said quietly. "Or I would do the same, then I'd be a coward."

I held his chin, so we were face to face, "A promise is a promise, and I would never break it. Now, no one else is here. Your words are only mine to listen, so you can pour it out whenever you're ready. I just need you to be sure that you're really doing what you want to do, and not for my sake. Because everyone has a right to keep secrets, no matter how much they love another,"

He nodded, "I'm sure, Irene. I only fear that you might run away, and I am not afraid to admit it - I'm afraid of losing you, Irene. I'm scared you'll run away after you see the demons inside me."

I the fabric of his shirt, "Everyone has their own inner demons, but they choose how to fight it. I am not afraid, Junmyeon. You're far from a monster."

"If that's what you believe, I am grateful. Come, I'll show you now," and he held my hand as we ventured out of the lighthouse. 

 We plowed throught the castle grounds, the midnight air gently slacking on our skin. To be really honest, I did not care about how dark Junmyeon could be, because it would only make us more suitable fore each other. That was what bothered me all this time, how I was darkness and he was light. How he seemed like an angel sent straight down from heaven and I was a demon conjured up from hell. Where I was chaos brewing within the inner depths of my soul.

Him being equally as dark as me, that only seemed fitting.

We reached the far corner of the castle, where the servant's dormitories were situated. The torches were dimly lit, illuminating the mossy castle walls. This section looked like a slum, the more unroyal place of the castle. What were we doing here?

Junmyeon knocked on the wooden door, his hand was turning ice cold. The door creaked open, to reveal-

"Y-your Highness?" Ji Na breathed, clearly starled. But there was another thing in her voice, was it dread?

Junmyeon stared at his shoes, "I-I need a word with you."

Ji Na looked over to me, turning pale, "M-miss Irene? What on Earth are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

"Junmyeon, I-I don't know-" I looked at Junmyeon, puzzled.

Ji Na looked frantically around, "Oh no, you musn't be seen here. You could get in trouble-"

"Then let me in, please," Junmyeon said desperately. "Please."

Ji Na hesitated, then sighed, "Come in,"

We entered and she closed the door from behind. The room looked like a small cottage, with a rickety old bed in a corner and a miniature kitchen along with cabinets of cooking utensils and pots. An oil lamp was placed on the wooden table in the middle of the room. 

"You shouldn't be here," Ji Na said anxiously. "What if someone comes? You'll have nowhere to hide!"

Junmyeon pursed his lips, "I refuse to hide anymore, I refuse to run away from the truth. You-you and I both know, that our secret is unbearable,"

She her breath, "Do not speak of it infront of anyone else, Your Highness! Miss Irene need not know-"

"I forbid you to call me 'Your Highness' !" he snapped. "Mama, I don't want you to call me like that,"

Ji Na flinched, "I am not your mother, your mother is Queen Yonhee. And you always will be!" she cried.

"Kyungsoo does not think so! And I believe he's right!" Junmyeon said again, this time with more force. "She may be my mother, but she wouldn't have me if not for you, mama,"

Ji Na seemed pained, as if knives were stabbing her heart. She bit back tears, "I promised not to speak of it again, after all they have given me. If not for you, I wouldn't have a place to stay-"

"This is not the type of treatment you deserve!" Junmyeon protested. "You deserve better, mama!"

I had to clarify everything, "Please, calm down both of you!"

Ji Na glanced nervously at me, "Miss Irene, you shouldn't have come along. You must keep this a secret-"

"I agreed to tell her, mama," Junmyeon said. "She is the love of my life, she has a right to know - about me,"

Ji Na was silent for a while, so I spoke first, "To know what? Ji Na, you know me, you should know better than everyone else what kind of person am I. You can trust me to keep secrets."

She nodded slowly, "Junmyeon's right, you deserve a right to know. Dear, you should tell her then, I will prepare tea for you," and she went over to the cabinet and took out some tea leaves.

As she stirred the tea, we sat on Ji Na's rickety old bed, the covers were washed out, blankets hardly able to keep warmth. The sight was unbearable, I could see it in Junmyeon's eyes. I started to piece everything together, and the unlikely truth brought chills down my spine. 

How could Junmyeon not be royalty?

"Is this what Kyungsoo meant as not royal?" I asked cautiously. "That you're not the Queen's biological son?"

"Not exactly," he answered. "You see, Irene, the queen is still my biological mother - mama is my surrogate mother."

"Surrogate?" I asked, confused since I wasn't familiar with that word.

"Someone who substitutes as a mother to give birth to a child, but not of the surrogate's own offspring. It's complicated medical procedure, where I am not her biological son, even though she gave birth to me,"

"So you still have royal blood, right?"

"Yes, but Kyungsoo is built on the belief that I am less royal than he is, for he did not need a surrogate mother. Our mother bore him naturally throughout her pregnancy, he was a miracle, you might say. She asked for mama's help once she had given up hope that she could bear any children. Kyungsoo's arrival was a surpirse to her. He thinks I've stained the royal bloodline, Irene."

"How long did you know?" I breathed. 

"When I was seventeen," he admitted. "I overheard my parents talking about this, I wanted to know more. So I dug further and further, until I found out my surrogate mother had been in the same castle this whole time. I wanted to push it away, but my conscience was against it. I tried finding ways to talk to mama, but she refused,"

Ji Na sat down on the stool by the table, clutching her cup of tea tenderly, "Because I vowed to keep it a secret, I promised your parents. I didn't just do it for the money, Irene. As desperate I was, I didn't just do it for the money,"

Junmyeon frowned, "Mama, you never told me this. You refused to say more about it before this,"

"I know what I said, Junmyeon. But it was because you were too young, too attached to your family, to understand. But now I see your love and compassion for the people you love, I can hope for you to understand me," she took a deep breath.

"I did it because I loved your father." she said. 

Her words hung in the air, like a faint ringing sound in the ears. Junmyeon stared, his face was unreadable. "Y-you had an affair with father?"

She shook her head, "No, nothing like that. He never knew I loved him, I chose to hide it. How could he accept me? When he loved your mother so much? I could see how much they loved each other, the amount of compassion in their eyes when their gazes locked. It was beautiful, Junmyeon. How could I ever ruin something so beautiful?"

"But you said you loved father-"

"Then I heard they were searching for a surrogate mother, one who could be trusted to keep it a secret," she continued. "Surrogacy is controversial subject, it's a disgrace for women who cannot do the one thing they're created for - bearing children. I loved your father so much, I couldn't help but love your mother as well. She was kind and gentle, she took care of me during the pregnancy. And I did not regret my decision, you were an angel, Junmyeon,"

Junmyeon looked distant, "Do you...still love him? For all he's done, you end up living here - in this small room? Hidden and secretive? How can bear that?"

"I am grateful, for all the little things I have been granted," she smiled sadly. "But most of all, I get to see you everyday. My son, if not by blood, you are the greatest gift I have if not the opportunity to love your father silently. I can love you, dear. I can hear you call me your mother, I can feel loved, I can see you grow up everyday. That is my ultimate blessing."

Junmyeon went over to her and knelt, so that he was looking up at Ji Na like a lost child. She peered down at him lovingly, and his hair, like what all mothers do. 

"I should have done something sooner," he said in a regretful tone. "I should have done something to repay you, mama. I am an awful son..."

"Don't ever say that," she replied hushly. "You are not awful, you are beautiful. A beautiful, beautiful boy, Junmyeon. You are kind, brave, you're what a king has to be. And you grew up to be such a handsome man!" she added.

He chuckled, "Let's see where the genetics are from,"

"You look like the king and the queen, nothing from me!" she said. "Surrogacy does not pass my genes to you, Junmyeon." but I could tell her comment was light-hearted.

In the midst of all, I was completely content with sitting quietly as they interacted. They looked like mother and son, regardless by blood or not. Happiness spewed around them, and in an instant I understood why Ji Na didn't care about living here. Every crack in the walls, every little imperfection she possesed - it was nothing compared to the sight of Junmyeon, her son. As long as she could see him everyday, she was satisfied. My mom would do the same, if she were still alive. A mother would do anything for her child, no matter the consequences. 

Ji Na's and Junmyeon's relationship was very complicated, I knew that. But all I understood was that they cared for each other, and that was what mattered. 

"But of course, I was worried you would not find love, Junmyeon," said Ji Na suddenly. "Gambling with feelings is a dangerous thing to do, but I am glad you have found someone who I am sure will make the both of you happy, " and she looked at me tenderly.

"Yes," Junmyeon agreed, smiling at me. "Me too."