//Minseok//

It's funny how much can happen in three weeks.
I went back to school, partied, and only vaguely remembered Jongdae's birthday a week after it had actually happened.
The thought that I'm a friend never really crossed my mind seeing as my own friends and my girlfriend have been keeping me distracted from that. Yixing especially - I swear there wasn't a night when he wasn't skyping me over any little thing. I'll admit that it was nice to talk to him again seeing as he was in China all summer. 
My parents won't take me to Korea no matter how much I beg them to. My big brother, Junmyeon (or Jun for short) doesn't seem to have an interest in going there either although Jun was actually born there unlike me. We moved when he was two and I was born a year later, making him three years older than me. He's twenty and he still hasn't picked his lazy up from the sofa and moved out yet. 
It's getting cramped in my house, even when my parents are away on business because it's either the lads or Miyoung coming over to spend the night.
When I talk about Miyoung spending the night, I don't literally mean she ends up spent, we just cuddle and watch movies and stuff. 
I haven't had with her. Ever. 
At the moment she doesn't seem frustrated by that fact too much but ever since her 17th birthday I've noticed small things she's changing about herself. I'm pretty sure a hell of a lot of other guys have noticed as well.
She's started to wear skinnier jeans and tighter tshirts, but not so tight that she's popping out, just tight enough to give a hint at a pretty hourglass figure and a shapely chest. She keeps slicking on eyeliner and lip gloss too but having shiny, slippery lips doesn't really make me enjoy kissing any more.
The things she's doing to herself is attractive, but no more attractive than I found her before. So I don't plan on jumping her and wasting my ity any time soon.
And you know why?

Because of Jongdae.

Because of that goddamned irresistable kid from England I met on my holiday to France three weeks ago. I'm not even joking, I can't get him out of my head. 
I told myself I'd never see him again, that we might swap numbers and all but as soon as he drives off in that car we'll never see each other again. We could walk past each other on the street without so much as a sideways glance.
I tried to forget him. I really did.
I didn't think it was healthy or right to be thinking of someone else when I was kissing Miyoung. I didn't understand why I dreamt of him or why I sometimes thought of him as I touched myself alone at night.
But now I think I'm beginning to realise something.
I never wanted to believe it at first. I thought, how is it possible? I have a girlfriend. I enjoy kissing her and holding hands with her and seeing her smile. I don't feel the same about guys.
Or so I thought.
Looking back on it now, I look at things differently. I notice the defined curve in Jongdae's muscles, I see the twinkle in his eyes when he smiles. It seems I see him differently to how other people might see him.
I pushed it down. Pushed the feeling away. I know how people react about being gay in some places - they simply don't like it. I'm not saying I don't like it, I'm just saying I'm afraid. Of what would happen. Of how Miyoung would react when she found out.
I didn't - don't - want to hurt her. 

I was succeeding, to be honest. I had almost completely gotten Jongdae out of my mind, and was getting on with my life as if nothing ever happened. I was going to school, going out with my friends, going on dates with Miyoung. All the normal things a 17 year old boy would do. 
Until the other day, I get a message. One from a number I didn't recognise, until I opened it and saw the contact name.

Dae <3.

Goddammit.

A weird feeling of drowning washes over me. Although not literally, but I swear every single memory I share flashes on the back of my eyelids, making everything come flooding back. Drowning me in my confusing, and sudden feelings. I tried so hard to push them away. 
We agree, via a series of either cute or awkward texts, to skype at some point today or later. I don't know whether to be excited or not because something I worked so hard for (blocking Jongdae out) is going to be completely ruined now.
There's no point in trying to stop myself from skyping him because frankly the argument is pointless - I'm going to do it whether I think I should or not.

It's a day later that we actually get round to skyping. I was actually typing a paper for my exam when the little bubble came up in the corner of my screen indicating I have a call.
Lazily,